what do I do now?

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S

suzzyQ

Guest
#1
#1
I seriously am not sure I want to share much after the way I've been treated here so far, but have nowhere else to talk about this right now.
So, I'm sorry if some stuff is fuzzy to explain but don't wanna get into to many details now.


I caught my husband in an affair, we're going through a nasty divorce which is heartbreaking because we had been BFF's for nearly a lifetime.
So, in the middle of all this I found out we're expecting our first child! YEAH! Should be overjoyed right? I try to be, but it's very VERY difficult. Due to his recent choices, my (soon to be) ex isn't in a position to take on parenthood now. I'm questioning if I want to take on the whole single mom thing, especially at this point in my life.
I grew up thinking abortion was a woman's choice and no big deal.
I WAS WRONG!!!!!!
And now, all the people in my life keep saying is to just go do it.
I realize and know now that it is a sin and would be one of the most evil things a person could ever do.
In the mean time, I keep being told to do so, and won't, but am afraid of giving in at a weak moment.
I know my best choices are to keep the baby and become a single mother, or make arrangements for this baby to be adopted.
I'm really not in a position to take on the role of single mom. I mean, financially, we'd be alright, but I don't know if this is hormones talking or if I'm just not in a place mentally to take this on. I feel like every time I see the child it would just be a painful reminder of the father and that it would cause resentment to the child. On the other hand, it's hard not to form an attachment to someone who is growing inside of you, and the thought of giving my baby away feels like a piece of me is being torn away.

I just don't know what to do any more.
The people in my life, including my family, are not supportive of anything but abortion at this point, and as of right now I haven't found a good church to get involved in.
Guess I"m just looking for some support and encouragement.

Thanks.
 
B

bojack

Well-known member
#2
Dec 16, 2019
2,309
1,006
113
#2
suzzyQ said:
I seriously am not sure I want to share much after the way I've been treated here so far, but have nowhere else to talk about this right now.
So, I'm sorry if some stuff is fuzzy to explain but don't wanna get into to many details now.


I caught my husband in an affair, we're going through a nasty divorce which is heartbreaking because we had been BFF's for nearly a lifetime.
So, in the middle of all this I found out we're expecting our first child! YEAH! Should be overjoyed right? I try to be, but it's very VERY difficult. Due to his recent choices, my (soon to be) ex isn't in a position to take on parenthood now. I'm questioning if I want to take on the whole single mom thing, especially at this point in my life.
I grew up thinking abortion was a woman's choice and no big deal.
I WAS WRONG!!!!!!
And now, all the people in my life keep saying is to just go do it.
I realize and know now that it is a sin and would be one of the most evil things a person could ever do.
In the mean time, I keep being told to do so, and won't, but am afraid of giving in at a weak moment.
I know my best choices are to keep the baby and become a single mother, or make arrangements for this baby to be adopted.
I'm really not in a position to take on the role of single mom. I mean, financially, we'd be alright, but I don't know if this is hormones talking or if I'm just not in a place mentally to take this on. I feel like every time I see the child it would just be a painful reminder of the father and that it would cause resentment to the child. On the other hand, it's hard not to form an attachment to someone who is growing inside of you, and the thought of giving my baby away feels like a piece of me is being torn away.

I just don't know what to do any more.
The people in my life, including my family, are not supportive of anything but abortion at this point, and as of right now I haven't found a good church to get involved in.
Guess I"m just looking for some support and encouragement.

Thanks.
Click to expand...
All your fears will disappear once you see and hold your child and your maternal love and natural God given instinct kicks in .. Trouble will always be there one way or the other so I say go for it and have your child , God will make your way if you ask Him , He can move on your whole family and make it all right again .. God Bless in Jesus name
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#3
Mar 13, 2014
42,654
17,111
113
69
Tennessee
#3
I was deeply sadden by your heartbreaking testimony. A man that loves his wife would not even think about cheating on her let alone actually do it. Marital infidelity destroys marriages because once the marital trust is broken it can never be restored. My X from my first marriage years ago cheated on me too so I have a little understanding on this.

Sorry about the nasty divorce but keep in mind that you are the victim here. If I were you I would have absolutely no qualms about divorcing this cheating spouse.

I am glad that there are people in your life including your family that will offer support and encouragement in this ordeal and to help you decide whether or not to keep the baby or give it up for adoption.

I am glad to learn about your position of abortion. I consider abortion to be murder.

I am sorry if you feel that you have been treated poorly here and if I had anything to do with that I am sincerely sorry. I will be praying for you for God to give you clarity of thought on how to proceed and move forward with your life and give you the strength to survive and eventually thrive.

