Are You More Attracted to the Happy-Go-Lucky Type, or the Tortured Soul?

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1ofthem

1ofthem

Senior Member
#21
Mar 30, 2016
3,729
1,921
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#21
I think a healthy balance is key. Life consists of ups and downs so of course you are going to have highs and lows, but it's always good to have balance. So like the last few posters have mentioned I think contentment and being thankful, hopeful, realistic, and leaning on God through the good and bad times is an attractive personality.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#22
Aug 13, 2014
27,243
9,303
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#22
ALTERNATIVE SHORT VERSION: Glass half full or half empty, either is fine. I can hang with both of them as long as you don't make a lot of racket arguing that the other side is hopelessly wrong and idiotic for seeing the glass that way.
 
S

She_is_Legendary

Well-known member
#23
May 30, 2019
1,378
1,139
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#23
Honestly, a good mix.

Reason being is cause I personally am a good mix. Good days and bad days, happy a clown... down in the dumps about random stuff.

Besides, everyone has SOME kind of baggage to bring along with them these days.

 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#24
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
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#24
I cant think of why I am attracted to certain people either. At first I thought maybe like attracts like, but then I thought no, sometimes its opposites attract, but then thats confusing as its kind of both.

For a christian though both qualities arent really the thing that is attractive. I think depends on what you are willing to give out.
tortured souls finds mercy and compassion and happy go lucky can encourage others to think on things lovely and true.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#25
Aug 13, 2014
27,243
9,303
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#25
cinder said:
All that to say, I couldn't be with someone who was non-crisis oriented and doubt I'd even be seriously attracted.
Click to expand...
Actually that sounds perfect! With you covering the foreseeable problems and him being good at shift on the fly reaction to the problems you can't foresee, y'all would have all bases covered. :cool:

He might have to learn to deal with the inconvenience of helping you prepare for problems he thinks will never happen, and you might have to explain why you think some things are necessary when he asks why. Fortunately you seem to be very good at explaining things.
 
S

Scribe

Guest
#26
#26
If I were interested in romance only a happy positive laughing person would do. Positive drama no negative drama.

Someone who is always going through an identity crisis or depression, negative drama, or feeling condemnation about themselves is a drain after a while and I would feel the need to get away from them.

For preachers, I have noticed my favorite preachers seemed to be the sober, serious, tortured soul. It seems that the massive hours spent in prayer, and study has given them much to think about and they are concerned about the welfare of the flock. The pathos of the grieving heart of the preacher who sees things the way God sees them makes for the best preaching.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#27
May 23, 2009
16,432
5,379
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#27
I want to thank everyone for their honest, heartfelt responses, and hope they will continue.

The things people have shared are really making me think about the two extremes how each side has its share of of the pros and cons.

For me, the problem with those on the more extreme side of the"happy-go-lucky" end can sometimes be so "positive" that they refuse to deal with anything "too serious" -- meaning basic life responsibilities.

For instance, if you try to confront them about a money issue, their response might be, "Oh, don't worry, it'll all work itself out," or, "Let's not worry about it today, let's just ourselves," (but the tomorrow when it gets dealt with never comes.)

Even Christians struggle with this. How many Christians are deeply in debt because they wanted to "live the abundant life God wants us to have" on a budget they just couldn't afford?

And if someone tries to stand up to them about it, it even seems to be a common mantra promoted by pop culture today: "I refuse to be around your negative energy!", or, "I won't accept all these bad vibes!"

Positivity isn't a positive trait (to me, at least) when the person refuses to face reality.

And I realize that the "tortured soul" might also shirk responsibility due to depression or apathy...

Finding the "right" balance seems to be the obvious answer, but thanks to sin and the ways of the world, I guess all of us are, at best, slightly imbalanced.
 
up

up

Banned
#28
Oct 8, 2019
4,175
2,469
113
#28
umm, what year is it...

can we all celebrate...

Christmas Again and Again... over and over 🎶
 
Encouragement

Encouragement

Well-known member
#29
Aug 25, 2020
1,488
1,298
113
#29
seoulsearch said:
I want to thank everyone for their honest, heartfelt responses, and hope they will continue.

The things people have shared are really making me think about the two extremes how each side has its share of of the pros and cons.

For me, the problem with those on the more extreme side of the"happy-go-lucky" end can sometimes be so "positive" that they refuse to deal with anything "too serious" -- meaning basic life responsibilities.

For instance, if you try to confront them about a money issue, their response might be, "Oh, don't worry, it'll all work itself out," or, "Let's not worry about it today, let's just ourselves," (but the tomorrow when it gets dealt with never comes.)

