What makes a "Good Christian"?

You're divisive and arrogant then have the nerve to put others down.
And as a non-Christian myself I know full well how Christians are viewed. And often times it's people like you that turn people away. But, no doubt, you'll find a reason to disagree and argue rather than learn anything about how you come across.

I would have to say that being a good Christian is dependent on these three, faith, hope, and love as written in Corinthians 13:13, and the greatest of these is love. The reason love is the greatest of these three is because love is not dependent on the flawed actions of man or womankind or even the earth or even the universe that holds it , but rather dependent on the mercy (grace) of God and knowing we are the children of God. That's not to say that human actions have no consequence, but rather that love is the overriding confidence of our faith and hope. This also means our faith and hope are tempered by our love.

Faith and hope are distinct but complementary of each other. So, faith can be grounded in the Word of God and thus boundless in hope, but faith can also be grounded in the actions of man or womankind and thus any hope is no hope at all. So, @herkamer63 if your hope in womankind is based on anticipated actions, then there is no hope. In Romans 8:24 "Hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have?"

To me, love is not dependent on faith and hope, but rather faith and hope are derivatives of love. So are our actions. And so the answers to the OP"s questions will fall into what the KJV calls "divers" places.

Hey Cinder,

Thank you for taking the time to write out most of the questions I wish would be asked EVERY time we get a thread about how absolutely evil it is to date an unbeliever.

Now please don't misunderstand. I am in no way, shape, or form trying to argue with the Bible's wisdom that teaches us to avoid being unequally yoked.

But after growing up in the church community, this is the list of questions I wish would be asked OF BELIEVERS every single time the topic of "not being unequally yoked" comes up.

If someone prays to a heathen deity, regularly consults tarot cards for guidance, and talks to spirits through ouija boards, it's pretty much a no-brainer that this person would be an unequal yoking for a Christian.

But no one ever talks about the many, many ways in which Christians are unequally yoked with other Christians, and if we get down to the nitty gritty of what it means to be "equally yoked," how many of us will actually find someone to marry?

* If Sister Sally thinks A Good Christian goes to church once a week and Woeful William thinks every Good Christian worth their salt goes to church at least 3 times a week (and don't forget Bible class,) how equally yoked are they? Which church will they join? Will William start going to church less, or will Sally start going to church more? How many times a week will their kids be expected to go in order to grow up to be Good Christians?

* If Saintly Sarah believes in tithing 10% of her money to the church, and Believing Bill says that's an Old Testament law that he is no longer under, what will they both have to compromise in order to agree on how to manage their money?

* If Faithful Frances believes a good Christian must have read or know at least 50% of the Bible and Newcomer Norm just became a Christian a year ago and is just starting to learn it, how will Frances encourage Norm instead of looking down at him for what she perceives as his lack of knowledge?

I very rarely, if ever, see these types of questions addressed. Rather, we as single believers are just told to go out and find another believer to marry, as if that's as easy as picking out a bag of chips at the grocery store and tossing it into our cart, because apparently that's the "magic formula" that makes everything work out.

And yet no one mentions the realities of differences such as these, let alone how to deal with them, because these differences will come up and will make or break the relationship.

But no one gives us any guidance on how to deal with these differences, and in the meantime, we wonder why so many couples wind up divorcing.

I would have to say that being a good Christian is dependent on these three, faith, hope, and love as written in Corinthians 13:13, and the greatest of these is love. The reason love is the greatest of these three is because love is not dependent on the flawed actions of man or womankind or even the earth or even the universe that holds it , but rather dependent on the mercy (grace) of God and knowing we are the children of God. That's not to say that human actions have no consequence, but rather that love is the overriding confidence of our faith and hope. This also means our faith and hope are tempered by our love.

Faith and hope are distinct but complementary of each other. So, faith can be grounded in the Word of God and thus boundless in hope, but faith can also be grounded in the actions of man or womankind and thus any hope is no hope at all. So, @herkamer63 if your hope in womankind is based on anticipated actions, then there is no hope. In Romans 8:24 "Hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have?"

To me, love is not dependent on faith and hope, but rather faith and hope are derivatives of love. So are our actions. And so the answers to the OP"s questions will fall into what the KJV calls "divers" places.

