Estranged brother

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Dude653

Dude653

Senior Member
#1
Mar 19, 2011
12,668
1,098
113
#1
I'll try to Cliff note this as much as I can.
The last time I saw my brother was almost 10 years ago at my grandmother's funeral
He has moved around several times as he has changed jobs but currently he is living in Utah
He divorced his wife of 20 years and got sucked paying child support and alimony
So he pretty much did it to himself because he left her
So basically the courts ripped him a new one in child support and alimony.
Throughout the years my mother has sent him money to try to help him survive but he can't even be bothered to call and check on her. She laid here and cried because he didn't call her on her birthday.
At this point we're lucky if he calls maybe two or three times a year
I even sent him a personal message via Facebook and told him I don't appreciate how you're treating Mom after she is supported you. And you can't even be bothered to pick up the phone and call.
Mom has already taken his name off of all of her assets so he will be receiving nothing.
At this point I'm tempted to just block him off my social media and Mom and I'll just go on about our lives
 
surfer14

surfer14

Banned
#2
Jul 9, 2020
846
492
63
#2
Always two sides of any story, but that does sound pretty lame. But at the same time, there's no real use in worrying about someone else's actions. I say just focus on making sure you treat your mother well regardless of what your bother does. I'd say if your mom is crying and losing sleep about it, then maybe she should block him. But I doubt you're so worked up about it... so maybe you could kinda keep those doors open in case he has a change of heart?? Just a thought...
 
T

TheIndianGirl

Guest
#3
#3
Dude653 said:
I'll try to Cliff note this as much as I can.
The last time I saw my brother was almost 10 years ago at my grandmother's funeral
He has moved around several times as he has changed jobs but currently he is living in Utah
He divorced his wife of 20 years and got sucked paying child support and alimony
So he pretty much did it to himself because he left her
So basically the courts ripped him a new one in child support and alimony.
Throughout the years my mother has sent him money to try to help him survive but he can't even be bothered to call and check on her. She laid here and cried because he didn't call her on her birthday.
At this point we're lucky if he calls maybe two or three times a year
I even sent him a personal message via Facebook and told him I don't appreciate how you're treating Mom after she is supported you. And you can't even be bothered to pick up the phone and call.
Mom has already taken his name off of all of her assets so he will be receiving nothing.
At this point I'm tempted to just block him off my social media and Mom and I'll just go on about our lives
Click to expand...
There is not much you can do if your brother doesn't want to communicate. I would still keep nonverbal communication going like sending an annual birthday or Christmas card by mail, but don't expect anything in return.
 
GardenofWeeden

GardenofWeeden

Well-known member
#4
Jul 27, 2018
411
370
63
The Garden of Weeden
#4
Before April, I hadn't seen either of my brothers in over 2 years, and we are a tight knit family even. I don't make it back to my hometown often at all, not even once a year. I do call them on their birthdays, and we comment a little on each others' posts and such, but otherwise we are just all so busy we don't have time to stop and visit really. We all know if we ever need each other, we're just a call awya, and if one doesn't answer they will see the message and reply somehow soon. My parents are both gone now, but when my dad was alive I didn't talk to him often at all.....sometimes life gets busy and by the time we think to do things it's too late in the day or whatever. Remember he has to live with his choices, and we don't know which choices haunt him and which don't. Pray for him, for God's will to be worked in his life, and that God continues to bless him.
Like surfer14 said, maybe leave the door open, so he can reach out someday.
Peace!!
 
M

MatthewWestfieldUK

Well-known member
#5
May 13, 2021
871
498
63
#5
Don't give up. Keep supporting him as well as challenging his behaviour. U can but try.
Be careful not to judge. Sounds like his maturity or decision making skill is lacking
 
EmilyNats

EmilyNats

Senior Member
#6
Jul 28, 2016
1,374
205
63
#6
Don't cast pearls to swine. Don't worry about people who don't worry about you, and certainly don't send them money. There are way too many people who would actually express gratitude for what you do for them and will make better use of it to be giving handouts to entitled deadbeats.
 
