I'm wanting to pick a man's brain on a subject

There is an abundance of books and websites and blogs out there on this subject, and along with them countless studies/surveys saying the same, or very similar things, and usually they are done/given with a list of answer choices for the men doing them to pick from/answer.
And yes, sometimes those books that have presented such info can be helpful, but I'd really like to hear from real men (not case studies)
(and no, I'm not doing any survey/studies with this, I just genuinely want to know mens views)
I'm writing this with married men in mind, but singles feel free to answer too.
Please explain, not just with one or two word answers.

• What are issues/areas in a man's life that he wants his wife to pray about?
• Often we hear about respecting husbands, as this is mentioned in Ephesians 5. WHAT/HOW does that look to a man?

I know I had some other questions, but as I am typing this they have escaped me.
I'll come back and ask as (if) I remember.

Thanks for reading and adding input.

Right now, the number one item that I want my wife to pray about is to pray for God to help me in the recovery process of quitting smoking. I very much want my wife to respect me but I do not require this of her. The same thing for being submissive to me as her husband. Her opinion is just as much valuable as my own if not even more so. As husband and wife we do our daily devotion each day together including prayer, bible study, and bible readings. I believe that the family that prays together stays together.

This is an interesting thread you have created.I think that people needs for prayers evolve accordance to what the need is.What a man needed his wife to pray for last year may will be different this year.Age,lifes pressures,different kinds of lifes problems and struggles ect will greatly impact what a mans needs are a they can change in their important.
Also some men cannot actually see for themselves certain areas they need prayer for but a wife can.Some men have struggles with pride or ego which they can't discern they actually have a problem with...but others can see it.Like there are many men who are reluctant to go to the doctor and sometimes their wife or families have to drag them to go...some can neglect their health and not have checks for prostate cancer ect...whereas most women are diligent in having bodily check ups likde cervical smear tests done,checking for lumps ect.
Most men want prayer to be a better husband/father..wanting to be able to provide and protect their families and many can even feel uncomfortable with feelings of powerlessness when they dont have the wisdom or resources to handle a situation in life.Men seldom share things openly about their self esteem,poor self image,body dysmorphia concerns as many men can gain weight especially around the torso/,stomach.
There are two things about respecting man..
Example..a boss at work is to be respected by staff dud to his managerial role or position. Yet he has to earn respect as a man even though he is respected for his managerial status.Many men have failed to earn their wives respect as a man due to their behaviour..even though she may respect his God given status in the marital relationship.
Godly wisdom is needed inorder to get a proper perspective on his respecting a man looks like as both sexes cznhacd totally different views on what being respectful means.
If doesn't mean being a silent passive submissive wife who can't express her own points of view ect.You both work as a team and decisions should be shared and respected and there are times a husband isnt always right but a wife can display great wisdom too and can be right.
Oops I pressed the post button to early..so can't finish this off how I wanted too..😯
Maybe I will add a bit more later as I has more to add.

I would think that a great prayer for men would be contentment. That they would have peace. They carry a burden of responsibility, as God has entrusted to them a wife and children. I guess a sense of “all is well.” You know not their struggles emotionally and so pray for their comfort in what may afflict them.

I imagine one of the greatest prayers a person can make for another is for the person to know God, because then God can make them whole. To know His voice, to have fellowship.

So one or two word answers may not work lol.

1. I want her to pray for strength and wisdom to lead. The strength to withstand the schemes of Satan and the cultural temptations men are bombarded with. For endurance as a provider. For mental health as the combination of disciple, husband, father, and church leader can be stressful. For humility as in all areas, sacrificial love is required. Pray for me to be the spiritual leader she needs me to be.
2. Respect is respect to the boundaries scripture has placed on the man as the head of the household. The leader of the household. The will of God has called men to be very specific in design. And that must be respected. (Of course, this means the man must be trying to fill that position and not forcing the wife to do so.) This by no means makes the woman lesser of a person but simply designed for different tasks.

I was married for 17 years, so I speak (write) with some experience.

I wanted my wife to pray for my success in my work, for being a loving, engaged, and effective dad to our kids, for our relationship, and for my growth in my areas of weakness.