I don't know how I'm being arrogant because this is all coming from experience. I think you're being ignorant here and doing so willfully, just like the other person. And I. no, I'm not personally attacking attacking anyone. I'm making observations and calling out people, based on what they post. So with your response to me, you went ballistic because I said things, like I mentioned, come down to the choices we make. That's a simple fact, and you make it seem like you strongly disagree, even it's God Himself who had given us free will and we can freely choose.

Taking it a step further, you seem offended that people make their choices, as if they're attacking your character. I'm making a choice to respond to all this, and anyone else coming down on me, because I don't believe in backing down from people that say something that's simply not true. They themselves may not know any of what I'm talking about and I'm hoping something sticks and they would do their own homework on this. Heck, this is coming from experience on my end, and I KNOW there are men on here that have gone through things I mentioned.

Some may be reading and agreeing with what I said, but simply are not responding because they don't want to be attacked like this. While others, like yourself and others, DON'T agree and want to cast this down because they want to believe otherwise:

I have two friends that strongly disagree with what I'm saying right now. When I bring this up to them, they think it's ridiculous, it's not true, blah blah blah, and put it aside. They believe that they can get women that are way out of their league and can win them over is their charming personality, being romantic, show that they'll always be there for them, etc. In other words, they're simps. They fawn over these women that they really like, but these women have NO interest in them. Now, they're good men, but with these guys talking so much and, despite them talking a good game, their confidence is super low:

Do they have anyone? No. Are they talking to women? Yes. Are they going out with them? No. Are these guys making any effort to go out with them? No. Do you want to know what these guys do? They wait for me to make some sort of a move (typically, me going over to talk to them) on the women, who I'm not interested in but they like, so they can jump in and start talking to them. But when there ARE women interested in them, they want nothing to do with them. Nothing wrong with having standards and preferences, but, just like how mentioned about women wanting good men but end up with the opposite, they don't want anything to do with these ladies that show interest, even when they're almost exactly what they're looking for. The observed reasons of why that is, the women will either be their age (they're 44 y/o), a little on the bigger side, or they're outgoing (seen at the ballroom dance studio we go to).

It could be a combination of all three, but it's not what they're looking for and that's fine. They can choose what they want to do. However, they're never going to get the women they want. At the ballroom we attend, one of the guys CONTINUALLY talks about this young 22 y/o woman is so gorgeous and nice, and just fawns over her. He puts on the charm and tries to win her over. He goes as far as showing her moves that he, kind of, learned at this other ballroom studio, in an attempt to impress her (but she brushes it off and pretty much says in her mind "whatever"). She has a boyfriend and he knows this, but he's hoping that one day she would fall for him and have this long lasting romantic relationship. It's never going to happen, and he and the other guy are not willing to look at the reality of their lives and what they're looking for opposed to who they can be with, based on who they are now. But it's their decision and not mine, I can only

And I'm seeing other men on here displaying many of the same characteristics. We listen to what some of these women have to say, and it all sounds good, up until it's to perform. Then they end up with the opposite of what they said. We may have asked out many of those kind of women, some of which we already know have done this but didn't care because we think we can win them over with our personality or trying to force our way to be a positive impact on them. That's not how it works in today's world. You can do good deeds, and I strongly encourage that you do so don't give that up if you do already, but if the woman, that you like, is continuing to say she wants a good man but doesn't show any kind of interest in you, she's not worth it. My friends, that I mentioned, don't understand that, and I don't want to see guys on here go down that same road. I did, and it's nothing more than a dead end.

But, despite all the messaging not just from me but other men as well when it comes to dating, I'm not going to make that choice for you. I'd rather see people do it on their own. Women, looking for men, same thing: if you want a good guy, you know many of them so allow them to take you out. , if they meet many of your standards and preferences Don't go out with these men that you know are bad, if that's the type of person you're not looking for. Again, though, it's your choice. For both men and women, just know the potential consequences of your decisions. We as Christians need to be making the right choices, if we want salvation through Jesus Christ.

I'm going to end this post with this, and it's simple but effective message from brother, who preaches where I live, on a subject very similar to what we're talking about : We can say we're Christians, or in this case what makes a Christian a good one, all we want, but in order for us to have that relationship with God, we can't pick and choose what we want to believe. We also should be saying all these nice things then doing the exact opposite. On of the major points of being a Christian is admitting that we're severely flawed and we are not good, based on our actions (the choices make) and our own hypocrisy. The only way to keep us on the path is following in Christ's ways. I said this over and over again, but let your 'yes' be yes and 'no' be no. If you say you want a good person and you list the simple qualities, you need to be following through on them. Heck, you don't even need to list them. Just do it. It's nothing arrogant nor is it being combative just for the sake of it, but rather the reality. Make wise decisions if you're looking to have that relationship with God.

