Admitted Feelings=Lost Salvation

Yeah, I feel better keeping my gender private online. However, I’m not in any rush to marry or have children, regardless of my gender. I wasn’t even looking for a relationship when all this happened.

Also, I’ve been in a bad relationship before and have no interest in getting into another bad one.

Yeah true.

I suppose I'll share my thoughts on the topic of why not date a non-believer then: Religious faith (of any kind but especially Christiantity which talks about our "identity in Christ") isn't an isolated aspect of a person's life or identity, but an identity that spills over into and defines every area of a person's life. What activities you want to or refuse to be involved in? How you spend your time and money? Basic worldview assumptions about what is trustworthy or right or the value of another person. Even what will be effective for dealing with problems (I'm sick is the cause invisible microbes that can be killed by pills or evil spirits that must be driven out spiritually). Are (or at least can be) all heavily influenced by religious faith.

So the problem isn't that faith itself will be an objectionable practice, but that it's going to be nearly impossible to be on the same page as a team / unit / couple (pick your favorite) when one holds to a certain faith and the other does not. If I had to put it in to a sentence to say to someone, I'd say something like "I don't see how someone could ever know me as I want and need my significant other to know me without sharing my faith" and if pushed my final answer is something along the lines of "Ultimately I believe it would end up being a bad decision and it is my decision to make so no" (Granted if it's someone I really care about I'll find a way to make it sound a bit nicer than that, probably something about going now because if I stick around for a while I'll end up leaving but it would be more painful for all concerned).

Now's probably also the time to put my standard disclaimer on here of, I think my advice is good and wise, but I've never dated so take that into account when considering my advice.

At the same time I also think he wants us to take steps. What would bring you closer to relational maturity (ready for marriage) perhaps all that should be considered prior. I used to not even think about marriage but more the relationship and marriage someday, but why even be in relationships if you aren't ready to marry?

Well, The Word tells us to be wise as serpents but innocent as doves. I am pretty mistrustful of people...there are a lot of people that are pretty crafty and if they aren't a believer, even though they may not "actually" intend any harm, they are still to be held at arm's distance until you are certain. I don't think the Lord will leave you without clarity indefinitely but sometimes he does things that we don't get right away.

Be especially cautious though...I've heard of legitimate stories of this occurring but the man always had to get his heart right with the Lord privately and alone. He has to make the decision not "just" for you, otherwise I don't see how it is real. That's not worshipping the Lord in spirit and truth, that's worshipping whatever your wife/husband worships because you want to please THEM. In those cases, the Lord is usually theoretical...

Well good, that was an initial concern of mine. It is tempting but I think it's a deception. Faith is a gift of God so that no one can boast. The Lord can certainly work without you...although if he is genuinely interested you could connect him with a young men's ministry there or a bible study.


I'll be honest with you, I've had times where I've had to just walk away from a decision that I wanted really badly because the Lord didn't ever give me clarity on it. That's part of picking up my cross. Sometimes I confuse my own desire with his because of my own understanding. It's not intentionally wrong (i.e vain imagination) but I really think the Lord moves us when it's his timing if it is our sincere desire to follow him. He knows our limitations/weaknesses.


Definitely seek out some counsel (close friend) if you can't let it drop for a while. This kind of stuff on the daily all the time late at night can be exhausting and our mind can just go off into a lot of counterproductive areas. Oh, you could also consider this type of communication or maybe letters (USPS or whatever you use). Things are different when you are in person around someone that is an unknown or you are uncertain. Time and distance. Personally, I think those help me to rise above my own feelings and seek the Lord's when I'm essentially confusing myself by focusing overmuch on them. They matter, but they can lead us astray and occasionally it feels right.


Well this is long, hopefully helpful though. If you don't mind sharing, where did you meet this person. I reread a bit through the thread but my eyes are tired right now and I didn't see it.

While I agree with what you are saying she also could be the best catch of your life.

that took courage to Write. I have been there and all the advice people as giving to leave this person to God and other believers is Solid.

