Toxic church culture

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Unearthed

Active member
#1
May 18, 2021
200
70
28
#1
I used to be a member of a Hillsong affiliated "church" but I stopped going about 2 years ago.
I won't go into the details again about why I stopped going.

After I left I made an effort to keep in touch with several of my friends from church, but it seemed like they didn't want anything to do with me after I left.

I've bumped into several of them on my travels and I stopped to say hello, but they either:

1. Completely ignored me, or
2. Said hello but clearly wanted to stop talking

Do you guys actually consider your "friends" at church as being TRUE friends, or are they just acquaintances that happen to go to the same building as you on a Sunday?
If you left your church, are you confident that the people who you consider friends would remain you friends?
 
Blik

Blik

Senior Member
#3
Dec 6, 2016
7,312
2,428
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#3
I hope that soon the Christian community will respond to this post.

To me, I go to the church where I can best worship the Lord, but I belong to the Lord not to the church denomination. I do not demand that the denomination agree with everything I feel the Lord is telling me. My life is like the 23rd Psalm, The Lord is my sheperd, not the organized church. I look to the people in the church as my brothers and sisters in Christ, but I feel completely alone in this.
 
Magenta

Magenta

Senior Member
#4
Jul 3, 2015
59,887
29,274
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#4
Unearthed said:
If you left your church, are you confident that the people who you consider friends would remain you friends?
Click to expand...
I am confident that if I left my church, people I consider my friends would make every effort to find out why and also encourage me to come back. Whether or not we would remain in contact with each other is one thing, though I am also confident that were we to meet in the street as you have described, that they would not try to avoid me or brush me off.
 
Aaron56

Aaron56

Well-known member
#5
Jul 12, 2021
2,760
1,584
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#5
Unearthed, you're experiencing a condition of the institutional church culture wherein attendees separate their church affiliation from their day-to-day living. They do not see themselves as a part of a body where each part functions for the benefit of the others. The idea that "it's just me and Jesus" is pervasive, so there is no effort towards oneness. This, among other reasons, is why the institutional church is so weak: They do not discern the body.
 
U

Unearthed

Active member
#6
May 18, 2021
200
70
28
#6
Aaron56 said:
Unearthed, you're experiencing a condition of the institutional church culture wherein attendees separate their church affiliation from their day-to-day living. They do not see themselves as a part of a body where each part functions for the benefit of the others. The idea that "it's just me and Jesus" is pervasive, so there is no effort towards oneness. This, among other reasons, is why the institutional church is so weak: They do not discern the body.
Click to expand...
That feels so true!
 
Magenta

Magenta

Senior Member
#7
Jul 3, 2015
59,887
29,274
113
#7
Aaron56 said:
Unearthed, you're experiencing a condition of the institutional church culture wherein attendees separate their church affiliation from their day-to-day living. They do not see themselves as a part of a body where each part functions for the benefit of the others. The idea that "it's just me and Jesus" is pervasive, so there is no effort towards oneness. This, among other reasons, is why the institutional church is so weak: They do not discern the body.
Click to expand...
I think it could also be because those who remain may feel some sense of guilt for staying in a church with known, serious issues. Seeing someone who left reminds them that all is not well, and they are not ready, nor are they willing, to deal with those issues. It may be easier for them to treat the OP as if the problem is OP's alone.
 
Aaron56

Aaron56

Well-known member
#8
Jul 12, 2021
2,760
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#8
Magenta said:
I think it could also be because those who remain may feel some sense of guilt for staying in a church with known, serious issues. Seeing someone who left reminds them that all is not well, and they are not ready, nor are they willing, to deal with those issues. It may be easier for them to treat the OP as if the problem is OP's alone.
Click to expand...
Very well said.

Upon my leaving, about 23 years ago, I was led to honor those who were my elders in the Lord. Upon shaking the hand of one elder, he told me I would make the Lord's heart bleed by leaving. I said to him "Old man, you should know better than that." It was one of the times I experienced Luke 12:12 "For the Holy Spirit will teach you in that very hour what you ought to say."
 
U

Unearthed

Active member
#9
May 18, 2021
200
70
28
#9
Aaron56 said:
Very well said.

Upon my leaving, about 23 years ago, I was led to honor those who were my elders in the Lord. Upon shaking the hand of one elder, he told me I would make the Lord's heart bleed by leaving. I said to him "Old man, you should know better than that." It was one of the times I experienced Luke 12:12 "For the Holy Spirit will teach you in that very hour what you ought to say."
Click to expand...
Very good reply!
 
Lucy-Pevensie

Lucy-Pevensie

Senior Member
#10
Dec 20, 2017
9,385
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#10
I'm still friends with some people I went to church with 30 years ago.
Some of us have moved far away and the church has changed location.
It was a small church though, nothing like Hillsong and it was/is nondenominational.
 
ResidentAlien

ResidentAlien

Well-known member
#11
Apr 21, 2021
8,247
3,587
113
#11
Unearthed said:
I used to be a member of a Hillsong affiliated "church" but I stopped going about 2 years ago.
I won't go into the details again about why I stopped going.

After I left I made an effort to keep in touch with several of my friends from church, but it seemed like they didn't want anything to do with me after I left.

