I'm sick & tired.

I’m very sorry to hear about your deteriorating health ailments and the disintegration of your family. You truly have endured a lot of pain and heartache.

I really appreciate the honesty in your post. With that same type of honesty, I request that you take some time to answer this question: Do you love Jesus?

It’s such a simple question, yet it also has profound depth. Think about how Peter, who denied the Lord three times, had to hear this question more than once on the same occasion from the risen Jesus (see John 21:14-19).

To further understand the profundity of this question, ponder the material presented by Brother Kel in the video below. If you do, I believe you will find some help in dealing with your current problems.

On disappointment, what are you looking to change? Our bodies and lives are affected by sin, disease, decay, the sin of others, the fallen world, spiritual warfare, and God. We must always remember this world is only temporary. Our bodies are not designed to last forever. We at some point must accept that and rationalize our home is in Heaven. If God chooses not to heal then what does that make God to you? A disappointment? A failure? Evil? Unloving? Sovereign? Or out of faith can you still love God like Job even though so many questions may never be answered until death?

I have been living in extreme physical discomfort with bouts of very extreme pain for more than 20 years and has taken a toll on my mental health. Many parts of my body are effected in one way or another, literally from my toes and finger tips to the top of my head. Some problems are constant some intermittent, but nothing goes away and stays away. I'm self employed and my physical problems make it difficult to make a living and I can only manage to earn enough to be around poverty level. I tried for many years to get help from doctors and God but it was to no avail. I have given up on doctors as it became obvious they are unwilling to make any real effort to help beyond prescribing drugs to mask symptoms, so I have put it all in Gods hands.
I met and brought to the lord the woman I married and stayed married to her for 28 years and we had a son late in our marriage. Despite the fact that My wife and I got along great she decided her and our son were better off without me. I don't doubt my physical difficulties played a major part in her decision as I have never raised a hand to her and almost never raised my voice. But the divorce broke my heart and it's still broken even after 7 years.
All of that brings me to the sick & tired part. Despite over the years my praying multiple times a day asking for healing & forgiveness for myself and those on my prayer list, reading the bible at least once a day, attending worship services and singing praises at least once a week, plus tithing and giving my time and other monies to help others. I have yet to receive any noticeable relief from my misery. In fact things only get worse.
I have no patience anymore, Satan has beat it out of me. I'm angry at God for allowing Satan to rob me of my health, my marriage and my sanity. I don't feel I'm asking to much of God to relieve some of my suffering, but he has chosen not to. I understand that Satan is always on the prowl seeking to devour and I don't expect things to be perfect, but I do expect God to answer at least some of my prayers.
I'm not Job, but there are striking similarities to what he went through and what I'm going through. But I doubt everything I lost will be restored to me in the few remaining years I have left on this earth.
And yes I am a born again Christian and like everyone else, I'm far from perfect. I also realize that my reward is waiting in heaven, BUT what I constantly endure brings doubt into my mind about my salvation and I have been getting so frustrated and angry with God that I have been taking his name in vane and it's is happening more and more often. I'm at the end of my rope and feel I'm being hypocritical because I profane God's name and want to give up and stop praying, attending Church, basically everything. I know it's not going to help but so far it seems that nothing helps. So I feel like I'm just wasting my time, heck Sunday could be another day I could try and earn more money. I could sure use it. And then there's the tithing and other donations I could use to fix my house or my truck.
My point being. Why am I doing all of this stuff only to be given so much pain & despair while on this earth?

Am I asking to much to be blessed with some relief from my suffering?

To answer the question "Do you love Jesus?' I would have to say I don't think I do. I'm sure most if not all other Christians will say everything that's happening is because I don't "love Jesus" and that may be true.

But I don't want to not love Jesus. So why have I been put into all these situations that have caused me to feel this way and why am I being keep here. I didn't always feel this way and it didn't happen overnight. It is impossible for me to just change how I feel given what I deal with day in and day out.
I have also asked many times for Jesus to remove the negative feelings and thoughts because I am incapable of doing it myself?

To answer the question "Do you love Jesus?' I would have to say I don't think I do. I'm sure most if not all other Christians will say everything that's happening is because I don't "love Jesus" and that may be true.

But I don't want to not love Jesus. So why have I been put into all these situations that have caused me to feel this way and why am I being keep here. I didn't always feel this way and it didn't happen overnight. It is impossible for me to just change how I feel given what I deal with day in and day out.
I have also asked many times for Jesus to remove the negative feelings and thoughts because I am incapable of doing it myself?

I have contemplated everything you have said and much more many times. I do derive some comfort in hoping that I will have a better life in heaven. But what has happened and what is happening now has my attention and it's impossible for me to ignore.

I am so sorry to hear about your terrible suffering. I can only advise you to please please please persevere with God, and ask Him to give you the strength to endure. Also it might help you to realise that God does not expect you to give tithes or even offerings when you yourself are in financial need. God bless you x x x

Based on your posts in your blog I would have to say that while you may not completely understand Him you do indeed love Jesus.