I wanted her to show respect by expressing her disagreements with me privately (especially from the kids), by cooperating with me in decisions affecting us all, and by supporting the unity of the family either by seeking to augment my income with her own, or by taking care of the home and living within my income if she wasn't working.

I was married for 18 years, so I'll give you my honest input from that perspective.

Seeing how, generally-speaking, we're supposed to lose our lives to find them, and, specifically-speaking, a husband is to lay down his life for his wife as Christ laid down his life for the church, I would have liked for my ex to pray for grace and wisdom for me to live the type of sacrificial life that I was/am called to live. Instead, she literally tried to destroy me, non-stop, for the full 18 years straight, minus the first night of our honeymoon. That said, I consistently prayed those types of things for myself.

This is probably going to sound like an outright lie (God knows it's the truth), but, in my 18 years of marriage, I never even thought about my ex-wife's call to reverence me as the church reverences Christ. Instead, I just focused on fulfilling my own calling as a husband and a father to our three children.

I probably didn't offer much insight there, but I'm just being honest before God and you.

Pray for the husband to draw closer to the Lord DAILY. Temptations come at him all day, in different ways, but if he is close to God, they will melt away. This will also make him a better husband.


Build him up, ESPECIALLY in front of others. NEVER give eye rolls, or tear him down in front of others. This will destroy a relationship. I have seen it happen. Of course the husband should do the same, but you asked about our perspective.

I like what @PennEd said. That's what it looks like.

Be kind and talk to him like he is the pastor of the house. Pray for him the way you would pray for your pastor. Always be polite, nice, kind and assume that he wants to do better.

If you want to talk about how your finances can improve, assume that he wants to work with you and don't talk to him as if you are already in an argument or think that you need to let him know how upset you are.

No one wants to know how upset you are. It is not important to make sure they know how you FEEL. Instead of wasting time on all that emotional rhetoric just Seek the solution.

Them knowing how upset you are, or identifying with your stress is never going to be the solution. If you want to save more money, making sure that they know how angry you are that they are not saving is not the solution. The solution is to save more money.

Never criticize. EVER. Never tell them what you don't like about them. NO ONE WANTS TO KNOW WHAT YOU DON"T LIKE ABOUT THEM OR WHAT THEY "ALWAYS DO" Give up thinking that this is the way to a better relationship. It isn't. It is the way to destroy a relationship and the way to pull down your house with your own hands.

If there is something you want to change, then change it. Criticism is never the answer and no one wants to hear it. They just want to get away from you when you do it. Even your kids.

Respect means that you talk to him in ways that make it obvious that you think he has you and the families best interest in mind and that you appreciate what he does to make life work for you. Respect looks like how you would talk to your boss at work or your pastor or your professor in college. Respect says, "I want to make being married to me easy for you and not a stressful burden that you are stuck with" Respect is always putting yourself in someone else's shoes and thinking about how you would like it or dislike it if someone talked to you like that. But for someone who tolerated verbal abuse all their life and doesn't mind when people berate them then try to imagine that most people have not lived that way and their reality is such that it is considered toxic and abnormal behavior to speak harshly to people.

All these things sound so easy, and common sense. But why do so many not treat the people they live with, with the same kind of respect they do strangers and people outside the home? And why is it so hard for so many moms to quit screaming at kids and husbands behind close doors when they can act perfectly civil when at church? That civility at church is within their control at home, but they are not showing respect. They don't care how the other person can be hurt or offended by words. That is not respect.

Respect looks like ... Kindness.

This is something good for everyone to ponder over. I meant the Ephesians 5. It reminds anyone who reads it what God's call is for His people who follow Him and worship Him.

To answer your first question:

The issues would be many and would depend upon the person. No two individuals are the same. There are things the husband would freely discuss with his spouse if the spouse would just ask him. And there are things that he may not feel comfortable speaking about. Sometimes that could be because of fear of how the wife would perceive him after he has revealed what he holds in his heart to his wife. Issues could be anything. You have to ask him what it is that troubles him and takes away his peacefulness. If he is able to confide in you, well and good. You could then keep that in prayer. If it is something he feels delicate to talk to you about (and there could be such things), then he has to confide in one of his friends or a counselor or someone he trusts to provide him with good counsel. Anyway you could go ahead and pray for whatever he's not telling you as well. God will hear your prayers as God knows everything.

