Hey guys,
I think this is the first time I have ever been really vulnerable about what I really struggle with in my life. It hurts because the battle still seems largely unwinable and unpredictable. I actually struggle with homosexuality. I have for a while. I've been addicted to pornography and masturbation and I have conditioned my mind to think thoughts that are not of God. I have come to realize just how much I have to fight because of how long I have been in this. Today, I was at a concert. I saw a boy who was behind me and my flesh started to rise up. I kept looking at him. Trying to fight it but I failed sometimes. I prayed, it helped. But I met the dude, talked to him when I knew I should stay away from him. Nothing happened. I invited him to someone elses church but I can't go there because of just how much I have to "flee youthful lust". I feel so guilty. The thoughts however better than before, were still present. My feelings were high. And I know that I sinned in God's sight due to the condition of my mind. It is so scary to me. I don't know what would have happened if this boy's reaction to me was different. And I can't help but fear if I begin to do work for God's kingdom, yet can't keep this managed and subdued. I know all of the advice for this stuff. I'm the one who usually gives it. Above all I felt the need to confess this on a platform that isn't so close to home. The bible says, "Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results." - James 5:16. You don't know me, but I encourage you to pray. Just about anyone who is facing this. And thanks ChristianChat for giving me the ability to confess like this to a community of believers.
I think this is the first time I have ever been really vulnerable about what I really struggle with in my life. It hurts because the battle still seems largely unwinable and unpredictable. I actually struggle with homosexuality. I have for a while. I've been addicted to pornography and masturbation and I have conditioned my mind to think thoughts that are not of God. I have come to realize just how much I have to fight because of how long I have been in this. Today, I was at a concert. I saw a boy who was behind me and my flesh started to rise up. I kept looking at him. Trying to fight it but I failed sometimes. I prayed, it helped. But I met the dude, talked to him when I knew I should stay away from him. Nothing happened. I invited him to someone elses church but I can't go there because of just how much I have to "flee youthful lust". I feel so guilty. The thoughts however better than before, were still present. My feelings were high. And I know that I sinned in God's sight due to the condition of my mind. It is so scary to me. I don't know what would have happened if this boy's reaction to me was different. And I can't help but fear if I begin to do work for God's kingdom, yet can't keep this managed and subdued. I know all of the advice for this stuff. I'm the one who usually gives it. Above all I felt the need to confess this on a platform that isn't so close to home. The bible says, "Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results." - James 5:16. You don't know me, but I encourage you to pray. Just about anyone who is facing this. And thanks ChristianChat for giving me the ability to confess like this to a community of believers.