What should a virtuous woman look for in a man?

Today I watched some worldly podcasts on dating and life, out of curiosity to see what the world thinks. “Where is society?”, I wondered. Let me tell you that I nearly felt like crying. Young women selling their image for money to become financially independent in a year. Girls selling their virginity for six figures. Men arguing that as a high value man they have the right to exercise their options and sleep with multiple women and their wife should accept it. The women at the table… agreed (some). These are the standards the world is accepting and promoting.

I saw someone donate to the podcast with a point and it said that women want someone with power, money, or fame. But it made me wonder, what does the Bible say women should seek in a man? What should a virtuous woman look for in a righteous man?

The podcasts were interesting, no doubt. Points like, “Women are born with value, men have to earn value.” I can see that, in terms of beauty and then a man having to provide security to a woman by increasing his ability to provide. I was careful though, because I didn’t want the world’s values to be adopted by me. In such a podcast I have to remember these people do not know righteousness. They do not know God. Their morality is not grounded in truth. They speak of traditional values without acknowledging their source.

I ask you, women of God (both single and married), what do you believe you should seek in a man? Biblically, what should a righteous man look like (*cough* Jesus *cough*)? What standards are essential? I understand nuance, personal likings (height, weight, etc) and the desire for a man to be at a certain bracket financially, but from the Bible, what are you as a virtuous woman, supposed to expect of a righteous man? Do you, as the world, seek power, money, and fame in your man (righteously so or not, justified or not)?

Have at it virtuous women! 😁

Well, according to the Bible a husband should be able to provide, so there’s nothing wrong with wanting a husband who has money, the world makes it seem like that’s gold digging but if it’s for the sake of making sure he can provide for his family versus buying you whatever you want, then that’s just fine. It also says your husband should hold authority, so a woman needs to really take the time to get to know a man because being imperfect humans, that man can abuse his authority and use it to be oppressive or abusive, so it is important to for a woman to really get to know the man’s heart. He shouldn’t think that authority means he barks orders at you and you listen. He should also be holy and seek after God with all his being, because since he is to lead, you don’t want a man that will lead you in the wrong direction. He will either lead you to God or away from Him. The Bible also says not to go to bed angry, so a woman should look for a husband who is forgiving, and emotionally mature enough to settle disagreements and not hold grudges/withhold forgiveness. He should be faithful, and he should be satisfied with you and all that you are. He should also correct you when you’re wrong in a loving way, and correct himself if he transgresses against you. He should be willing to work on his faults especially those that affect you directly, but most of this stuff is true for both parties. The Bible also says do not be unequally yoked, so a woman who is looking for a husband should want someone who has the same picture as far as goals, raising kids, etc. Someone who if they find after they marry that they are not compatible sexually that they both have a willingness to learn how to satisfy each other’s sexual needs.

I've been married twice, and they both are in Heaven now. For me to consider a man marriage wise, first he would have to be a church goer as I am, even online would do. Be self-sufficient, like animals, physically fit, easy to get along with, likes volunteering and kind of humorous. Not into anything that I'm not into like say mountain climbing, lol etc.
Personality mixed with Christianity rate far above looks, except can't be way out of shape.
OK there you go, something to compare fyi, but the most important thing is feeling good about yourself and being considerate when on a date. It's a great question to ask

Well, according to the Bible a husband should be able to provide, so there’s nothing wrong with wanting a husband who has money, the world makes it seem like that’s gold digging but if it’s for the sake of making sure he can provide for his family versus buying you whatever you want, then that’s just fine. It also says your husband should hold authority, so a woman needs to really take the time to get to know a man because being imperfect humans, that man can abuse his authority and use it to be oppressive or abusive, so it is important to for a woman to really get to know the man’s heart. He shouldn’t think that authority means he barks orders at you and you listen. He should also be holy and seek after God with all his being, because since he is to lead, you don’t want a man that will lead you in the wrong direction. He will either lead you to God or away from Him. The Bible also says not to go to bed angry, so a woman should look for a husband who is forgiving, and emotionally mature enough to settle disagreements and not hold grudges/withhold forgiveness. He should be faithful, and he should be satisfied with you and all that you are. He should also correct you when you’re wrong in a loving way, and correct himself if he transgresses against you. He should be willing to work on his faults especially those that affect you directly, but most of this stuff is true for both parties. The Bible also says do not be unequally yoked, so a woman who is looking for a husband should want someone who has the same picture as far as goals, raising kids, etc. Someone who if they find after they marry that they are not compatible sexually that they both have a willingness to learn how to satisfy each other’s sexual needs.

Thank you Tabin (I was going to write Tabitha lol). “Personality mixed with Christianity.” It sounds like someone amiable and that loves the Lord. I like your mention of volunteering, because it reveals the heart of a man (his character).