I have contemplated everything you have said and much more many times. I do derive some comfort in hoping that I will have a better life in heaven. But what has happened and what is happening now has my attention and it's impossible for me to ignore.

I pray you're right.

Based on your posts in your blog I would have to say that while you may not completely understand Him you do indeed love Jesus.

And what is more important -- to understand, or to love?
Do any of us 'understand' Jesus?

I have been living in extreme physical discomfort with bouts of very extreme pain for more than 20 years and has taken a toll on my mental health. Many parts of my body are effected in one way or another, literally from my toes and finger tips to the top of my head. Some problems are constant some intermittent, but nothing goes away and stays away. I'm self employed and my physical problems make it difficult to make a living and I can only manage to earn enough to be around poverty level. I tried for many years to get help from doctors and God but it was to no avail. I have given up on doctors as it became obvious they are unwilling to make any real effort to help beyond prescribing drugs to mask symptoms, so I have put it all in Gods hands.
I met and brought to the lord the woman I married and stayed married to her for 28 years and we had a son late in our marriage. Despite the fact that My wife and I got along great she decided her and our son were better off without me. I don't doubt my physical difficulties played a major part in her decision as I have never raised a hand to her and almost never raised my voice. But the divorce broke my heart and it's still broken even after 7 years.
All of that brings me to the sick & tired part. Despite over the years my praying multiple times a day asking for healing & forgiveness for myself and those on my prayer list, reading the bible at least once a day, attending worship services and singing praises at least once a week, plus tithing and giving my time and other monies to help others. I have yet to receive any noticeable relief from my misery. In fact things only get worse.
I have no patience anymore, Satan has beat it out of me. I'm angry at God for allowing Satan to rob me of my health, my marriage and my sanity. I don't feel I'm asking to much of God to relieve some of my suffering, but he has chosen not to. I understand that Satan is always on the prowl seeking to devour and I don't expect things to be perfect, but I do expect God to answer at least some of my prayers.
I'm not Job, but there are striking similarities to what he went through and what I'm going through. But I doubt everything I lost will be restored to me in the few remaining years I have left on this earth.
And yes I am a born again Christian and like everyone else, I'm far from perfect. I also realize that my reward is waiting in heaven, BUT what I constantly endure brings doubt into my mind about my salvation and I have been getting so frustrated and angry with God that I have been taking his name in vane and it's is happening more and more often. I'm at the end of my rope and feel I'm being hypocritical because I profane God's name and want to give up and stop praying, attending Church, basically everything. I know it's not going to help but so far it seems that nothing helps. So I feel like I'm just wasting my time, heck Sunday could be another day I could try and earn more money. I could sure use it. And then there's the tithing and other donations I could use to fix my house or my truck.
My point being. Why am I doing all of this stuff only to be given so much pain & despair while on this earth?

Am I asking to much to be blessed with some relief from my suffering?

Well the first thing i would say is that you cant buy God's blessing by tithing etc.

Im really sorry to hear what you're going through. And i'll pray for you as well.

But God is good. You mentioned that despite being ill, you are still able to work. Give God all the thanks and all the glory, praise God. You are not homeless or starving. To God be the glory. In everything give thanks.

I know its hard, but still give Him thanks. And do continue to pray and seek God for His help. And if their are any good, caring people who you are in contact with, reach out to them if you need assistant. You never know where your help will come from.

When last have you seen your son?

Whatever you do, Sub, never venture into Christian counselling.

Whatever you do, Sub, never venture into Christian counselling.

Pretty ironic considering I've spent 10 years counseling many people. And all have told me I should be a counselor. And when I was in counseling myself my own counselor encouraged me to become a counselor. But you read one of my posts so now you have enough knowledge to run your mouth right? No being judgmental on your part, right?

Funny that I anytime I make these suggestions to new people, to help them improve their time on this site, so many Christians get butthurt. If you're offended that I offered advice to help him get more people reading his post, leading to more help offered the problem is on you, not me.

Now go away.

All of that brings me to the sick & tired part. Despite over the years my praying multiple times a day asking for healing & forgiveness for myself and those on my prayer list, reading the bible at least once a day, attending worship services and singing praises at least once a week, plus tithing and giving my time and other monies to help others. I have yet to receive any noticeable relief from my misery. In fact things only get worse.
Am I asking to much to be blessed with some relief from my suffering?

I'm really sorry to hear this has happened, especially the divorce.. that's upsetting to say the least. But, I took note of this portion because you appear to think the Lord will give you materials blessings and health if you're "nice" to Him. Brother, that's not how it works, just pray and trust in Him, make every effort to follow Him. But we can in no way earn any sort of blessings like those, it's all out of love He provides us with what He wills. And I'll pray for you, I do hope you get closer to Him and find relief from all of this!