God Bless You.
 
EternalFire

EternalFire

Well-known member
#4
Jan 3, 2019
659
352
63
#4
I'm very sorry to hear about your situation. It is, indeed, quite complex and extremely difficult.

When it comes to the precious gift of life that God has given you to mother, I'm reminded of a statement made by Amy Coney Barrett that is absolutely profound: "... what greater thing can you do than raise children? That's where you have your greatest impact on the world."

https://www.moms.com/amy-coney-barretts-children/
 
GaryA

GaryA

Truth, Honesty, Love, Courage
#5
Aug 10, 2019
9,881
4,344
113
mywebsite.us
#5
suzzyQ said:
I just don't know what to do any more.
Click to expand...
I noticed in your profile that 'Spiritual Status' was 'unsure'.

The most important thing you can do is "make sure"...


Romans 10:

9 That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. 10 For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. 11 For the scripture saith, Whosoever believeth on him shall not be ashamed.


1 John 5:

13 These things have I written unto you that believe on the name of the Son of God; that ye may know that ye have eternal life, and that ye may believe on the name of the Son of God.


Make sure your salvation.

And then - ask God to help you to know what to do and how to handle each part of your situation.

And then - act in faith.
 
Subhumanoidal

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
#6
Sep 17, 2018
4,094
3,196
113
#6
suzzyQ said:
I seriously am not sure I want to share much after the way I've been treated here so far, but have nowhere else to talk about this right now.
So, I'm sorry if some stuff is fuzzy to explain but don't wanna get into to many details now.


I caught my husband in an affair, we're going through a nasty divorce which is heartbreaking because we had been BFF's for nearly a lifetime.
So, in the middle of all this I found out we're expecting our first child! YEAH! Should be overjoyed right? I try to be, but it's very VERY difficult. Due to his recent choices, my (soon to be) ex isn't in a position to take on parenthood now. I'm questioning if I want to take on the whole single mom thing, especially at this point in my life.
I grew up thinking abortion was a woman's choice and no big deal.
I WAS WRONG!!!!!!
And now, all the people in my life keep saying is to just go do it.
I realize and know now that it is a sin and would be one of the most evil things a person could ever do.
In the mean time, I keep being told to do so, and won't, but am afraid of giving in at a weak moment.
I know my best choices are to keep the baby and become a single mother, or make arrangements for this baby to be adopted.
I'm really not in a position to take on the role of single mom. I mean, financially, we'd be alright, but I don't know if this is hormones talking or if I'm just not in a place mentally to take this on. I feel like every time I see the child it would just be a painful reminder of the father and that it would cause resentment to the child. On the other hand, it's hard not to form an attachment to someone who is growing inside of you, and the thought of giving my baby away feels like a piece of me is being torn away.

I just don't know what to do any more.
The people in my life, including my family, are not supportive of anything but abortion at this point, and as of right now I haven't found a good church to get involved in.
Guess I"m just looking for some support and encouragement.

Thanks.
Click to expand...
It's no surprise you're leery to post such a need here. It can be a rough place, but there are good people on the site too.

I know someone in a similar predicament. But with two children. She had to raise them mostly by herself, but doesn't regret or resent them, even years later, despite their father.
It may be difficult at first, especially if the child resembles their father, but it gets easier. Because that child will grow into their own, distinct person.

Single motherhood is hard, no doubt. I advise going out and learning about being a parent. A lot of problems for parents (single or married) can be eased by not assuming you don't need help, or waiting till the last minute.
I did this years ago (as I wanted children) and despite never having had any of my own I've helped numerous parents, just from what I've learned. It's worth it.

Also most people are stronger than they think and can do more than they know. So don't worry, you can do it. It'll be hard, but it can be done. Just use wisdom and find good people to rely on.
 
S

suzzyQ

Guest
#7
#7
Subhumanoidal said:
It's no surprise you're leery to post such a need here. It can be a rough place, but there are good people on the site too.

I know someone in a similar predicament. But with two children. She had to raise them mostly by herself, but doesn't regret or resent them, even years later, despite their father.
It may be difficult at first, especially if the child resembles their father, but it gets easier. Because that child will grow into their own, distinct person.

Single motherhood is hard, no doubt. I advise going out and learning about being a parent. A lot of problems for parents (single or married) can be eased by not assuming you don't need help, or waiting till the last minute.
I did this years ago (as I wanted children) and despite never having had any of my own I've helped numerous parents, just from what I've learned. It's worth it.