I've bumped into several of them on my travels and I stopped to say hello, but they either:

1. Completely ignored me, or
2. Said hello but clearly wanted to stop talking

Do you guys actually consider your "friends" at church as being TRUE friends, or are they just acquaintances that happen to go to the same building as you on a Sunday?
If you left your church, are you confident that the people who you consider friends would remain you friends?
Click to expand...
Sorry to hear this happened.

I haven't attended a church for awhile; however, when I did and stopped going, I couldn't get rid of a lot of my friends from church. They kept bugging me to know where I'd been and how I was. I suspect that this is how it should be.


I've heard people say the same thing as you when they left Elevation Church.
 
Pilgrimshope

Pilgrimshope

Well-known member
#13
Sep 2, 2020
13,905
5,637
113
#13
Unearthed said:
I used to be a member of a Hillsong affiliated "church" but I stopped going about 2 years ago.
I won't go into the details again about why I stopped going.

After I left I made an effort to keep in touch with several of my friends from church, but it seemed like they didn't want anything to do with me after I left.

I've bumped into several of them on my travels and I stopped to say hello, but they either:

1. Completely ignored me, or
2. Said hello but clearly wanted to stop talking

Do you guys actually consider your "friends" at church as being TRUE friends, or are they just acquaintances that happen to go to the same building as you on a Sunday?
If you left your church, are you confident that the people who you consider friends would remain you friends?
Click to expand...
there are a lot of good churches but more churches that aren’t following the truth I think until we feel
Like we found some family we may just simply need to try another church we might not have wanted to go to because it’s small or not a shiny building filled with well dressed folks

a lot of times the more “ scraggly” looking folks who appear less fortunate are the ones who love and spread love around while the others look Tom TV eyes like the place to go but often that leads to clicks and seperation sand colder love with no bond in Christ not sharing and spreading and teaching his true brotherly love

just an opinion
 
Blik

Blik

Senior Member
#14
Dec 6, 2016
7,312
2,428
113
#14
AS I make a study of the early churches that the apostles created, the big difference in the church then and the church now is that we are deep in dogma and short on love, they allowed differences in interpretation other than the core of Christianity and never let differences interfere with giving love and support.

Even the Christian community that this site represents has people who have stated they are my enemy because I have interpreted a scripture differently than they did, although they say we agree on Christ in our life.
 
SteveEpperson

SteveEpperson

Junior Member
#15
May 12, 2018
552
221
43
#15
Unearthed said:
've bumped into several of them on my travels and I stopped to say hello, but they either:

1. Completely ignored me, or
2. Said hello but clearly wanted to stop talking
Click to expand...
You're describing the entire town where I live. If you're not related, they don't want to have anything to do with you.

So, I think what you may be describing is a cultural norm where you live.

However, it could be the tribalism we see in our world today.

Ever since US President George W. Bush made the declaration, "You're either with us or against, " after the US was attacked on its homeland, people around the world have been using the same mantra ever since.

So, if you're not in our country, political party, or our church, you're obviously against us.
 
R

rayzor

Banned
#16
Aug 20, 2021
1,863
310
83
#16
Jesus taught in places not friendly to him we are here for then [not them for us ] george's remarks are from Jesus words The closer to Jesus you are the less the world is suppose to like you. i understand that context is important Jesus seem to mean either your are for good or for evil
 
Chester

Chester

Senior Member
#17
May 23, 2016
4,314
1,442
113
#17
Unearthed said:
I used to be a member of a Hillsong affiliated "church" but I stopped going about 2 years ago.
I won't go into the details again about why I stopped going.

After I left I made an effort to keep in touch with several of my friends from church, but it seemed like they didn't want anything to do with me after I left.

I've bumped into several of them on my travels and I stopped to say hello, but they either:

1. Completely ignored me, or
2. Said hello but clearly wanted to stop talking

Do you guys actually consider your "friends" at church as being TRUE friends, or are they just acquaintances that happen to go to the same building as you on a Sunday?
If you left your church, are you confident that the people who you consider friends would remain you friends?
Click to expand...
How sad! Sad indeed!

If I left my church, all of us would cry together and hug and wish one another well. We love another; we don't just go to church together, but all of our lives are overlapped and intertwined. If I should need help financially or physically, I have confidence my church friends would be there to help in an instant!
 
Lucy-Pevensie

Lucy-Pevensie

Senior Member
#18
Dec 20, 2017
9,385
5,724
113
#18
Unearthed said:
I used to be a member of a Hillsong affiliated "church" but I stopped going about 2 years ago.
I won't go into the details again about why I stopped going.

After I left I made an effort to keep in touch with several of my friends from church, but it seemed like they didn't want anything to do with me after I left.

I've bumped into several of them on my travels and I stopped to say hello, but they either:

1. Completely ignored me, or
2. Said hello but clearly wanted to stop talking

Do you guys actually consider your "friends" at church as being TRUE friends, or are they just acquaintances that happen to go to the same building as you on a Sunday?
If you left your church, are you confident that the people who you consider friends would remain you friends?
Click to expand...
Just wondering, did this happen before or after the "new normal" of the Covid panic?
 
SteveEpperson

SteveEpperson

Junior Member
#20
May 12, 2018
552
221
43
#20
Lucy-Pevensie said:
Just wondering, did this happen before or after the "new normal" of the Covid panic?
Click to expand...
I can see why you asked that question. Even church members are using the COVID excuse to become disengaged.

However, we as followers of Christ have to hold fast when everyone else is using such a terrible excuse to abandon each other.
 
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