Would You Rather Date A Single-Partnered Parent, or Someone Who Had Several Partners But No Children?

Something else that's important to consider is that the second example is described in a generic way as well: "Someone who had several sexual partners in the past, but had no children."

The purpose for this someone generic description is because I thought it would be interesting to see what assumptions would made about these people.

It's intriguing that most would seem to assume, in either case, that "sexual partner(s)" automatically means that person MUST be guilty of sexual immorality. And with the description of "several sexual partners" is seen to be someone who is bounding after sexual encounters like a jackrabbit.

Now this could be true.

But something I was thinking of is that this description is missing crucial information. What if the person had been an unwilling victim of these sexual actions?

I was thinking back to people I have talked to in the past, and it didn't take long to remember 2 men and 3 women (one of whom was one of my church mentors) who were each sexually abused/raped by multiple family members and acquaintances before they even reached their teens. It must be considered that a person may have had more than one sexual partner, but that doesn't mean they were willing or participated with consent.

One of the purposes of this thread was to examine the ways in which we all judge other people before knowing their story.

I know these are uncomfortable topics -- but more and more people are affected by them every day, and I hope that talking about them will help us learn how handle them in such a God-pleasing way, even unbelievers will want to know about our faith.

Why does it matter? If the person has 1 or 10 kids...or the person had multiple sex partners in the past 🤔 none of that matters if all is in the past already ...now the question is can you handle it ?can you handle the person's past...? Although there are so many things you need to think about before letting someone into your life...the way the person lived... before knowing Christ mattered not...


When Jesus said to me nothing of those things you've done in the past mattered to me anymore...who am I not to do the same to whoever comes my way...?

I am just praying to God to give me wisdom, discernment and guidance wherever I go whatever I do and whoever I meet...I also pray to God to maybe spare me/save me from another heartache lol I have had enough I guess... 😁

I think my assumptions include the fact that if I'm having a conversation with another person about previous sexual partners, I would expect them to describe non-consensual partners as a separate category (and I think it's fair to say that I would consider that a separate category as well). Even though it's far too common, I don't think anyone thinks about their potential date as being someone dealing with the traumas of a truly horrific past (or maybe it's just those of us who have been blessed to have a happy, healthy childhood who don't think about that much until it happens).

Great point, Cinder.

I guess I'm a little off the grain.

I realize that this probably isn't normal, but I actually do pretty much automatically wonder what kinds of traumas people have been through when they mention any kind of pain, fear, or bitterness in their lives. Not because I'm trying to make some kind of laundry-list diagnosis in the back of my mind, but because I've had so many conversations that have made that turn.

There was a time in my life when people were talking to me about past sexual abuse so frequently (co-workers and during a ministry I was part of at the time) that I started noticing a sharp, unique pain. It would feel like lightning had just struck through my abdomen. And usually, not only after that (within days or weeks), someone would talk to me about something that had happened to them.

I just came to automatically associate that pain with, "Ok, God's telling me to gear up and start praying, because He's about to send someone who's been through something."

I have to shake my head at myself a bit because I know this will probably sound crazy to most people, but my brain has been forever etched to wonder what anyone expressing pain or sadness has gone through.

Thank you for expressing this -- I'm sure your post is much more relatable for the majority of readers.

In my opinion, no separate thread is necessary because the answer is, "Not my will, but Thine be done."

It is in terms of Scripture actually being discussed, as there isn't one mention of Scripture in the first post of the thread. This, sadly, is a common issue with the Singles Forum.

God's actions aren't dependent upon what you believe.

The point you are making is that we are not the one who choose who we get married to, we should let God choose. So with the OP question, either one of those persons could be suitable as long as it is God who does the choosing.

If God wanted someone to get married to a particular person, how would He communicate that to the person?

And how is it that there are persons who say God told them to marry someone but the marriage ended in divorce?

This is really important, i agree also that you should start a thread where you address these issues.

I've written an entire thread in response to observations like this.

If you want to see discussion about certain topics or conducted in certain ways, write the threads you want to see talked about. This is exactly what I do, as I write about things I hope to start discussions about.