A word of advice: If the man does not want to tell you, then he may have good reason not to. So you cannot pressure him to tell you everything. And there are things women will keep locked up within themselves which they won't say either. Both man and wife sometimes have to understand and give space to each other.

But here's what I feel. Every man owes the truth to his wife at least from the time he has got to know her. The same goes for the wife too. Regarding unfaithfulness: It could be addictions to drugs, porno, alcoholism and fornication, etc. The wife is a helper. Man does not marry a woman to just beget children. That is one of the primary reasons. He marries for companionship and support in life. If it is a Christian marriage, He marries so that the wife will help him get closer to his Creator. So from the time of marriage at least, whatever the man has gone through, the wife has a right to be a part of his life and has a right to complete transparency. But if the husband is hiding something and not telling the wife, then that's what often brings strife within the marriage. But if the man is having problems because of what happened to him in his past, then I think the wife has to go easy on him and give him all the support he needs to get back from his troubles and quit bad, destructive habits. It could be anything. Because you know that he chose you as his life partner. And he would have thought that you'd stand by him in his difficulties. Like how they say, "in good and bad, sickness and health and so forth. And he should be willing to do the same. It's a two way street. The most important thing is that the wife loves the husband even in difficult situations.

To answer your second question:

Ephesians 5: There's nothing to disagree there. It's pretty self explanatory. God's word is good to follow as it is.

To sum up, it varies from man to man. You cannot generalise men. Or women for that matter. Everyone is different. Different upbringings, family environments, tolerance levels, different levels of stress, different levels of past trauma. It could also be something a man could go through at work presently. Peer pressure, New addictions, etc. As a wife, you have to expect from your man what is due you. And your husband owes you whatever he owes you in that respect. Same way, he would have made known to you what his likes and dislikes are and what his fundamental expectations from you are. It's just mutual understanding.

God's grace and his blessing is essential for a marriage to last and be blessed. One other thing is important for a successful marriage. The blessing of the parents as well. That's an entirely different topic. Still, it holds true and is connected to this one. Respecting a husband also has a lot to do with how a wife respects his parents. He would at least expect her to accept his parents as her own. If she fails to do that, then she should at least give them the respect due for the elderly.

Children's duty is not just to get married and forget about their parents. They have a duty to see to their parents well being and take care of them in their old age. To not abandon them to old age homes and live a selfish life thinking only of themselves. God will not bless such a marriage as well. You want to know where all this is given in the Bible, please refer the book of Genesis. Abraham's blessing to his children. Issac's blessing to Jacob and Esau. Jacob's blessing to the heads of the twelve tribes. So, the parents may not always be in the right. But make sure, you respect the parents and in laws. So that you do right by God.

Still, this does not mean that the parents and in laws can treat their children or the children's spouses anyway they want. They are answerable to God for the way they treat their children and children's families as well. Our God is a just God. He hears the cry of His people. So everyone is accountable to God for whatever they do to their families and their loved ones.

I'm sorry if all this is lengthy, but when you think of a marital relationship, a lot of these things have to be considered and men will have these expectations. And some may not agree to this here. As much as a man has a right for the woman to care for his parents and his family as her own, she has the right to expect the same in return from a man too.

Better to be unmarried and undistracted from the things of the Lord I cor 7:34-35.

Never taught in christian marriage seminars. Or elsewhere for that matter.

I agree with you on that.

Having seen too many examples of how talking about things in the past have resulted in divisions instead of harmony I am of the opinion that most people do better by forgetting the dark days of the past and not reliving them for "therapeutic healing"

Jesus has already healed them and believing that is better than reliving it. "I am not that old man that did those things or had those things done to me, I am the new man in Christ and I forget the past and reach for the things of God before me" is the best therapy for most traumas.

