Too many relationships

Hi, Ive been struggling with something for while. I've been married and divorced 3 times, I have 3 daughters all with different fathers. I'm almost 44 years old, and feel like I don't deserve another relationship. I would just like some opinions and Biblical views on this. THank you.
Holli

First of all, I'm sorry to hear about this. This must be incredibly challenging for you. I do hope you find counseling, if you need it. Break ups are difficult.

A word of caution.....

The last time this was discussed, it was pretty heated so here is round two.

My view is, if you are not a widow, you shouldn't marry again.


Luke 16:18

Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery.


Here is a video that helps me get through difficult times.

hahaha. Who are you again? Professor Kinda? Married for 40 years non-stop to the same wife with 7 children and got a lot of wisdom to share?

Holli, I’m not married, so I can’t share opinions. Also, it seems like you already know the answer, but just needs words of encouragement. I could only pray that the Lord gives you the encouragement and answer you need.

Godspeed.

Bible perspective..

Well Jesus said that Divorce was permissible if one of the partners commit adultery..

Paul said that if a Christian person has an unbelieving partner and that partner wishes to depart then that Christian is no longer under bondage to that person..

You never made it clear what you wanted Biblical views on?

Did you want it on your feelings that you are unworthy to marry again?

Or the fact that you have been married 3 times? There is no problem in the Bible with people marrying a second or third time as long as their former partner has died or they have divorced their former partner lawfully..

Thank You. I am ok never marrying again.

Howdy Holli, and welcome to the forum.

I have never met you, but I have known many with the same problem. So if the following doesn't fit you, ignore it.

The people I know who have been married and divorced many times are people who feel like something is missing in their lives, and society tells them it is a spouse, so they try that over and over and over. But it never works out, or at least not the way they think it should, so they try somebody else.

They aren't happy single, but they aren't happy when they find somebody.

It may be because they try way too hard to find somebody, and settle for the first jerk who says yes. Sometimes it is because they are trying to apply the wrong marriage fix to their problems, when what they really need is something besides a spouse. Or it could be that they don't really need anything except the proper perspective on their lives that they are so unsatisfied with. Whatever the reason they keep looking for a spouse, they never are happy when they find one so they keep looking.

Again, I don't know you Holli so I have no idea if this applies to you. But from all the people I have seen in such circumstances, my first thought is to back up and try to determine whether you really NEED a spouse.

And again, if that doesn't apply to you then ignore this post.

Problem solved

Holli, I don't know if it was lost on you, but Kinda isn't married, so he's not qualified to give you advice on marriage beyond re-iterating what scripture says, which clearly doesn't forbid marriage if you're divorced for the right reasons. That said, you and only you could decide if you'd like to marry again, so that would render this thread irrelevant unless you needed help ensuring you are abiding by God's laws.

Lynx, everybody needs a spouse.

Godspeed.

Tell that to the woman at the well. She tried what society told her was missing in her life five times and it failed miserably each time.

Scripture recommends remaining in the state we were in when called/saved.

Each person should remain in the situation they were in when God called them. 1 Cor 7:20

Many do make the mistake of making relationships an idol.

No, I'm obviously a person who should be mocked, for giving Biblical advice.



This is a fallacy, a false teaching. If the view is based on scripture, wouldn't it reasonable to quote scripture?!?!

Lynx, this is one of your best posts. Straight up truth, without the fat.

Does this include adultery of the heart (unclean thoughts, porn)? I also believe if you love someone else while being married, that is also adultery.

I'm on my third marriage (and last) myself so please know that you are not alone in this. Each member here has a story.

I believe that it may benefit you to step back a little and consider what it is that you are really looking forin a relationship, particularly one with the possibility of marriage. Of course, you should pray about this as well as you probably already are doing. After my first divorce I really didn't know what it was that was lacking in my life and remained alone and celibate for 18 years. The reflection period can very much be physically, emotionally and spiritually healthy.

Regarding what you deserve, God knows what you need and will certainly provide it. Deserve is one thing but what you need is God's will and desire to be applied to your life.

Glad to have you onboard with us. Welcome to CC.

This would be my view. You don't have to divorce a spouse due to adultery, you are just allowed to divorce for cause of fornication. God hates divorce, but allowed it, due to our wicked ways.

Mathew 5:32

32 But I say unto you, that whosoever shall put away his wife, except for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery; and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

Malachi 2:16

16 “For I hate divorce,” says the Lord, the God of Israel, “and him who covers his garment with violence,” says the Lord of armies. “So be careful about your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.”

Matthew 19:8

He said to them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.

https://www.gotquestions.org/fornication-adultery.html

According to this site, the word fornification comes from the Greek word for porn, and is an umbrella word that includes adultery, incest, and idolatry.


I do think the spouse should be more forgiving on matters concerning adultery of the heart/porn since there is not an actual woman/man involved, however if it is a continuous issue and the person is not repentant I believe divorce is permissible because the person is actually cheating on him/her.

The one relationship you can always count on is your relationship with God, who is Father to ALL of us who believe.

He'll forgive you and wants to be in a relationship with you, and all your daughters. Do you know Him?

If God just gave us what we deserved, we'd all be on our way to hell and eternal death. So you may not deserve another relationship, but imo relationships, more than many things in life, are not based on or limited to what we deserve. Love just doesn't do much calculating about deserving.

I think and would hope that the bigger concern is if you are granted another relationship, what can you do to reduce the chances you end up divorced 4 times. Reflection and a post-mortem on your failed relationships would be helpful in determining what went wrong before so you know how to avoid it in the future. And I strongly advise (though it is advice from another never married here in the singles forum) that you not consider another relationship until you can see the role you've played in the failure of the previous ones (even if that is just being desperate and undiscerning and choosing a scummy guy). Not at all saying it's all your fault, but I am saying that I don't believe it's not at all your fault and you're just an unlucky victim.

Beyond that, you've got three daughters to raise and (depending on their ages) I'd advise you to focus on raising them and, as they grow and become interested in boys and dating and maybe marriage, having the really honest conversations with them to help them learn from your mistakes and struggles and not repeat them in their own lives.

I didn't need a spouse but I thank God that He provided one for me.