Also most people are stronger than they think and can do more than they know. So don't worry, you can do it. It'll be hard, but it can be done. Just use wisdom and find good people to rely on.
Click to expand...
thank you
 
A

Adstar

Senior Member
#8
Jul 24, 2016
7,600
3,622
113
#8
suzzyQ said:
I seriously am not sure I want to share much after the way I've been treated here so far, but have nowhere else to talk about this right now.
So, I'm sorry if some stuff is fuzzy to explain but don't wanna get into to many details now.


I caught my husband in an affair, we're going through a nasty divorce which is heartbreaking because we had been BFF's for nearly a lifetime.
So, in the middle of all this I found out we're expecting our first child! YEAH! Should be overjoyed right? I try to be, but it's very VERY difficult. Due to his recent choices, my (soon to be) ex isn't in a position to take on parenthood now. I'm questioning if I want to take on the whole single mom thing, especially at this point in my life.
I grew up thinking abortion was a woman's choice and no big deal.
I WAS WRONG!!!!!!
And now, all the people in my life keep saying is to just go do it.
I realize and know now that it is a sin and would be one of the most evil things a person could ever do.
In the mean time, I keep being told to do so, and won't, but am afraid of giving in at a weak moment.
I know my best choices are to keep the baby and become a single mother, or make arrangements for this baby to be adopted.
I'm really not in a position to take on the role of single mom. I mean, financially, we'd be alright, but I don't know if this is hormones talking or if I'm just not in a place mentally to take this on. I feel like every time I see the child it would just be a painful reminder of the father and that it would cause resentment to the child. On the other hand, it's hard not to form an attachment to someone who is growing inside of you, and the thought of giving my baby away feels like a piece of me is being torn away.

I just don't know what to do any more.
The people in my life, including my family, are not supportive of anything but abortion at this point, and as of right now I haven't found a good church to get involved in.
Guess I"m just looking for some support and encouragement.

Thanks.
Click to expand...
Wait until Your little one is born and you see them before deciding if you want to go through with the adoption.. Your current feelings may well be hormonal..

Will the divorce be finalized before the birth? To de-stress yourself you should seek a quick divorce if possible.. I have also heard high stress during pregnancy is not good for the little one..
 
S

suzzyQ

Guest
#9
#9
EternalFire said:
I'm very sorry to hear about your situation. It is, indeed, quite complex and extremely difficult.

When it comes to the precious gift of life that God has given you to mother, I'm reminded of a statement made by Amy Coney Barrett that is absolutely profound: "... what greater thing can you do than raise children? That's where you have your greatest impact on the world."

https://www.moms.com/amy-coney-barretts-children/
Click to expand...
Thanks.
I met her once, briefly in passing.
So glad to see her in this new role.
 
S

suzzyQ

Guest
#10
#10
tourist said:
I am glad that there are people in your life including your family that will offer support and encouragement in this ordeal and to help you decide whether or not to keep the baby or give it up for adoption.
Click to expand...
suzzyQ said:
The people in my life, including my family, are not supportive of anything but abortion at this point
Click to expand...
 
EternalFire

EternalFire

Well-known member
#11
Jan 3, 2019
659
352
63
#11
suzzyQ said:
Thanks.
I met her once, briefly in passing.
So glad to see her in this new role.
Click to expand...
You're most certainly welcome.

That's neat. She sounds like a wonderful person. I'm looking forward to seeing her responses to the impending attacks that lie ahead.

Many blessings to you and your child.
 
Rosemaryx

Rosemaryx

Senior Member
#12
May 3, 2017
3,758
4,120
113
63
#12
Dear @suzzyQ ...
Your post touched me deeply , and I just want to say , those who are telling you to abort your baby are being led by Satan , for he comes to steal , kill and destroy...
Having an abortion will haunt you all the days of your life , I know for I have committed such a crime before I was saved , and I know my LORD and Savior Jesus Christ has forgiven me , the consequence of such an act never leaves me , it has broken my heart...

Children are a precious gift from God , and besides Jesus Christ who is the ultimate gift , your child maybe your blessing for your life...

I am going to pray for you , for you are worthy of all prayers to be spoken over you...

Close your ears from these people , and open your bible , shut them out and let God in ...
...xox...
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#13
Mar 13, 2014
42,654
17,111
113
69
Tennessee
#13
Obviously, I got that wrong. about your family supporting you. I did say a prayer for you too and hopefully, the members will be supportive and understanding.
 
