Okay, how about a joke. Rather lengthy but worth the read.
A man who’d been married for 20 years was desperately unhappy with his wife and wanted to get rid of her. But he couldn’t divorce her because she had all the money in the family and an iron clad prenup agreement.
The man is desperate and he decides that the only way to get rid of his wife is to ‘do her in’. After a couple of weeks of planning the murder, he decides that he’s not able to put together a good plan. He goes on line to seek help from a professional.
As he’s browsing through a number of websites, he stumbles on one that he thinks may be the ticket. The site is an advertisement from a man named Artie. And, in the advertisement, Artie promises that he is just the man for any job no matter how evil or devious.
The married man contacts Artie via the internet and they agree to meet at a local McDonald’s to discuss the proposition. So, they meet as planned. The man explains to Artie that he wants his wife done in for good, doesn’t care how or where, but soonest.
Artie agrees to do the job and asks for a picture of the wife and her schedule so he could track her down. The man gave Artie his wife’s picture and said that she would shop for groceries at King Soopers each Wednesday at 10am.
Artie said he’d do the job for $5,000. The husband agreed. But Artie demanded an immediate down payment. The husband said he was unprepared to pay at that time but would pay when his wife’s life insurance policy was paid, upon her death.
Artie agreed to that but demanded some sort of ‘good will’ down payment. The husband looked through his wallet but he only had one $1 bill. He offered the dollar to Artie and, after thinking it over, Artie accepted the dollar and took the job.
The next Wednesday, at 10am, Artie cased the local King Soopers store waiting for the wife to come in. She arrived punctually and began shopping. Artie followed her and when she was alone in the Dairy aisle, he pulled out a rope and strangled her to death. But just as he was ready to make his escape, a store clerk happened by and witnessed what was going on.
Artie quickly grabbed the clerk and strangled him too. Then Artie made his getaway and fled. Unfortunately for Artie, he wasn’t the smartest of criminals, everything he'd done was video taped, and police apprended him that evening, at his residence.
They took Artie in for questioning, promised him a plea deal if he confessed and Artie took the deal. He told the police the whole truth.
After the confession, the Police Chief wanted to alleviate the fear in his town that there was a killer on the loose. So the Chief called the local newspaper and told the paper that they had apprehended the killer. The Chief asked the editor to print the story in the early morning editions paper so that the town could rest easy and the editor agreed.
So, I’m sure that you can guess what the headlines read in the next morning’s paper. If you can’t guess, then page down for the punch line:
The headline read: ‘ARTIE CHOKES TWO FOR A DOLLAR AT KING SOOPERS!!!!!!’
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