I have seen wives go from respect to disgust at hearing about their husbands past traumas. Many women are not mature or godly enough to handle it and husbands should not be to quick to believe a fantasy that telling them things from the past will make them more compassionate. They want a strong man that is healed and living in victory not a PTSD victim and making yourself out to look like one will greatly discourage them and undermine their own ideals of you being the husband they thought you were.

And speaking for myself I do not want to hear all the traumas my wife has lived through if it is covered by the blood leave it there. I don't want to know how many men she slept with and when and where. I don't need that in my head. And I am not going to make my wife my shrink. She does not want that role, is not qualified for it, and is more likely to become insecure about my leadership capabilities if I come across as still trying to find healing from something that happened 20 years ago or longer. What does that say about the next 20 years?

Careful about all the modern psychology counseling ideas that has infiltrated ministry and church. Rehashing old wounds is rarely useful. Recognizing that you are not that Old Man is a much better approach.

The movies and media, and even AA meetings and recovery groups have people tell their sad stories and then try to get you to believe that by telling them and realizing "that they are not alone" that this helps them. NO IT DOES NOT. It is one of the most depressing things you can possibly do. It makes people want to take up drinking not quit it.

Being set free by the Son of God is a deliverance that leaves the sin in the past, forgiven and forgotten and a promise of being as though you had never sinned. What a glorious freedom it is to say "That did not happen to me. That happened to the Old Man. I am a NEW MAN in Christ Old things are passed away. ALL THINGS ARE NEW"

LOL. Well it would not be a good place to teach it. The marriage seminar is designed to help them save their marraiges and make them strong not to make them feel regret for their decisions. No need to rub it in.

Can you imagine a seminar on "Trouble in the Flesh" and how to avoid it? Don't get married. A little late for that lesson for many people.

Maybe a Singles Seminar would be the place to teach that.

No good relationship can exist without respect. You must be the only man on the entire earth who does not require his wife to respect him.

This is a good and thought provoking question. I read it yesterday and am still thinking about it. There are prayers for women in the psalms.
My wife does a good job of giving me due respect. she honors my desires, and my work, and my vocation as husband and father, provider and protector. She is a good wife and I Love her. I have never much thought about how I would like for her to pray for me. She says she does though. I suppose as long as she does that is good enough. I'll let her role (being the wife, and a mother, and the Queen of my Home) and the Holy Spirit be her guide.

Luke 14: 26 won't be taught in marriage or singles seminar either:
If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple.

All depends on how far you want evolve spiritually. Most don't give it a thought.

It is true that many do approach life as though The health of the marriage, financial wealth, and paying for your kids college and leaving them a good financial inheritance is their chief calling, ministry, and purpose in life. But it is not. And realizing that it is not is a rare thing.

Perhaps you could take your ideas to their own thread rather than hijacking this one.

I appreciate my wife's prayers that I be conformed to the image of Christ, grow in love for the Lord and for others, that I be fruitful in my life and ministry and in the use of my gifts, and that I be a good husband and father. I also appreciate prayers that I will excel in my work and any other area of my life.

As far as respect goes, one of the big issues is that she speaks to me in a respectful manner. If she has some concern about how I do things or a criticism, I want her to say it respectfully and concisely and not go on and on and on about it repeatedly. Another area is submission. In a lot of areas, if she wants something, I don't mind if she makes a decision on it. I don't care that much about the color of the curtains and if she wants to eat at a certain restaurant, I would like her to be happy. But when I do want to make a decision for the family, I expect her to respect it. And if I make a decision, I don't want to be chased around until I change my mind. Also

I ask my wife to pray about being faithful
To God and one another. I ask her to pray for our kids (that we are given the ability to raise them to fear Him and that they remain faithful). if we are faithful to God and one another than all is well despite the trials of life.

I feel respected as a husband of my wife has her heart set on loving me. This is demonstrated in her daily task of looking after the children and faithfully doing her task. Probably the biggest aspect though is dress standards and behaviour. If my wife shows off her body to other men this shows a lack of respect for herself and for me. It’s the same as If my eyes were always looking at other women I would be disrespecting her. Poor dress standards tell me I’m not that important to her.