Even Christians struggle with this. How many Christians are deeply in debt because they wanted to "live the abundant life God wants us to have" on a budget they just couldn't afford?

And if someone tries to stand up to them about it, it even seems to be a common mantra promoted by pop culture today: "I refuse to be around your negative energy!", or, "I won't accept all these bad vibes!"

Positivity isn't a positive trait (to me, at least) when the person refuses to face reality.

And I realize that the "tortured soul" might also shirk responsibility due to depression or apathy...

Finding the "right" balance seems to be the obvious answer, but thanks to sin and the ways of the world, I guess all of us are, at best, slightly imbalanced.
Click to expand...
yes that's right coz either one can be a form of escapism from the reality of life or from being responsible for ones own life.
Thats why the best form of encouragement is one rooted in facing the hard reality of a situation yet somehow finding hope in the mist of the blackest darkness...seeing beauty in the midst of ashes.
Being able to handle the weight and gravity of the struggles of life even without necessarily always having an answer is something we should all be able to do and ar the same time not allowing the cares of this life to dominate us to the point where we walk away from God (which can happen).
Though I gave myself the name Encouragement...it has been birthed from the traumas of life 1st hand from childhood and God using my own life experiences to be able to relate to others struggles and at the same time actually seeing light within the horrors of their darkness..
Even a silent hug for someone can have more impact on some people than a thousand words..
I know some people can have a kind of negative aura about them and these are the ones who can drain you coz they wanna stay in the mud and actually enjoy it coz its safer there than to have the courage to make life changing decisions to be free..
 
S

Scribe

Guest
#30
#30
seoulsearch said:
I want to thank everyone for their honest, heartfelt responses, and hope they will continue.

The things people have shared are really making me think about the two extremes how each side has its share of of the pros and cons.

For me, the problem with those on the more extreme side of the"happy-go-lucky" end can sometimes be so "positive" that they refuse to deal with anything "too serious" -- meaning basic life responsibilities.

For instance, if you try to confront them about a money issue, their response might be, "Oh, don't worry, it'll all work itself out," or, "Let's not worry about it today, let's just ourselves," (but the tomorrow when it gets dealt with never comes.)

Even Christians struggle with this. How many Christians are deeply in debt because they wanted to "live the abundant life God wants us to have" on a budget they just couldn't afford?

And if someone tries to stand up to them about it, it even seems to be a common mantra promoted by pop culture today: "I refuse to be around your negative energy!", or, "I won't accept all these bad vibes!"

Positivity isn't a positive trait (to me, at least) when the person refuses to face reality.

And I realize that the "tortured soul" might also shirk responsibility due to depression or apathy...

Finding the "right" balance seems to be the obvious answer, but thanks to sin and the ways of the world, I guess all of us are, at best, slightly imbalanced.
Click to expand...
They should NOT marry if they don't want to take on the responsibility of dealing with someone who will be expecting good financial decision making. Part of being married is being concerned with responsibility of money so that you can please your mate. If they want to live happy go lucky, (I am content in a tent) they should stay single where they are the only ones affected by their poverty.

However I have seen scenarios when there are no financial issues, and things should be great but crisis are invented. Life is just one crisis after another. Worry and stress never ends. No matter how many problems get solved new ones are dreamed up. It is a crisis mentality that is an addiction to negative hormones. They are so used to stress they are addicted to it, they will create a problem that does not exist so that they can freak out and as they freak out and vent in a negative manner they experience a release. They get addicted to the release like a dopamine fix but it is a negative unpleasant toxic thing. Tell me you don't know someone like that. They will ruin their best friends wedding by making a scene over something trivial and not even realize their crime.

And of course these types always claim that they are being the responsible one. They always use preparing for the worst as their reason and that they are the only one that cares. It is just a drama addiction.
 
Kireina

Kireina

Well-known member
#31
Aug 26, 2020
1,478
1,400
113
#31
I know how hard it is to hope for a brighter tomorrow when you struggle to lift yourself up just to get through the day... I know that feeling when deep inside you is not ok but you need to Get up and go on with your day wearing your best smile yay it is hard. Life is not that so fantastic but Thank God I am alive what a great privilege 😇

So...For me, between the two I would be more drawn to someone who is optimistic they are attractive and courageous they know that life is not so wonderful ,they experience the highs and many lows in this life but they think it is better to see the good in things instead of dwelling on the negatives..'That it is better to hope than to despair and to smile is better than to frown...😊
 
love_comes_softly

love_comes_softly

Well-known member
#32
Feb 13, 2019
768
823
93
#32
I want to be with someone who is real and honest about how they are feeling, whether it's option 1 or 2.

