I am helpless..

Hello Children of YHWH, i would like you to understand my situation because i'm tired of being away from YHWH since He is the only God, all other gods i have served don't even compare to this wonderful God of yours, He not only created the world but He has control over everything, even things God Himself wished never got to exist, like the devilish spiritual powers hidden within our wicked society, which aim to turn men to shameful idolatry (not only of stones, bronze or gold but MEN themselves, which is, of course, total nonsense). Never in my pagan mind i would think there was this God who would open the sea for His people to pass over, take water from the rocks, feed His people with bread from the skies, ressurrect people from the dead and even provide salvation for the whole of humanity with the blood of His only Begotten Son, Yahshua Mashiach (also known as Jesus Christ). I'm worthless, just mentioning His Holy Name makes me sad, in any way i should dare to say it, who can stand by this Holy God? All the other gods have perished, they have been forgotten and their memory, erased. But YHWH stands still, in His Sanctity, He executed judgements against all men who call themselves lords or gods, but can't remain forever, THEY'RE ALL DEAD. Now, for the sake of my wicked and perverted soul, i would like to ask you, how can i love this God of yours? In the Bible it is written that if one says: ''I love God'' but hates his brother, he is but a liar. Also, people know YHWH's love remains on their hearts by this: If they love one another, otherwise, they're walking on darkness; Still, the Word goes on to say that if someone doesn't love, they don't know YHWH, because God is Love.
I have never loved anybody but myself, have no idea what love means..how do i get out of this prison? Starting from the age of 5, i have given myself to prostitution, idolatry, robbery, homicides, envy, greed and every other kind of thing God despises, sometimes it seems that the only way for this child of the devil to achieve forgiveness is death, of all sinners i'm the greatest, nobody has sinned more than me, except for satan, he existed before me. Why it has to be like that? Am i not human? As far as i know, human race is capable of feeling something else, including guilt, but what about me? My whole life is a lie, i have everything, but i do not have His Love, He can't be inside me because i'm a son of the devil, how can this be different? I'm not allowed to question God, so i question you, what is wrong with me that i have been born this way, effeminate, greedy, lavish, selfish? For now, it looks like i'm physically and spiritually uncapable of doing what God pleases, why must i remain sinning forever? Is Hell my place? I wish someone answered me, as i really wanna be forgiven by this incredible and glorious God. I don't wanna die in my sinful nature, am really sick of this mess.

Welcome Carlos to CC and so glad you came here. You have adopted a pessimistic ideology that is in conflict with John 3:16 that proclaims Jesus loved the world so much He gave His only begotten son that WHOMEVER believes in Jesus will have eternal life. We are ALL sinners all have fallen short of the glory. Saul/Paul was involved with murder of many Christians, King David slept with a man's wife then had her husband killed and there was the woman caught in adultery, that Jesus saved from stoning.
So don't judge yourself as men/the world would but as God would. In God's eyes you are forgiven as soon as you ask for it.
Remember, God is for you not against you brother, in Jesus name Amen🙌

Whether christians acknowledge [or even know] it or not what is described here is the condition of us all before Jesus came. Our wicked state has been hidden somewhat by the rules of polite society.

We are all murderers, adulterers, liars etc everyone of us.

That's why Jesus came to rescue us.

The answer, the only answer is death.

"unless a grain of wheat fall to the ground and die it bideth alone but if it die it produces much fruit."

Repentance is a submission of our very selves to God that He may slay that which is evil in us. He does this miraculously by the death of Christ on the cross. Jesus died in our place, on our behalf.

God will impart new divine life to all who will come to Him through the cross confessing our sins.

The good news is that Jesus died for your sins. Perhaps you don't know what love is because, as you have stated, you never loved anybody besides yourself. Hopefully, you will find comfort, support, and understanding from the members of this site. Glad to have you as part of our community. Welcome to CC.

My best guess on what Love would be is Christ Himself dying on that cross for someone like me. He was able to give His own life for this worthless person, but i'm not sure i could do that for someone else, no matter who, because the best i do is sinning, that is, doing what God despises...and if i try to do what surely pleases Him i do it completely wrong and give an beautiful occasion for people to scream at Christians and God Almighty, they think He is a joke, because they're looking at me, not Him.

As Matthew Henry writes in his commentary, “the law may discover sin, and convince of sin, but it cannot conquer and subdue sin.” Forgiveness, redemption, and the power to actually overcome sin in one’s life can only come through the power and forgiveness of Jesus Christ, which is freely offered to those who come to Christ through faith (Hebrews 9:14).
As a man who desired holiness, Paul hated his many sins because he longed to be more like Christ. His sin was a reminder that no amount of spiritual knowledge, willpower, or hard work can save a person.
Only God can transform and redeem a stubborn, rebellious heart, and only Christ can conquer sin in one’s life. “Who will set me free from the body of this death?” Paul asked, “Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!” (Romans 7:24-25)

Welcome!