If you want more Scripture in Singles, it would be easy for you to write threads asking for discussion about Scripture.

Why is it that you aren't doing this on your own?

You have said, "This, sadly, is a common issue with the Singles Forum."

I would have to say in response, "Sadly, the ones who are unhappy with the way things are never, ever write threads or start discussions on their own."


Why would you choose to parasite off someone else's work when you could be developing your own conversations, in the way that you specifically want, and in the direction you want to go?

I truly don't mind people having different perspectives, as it brings up valid points.

But what I won't cater to is, "You should be doing things differently -- in other words, in the way I want and think it's best that you do them," rather than trying what they want to see on their own.

Once you've written a series of threads discussing Scriptures on your own, I'll be more open to your directing the way that mine should go.

Holy carp. Take the stick out already!

Where is "Thou must include Bible scripture in every conversation you have and every first post with which you start a thread" written? Show me chapter and verse.

I mean, if I start a thread about what flavor ice cream you prefer, what Bible verse do I use for that? They didn't even HAVE ice cream back then. The closest I could come would be the verse about not eating too much sweets (which is itself an analogy for something totally different) or the verses about moderation.

I've dealt with judgment like this my whole life within the church, and have come to deeply resent such spiritual manipulation, even though the person doing never recognizes it as such.

The more someone tries to push me in the direction "they" think is correct in their own minds, or the way "they" want me to be, the more I will go in the opposite direction.

I always suggest the same things to those who want me to be or do things differently:

1. Please, put me on Ignore if you think my threads are so terribly heathen.

2. Please pray over me, and I mean that sincerely.

I tell anyone who doesn't like who I am, what I do, or what I say, "Then PRAY about it." Follow the ultra spiritual advice you are giving to me, and I want you to tell God everything you feel I'm doing wrong, and in every last minute little detail.

Tell God why you disagree with me, why I should be doing things differently, and what you want to see God change about me.

I am not being sarcastic, but truly honest here. Because if God AGREES with you, then He will surely smack me upside the head and work to change me. Believe me -- it's happened before.

It may work differently for others, but I know that for me, when I pray over others, God will usually first convict me of something He wants to deal with in my life first.

So if you pray over me, God will sort it out -- in both your life and mine -- and it will be a win-win situation.

In the meantime, I do pray over the things I post, and I often talk with friends I've made here about Biblical principles regarding the topic, and whether or not it's even worth discussing, as I've felt this is what God wants me to do.

I believe I am going in the direction God wants me to go. If you disagree, then as I said -- pray about it, and let God will have the last word in whether what you want me to change in my writing is His will -- or yours.

The most ironic thing to me is that people who say the kinds of things you're saying to me don't realize that they are actively asking (or telling) me to be the exact opposite of what I have prayed for over 20 years.

When I was going through one of the biggest challenges of my life, I was surrounded by well-meaning Christian people who recited Scripture to me night and day -- but yet never really listened to what I was trying to say, and never really understood, or cared to understand, what I was really going through.

Part of my own walk through this was to regularly beg and plead with God: "PLEASE, God, PLEASE. Whatever you do with me, DO NOT turn me into one of these people. PLEASE don't make me into a spiritual parrot who recites passages nonstop -- but yet can't even talk with people about what's really going on in their life." Not everyone was like this -- I am thankful to have had some wonderful spiritual people in my life as well. But many more did a whole lot of damage, and all "in the name of the Lord."

It has always been on my heart to ask God for both spiritual wisdom and to be able to talk with people about what was REALLY going on in their lives, no matter how bad it was, and in whatever way they needed to say it. Now I am certainly not trying to say that I "have it all together," or even have the basic components. But people like yourself are wanting me to be exactly what I have pleaded with God to never make me be.

It's ironic that you apparently don't think I'm up to your spiritual league or standards because I don't quote Scripture in every post. As I mentioned in another thread, there are friends I've made on this site whom I talk to regularly about the spiritual components behind an idea and when I ask them for Scriptural references, they never fail to remember what I can't. I just choose to write out the results rather than the process. A person's Scriptural studies do not always have to be out on display for all to see.