Seeing that you are willing to sacrifice something your heart wants to be obedient to God is NEVER a bad testimony. You have shared the gospel and Done your best. give this person some names and numbers and good websites and a Bible and say goodbye. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. The only battle Godbasks is not to fight but to flee from Involves attraction. He knows our hearts are Deceitful and will lead us astray because we all want live and affection and have normal human desires. But we are told to only join with believes in a relaionship. The best thing you can do to show this Guy your God is God is by doing what God says.

if isn’t easy and believe me I made all the excuses I could to compromise and have what I wanted. God doesn’t say if you mess up stick around and see if you can stay strong this time. Not wher the heart and attraction are involved.

in this situation you would need a good year or two apart to tear the waters of a new faith, if You give this guy to God who knows in a few years / but not now. Not I’m six months time .. no way.

its not easy but it is simple. We don‘t go into the dark to reach people. we stand on the solid rock and shine so they can see the light. keep away from the shadows xxx

bless You

please forgive the typos! I couldn’t edit it all in time and my phone keypad wasn’t behaving!

@tourist, the OP is female.

You did a really good job explaining why it wouldn’t work well.

I dont remember ever becoming a christian cos I dated someone who was.
I remmeber being friends with someone who was when I wasnt, but I didnt become a christan because I wanted to date him.

I think the only reason people have given me a reason not to date is they were busy so they kinda stopped asking, or theres an age difference or something. or they were too far away. some just give no reason, but if you just dont want to date then dont feel bad about it.

again dont rely on feelings.

some people actually date people in prison cos of their feelings, but Im kinda like ya know, thats really not gonna work. at least wait till they served their sentence and are free.

My bad per usual. . The OP should disregard all my my previous misguided counsel. However, you would be the catch of a lifetime too for a loving and faithful single Christian man who is age-appropriate. OK, I should probably quit while I am behind.

Oh yeah I don’t do casual dating (iow I wouldn’t date someone if I didn’t think I had a potential at a future with them), which is why I can’t allow myself to date this person when they’re unsaved. Because we’re at different places of belief right now, that’s why I said “if God wants this relationship to be, it will be.” Like, in His own timing if He has a future planned for us.

And that’s what I’m afraid of.
I felt this part.
Yeah, I’m definitely concerned about misinterpreting feelings as truth, especially since I’m a very emotional person and feel things quite deeply.
Oh yes, I enjoyed the read. I can tell that you really do have a heart for God and it’s inspiring to me.
And I met this person at work, they’re a coworker of mine. So I see and interact with this person almost every day.

I’d also like to mention that this person and I were very close friends before romantic feelings came around and we platonically loved each other very much. Which is another thing that makes this situation difficult.

what is your future?
a lot of people think well I have a future with someone, and then it only lasts about two years. How far ahead do you see?

Some people think a future is like tomorrow.
Most people dont even think about the future IMHO. They are living from week to week. If you earn a wage, basically, you are only living from pay check to pay check.

God asks us to live for Him every day, day by day. He doesnt go, well you can do a detour and come back to me five years from now.

Sounds like good advice. But I don’t really see how I could leave. I promised them that in one way or another I would stick with them no matter what, whatever form of relationship it would be. Plus we both have abandonment issues and walking away from them would trigger their mental issues horrifically.
Also, this entire situation has been triggering their mental issues badly and I’m scared of what would happen to them and their mental health if I was to reject them completely.

You’re good😂👌🏻

See that’s why it’s a problem though cause I do want to date them, I just feel like I can’t/shouldn’t. This person believes that God exists and such but they said that they don’t have a reason to follow Him at this point in their life. Maybe because they don’t know much about Him.

And yeah I agree that we shouldn’t really rely on feelings because of course “the heart is deceitful above all things.” But like I said somewhere else, I cared about this person deeply before romantic feelings ever got involved.

Also I hope that it doesn’t come across like I am trying to justify trying to date/dating an unbeliever. I’m just trying to explain and be honest about my thoughts and feelings. The poor mental health on both sides is also making this a tricky situation.