K

KiwiBeauty

New member
#14
Sep 29, 2020
1
0
1
#14
Hi there! I am so sorry to hear about your situation. How rough to have such a joyous moment turned sour. But know there is still joy in every situation. Lean into God and find your peace.

It is a very personal decision whether to keep the baby or if adoption is the right answer. I will say though I was a single mom at 20. The biological father left me pregnant and I thought my life had ended. Young, abandoned and terrified I wasn’t going to be good enough. But here we are 10 years later and my daughter is amazing. At times I struggled in every way, but there was always light at the end of the tunnel. There was nothing like looking into my daughters face and seeing the pure love. But adoption if it is right for you. If you don’t think you can then it is a selfless act. To put your child before yourself. But if it is feeling inadequate as a parent than know that isn’t true. God doesn’t make mistakes or have the wrong timing. It’s all in a perfect plan.

If you do decide to keep the baby and since the father and you are getting a divorce look at the future. Legally wise. In regards to custody, parenting time. If he is unwilling to be there and you don’t care to see him again maybe having him sign his rights away. Or if that isn’t an option please think about what you may want for that.

I do however pray for your support system to change their minds. Be more open so that they can help you and not be a burden on your heart. 💕 I will be praying for you. Your peace of mind and guidance through this hard time.
 
melita916

melita916

Senior Member
#15
Aug 12, 2011
10,467
2,704
113
#15
Suzzy, i'm sorry you're going through so much. i don't know where you live, but maybe there is a pregnancy center in your town that is christian based? we have one in my town, and they help women with counseling and classes... even Bible studies.
 
notuptome

notuptome

Senior Member
#16
May 17, 2013
15,050
2,538
113
#16
Wow what should be a time of great joy is now a time of great angst.

God is good and will not leave you in a sea of uncertainty. Nothing happens by chance in Gods economy. This trial which right now seems so severe you cannot comprehend it will be used to increase your faith and draw you closer to God if you allow.

Adoption is a much better choice than abortion. In your heart you already know that to be true. There are many willing families who would gladly adopt the precious life you carry within your womb.

There are folks here that will encourage you and help support you emotionally. They can help you get to agencies that will help you get the help you need to navigate these difficult times.

For the most part the folks here want only the best for you and your unborn child.

For the cause of Christ
Roger
 
R

reneweddaybyday

Senior Member
#17
Mar 23, 2016
7,021
1,674
113
#17
suzzyQ said:
The people in my life, including my family, are not supportive of anything but abortion at this point
Click to expand...
As much as possible, limit your exposure to people who are not supportive of you and your baby.




suzzyQ said:
and as of right now I haven't found a good church to get involved in.
Click to expand...
You need to find a church ... and seek the support of a ministry at the church that can help you through what you're dealing with ... you've got a lot on your plate and you need people who are strong in faith and who can help you through the trials you are currently facing.



 
Dan58

Dan58

Senior Member
#18
Nov 13, 2013
1,991
339
83
#18
suzzyQ said:
Due to his recent choices, my (soon to be) ex isn't in a position to take on parenthood now. I'm questioning if I want to take on the whole single mom thing, especially at this point in my life.
Click to expand...
Your ex still has a financial obligation, be sure to go after child support.
 
Bingo

Bingo

Well-known member
#19
Feb 9, 2019
9,422
4,836
113
#19
suzzyQ said:
I seriously am not sure I want to share much after the way I've been treated here so far, but have nowhere else to talk about this right now.
So, I'm sorry if some stuff is fuzzy to explain but don't wanna get into to many details now.


I caught my husband in an affair, we're going through a nasty divorce which is heartbreaking because we had been BFF's for nearly a lifetime.
So, in the middle of all this I found out we're expecting our first child! YEAH! Should be overjoyed right? I try to be, but it's very VERY difficult. Due to his recent choices, my (soon to be) ex isn't in a position to take on parenthood now. I'm questioning if I want to take on the whole single mom thing, especially at this point in my life.
I grew up thinking abortion was a woman's choice and no big deal.
I WAS WRONG!!!!!!
And now, all the people in my life keep saying is to just go do it.
I realize and know now that it is a sin and would be one of the most evil things a person could ever do.
In the mean time, I keep being told to do so, and won't, but am afraid of giving in at a weak moment.
I know my best choices are to keep the baby and become a single mother, or make arrangements for this baby to be adopted.
I'm really not in a position to take on the role of single mom. I mean, financially, we'd be alright, but I don't know if this is hormones talking or if I'm just not in a place mentally to take this on. I feel like every time I see the child it would just be a painful reminder of the father and that it would cause resentment to the child. On the other hand, it's hard not to form an attachment to someone who is growing inside of you, and the thought of giving my baby away feels like a piece of me is being torn away.