Dude653

Dude653

Senior Member
#7
Mar 19, 2011
12,668
1,098
113
#7
He had posted on Facebook about how he had been diagnosed as bipolar
But mental illness is not an excuse to neglect your mother especially when she has helped you financially
 
Moses_Young

Moses_Young

Well-known member
#8
Sep 15, 2019
9,974
5,531
113
#8
Dude653 said:
I'll try to Cliff note this as much as I can.
The last time I saw my brother was almost 10 years ago at my grandmother's funeral
He has moved around several times as he has changed jobs but currently he is living in Utah
He divorced his wife of 20 years and got sucked paying child support and alimony
So he pretty much did it to himself because he left her
So basically the courts ripped him a new one in child support and alimony.
Throughout the years my mother has sent him money to try to help him survive but he can't even be bothered to call and check on her. She laid here and cried because he didn't call her on her birthday.
At this point we're lucky if he calls maybe two or three times a year
I even sent him a personal message via Facebook and told him I don't appreciate how you're treating Mom after she is supported you. And you can't even be bothered to pick up the phone and call.
Mom has already taken his name off of all of her assets so he will be receiving nothing.
At this point I'm tempted to just block him off my social media and Mom and I'll just go on about our lives
Click to expand...
As a poor (frequency) communicator myself, I find routine helps. Let your brother know your mother's expectations. Set dates or times. If he can stick to these, I'm sure your mother will appreciate it. I know myself I can spend a lot of time away from people I love, but I still enjoy spending time with them, and don't feel any more distant from them. It often just doesn't occur to me to initiate the communication.
 
Lizzy

Lizzy

Junior Member
#9
Jan 18, 2018
171
139
43
#9
Dude653 said:
He had posted on Facebook about how he had been diagnosed as bipolar
But mental illness is not an excuse to neglect your mother especially when she has helped you financially
Click to expand...
Its interesting that he would post something so personal as a mental illness on fb, Maybe this could be something you can pray about and sometime reach out to him and just offer to listen. I have 7 brothers, 5 still living and 6 sisters. We're siblings but we each have our own lives to live. Im the baby and I've always been called the mediator, probably because I do like to stay in touch and try to with each of them. I think that if I didn't initiate it, it would be a long time before we 'd be in touch. I would just say to do your best to let him know that you are there and leave the rest to him. You don't want to live with regret for not trying.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#10
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#10
wow you sound bitter and resentful, dont expect your brother to talk to you with your attitude of unforgiveness!

How do you even know he received any money? Did he ASK for the money? Why does he have to be the one to call? You mother can call him. People often dont call cos they dont even have phones or they can never get the timing right.

If hes suffering from mental illness, especially bipolar, there might be times when he cant even get up, let alone call anyone or even remember what day it is, even their own birthdays let alone anyone elses.

dont judge, just pray. I assume you are a christian, but maybe you arent, in any case, have a bit of compassion. If youve just blown him off just because of a missed birthday, well thats all out of proportion.

I would understand if it he missed his own childs birthday, as childrens milestones are important.... but a mother crying because of her son missing her birthday? uh....
 
G

Gina3111_marriedToGod

Guest
#11
#11
Dude653 said:
I'll try to Cliff note this as much as I can.
The last time I saw my brother was almost 10 years ago at my grandmother's funeral
He has moved around several times as he has changed jobs but currently he is living in Utah
He divorced his wife of 20 years and got sucked paying child support and alimony
So he pretty much did it to himself because he left her
So basically the courts ripped him a new one in child support and alimony.
Throughout the years my mother has sent him money to try to help him survive but he can't even be bothered to call and check on her. She laid here and cried because he didn't call her on her birthday.
At this point we're lucky if he calls maybe two or three times a year
I even sent him a personal message via Facebook and told him I don't appreciate how you're treating Mom after she is supported you. And you can't even be bothered to pick up the phone and call.
Mom has already taken his name off of all of her assets so he will be receiving nothing.
At this point I'm tempted to just block him off my social media and Mom and I'll just go on about our lives
Click to expand...
Sometimes you have to love family members from afar. Wish them well from afar!
 
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