Tormented

Please pray for me. I have been struggling all week. I am so upset. I was doing so well and now it's as if I am going completely backward. I have been delivered from a lifestyle that involved witchcraft, the occult and the new age. I could literally feel God wiping away all the dirt of my past from me. I have been asking so many people to pray for me and I have been doing my part to draw closer to Jesus. But there is just one part of my life that keeps turning me backward into the same cycle of anger, bitterness, unforgiveness and hatred. I have asked God repeatedly to remove this part of my life from my life because it has caused me so much distress and He finally has. I am being set free from so many things. But this week felt like a final round of fighting. I went from being completely whole to feeling as if I was going down the same rabbit hole of feeling fractured, mentally unsound and spiritually damaged. Please pray for me. I have repented of everything that I did to open doors that should not have been open. I have looked back over my life and considered every single mental, emotional and spiritual stronghold that has been placed on my life that needed to be removed. I have gone to so many people for prayer. I don't have a church home. Although I want to belong to one so badly, I have been unable to find one. I have literally no one to turn to except my Bible and the Lord and, at times, I find it so difficult to pray that I can't conduct spiritual warfare prayers for myself. I am really feeling defeated. Please pray for me.

So, a few weeks ago I got drunk and then went to town, and then after the bars shut i found myself drinking cider with some homeless people, and the next morning i woke up in a shop doorway with two homeless people, funnily enough called Matthew and Mark.

And I realized I had spent and given away a lot of money i could not afford to spend or give away.
And then I just didn't turn up for work so that caused lots of problems.
This has happened soooo many times to me.

Anyway, after me and the homeless guys went to MacDonald's for breakfast i caught the bus home and spent the next day or two really wanting to kill myself, feeling so helpless and so, so helpless.

And, not having any friends, i phoned my nephew and he said..."Just get through it a minute at a time, and it will pass, and you will be okay." He also said God never just jumps in with a miracle at times like this, but I think neither of us realized He just had.

(He actually said something like have a few beers, watch some porn, masturbate, then watch a movie or two and go to sleep)

Anyway, I guess I'm trying to say I care. I really do care. And if I were God, I would do precisely what it is that you need.

But I'm not God. So, in the meantime, just try to get through the days, a minute at a time.

Watch a movie or some TV. Try to keep your mind just a little bit distracted. Google something. Get through it, however you can. I play free poker on the internet and Minecraft sometimes.

And be gentle with yourself.

I love you. And God Loves you.

And, of course, I will pray for you.

Praying for you (both) @al98 et @PaulNew. I'm VERY sorry to hear about the struggles that you've been through (and the struggle that you are still in the midst of, @al98).

As Pastor Chuck Swindoll once said: "Two words will help you cope when you run low on hope: accept and trust." (e.g. Proverbs 3:5-6)

God bless you! (Isaiah 40:31, 41:10)

~Deut

You are in one of two possible situations. Let me explain . . .

If you have not turned to Christ for His Spiritual Circumcision, then you are still dealing with the influence of Satan in your life. But if we believe Colossians 2:9-15, verse 15 states that Satan has been, at minimum, disarmed in a believers life. But if Satan has [not] be defeated, destroyed, or disarmed, then it means that your Heart has not been Purified by Christ.

If your Sinful State has not been removed from your life, then you MUST give yourself a break, and realize that it is [not] you who is sinning, but the Sinful Nature. And if this is True, then give yourself a break and relax! Begin to defeat the Devil by telling Him that you’re simply not going to keep feeling guilt, shame, and fear over the things that you have done. Listen to me . . . you are going to stop feeling fear, shame, and guilt . . . right now. Do you understand?! You are going to stop abusing yourself in this way. Do you understand?! The real you, which is the sum of your Human Nature, is completely independent of the Sinful Nature. However, the Human Nature is designed to serve, and it will do whatever it is told to do. This is exactly what Paul was saying about himself regarding his former life . . . life before Jesus Circumcised his heart of the Sinful Nature. Check out what Paul teaches in Romans about this problem of the Sinful Nature:

Romans 7:17, 20 NLT – “So I am not the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it. ... 20 But if I do what I don't want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.”