I just don't know what to do any more.
The people in my life, including my family, are not supportive of anything but abortion at this point, and as of right now I haven't found a good church to get involved in.
Guess I"m just looking for some support and encouragement.

Thanks.
Click to expand...
"My child, if I could, I would wrap my arms around you, and shed tears with you...this is a heavy
burden to carry, believe it. And, it is something that will be with you the rest of your life, emotional
hurt or pain can damage ones life, from the inside out. I regret now, that forty six years ago, I was without
God in my life, and made some bad choices, and they often, one way or another, will always be a
lingering nuisance.
This may be long and boring, but from experience, the heart...and with love and spiritual influence from
the Holy Spirit...believe it. It is not for me to judge, and hopefully not to offend...most of all, hopefully
for support and encouragement. Life happening events, we all experience, how we handle them is of utmost
importance now...as it has been said...( nip it in the bud ) meaning by all means to strive to make the right
and best decision...NOW!....life now... can't be rebooted years later!
Know this, and know it well....sometimes at our worst time, God finds us!
Two decades, plus, years ago, with tears flowing, I surrendered, and made a decision to turn my unmanageable life
over to God's care, and with tears, I laid my life before God for HELP!.........Thank God, I came...I came to...I came to believe...
God is!
I have learned it was myself that had to be willing to change, my attitude and behavior. I had to get right with myself,
in any hope of getting right with God, and it works, so long as I work at it, each day....resentment, anger, selfishness,
being self centered has to be done with! These things will forever hinder any hope or chance of God's influence in ones life!
I hope and pray words before you are not taken lightly, and to know you will survive, life will go on. Search your heart,
and choose wisely your path, and I pray it to be a good path of peace and well being in all your coming and going.
Listen to your heart, and hopefully you will find God's 'presence'...you will come to know of a 'friend' is there to help...
Believe me, I am grateful of this 'friend' in my life.........Praise God!
~'Bingo'...Believe I need God, OK'~

563e0526621ea_man_praying_silhouette-resized-600-Copy_jpg_0b82847a16daaa9ce48d0ca8f14dc4d5 - C...png :) eec1360fb7318e585b22a63413232294 - Copy.gif
 
surfer14

surfer14

Banned
#20
Jul 9, 2020
846
492
63
#20
suzzyQ said:
I seriously am not sure I want to share much after the way I've been treated here so far, but have nowhere else to talk about this right now.
So, I'm sorry if some stuff is fuzzy to explain but don't wanna get into to many details now.


I caught my husband in an affair, we're going through a nasty divorce which is heartbreaking because we had been BFF's for nearly a lifetime.
So, in the middle of all this I found out we're expecting our first child! YEAH! Should be overjoyed right? I try to be, but it's very VERY difficult. Due to his recent choices, my (soon to be) ex isn't in a position to take on parenthood now. I'm questioning if I want to take on the whole single mom thing, especially at this point in my life.
I grew up thinking abortion was a woman's choice and no big deal.
I WAS WRONG!!!!!!
And now, all the people in my life keep saying is to just go do it.
I realize and know now that it is a sin and would be one of the most evil things a person could ever do.
In the mean time, I keep being told to do so, and won't, but am afraid of giving in at a weak moment.
I know my best choices are to keep the baby and become a single mother, or make arrangements for this baby to be adopted.
I'm really not in a position to take on the role of single mom. I mean, financially, we'd be alright, but I don't know if this is hormones talking or if I'm just not in a place mentally to take this on. I feel like every time I see the child it would just be a painful reminder of the father and that it would cause resentment to the child. On the other hand, it's hard not to form an attachment to someone who is growing inside of you, and the thought of giving my baby away feels like a piece of me is being torn away.

I just don't know what to do any more.
The people in my life, including my family, are not supportive of anything but abortion at this point, and as of right now I haven't found a good church to get involved in.
Guess I"m just looking for some support and encouragement.

Thanks.
Click to expand...
Suzzy,
Here's something you might not have considered before... Yes, your husband may have done you wrong. But you don't HAVE to divorce him. You could forgive him if you really wanted to. You might have to swallow your pride a bit, but if you've got a baby coming, it might be an option worth considering. Kids need a mom and a dad. With a little effort you could probably give that to your baby.

But one thing...if you're going to forgive your man and decide to make your marriage work, you gotta really forgive. You can't just hold onto it and use it as a weapon against him for the rest of your life. If you're gonna do it, then forgive AND forget.
 
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