To those of you dating...

How does one determine where a relationship is going if not through interactive exposure, also known as dating? Am I missing something? Are people to jump from meeting a person directly into marriage, with no time spent getting to know each other?

What if you only dated the person God has for you? Meaning, you know who they are to you, and pursued them in knowledge of God’s providence. You still can get to know each other, and court them even, towards marriage.

Instead of going through a process of elimination by dating (multiple people), you would wait (haha) for the right date. That’s funny. The right date, both in terms of person and timing. 😄

What if you only dated the person God has for you? Meaning, you know who they are to you, and pursued them in knowledge of God’s providence. You still can get to know each other, and court them even, towards marriage.

Instead of going through a process of elimination by dating (multiple people), you would wait (haha) for the right date. That’s funny. The right date, both in terms of person and timing. 😄

Then when the relationship ends even though you thought this person was brought to you by God and that you were led to them by God and that it was God's love that caused your hearts to open up to each other and the relationship eventually ends for one reason or another anyways? Outsiders are still looking at you like you did not wait on the Lord after all

Then there’s the question does God promise anyone a spouse.

Did you read the original post? 🤔 This is addressed, the answer is God’s providence and willingness to grant the desires of the righteous.

That’s a very cynical perspective and puts into question the faithfulness of God to prepare two people for each other to have a lasting covenant. 🙂

How is my perspective more cynical than yours to claim because relationships end that the person had not waited on God? Do you really believe God intends every relationship to end in marriage and until death you do part?

The question is, do they intend to have a relationship that leads to marriage and death do you part, and if they do, why are they not waiting upon the Lord and His providence instead of subjecting themselves to the pains of dating? Again, people are free to date; I am asking why they don’t wait, instead? Why go through the process of examination and elimination when they can just wait for God’s providence?

You are jumping to conclusions that I didn’t even make, in regards to failed relationships and waiting upon the Lord. That’s coming out of left field Magenta. I said your post was cynical because it instantly went negative about waiting upon the Lord, and saying when the relationship fails people will say you didn’t wait, and a person only thought the relationship was from God. Which, as I was reading it, was awful to read because you’re sowing doubt and discouragement into people’s hopes. Also, knowing and thinking something is from the Lord are two separate things entirely.

I don’t mean to be combative Magenta, I just found your post pessimistic and dismissive of a work of God, where He grants the desires of the righteous. It isn’t fairyland, it’s faith. It’s trust.

I’m not sure why you instantly approached this discussion from that angle, but let’s not get sidetracked from the main question: Why would you date looking for a spouse instead of waiting for a spouse, waiting upon the Lord?

I am not sowing seeds of doubt and discouragement into people's hopes. Jeepers. Negative much? Claiming I am dismissive of the work of God because I affirm that getting to know whether someone is right for you or not is being realistic, also, very negative on your part. I did not say the person only thought it was from God, either. Excuse me for not adding all the right words for you. Hoping, and planning, and wishing and dreaming. How's that? You invest everything and if it does not work out (that is to say, end in marriage) people are going to say JUST LIKE YOU ARE NOW that they have not waited upon the Lord. Poor Meg

Let me add, as I feel led. Some of you may be dating, but you should judge righteously. What do you think your Heavenly Father thinks of the man you’re with or the men you’ve been looking at? You men too, what is the character of the women you are gazing at? Shouldn’t you see, on some level, if you have the blessing of the Lord?

Now, God is always with you and He strengthens you, so in actuality we have the right to be with whomever we choose, regardless of the consequence. Yet, God knowing all, would you not think it wise to seek the Lord’s counsel? This is what I mean by His blessing, not only in terms of the go ahead, but in His foreknowledge if this is a good thing for the both of you.

God wants to be in every aspect of our life, and it is wise to seek Him on these matters.

Hi Ben! I apologize in advance -- you really have my brain cranking this morning, and this is going to be a long post.

I understand what you're saying, as I've heard this advice more times than I can count during my prolonged years of singleness. But in my lifetime of growing up in the church, I've also found that there seems to be this Great Belief that if You Just Go By All The Rules or Do All The Things The Most Pious Believers Tell You, God is Going to Bless You With Your Ultimate Christian Happy Ending!

The sad part is, that's just not true. I have known many people who waited on the Lord, then believed the person they were marrying was the one God directed them to marry, and the results were disastrous. I'm thinking in particular of one woman who asked God about a man she was seeing and believed he was the one God wanted her to marry; they got married, and she found out that he expressed his anger through severe physical beatings. After many years of trying (and many beatings later), the marriage eventually ended.

