Just so we're clear, I am a 34 year old single man. Never been married, no kids (I'm a virgin), I am a Christian, and, yes, I just got out of a relationship not too long ago. Currently, I'm not seeing anyone and I don't know when I will. Can be today, tomorrow, next week, a month, a year, years, or never (which I hope doesn't happen in this manner). So what I'm about to say, take it for what it's worth because some (or a lot) of it (depending on how you look at it) may sound like venting. That's not the intent here, nor am I trying to get myself set up with another woman on here. And I am not trying to criticize women nor belittle them. I'm here to offer some advice based on the experiences I've been through with a woman. Now that we cleared the air on that, let's get started.
If you ever wondered why good guys leave a relationship, have you actually asked yourself "what am I doing wrong? Am I being too picky, setting standards too high, asking too much of them, or am I not good enough for them?" Well, the last thing listed in the last sentence, most guys don't think that. Otherwise, they wouldn't ask you out, let alone be interested. It's a harder for men, however, on that last one because there's times where they feel as if they may not be able to live up to the standards that many women are looking for in a man, even if the guy is a good person and is hardworking. Not saying there's nothing wrong with having certain qualities that you may find attractive in a man, but there's going to be times where they may feel like you're moving the goal post. What happens, more often than not, the good guys that are out there simply give up on seeking a relationship.
I would take it a step further and say it's even harder for Christian men because we do want to be with a godly woman and is deeply invested with Christ. However, when a Christian man sees himself facing down these same obstacles, there's a good chance he may begin to lose faith. Now, you may be asking yourself, since the last paragraph, what these obstacles may be. It may not sound like it, but when there are unrealistic standards that are established, it makes it harder for men. Such as:
-being wealthy
-high college degree
-well sculpted body (supermodel status)
-beautiful face
-not having to work as much, making more time to play
-accepting and not expecting her to change (physical, mental, and spiritually) while doing what she wants
These are only some of the standards, but go to some of these dating sites, research data, or even among friends, and hear the answers coming from them. Wealth, we're talking hundreds of thousands (or more) of dollars made every year. College degree, typically a masters. Physical appearance, talking about looking like Jason Mamoa, Pat Robitson, Brad Pitt, etc. Work life, hardly not much at all but still gets paid. Finally, and probably one of the most important ones to note, acceptance, no push back and not questioning. I put that one last because if there's no questioning and simply doing everything that one person wants them to do and still having a healthy relationship, it's doomed to fail.
To be fair, men can be the same way, so we're not exactly perfect either. However, living in a world where feminism is widely more accepted than what God had planned for men and women, men feel isolated and alone. Especially when it comes to Christian men. If you're looking for a godly man, there's nothing wrong with having standards, but make them realistic.
When it comes to wealth, so long as they are working (and doing good work) and getting paid decent, that should more than suffice. When it comes to education, they don't necessarily have to go through college. Many guys may go through tech schools or, like I did, apprenticeship, which are both the equivalent to a college education. College isn't what it use to be (as we all, at least should, know). When it comes to physical appearance, so long as they are not becoming gluttons, having an average look isn't a bad thing. I understand looking good. I lost, over the past decade, 125 pounds, and I have been giving my wardrobe a makeover, while also using products that make me smell better and keep my hair tight (but nice). But don't expect the supermodels to be your Prince Charmings because 99% of the time they're not and it's typically the Average Joe that ends up being that way. When it comes to accepting a woman, a guy doesn't necessarily have to accept you. It sounds harsh, yes, but guys have standards too, and they do have breaking points. If a guy does something for you, without or with you asking, he cares about you. However, don't push him too hard because he can just simply leave the relationship.
Two more important pieces of advice that I didn't mention earlier. Like the man because of who he is, if it's the type of personality you're attracted to. Don't try to change him. If he needs to change, he needs to do it on his own will. Otherwise, if he's just not a good person, don't bother with him. Pray for him, but don't pursuit him until he changes for the better. The most important aspect of all this is he must accept Christ in order to be in a real relationship or on the path of doing so. He must be Christ like because if he isn't, the relationship is doomed to fail. This also applies to men as well when looking for women.
I know this is lengthy and it might sound like virtue signaling, but I assure you it's not. You have to allow men to be men, and allow each one us to be ourselves. Give the guy the opportunity to ask you out, and if it's someone that has accepted Christ into their lives, go out with them (assuming you're not seeing anyone). Good godly men do still exist and want good godly women. I'd want to see Christian men and women together and happy. I understand having other standards that go along with it because it has an effect on the relationship, but make sure that it lines up biblically, not with what the world's unrealistic standards are. I'm still looking and it's hard out there trying to find someone for myself. However, back in late August, I believe God intervened, before I broke up with this one woman a month ago, and had shown me that godly women are still out there by having a woman with the qualities I'm looking for come through my work place. I had seen her again just the other day, but I don't know if I'll see her again after that day. I hope so or at least someone like that, but I think it's confirmation, to me, that I shouldn't give up and continue to live my life. So for you women out there, don't give up. Continue living your life, live by Christ's teachings, and God will introduce to the man that you've been looking for!