Now if this works for other people and this is who God has called them to be, I am 300% supportive of that. I would encourage anyone to do and be what God wills of them. But that doesn't mean that God has called me to be like them.

This is why I ask you to pray. Maybe God will agree with you. Maybe God will say, "THANK GOODNESS someone is FINALLY praying about this! I've been trying to get this horrible girl to listen and change this ENTIRE time!!!"

If that's true, then may God change me into what He truly wants me to be.

But if by chance He thinks my prayers are of some merit, it's ironic that people who do choose to pray this way about me are directly going against what's been on my heart to ask God for my whole life.

May God's will be done.

If nothing else, this has been a most explicit example of exactly the type of thing I always feel a fierce need to protect other believers in Christ from within the church.

You can tell Him all about
How weak I am
And pray that He'll strengthen me
Yeah you can talk about me
Any time you want to
But please do it on your knees

Sorry... Ahem... Drive-by song quote. Carry on.

EternalFire,

The topic you've been trying to convert this thread into IS a valid and interesting subject. I'm not sure why you just don't write a thread about it yourself.

I always suggest to people who try to direct my threads in the direction they want it to go to post their own thread. Almost none of them ever do.

Is it because it's so much easier to be the one to dole out the criticisms rather than post your own threads and risk possibly taking on criticism yourself?

If you're unsure of how to post a thread, I would be more than happy to write a thread title for you, have it posted, and explain that it is actually your thread and your idea. You can then turn the first response into the actual OP, present your topic, and direct the conversation how ever you see fit.

Would you like for me to write out a basic thread framework for you?

Just leave me an answer here in this thread.

Please don't leave answer via PM or on my profile -- since the issue started here, I'll only talk about it here as well.

I'll be keeping an eye out for your "yes" or "no", and will abide by your wishes either way.

Since you've been so insistent, I was thinking about taking your original post here and just turning it into it's own thread myself (since you don't seem to be interested in doing that,) but I figured I would ask you first.

....or for that matter, what you or anyone else believes.

Guy needs to lighten up on the starch that's for sure as he comes off kind of stiff.

um to answer OP

not sure, depends on what age or stage you are at, with 2 is quite common when you are young and 1 when people are older and have been through a separation or widowed.

who people have been with in the past. like previous relationships that have ended I guess COULD affect the new one or they could not.

And also you might be dealing with the exact same issues in your own life. Not sure if brady bunch types acttract other brady bunches or swingers go with other previous swingers. (hey my previous bf is now going with your previous gf? small world?! )

But I just think as with everything I would put it to God first and if He gives the go ahead then accept the date otherwise just decline it and they can date someone else.

maybe join total virgins anonymous if there is such a club and avoid the problem? You cant be jealous of someone who met your date before you even met them. sort of irrational really.

Between the EternalFires and the Lanolins, it's amazing any thread around here spends any time at all on-topic.

Sure is entertaining though, in an I'm-so-random way.

make your own thread lynx
I tend to just go for the thread title and answer whats posted first because thats what the thread is about. Or does that not make sense to anyone?

I can be random as well but someone somewhere probably wont like it and will say so if they got nothing better to do.

I just dont have time to read evryone elses posts thats all. I mean thats for seoul to sort out after all its her thread(s) Seoul you usually dont post that many threads all at once so...hope everythings alright.

You dont need to justify or explain yourself all the time to others. Some will understand and some wont, it just goes with the territory.

I usually just post a new thread if I think its a completly different topic that is worth discussing. Past relationships I think it isnt so much the sexual part of it that needs healing but more the emotional scars on the heart that people have to deal with. I mean realistically the act might just be over in ten minutes (im just doing a rough guesstimate in no way am I implying anything) but it might not just mean anything to anyone eg some people can have sex and not even love the person they are having sex with. THey might not even be aware (like some people even get drunk and do it...in the Bible there are many instances) or teenagers who have no idea how their body works might be suddently trying it out with someone (this is how siblings incest can happen) and they have NO IDEA and no clue what their body is capable of.