I think I prefer that they are on the positive side, but that doesn't mean they have to be upbeat and happy all the time. I'm attracted to those that can find the good and hope in even hard situations.

I have been attracted to some who are hurting deeply (we all deal with this). As long as their hurt/pain doesn't consume them or isn't a god to them, I think that's ok.
 
S

Scribe

Guest
#33
#33
I am probably the tortured soul.

The last relationship told me that I was.

But I was in a backslidden state at the time and it was for good reason that I was a tortured soul. I was miserable in my backsliding and knowing that I needed to repent and return to the Lord before I woke up in hell with eternal regret. So it made sense that she called me that.

Now that I have returned to the Lord and have been restored, I am on a quest and have no desire for relationships. I can live without the pain that they inevitably require.

Today I am probably more of scarred soul than a tortured one.

My idea of a good time on a Saturday night is reading the 900 page
Dictionary of the Old Testament: Pentateuch: A Compendium of Contemporary Biblical Scholarship (The IVP Bible Dictionary Series)
by T. Desmond Alexander, David W. Baker

So I am not tortured but would definitely be torture to hang out with. LOL :geek:
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#34
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#34
seoul I recommend Mo Willems Elephant and Piggie books

Elephant is called Gerald and he is a tortured soul who worries about everything
Piggie is a female pig and she is happy go lucky.

The books are hilarious. But I dont know if I could really live with all that drama on an adult scale haha

some dilemmas...Should I share my Ice-cream?
Are you ready to play outside?
I really like slop!
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#35
Mar 13, 2014
42,571
17,039
113
69
Tennessee
#35
seoulsearch said:
I want to thank everyone for their honest, heartfelt responses, and hope they will continue.

The things people have shared are really making me think about the two extremes how each side has its share of of the pros and cons.

For me, the problem with those on the more extreme side of the"happy-go-lucky" end can sometimes be so "positive" that they refuse to deal with anything "too serious" -- meaning basic life responsibilities.

For instance, if you try to confront them about a money issue, their response might be, "Oh, don't worry, it'll all work itself out," or, "Let's not worry about it today, let's just ourselves," (but the tomorrow when it gets dealt with never comes.)

Even Christians struggle with this. How many Christians are deeply in debt because they wanted to "live the abundant life God wants us to have" on a budget they just couldn't afford?

And if someone tries to stand up to them about it, it even seems to be a common mantra promoted by pop culture today: "I refuse to be around your negative energy!", or, "I won't accept all these bad vibes!"

Positivity isn't a positive trait (to me, at least) when the person refuses to face reality.

And I realize that the "tortured soul" might also shirk responsibility due to depression or apathy...

Finding the "right" balance seems to be the obvious answer, but thanks to sin and the ways of the world, I guess all of us are, at best, slightly imbalanced.
Click to expand...
There is a difference between being positive and being passive to the struggle of various issues affecting health, well-being and security to name a few. Your estimate on the tortured soul is right on target too.
 
Going_Nowhere

Going_Nowhere

Well-known member
#36
Nov 10, 2019
1,726
938
113
#36
To be honest....positive, optimistic people annoy me. Maybe it's because I'm just the opposite. So yeah, I definitely see myself identifying more with tortured souls. Lord knows I've been through some torment in my life. And unfortunately, things seem to be getting worse rather than better. Only one thing seems certain at this point:


 
J

JustEli

Well-known member
#37
Dec 23, 2018
1,374
983
113
50
#37
I knew a guy, who for the last 15 yrs was convinced he was dying from a myriad of disease.
Last year he was diagnosed with cancer, and is now dead.

He didnt have a terminal illness for 15 yrs. And when he finally did get sick, he would only stare at his vital signs
which caused too much stress, and was a major factor in his death.

That is around 13.5 yrs of self torture and misery.
 
melita916

melita916

Senior Member
#38
Aug 12, 2011
10,464
2,692
113
#38
i'm a pessimist.
hubby is an optimist.

i feel we balance each other out very well lol.
 
T

TheIndianGirl

Guest
#39
#39
My dad is a tortured soul, and my mom is the happy go lucky optimist. They are not really compatible in that regard (she leaves him alone when he is in that type of mood) but they love each other.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#40
Aug 13, 2014
27,243
9,303
113
#40
See cinder? SEE? I was right!
 
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