Yeah I've noticed that pattern with you. Anybody says anything you disagree with, or anybody disagrees with you, you automatically claim he is ignorant, stupid, arrogant and out to attack you.

Meanwhile you vigorously deny being arrogant, stupid, ignorant or attacking anybody else. Um... yeah.

You will never learn anything if you can't admit people might know something you don't yet know.

And you calling me arrogant, stupid, and ignorant isn't attacking me? Yeah, just beat me down because I gave an opinion that contradicts what you guys said. That's the Christ like thing to do, right?

For self- proclaimed Christians, you guys really don't want to take the time to listen nor look up anything that is being said from a contradicting opinion, and doesn't go against what the Word says. I'm not backing down from this because much of what you guys are talking about is from a worldly point of view that distorts the true Word of God. If I had to wager anything, my guess is you guys don't know much of what you're talking about and don't understand how the world actually works.

This thread's questions being asked also make's it seem like that the person who typed these up is overthinking this subject. This is where people who are not Christians get turned off because it DOES come off as too difficult to follow and if they do, and they may make ONE THING that they don't do, even if they're following what the Bible teaches us, they get attacked and treated as if they're dumb and stupid.

You guys calling me names is a good example of this. All I was getting at was that there are no "good" Christians, in terms of people, because we are ALL sinners, and part of being a Christian is owning up to it. We will make mistakes, tumble, and sin again in one way or another, despite our best effort. That's why we have Jesus as our pathway for forgiveness, and we can be forgiven for the bad choices we made

However, reading these questions, it seems like you don't want people to have any sort of freedom to choose, and if we don't think the way you do, we're evil. I'd like to know what evil I have spoken. What I'm talking about comes from a place of experience and as someone who witnessed people close to me go through hard times.

With dating and relationships, I had dated women who I actually though had thing for me. However what I found out later, I was only used for validation purposes only. I had also asked women out before that I was interested in because they had said they were looking for good guys that would treat them well, were Christians, and were fun to be around. Sadly, it turned to not be the case as they, instead, went with the total opposite of what they said they were looking for.

So anytime any woman says that the qualities I just listed is what she's looking for, I don't take the bait anymore. The only way I will know if she's interested is she will have to show a level of interest in me before I take her out. I've been accused of being awkward before and I was even mocked as a result, just because I asked her out. This has happened to a lot of other men, and I wouldn't be surprised if you and other guys on here went through similar situations. You can say all you want on never happening to you, but I'll take it with some salt.

My brother and best friend were both victims of cheating wives. One of the wives just straight up had sexual relations with another man, making my brother's marriage only last six months, while the other wife was sending money to a man in prison, and that marriage lasted nearly five years with a kid involved. But despite the red flags that these women had on them to begin with, my brother and friend ended up with them, and the worst mistake they both made was they moved in with these women before they were married. Today, things are better for both of them. My brother is remarried with a more faithful woman (five years and still going strong) and they had a daughter together. My best friend is engaged to a new woman and will be tying the knot soon. They chose people better of character than they did previously.

The point being made here is it comes down to decisions we make on our own free will, a gift from God Himself. Do we follow in the ways of His Son, Jesus, or do we follow in the ways of the world? Do we choose to live among those that needs saved, as Christ did, or do we choose to live in our comfort zones? Do we choose to challenge those who say they are followers of Jesus then come up with these delusional ideas of what makes us better than the average Christian, as Christ challenged the pharisees, who try to distort (willingly or not knowing) His Father's teachings, or do we just simply sit there and watch everyone get beaten down because of a group of people that think they're better than everyone else? This is what I was getting at.

If you want me to provide you links of stories of people who went through similar stories as myself, my brother, and my friend, I'll be more than happy to do so because it's happened to everyone. If anything, it'll prove why you shouldn't put much faith into what others say and do under these circumstances. It should actually bring you closer to God. If He wants to put a woman in my life, He'll do it on His time, not mine, but, right now, I believe He's telling me to enjoy my time single while serving Him. So I'm choosing to do just that and I've been very happy. I'm meeting new people, participating in new hobbies, and been getting out more than I ever did. To be a Christian is to make decisions, and if say we are going to do something positive, we better follow through. If not, well, maybe you're not as faithful as you make yourself out to be, but you still freedom to choose that. Just be honest about it.