Again, if what Paul is teaching is True, then you are obligated to stop being angry and upset with yourself. Each time you hate yourself; find disgust within yourself, etc . . . Satan is laughing and still effective in your life. That is why you are about to begin proving to yourself that Satan is no longer your father. You are going to prove it by being gentle upon yourself . . . as of right now, you are going to begin to believe, Truly believe, that you are a good person. At your core, you are a very good person. You are going to start thinking this way . . . do you understand?! You [are] going to start thinking this way. You must set yourself free, and it is indeed you yourself that is keeping yourself imprisoned. So you are going to stop playing the game of the world, and begin playing the Holy, Spiritual game of being emotionally balanced in Christ.

Now, if the Sinful Nature has in fact been cut out and removed, then stop worrying! If you know for sure that you have Turned to Christ so that He would remove the Adamic Curse that beset humanity . . . all the way back in the Garden of Eden, then Satan has in fact been, at minimum, disarmed in your life. This means that you are simply dealing with residual sin that will be eradicated from your life by the Work and Power of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. If you are Truly a Child of God, please be patient with yourself as you continue to sin, but God will shape you according to His Plan and timing . . . not yours. Below is the description of the Holy Operation of Christ. As a Christian, you are obligated to know and understand this Holy Operation. It is the Holy Purpose of the Bible, for if Spiritual Circumcision has not been obtained, it will be destination hell regardless of how good a person might be on good ol’ planet earth. Here it is:

Colossians 2:9-15 NLT – “For in Christ lives all the fullness of God in a human body. 10 So you also are complete through your union with Christ, who is the head over every ruler and authority. 11 When you came to Christ, you were "circumcised," but not by a physical procedure. Christ performed a spiritual circumcision--the cutting away of your sinful nature. 12 For you were buried with Christ when you were baptized. And with him you were raised to new life because you trusted the mighty power of God, who raised Christ from the dead. 13 You were dead because of your sins and because your sinful nature was not yet cut away. Then God made you alive with Christ, for he forgave all our sins. 14 He canceled the record of the charges against us and took it away by nailing it to the cross. 15 In this way, he disarmed the spiritual rulers and authorities. He shamed them publicly by his victory over them on the cross.”

I advise that you learn Colossians 2:9-15, and that you learn of these passages through as many Bible translations as you have available. The Bible is centered around the Circumcision of Christ. It is the Circumcision of Christ that causes and Enables us to be Transformed . . . which means Changed.

Ezekiel 36:25-27 NLT - "Then I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean. Your filth will be washed away, and you will no longer worship idols. 26 And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart. 27 And I will put my Spirit in you so that you will follow my decrees and be careful to obey my regulations.”

Colossians 2:9-15 is the Absolute, Utter fulfillment of Ezekiel 36:25-27 (amazingly, Ezekiel 11 says almost exactly the same thing as Ezekiel 36 above.)

Okay.

So, i've drunk some beer and now i need some cheese. but i haven't got any.

Anyway, Timothy, I like your stuff, but, wouldn't it have been easier and more helpful to tell al98 that YOU love them?
"I love you" is powerful stuff!! - way, way better than advice!

Thanks for the tip, but I'll stick with the Gospel of Christ rather than offering up words of getting drunk, watch people have sex, place the gland in the hand, and live in total lust. It is an abomination to watch two humans having sex (and lust to be a part of it). In real life, it's called voyeurism, and is punishable by jail, if not prison in some cases. Troubling advice. Absolutely troubling.

You're under the notion that it is God's will to deliver you. Character and strength and forged in the fires of battle and struggle. I would actually say it's Less common for God to simply deliver people from all their struggles, because they don't learn much that way.
Maybe God did deliver you from some things, but you need to expect that God wants you to put in the work, so you can better appreciate being free of things, better understand your strengths and weaknesses, better understand struggle and how to overcome.

And if it seems no one is around, perhaps that is God, as well. I remember having a very rough night. I tried to contact every friend I knew and no one was available. I was hurting and struggling. I was forced to turn to God as no one else was available. And I prayed. And I felt God do something that night. He didn't remove all the pain, but He did make me feel more at peace.
It was only later I realized God was teaching me a lesson. Turn to Him, not others. And to do so He made everyone unavailable. I still had to work through the pain, but it was easier.
And note I'm not suggesting going to others is bad, but I tended to go to others and rely on them and later and last briefly go to God.

One thing I learned, stop trying to predict God. Or formulate notions of when you think He will or should act, or how. God is full of surprises.

Outstanding.