My pastor recently joked to the women (young adults ministry) that should they be considering a man for marriage ask him to join her in the children’s ministry (to see how he is with kids). Lol

Let's see. In a word - Character

In a few more words: He needs to be honest, trustworthy, respectful, hardworking, and courageous. I think those are the key foundation blocks. Fame and Fortune not required in excessive amounts.... a good reputation and enough income (maybe even combined income) to keep a roof over your head and food on the table and a commitment to do what he needs to do (within moral and legal bounds) to maintain that income is sufficient. Also might be worth noting that the more fame and fortune he has, the more other women might throw themselves at him and try to get him to stray.

I agree with much of what the women here have already said, so hopefully it won't sound like I'm just repeating everything that was already discussed.

I had to laugh at the idea of "fame." My parents are heavily involved in church and because my father is on staff, they always sit in the front. Me? I always sit in the back -- last row -- and very few people realize that I'm their daughter (there isn't much family resemblance.) I love being in the background, and pretty much all the work I do (if given a choice) is behind the scenes. The bigger the spotlight, the more people you have criticizing and trying to control you, which is something I absolutely hate.

I know this ties into character (to me, character means someone who does the right thing, even, and especially, when no one else is looking,) but the older I get, the more I see responsibility and life experience as being precious commodities as well.

When I was younger, the boyfriends I had would spend all their money on things they wanted before anything else, with little to nothing left for actual bills. I have no problem working to contribute to the bills (I don't expect him to pay for everything -- if he can, God bless him, but if not, I am here to help!) but I'd like to find someone who knows how life goes and has the discipline to put responsibility before wants.

I also find someone who has observed a lot in life and then applies this to continually learning about, and showing compassion to other people, utterly fascinating.

And might I add, we ladies just want to shout out a big "thank you" to all you men out there who are striving your best to seek the righteousness of God!

Please don't give up, because we appreciate you!

Thanks for the thorough response Ashley. You touched on a lot. Character definitely being an important point; being reasonable, honest, transparent, and well, peaceful.

I guess I am determining (if we take it at face value) if some women seek men with power, fame, and fortune if these same standards are what a Christian woman should be considering? As you said in respect to fortune, a man provides. So that’s fine. How about power and fame? Should status matter? Does influence matter?

In some ways it can be a shallow discussion (if we just focus on fame and power) and I appreciate you going more in depth with some of the questions I asked in respect to a virtuous woman’s criteria for a righteous man.

I'm experience. The above is often claimed but not delivered. Avoid people who are not showing interest in developing themselves or caring for others. Those who show interest in growth are the best option.

Okay, so curiosity got the better of me on this thread. And I agree with Tabin, interesting – and thought-provoking – question, @BenFTW.

I hear what you’re saying. It seems that priorities for a worldly woman are fame, fortune (finances) and influence. As a (I want to say, “modern”) Christian, whilst, these should not be top priorities in looking for a husband, are they, in reality, on the priority list – and if so, how far up or down? Have I understood you correctly?

Your original question is, “From the Bible, what are you, as a virtuous woman, supposed to expect of a righteous man?”

You hit the nail on the head with your description there, Ben. What should we expect from a righteous man? To throw a cat amongst the pigeons, I’d like to highlight the first “righteous man” that comes to mind. No, not Jesus, but his adopted dad, Joseph.

The Bible calls him a “righteous” man. Let’s read his profile in Matthew 1:19,

“Then Joseph her husband, being a just (Strong’s #1342: dikaios – upright, blameless, RIGHTEOUS, conforming to God’s laws and man’s), and not wanting to make her a public example, was minded to put her away secretly.”

Joseph was a righteous man and yet he was by no means well off financially. In fact, they were so poor that they could not afford to redeem the Son of God with a lamb – they had to resort to the poor man’s concession and redeem Him with two turtle doves. Yet God saw fit for this righteous man to father His Son – not because of his ability to provide, but his character and ability to raise him in godliness. I’m not in any way suggesting that it is a virtue to be poor, but I am suggesting that when choosing a partner, it is not whether he is wealthy or not that should be the swaying factor, but that he is RIGHTEOUS.

To swing the table the other way, the second “righteous man” that comes to mind is our dear friend Boaz. The Bible doesn’t necessarily call him a righteous man, but we know that he is one. Here is a man who possesses all three attributes: fame, wealth and influence. But it was because of his righteousness that God saw fit for him to become the great grandfather of King David.

Another righteous man with “the full package” according to worldy standards is Job. And yet we see what suffering and hardship he went through because of his righteousness.

To me, I would personally re-phrase the original question and say,
“As a virtuous woman, what are you looking for in a man?”
And my answer would be righteousness.