Uh... you're confusing me dude.

You said a lot that agreed with what cinder meant, then you said she was wrong... in the same post.

I think you have spent this whole thread arguing against what you THOUGHT cinder meant in this thread. If you knew what she really meant, I think you would agree with her a lot.

Try reading the first post again, and keep a tongue-in-cheek viewpoint while you read it.

Oh well. Maybe somebody in the BDF can help us. They're experts at knowing when somebody is and is not a real Christian.

Bo, you got a lengthy reply, feigning ignorance is a choice, a folly one, nevertheless a choice. Ignore true cjristianity if you want, your choice. God do not need you, you need God. Go on, and have to do a peter later, your choice. You got a clear answer, pretending you did not get it, is not really honest. Bordering on very dishonest. The devil hangs on to somebodies ankles, hope you got kneepads. All he said was basic knowledge, and easy to understand. Some are hellbent on not getting the obvious. People should perhaps pray for them, I dunno and not doing it. I think people should get to decide for themselves. Wish you well. But as of right now, it is all messed up for you. Closer to hell than heaven, just FYI You can change it if you want to, seems to me, that you are just trolling christians at their forums,

Bo, you got a lengthy reply, feigning ignorance is a choice, a folly one, nevertheless a choice. Ignore true cjristianity if you want, your choice. God do not need you, you need God. Go on, and have to do a peter later, your choice. You got a clear answer, pretending you did not get it, is not really honest. Bordering on very dishonest. The devil hangs on to somebodies ankles, hope you got kneepads. All he said was basic knowledge, and easy to understand. Some are hellbent on not getting the obvious. People should perhaps pray for them, I dunno and not doing it. I think people should get to decide for themselves. Wish you well. But as of right now, it is all messed up for you. Closer to hell than heaven, just FYI You can change it if you want to, seems to me, that you are just trolling christians at their forums,

Uh... you're confusing me dude.

You said a lot that agreed with what cinder meant, then you said she was wrong... in the same post.

I think you have spent this whole thread arguing against what you THOUGHT cinder meant in this thread. If you knew what she really meant, I think you would agree with her a lot.

Try reading the first post again, and keep a tongue-in-cheek viewpoint while you read it.

Says the guy who hasn't even been a Christian for 6 months (not sure how old you are, but I'm willing to bet Lynx and I have both been Christians longer than you've been alive). I wanna be nice to you because you're new to the whole Christian thing. But the arrogance of thinking you have the truest more accurate understanding of 2000 years of Christianity after 6 months is making that really difficult. And what happened to all that we're not supposed to judge others from earlier? Or is this one of those modern insanities where we're not supposed to judge others unless they're being judgemental and then we can judge away and write them off as a lost cause?

Since you want to make it about me, I have been christian longer than 6 months. 6 months since the holy spirit marked me and I got a calm, and started reading the bible. Judge if you want. Up to God if it is just or not.

Ok I was going by the date listed on your profile, but now you have me curious what your definition of being a christian is and how that's different from this experience of the holy spirit marking you and you being calm and starting to read the Bible?

View my profile all you like. There are steps in christianity, first step is believing, and not doing anything about it, which is the majority of those who call themselves christian. Is that the startdate? If so, many years ago. Is it when you act out christianity? Is it when the holy spirit marks you as a lamb of God, making you untouchable for Satan? If so I think it was february. Is it after studying the most important books in the bible for some months? If so april. Or is it after praying and asking to join Heaven? If so, that would by some months away most likely for me personally. So I am a christian, but not a perfect christian, and would go to hell if I died tomorrow. Must ask to join if you want to go to heaven. Just ask if you wonder instead of stalking the profile and googling me covertly. It is very simple, read the old testament, it is there. Just read the rules literally, and do not twist it around to mesh it with a sinful life.