If you ever wondered why good guys leave a relationship, have you actually asked yourself "what am I doing wrong? Am I being too picky, setting standards too high, asking too much of them, or am I not good enough for them?" Well, the last thing listed in the last sentence, most guys don't think that. Otherwise, they wouldn't ask you out, let alone be interested. It's a harder for men, however, on that last one because there's times where they feel as if they may not be able to live up to the standards that many women are looking for in a man, even if the guy is a good person and is hardworking. Not saying there's nothing wrong with having certain qualities that you may find attractive in a man, but there's going to be times where they may feel like you're moving the goal post. What happens, more often than not, the good guys that are out there simply give up on seeking a relationship.
I would take it a step further and say it's even harder for Christian men because we do want to be with a godly woman and is deeply invested with Christ. However, when a Christian man sees himself facing down these same obstacles, there's a good chance he may begin to lose faith. Now, you may be asking yourself, since the last paragraph, what these obstacles may be. It may not sound like it, but when there are unrealistic standards that are established, it makes it harder for men. Such as:
-being wealthy
-high college degree
-well sculpted body (supermodel status)
-beautiful face
-not having to work as much, making more time to play
-accepting and not expecting her to change (physical, mental, and spiritually) while doing what she wants
These are only some of the standards, but go to some of these dating sites, research data, or even among friends, and hear the answers coming from them. Wealth, we're talking hundreds of thousands (or more) of dollars made every year. College degree, typically a masters. Physical appearance, talking about looking like Jason Mamoa, Pat Robitson, Brad Pitt, etc. Work life, hardly not much at all but still gets paid. Finally, and probably one of the most important ones to note, acceptance, no push back and not questioning. I put that one last because if there's no questioning and simply doing everything that one person wants them to do and still having a healthy relationship, it's doomed to fail.
To be fair, men can be the same way, so we're not exactly perfect either. However, living in a world where feminism is widely more accepted than what God had planned for men and women, men feel isolated and alone. Especially when it comes to Christian men. If you're looking for a godly man, there's nothing wrong with having standards, but make them realistic.
When it comes to wealth, so long as they are working (and doing good work) and getting paid decent, that should more than suffice. When it comes to education, they don't necessarily have to go through college. Many guys may go through tech schools or, like I did, apprenticeship, which are both the equivalent to a college education. College isn't what it use to be (as we all, at least should, know). When it comes to physical appearance, so long as they are not becoming gluttons, having an average look isn't a bad thing. I understand looking good. I lost, over the past decade, 125 pounds, and I have been giving my wardrobe a makeover, while also using products that make me smell better and keep my hair tight (but nice). But don't expect the supermodels to be your Prince Charmings because 99% of the time they're not and it's typically the Average Joe that ends up being that way. When it comes to accepting a woman, a guy doesn't necessarily have to accept you. It sounds harsh, yes, but guys have standards too, and they do have breaking points. If a guy does something for you, without or with you asking, he cares about you. However, don't push him too hard because he can just simply leave the relationship.
Two more important pieces of advice that I didn't mention earlier. Like the man because of who he is, if it's the type of personality you're attracted to. Don't try to change him. If he needs to change, he needs to do it on his own will. Otherwise, if he's just not a good person, don't bother with him. Pray for him, but don't pursuit him until he changes for the better. The most important aspect of all this is he must accept Christ in order to be in a real relationship or on the path of doing so. He must be Christ like because if he isn't, the relationship is doomed to fail. This also applies to men as well when looking for women.
I know this is lengthy and it might sound like virtue signaling, but I assure you it's not. You have to allow men to be men, and allow each one us to be ourselves. Give the guy the opportunity to ask you out, and if it's someone that has accepted Christ into their lives, go out with them (assuming you're not seeing anyone). Good godly men do still exist and want good godly women. I'd want to see Christian men and women together and happy. I understand having other standards that go along with it because it has an effect on the relationship, but make sure that it lines up biblically, not with what the world's unrealistic standards are. I'm still looking and it's hard out there trying to find someone for myself. However, back in late August, I believe God intervened, before I broke up with this one woman a month ago, and had shown me that godly women are still out there by having a woman with the qualities I'm looking for come through my work place. I had seen her again just the other day, but I don't know if I'll see her again after that day. I hope so or at least someone like that, but I think it's confirmation, to me, that I shouldn't give up and continue to live my life. So for you women out there, don't give up. Continue living your life, live by Christ's teachings, and God will introduce to the man that you've been looking for!
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