I'm thinking of another solid Christian woman who stood at her wedding reception and announced to the guests that God had brought her and her husband together, and she felt so blessed to have this man. She knew he had a porn addiction before they married, but believed God would help him and them together have victory over it. He left her not too many years after the wedding for an ex-girlfriend who had been more sexually "adventurous" than he found his good Christian wife to be after they got married.

I know you spoke about asking God what He thinks of the character of the people we are seeing, and that's perfectly sound advice, but it very rarely goes by the book. For even the most devout Christian, things such as looks, money, security, and attention will inevitably influence our attractions. And one of the reasons I think many Christians are single is because they expect to find a spouse who is as perfect as Christ, which we all know is impossible but yet somehow think we can hold out for anyway.

I think it's also important to remember that "waiting on the Lord" may manifest in different ways to different people, and neither one may be wrong. I realize that "waiting on the Lord" seems to be an understanding that a single person will sit quietly at home, read their Bible, talk to only people of the same gender when online (gotta play it safe, after all), cram in all the volunteer/service work they can, and then miraculously wait and hope that God will send that miracle person right through the door of the one church they've attended all their lives.

And I'm sure that works for some people. But God writes everyone's story a little differently.

May I use an example to illustrate this? Let's say that Sister Sue and Brother Bob have been married for several years and desperately want a child. Sister Sue and Brother Bob have fallen into a comfortable but loving routine of having sex twice a week, and they are "waiting on the Lord," as all the good Christians have told them to, for God to bless one of their private times with the miraculous conception of a child. They do nothing else to change their schedule or what they're doing(except maybe up their service at church,) but continue to pray and "wait upon the Lord."

Now let's say that Sister Sally and Brother Billy are in a similar situation, praying regularly that God would bless them with a child, and they too are faithfully "waiting on the Lord." However, Sister Sally and Brother Billy, after much prayer and consideration, decide they want to take a more proactive approach. They start reading and researching about fertility, making changes in their diets, lifestyle, and scheduling/frequency of their private times in order to increase their chances of conception. They also start calling adoption agencies, filling out applications, and exploring what it would take to become adoptive parents as well.

Yes, each couple might have a lot of heartaches and "false starts" -- they might suffer miscarriages, be absolutely devastated. For the couple seeking adoption, they might be told they are on the brink of adopting but that the biological parent changed their mind at the last minute, and now they have to start the process all over.

There might be emotional attachment, floods of tears, and the thought of, "WHY are we going through this, Lord? WHY? When will you answer?"

Now I know God can do anything. And if He willed it, each of these couples could literally become pregnant overnight. But statistically and realistically speaking, which couple is more likely to become parents, and in a shorter amount of time?

Now -- which one of these couples would YOU personally say is "TRULY" "waiting on the Lord"?

The one that is doing the least on their own, therefore taking less risk of disappointment and being able to say that it's "all on the Lord" instead of their own works? But what if the more proactive couple gives all the glory to God and praises Him for blessing them with the means to be able to explore other options?

I would argue that BOTH couples are waiting on the Lord, and neither is doing anything wrong, unless they're somehow doing something that God is telling them not to do. I would also argue that each couple's method might work for them, and neither couple is wrong for sticking with their own game plan -- what works for one might not work for the other, and if God is ok with that, it does a great disservice to tell either couple that they should be more like the other.

I'm going to stop here for now because I know this is already an excessively long post. I understand very well what you're saying about sparing ourselves a lot of pain and attachments, but I personally believe that different plans of action will work for different people, and there is no One Spiritual Size Fits All. If people are able to see that each married couple in this example is waiting on the Lord in their own way, I think the same respect should also be given to single people as well in that there might be different plans of action.

However, I most definitely agree that sometimes there are things we can do to tweak our approaches that might save us a lot of heartache, but I also believe that it's an individual matter, and not something that can all fall under one body of general advice.

To me, this is one of the most painful and frustrating things I've experienced as a Christian -- that I am an individual, and one's prescription for someone else just might not be the right one for me. But if I don't properly "fall in line" with everyone else or what the majority tell me to do, I'm automatically rebelling and sinning against God. I'm not telling anyone to rebel against God -- I'm simply saying that just because someone tells you, "This is how you should follow God (you should do exactly what I think or what I'm doing)," it doesn't mean that they know how to direct you in the plan God has for your life.

Thanks for getting me thinking this morning, Ben. I'll probably make another post soon -- I just need a little time to recharge my batteries and think of how I'm going to word it.

why do you contrast an inactive waiting on God as the spiritual option with dating as a foolish option, rather than opening a discussion on how to date wisely and in a Godly manner rather than foolishly and in a worldly manner?