Do you have Bible passages to back all this up in an integrated fashion? Because right now it sounds like with your definitions when the book of James says that even the demons believe that God exists, it's equivalent to them being Christian. Honestly very little of what you share here bears any resemblance to any historical practice of Christianity that I'm aware of, which basically leaves us with what you define as being Christian isn't how most of us on this site define being Christian. Which brings me back to my original point of you talk as if you know everything there is to know about being a Christian, but it sounds like you don't even know the basics that are accepted in most every church I know of. Not knowing is fine and part of the journey; we all have to start somewhere, but someone who was looking to learn more would be far more aware that there was so much more to learn and explore, rather than being the new guy coming in and saying that everyone else who's been doing this a lot longer is doing it wrong.

And in the interests of communication most Christians see two aspects to being a Christian: salvation (being rescued from evil and assured that we'll spend eternity in heaven) and sanctification (the process of being transformed to live a holy, god pleasing life). And most of us (feel free to correct me if I get something wrong fellow CCers) would define a Christian as: Someone who has placed their faith in Christ's death and resurrection to make us acceptable to God, to ensure our eternal life in heaven, and to release the power to transform our lives and empower us to do good. In view of such faith, they actively seek to obey God and love and do good to all people.

Now you'll find a whole lot of people calling themselves Chrsitians who aren't so good at doing good to everyone yet. But that's part of the whole sanctification thing I was talking about and over time you will see most individual christians get better at it.

Uh... you're confusing me dude.

You said a lot that agreed with what cinder meant, then you said she was wrong... in the same post.

I think you have spent this whole thread arguing against what you THOUGHT cinder meant in this thread. If you knew what she really meant, I think you would agree with her a lot.

Try reading the first post again, and keep a tongue-in-cheek viewpoint while you read it.

No, we're not agreeing. I read through it all again, and there's no where that she say's "WOW, I THINK SO TOO, WE'RE ON THE SAME PAGE!" Quite the opposite. She actually calls me arrogant and ignorant, so I'm failing to see where we're in agreement on this subject. So now, you're just straight up lying, and I find it interesting that you think you're telling me for my own good, when all you're doing is trolling and telling me how stupid and ignorant I am. There has been nothing I said that has been misleading. As a matter of fact, giving your life to Christ IS a choice, and God is not forcing that decision on you. I don't know how that's controversial because that's just what it is.

It seems to me that instead of people, like yourself and the author of this thread, bringing people to Christ or welcoming fellow believers, you want to shut them out because you see the faith more as an elitist social club, rather than a community of God's people. As I told the author, I gave an answer that you didn't like. Instead I gave answer that I believe needed to be said. I don't mind if someone has a disagreement with me. That's perfectly fine, so long as they hear out the answer based on the life experiences others have had. What I do take issue with is people simply poo-pooing it without even looking up what claims were made and saying how dumb and arrogant someone is for making those statements. It's as if you not only don't listen but also don't WANT to listen.

Christ took the time to listen and pay attention to other people's stories and gave His advice for whatever the situation was. What the people did with it was up to them. Many of them took it while others, like the pharisees, did not because they believed that they knew better. So, yeah, even among the people that proclaimed they serve, honor, and praise God, they never really took the time to actually understand what the Father was expecting from them. Instead, they created their own set of rules, questions, and standards (which none of it comes from the Lord Himself), and if anyone didn't abide by them, they're not worthy of God's blessing. That's what I'm seeing here.

The things I said about dating are not coming from me alone, but rather huge crowds of people from both genders. When you have WOMEN saying how unfair it is for men today in the dating market, this should tell you how bad it really is.

My own mother, who has been married for 40 years to my father, has seen this. She has been through the ups and downs of her relationship to my dad, but never has she cheated on, stole stole, nor took advantage of him. She hopes that one day I will be with a good woman, but, sadly, she knows all too well how women of today are. She had mentioned how many women do NOT respect men and do NOT respect commitment. She's seen me go through a lot of troubles I had, and I can't imagine how she feels about that. While my dad, wants me to get married and have children (he loves being a grandfather), my mom says if I decide to remain single she's perfectly fine with it, so long as I'm happy. Her advice to me was just because (if) I date someone, doesn't mean I have to marry them, so long as I have fun and know that God always comes first before anyone.

So, again, it comes down to choices. You are choosing to call me names, and you're choosing to believe that I'm a fool. You're choosing to lie about what was said and you're choosing to troll me. It's your call, but just understand, you will get push back each time you do this because, as I told you before, I'm not backing down from this, and that will be my choice, not yours.