Thanks for posting this and being vulnerable. I could almost have written it myself. I came out of the occult about 2 years ago and have struggled with the same things you are, and I'm grateful to read the responses. I pray the Lord comforts you.🤗

"Your words have been heard. I hope and pray you come to get a grip on your life, and to be reminded, all the words
on all the pages are just words until we realize the fact that we must be willing to change, and this refers to applying
and acting upon God's principles of life, and it is not meant to be easy. I have learned , perseverance is necessary, each
and every day, to strive for spiritual discipline in our lives. And, never doubt this....if we don't let go of the past, the past
will never let go of us. I have learned it is essential to accept the things I cant' change, and change the things I can, and
that is myself. Believe me, it works so long as we work at it...Thank God.
And, God's 'help' shall only come by striving to live according to the principles of life, that of which Christ our Lord has put forth.
I pray you become influenced by God's inspiration, and to know you are the driver, and God being your co-pilot."
"I pray you find new meaning in your life, and to know, a friend may be closer than you realize."...........'Amen'

Praying for all the troubles in this prayer hoping that the holy spirit will comfort us all and help us with our troubles today.
Praying for the holy spirit to shine in our hearts and make us all all feal better. also praying for us to help each other in in the house of the lord for prayer. that is all.
may we all find peace in this amen

Lord bless, al98, and this prayer request, help to overcome challenges, and win the battles. Lord please , bless
al98, spiritually, physically , emotionally and mentally. Lord bless al98, in this matter, in Jesus gracious name, Amen!

This realy does sound like your being attacked by an inflicting spirit. Ive had one my whole life. and it wasnt until the same old pattern of the same torment kept happening to me that i realised i was being attacked daily from a inflicting evil spirit and of course doing my research helped me realise.
From the age of 4 years old to and every day of my life to me this has happend to me also seeing them too.
The reason why you get emotionaly upset is because inflicting spirits are also good at making you remember upsetting events or when they had a hold of your mind and heart, because they work on weakness and rememeber your weakneses like what has scared you or troubled you. The holy spirit will forgive you for this its not your fault.
The only way to beat them i find is to sing quietly to your self as soon as unpleasant fealiings take place or thoughts and reminders of memories of thoughts relating to your past what ever they may be.
Then keep singing for a while like say humming the song or doing a lar lar go for hours if you have to. and picking a rthym you like. if you get the memory flashbacks and thoughts going on as you sing then youve more than likely have an inflicting spirit hounding you. there aim is to get you emotionaly unstable so they can get a hold of your heart, because when your emoitionaly unstable this way ie not coping with fealings or thoughts the mind releases a negitive serotin chemical causing a negitive energy, that theese inflicting spirits thrive on. So what you need to do is turn it around straight away. singing does this.
singing and a gentle execise is great to like dancing or walking as you sing.
Anything that gets the positive good serotin flowing and will help you overcome all unwanted emotions of annoyance or upset. but i must stress you really do have to practice this daily to win the battle. It really helps if you sing from your heart to someone to, or sing for God or sing to his glory like the light in the sky.
Gods yearns for us to be strong in heart so we be with him more.
praying for you paul. and hoping you master annoyance and fealing like a failure soon. there really is riches in the heart, King david had a heart like God remember God said here is a man after my own heart. And david had a musical love too. he had harps and all sorts probaly.

It may be hard to do at first because you may be fealing sunk in the heart or fealing like a failure or anxius or annoyed etc. But its worth pushing through the pain barrier because the riches in your heart realy do start to flow from the heart after you sing for a while and its those riches of fruits that Guard the heart and build you back up daily. Because those riches are from God, make use of them brother even as soon as you wake up.

You may not feal like singing when the fealing of annoyance nests on the heart especially when you just woke up to, but you cn do a quiet hum or a la la, but trust me if you push through it you will master theese fealings and have a change of heart.
Its really important you do this as well, because its just like Jesus said you know they realy can take over our mind and heart.
You must pack in smoking to if you smoke.
Jesus told us the body is temple riches are in the heart and if you see Jesus walking in every scripture in the old testement you will see a full set of instructions on how to win the battle against spititual warfare, and how to get the riches to flow from the heart.

Hes is closer than you think brother hes also left a bow in our heart. ready to be released anytime you want to release that bow in your heart it will bow the mind too with those riches.
i Call singing suiting up and booting up. putting on the armour, for the Glory of love from above goodbye my brother from another mother lol