So what is righteousness then? Abraham was called righteous because he BELIEVED in God. So we know that righteousness has to do with faith. From the account of Joseph that I used above, we see that the word “righteous” and the word “just” can be interchangeable.

Habakkuk 2:4 says
“the JUST (RIGHTEOUS) shall live by his FAITH.”

My pastor always says that self-righteousness is taking care of yourself at the cost of others; righteousness is taking care of others at the cost of yourself and TRUSTING IN GOD for your provision (Isn’t that a beautiful description of Jesus?).

In essence, it is a deep trust in God that makes you righteous. It is that trust that leads to obedience to the Lord in the craziest situations.

If you are looking for financial security, DON’T go looking for a righteous man! Because he, like Abraham, just might make some crazy decisions in his obedience to God. Or like Job, he might end up going through a hard time BECAUSE of his righteousness. Or God might deprive you of financial prosperity to work on your character and teach you to look to HIM and not to yourself for provision, like Joseph.

At the end of the day, give me a righteous man who walks in obedience to God over a “Christian” man who believes in Jesus for eternal salvation yet looks to money for short-term “salvation.”

Let me work on being that virtuous woman, like Ruth, so that God can send me that righteous man – and make sure I’m not like Job’s wife, who, when the moment things got tough, abandoned her faith in God because material possessions meant more to her than character.

A different perspective, but food for thought anyway!

I agree with much of what the women here have already said, so hopefully it won't sound like I'm just repeating everything that was already discussed.

I had to laugh at the idea of "fame." My parents are heavily involved in church and because my father is on staff, they always sit in the front. Me? I always sit in the back -- last row -- and very few people realize that I'm their daughter (there isn't much family resemblance.) I love being in the background, and pretty much all the work I do (if given a choice) is behind the scenes. The bigger the spotlight, the more people you have criticizing and trying to control you, which is something I absolutely hate.

I know this ties into character (to me, character means someone who does the right thing, even, and especially, when no one else is looking,) but the older I get, the more I see responsibility and life experience as being precious commodities as well.

When I was younger, the boyfriends I had would spend all their money on things they wanted before anything else, with little to nothing left for actual bills. I have no problem working to contribute to the bills (I don't expect him to pay for everything -- if he can, God bless him, but if not, I am here to help!) but I'd like to find someone who knows how life goes and has the discipline to put responsibility before wants.

I also find someone who has observed a lot in life and then applies this to continually learning about, and showing compassion to other people, utterly fascinating.

And might I add, we ladies just want to shout out a big "thank you" to all you men out there who are striving your best to seek the righteousness of God!

Please don't give up, because we appreciate you!

Well the world tends to glorify things that God hates. You have to look at what he’s famous for. Is he an athlete? A music artist (especially what he sings about)? The Bible also mentions that it is very difficult for a rich man to get into heaven because they have an image to uphold and many, many expensive possessions to which they easily become unhealthily attached. A woman would have to consider if that man is too attached to his fortune. That’s tricky. If she’s going out of her way to look for someone famous and powerful, well, it comes down to her heart condition and why she wants that, as most people in power are not Godly people. So she would have to ask herself what good would come out of marrying a rich, famous or powerful man. It’s not likely it would be anything good.

Today I watched some worldly podcasts on dating and life, out of curiosity to see what the world thinks. “Where is society?”, I wondered. Let me tell you that I nearly felt like crying. Young women selling their image for money to become financially independent in a year. Girls selling their virginity for six figures. Men arguing that as a high value man they have the right to exercise their options and sleep with multiple women and their wife should accept it. The women at the table… agreed (some). These are the standards the world is accepting and promoting.

I saw someone donate to the podcast with a point and it said that women want someone with power, money, or fame. But it made me wonder, what does the Bible say women should seek in a man? What should a virtuous woman look for in a righteous man?

The podcasts were interesting, no doubt. Points like, “Women are born with value, men have to earn value.” I can see that, in terms of beauty and then a man having to provide security to a woman by increasing his ability to provide. I was careful though, because I didn’t want the world’s values to be adopted by me. In such a podcast I have to remember these people do not know righteousness. They do not know God. Their morality is not grounded in truth. They speak of traditional values without acknowledging their source.

I ask you, women of God (both single and married), what do you believe you should seek in a man? Biblically, what should a righteous man look like (*cough* Jesus *cough*)? What standards are essential? I understand nuance, personal likings (height, weight, etc) and the desire for a man to be at a certain bracket financially, but from the Bible, what are you as a virtuous woman, supposed to expect of a righteous man? Do you, as the world, seek power, money, and fame in your man (righteously so or not, justified or not)?

Have at it virtuous women! 😁