Can a Christian be Emotionally Unavailable?

Is it possible to have give your life to Christ, yet knowingly not be able to sustain emotional bonds in relationships?

Hello brothers and sisters,

A close friend of mine has been dating a guy who is emotionally unavailable for about a year. This man is aware that he is emotionally unavailable, but wants her to be patient with him. However, he is not doing anything to change better himself. He says he has given his life to Christ. Is it possible to have give your life to Christ, yet knowingly not be able to sustain emotional bonds in relationships?

I never believed it was possible. I always thought people should just be able to snap out of it...until now for the first time i am going through it myself.
Its possible. But he needs people that can help him cope and process what is causing it so he can heal

Ye if the guy, or a girl, a divorce/separation/break-up then for sure its hard to get back on that horse... I know

But u have to be careful that this guy isn't using the "emotionally unavailable" line to tame his libido...
Thats even worse cos you're been used... If a guy is telling u his "emotionally available" that means his not interested in a relationship with you. His not available for that. He is however available for some friendly sex...

That term wasn't around when i was dating. I would bypass it and be direct. Ask do u want to commit. Where do u see yourself in 5 years. Do want kids. Not all at once like an interrogation but u know what i mean. U mite start living together, before that i would be asking all this...

I wasnt talking about a break up or so. I was just thinking about when you are so fed up or burn out you cant let people close to u.
I guess i misunderstood

The short answer is "NO". Is this some kind of fad -- "emotionally unavailable"?

That's like another term from the past "checked out" -- "4. verb To become unfocused or distracted; to cease participating in a meaningful way."

Sounds like someone needs a swift kick in the posterior.

This is the first time I've really heard this expression in YEARS....

Almost forgot about it but actually that's kind of where I am myself. I suppose it depends on the pursuant's options. Is she the one pursuing him or is there some interest?

Working through stuff in a way that she can't see possibly?

Myself I would be willing to give compromises (not really the bad kind). Concessions would perhaps be a more descriptive word. If he isn't willing to concede anything, then I would seriously question her interest.

Perhaps bring up concessions to this person. It is not dissimilar from ultimatums with a bit more wiggle room. Obviously when being in agreement with each other the Lord has a say so...sometimes though, it's up to you. It could be a growing experience and it could indeed be she grows past him or he has some growing to do right around the corner...who knows?

I think it is reasonable to presume that some aren't as apt to express themselves and potentially this could be a difficult season for him and his expressing what's going on with him is lacking in some way. I am almost "too" expressive when it comes to talking and explanations so it's harder for me to understand someone who is not. It's also a quality I admire in a female, and while I have a lot of "funk" at present, I would still be open to "terms". It is strange that he is not.

Are you sure it's not something more than that? Apathy? Or perhaps the interest is not mutual and this is just an immature defense of saying "emotionally distant"?

There are terms in relationships and boundaries. This is like the "at will" stage with no contract or anything. Engagement is like a contract but non-binding. Marriage is binding. Were I in such a position as the pursuer and a woman was like this with me, I would be having a totally different spiral of thoughts but I would want to agree on some "ground rules" of some sort.

All that said, I have hardly any options for marriage that I see at present (actual acquaintances). Hopefully she doesn't try to force her own will on the situation. Me waiting a year for someone to be ready would be nothing compared to the entirety of my single life with no serious relationship leading to marriage. A timetable like that (i.e a year ultimatum) would not be too long to wait nor work toward.

If she has other options or is torn between men, then that is unfortunate for him. Hopefully the Lord's will prevails for anyone in a similar situation.

Curiosity got the best of me and i went out to try an understand the meaning of emotionally unavailable.
Find explanations of the signs of an emotionally unavailable person is everywhere but very few of them begin with a clear definition of it. I listened to girls and guys talk about it from all ages...

Hearing the young women talk about it makes me cringe for the young guys of this generation. Men are more feminine and women are more masculine and neither seems to know their place in a relationship these days. A guy went into a shopping mall once and asked women if they should submit to their husbands. About 80% of them said no, most with a degree of indignation. So it seems there is a misunderstanding on what submitting means and the willingness to control the relationship. Is a woman really attracted to an effeminate man? Is a man really attracted to a masculine woman? Dating has always been daunting and now with apps where most people swipe right (or is it left) 90% of the time at a glance, the game has changed...

But i have to assume that your friend is a decent Christian that isn't a control hungry narcissist and go with the definition given by a relationship therapist and a simple young man who spells out what it means when a guy claims to be emotionally unavailable... They both say that its a person who doesn't want to commit. So if he is saying that he is emotionally unavailable it means he doesn't want to commit and he wants her to be "patient with him"... Im afraid if your friend is sleeping with him then she is getting used...

We all have different levels of emotion and sometimes a person who wants passion and romance often could be with someone who doesn't want it so much or a person whose comfortable not seeing each other all day to someone who needs more communication. So it could be as simple as two people whose characters are too opposed.

So I think this therapist summed it up well, she said forget about him and examine yourself, u know he doesn't want to commit but u do, so why are you here? With your friend its been a year of this. Why not simply tell him what your after in the relationship and that you have to move on cos she wants a commitment.

It seems like it may be a red flag to exit but Im not a therapist and don't know enough about them to be giving advise, im just kind of thinking out loud about this emotionally unavailable term that is new to me. In the end its her choice and has a decision to make

Godspeed

yes, I have been accused of being one of those. many reason why, being an introvert and empath is one of them.

It‘s easy to emotionally connect with God. 😀
It can be hard connecting emotionally with people sometimes. 🥺

So I’m going to say it’s possible? ( Lucky for us anything is possible with God. 🙏🏽 )
Can I assume this guy has emotional connections with his family and friends? 🤔

Sadly, he may be having a hard time connecting with her and using that excuse as a crutch. 😢

mmm not sure what the OPs friends motives are for connecting with someone who doesnt really want to connect. While oil on water relationships APPEAR to be together, they really arent.

If shes ok with that and still wants to be with this guy then thats her call, but shes not fooling anybody.

Hello and Welcome to CC!
A work colleague was in this situation; she was married to someone who was emotionally unavailable. Despite her having been very careful in assessing him prior to marriage, she proceeded and they have a child together. Sadly, their marriage ended because he would not deal with his issues.

God can fix this, of course, but many Christians don't believe that and so don't seek His help. Also, this kind of thing can be sorted with the assistance of a competent counselor, but only if the person is willing and really wants to be healthy. Otherwise, it's wasted effort and the relationship is doomed. I'd recommend that, if your friend's man is not willing to seek help, she should terminate the relationship.

I never believed it was possible. I always thought people should just be able to snap out of it...until now for the first time i am going through it myself.
Its possible. But he needs people that can help him cope and process what is causing it so he can heal

I just think that term "emotionally unavailable" can be problematic because what is it exactly?
Its hard to define. I only just learned it the other day and have been since trying to understand what it means...
Youtube has different people with different takes on it... Its exact meaning is unclear
Is it what u said, is it what i said??? U know, what im saying...
I would just ask what do mean by emotionally unavailable if they use it on ya