Judgemental Christians

I’ve been a Christian now for about 7 years, and I’m finally encountering what I will call the wall of judgement from my Christian friends. It is not only in the area of dating, although this seems to be the topic that they care about the the most, but also in other areas like how often I read my Bible, or if I am serving others enough, or if I endure trials with joy because that is godly.

But I will focus on the area of dating. It is disheartening to me, and I don’t feel like I can date unless it is according to their standards. To clarify, we all agree on the Biblical stance regarding fornication. I’m referring to all the additional expectations they have.

For example:
-Online dating isn’t good.
-Don’t spend too much time taking to the other person because that means they are becoming your god.
-They aren’t good enough because they aren’t a “strong” Christian.
-Wait a certain amount of time between dating people.

My main question is this-how do you all deal with the way other Christians pressurize the dating environment?

And it does not have to be in your church alone that one finds a group to fellowship with who are involved in ministry. You can volunteer with all kinds of parachurch ministries if you start looking for them. What is your ministry passion? What area of service for God do you love? Find some people doing that and join them. Its not that hard.
We almost always find the time to do what we really enjoy.

1) I don't date, probably because of many of the reasons you listed
2) If I were to date, I would only take advice from a very select few people. Most other people probably wouldn't know I was dating until I was pretty confident in the relationship.

Since that's not likely very helpful for people looking to date or needing some guidance in dating, here are some other observations:

The person you marry will pretty much become the most significant person in the world to you, so if you're to the point where you're thinking about marrying that person should be becoming pretty high up there in significance. If someone accuses you of trying to replace God with a people or making a people into your god, I'd say make them cite some specific evidence before you believe them. Also remember that while God is the source, he often works through people.

Be prudent but don't drag your feet. It will take time and deep conversations to establish a solid foundation to the relationship. Don't short circuit the relationship building process by rushing into the physical connecting. And spend some time thinking what level of connection is appropriate at each stage of the relationship ( seriously, please don't be paying someone else's debts or buying them super expensive presents after the first couple dates and don't let them do the same for you either).

Perhaps a good measure of the relationship would be to ask yourself: if something happened and you could never physically consummate the relationship, would you still choose this relationship over any other potentials.

Character counts far more than hours spent in church, number of Bible verses quoted, or number of Christian books with good teaching a person has read. If this person doesn't display acceptable character to their family, cashiers, waitresses, and other average strangers as well as toward you; they aren't someone you want to live with for the next several decades.

As much as possible get involved in each other's activities and daily lives. Online only or primarily can leave you in for a lot of surprises like someone having a totally different schedule, liking a very loud / quiet environment, foods they can't eat or stand the smell of, etc. when you start spending time together in person.

Be clear with each other about your level of commitment, one date is not a commitment or a relationship. Getting together several times a week for 6 months is starting to look and feel like something significant even if one party keeps wanting to call it close friends ( good rule of thumb I picked up from an online article is less than 2 hours a week one on one time if you're not dating / pursuing a relationship)

Ok hopefully that is some wise and useful advice, but it comes from someone who doesn't date so actual results may vary.

I’ve been a Christian now for about 7 years, and I’m finally encountering what I will call the wall of judgement from my Christian friends. It is not only in the area of dating, although this seems to be the topic that they care about the the most, but also in other areas like how often I read my Bible, or if I am serving others enough, or if I endure trials with joy because that is godly.

But I will focus on the area of dating. It is disheartening to me, and I don’t feel like I can date unless it is according to their standards. To clarify, we all agree on the Biblical stance regarding fornication. I’m referring to all the additional expectations they have.

For example:
-Online dating isn’t good.
-Don’t spend too much time taking to the other person because that means they are becoming your god.
-They aren’t good enough because they aren’t a “strong” Christian.
-Wait a certain amount of time between dating people.

My main question is this-how do you all deal with the way other Christians pressurize the dating environment?

My main question is this-how do you all deal with the way other Christians pressurize the dating environment?

I’ve been a Christian now for about 7 years, and I’m finally encountering what I will call the wall of judgement from my Christian friends. It is not only in the area of dating, although this seems to be the topic that they care about the the most, but also in other areas like how often I read my Bible, or if I am serving others enough, or if I endure trials with joy because that is godly.

But I will focus on the area of dating. It is disheartening to me, and I don’t feel like I can date unless it is according to their standards. To clarify, we all agree on the Biblical stance regarding fornication. I’m referring to all the additional expectations they have.

For example:
-Online dating isn’t good.
-Don’t spend too much time taking to the other person because that means they are becoming your god.
-They aren’t good enough because they aren’t a “strong” Christian.
-Wait a certain amount of time between dating people.

My main question is this-how do you all deal with the way other Christians pressurize the dating environment?

I ignore them. The likelyhood of finding another Christian female that I have chemistry with is already astronomical. I dont need more rules.

The thing with online dating is that you are talking to multiple people at once to see which one fits with you.

I’ve been a Christian now for about 7 years, and I’m finally encountering what I will call the wall of judgement from my Christian friends. It is not only in the area of dating, although this seems to be the topic that they care about the the most, but also in other areas like how often I read my Bible, or if I am serving others enough, or if I endure trials with joy because that is godly.

But I will focus on the area of dating. It is disheartening to me, and I don’t feel like I can date unless it is according to their standards. To clarify, we all agree on the Biblical stance regarding fornication. I’m referring to all the additional expectations they have.

For example:
-Online dating isn’t good.
-Don’t spend too much time taking to the other person because that means they are becoming your god.
-They aren’t good enough because they aren’t a “strong” Christian.
-Wait a certain amount of time between dating people.

My main question is this-how do you all deal with the way other Christians pressurize the dating environment?

Good advice but my persoanal experience was that I was not trusted as a single Christian man at (then) 40 years of age. I had two separate ministry and parachurch ministry leaders tell me that, only after letting me believe they would allow me to serve and were excited about it. They were lying through their teeth. I was told I could not be trusted as a single man at 40 because that was not normal. It didn't matter to them that I had not been sleeping with anyone and was passionate about ministry.

Don't be surprised to get ignored. Churches aren't perfect and neither are the leaders.

I’ve been a Christian now for about 7 years, and I’m finally encountering what I will call the wall of judgement from my Christian friends. It is not only in the area of dating, although this seems to be the topic that they care about the the most, but also in other areas like how often I read my Bible, or if I am serving others enough, or if I endure trials with joy because that is godly.

But I will focus on the area of dating. It is disheartening to me, and I don’t feel like I can date unless it is according to their standards. To clarify, we all agree on the Biblical stance regarding fornication. I’m referring to all the additional expectations they have.

For example:
-Online dating isn’t good.
-Don’t spend too much time taking to the other person because that means they are becoming your god.
-They aren’t good enough because they aren’t a “strong” Christian.
-Wait a certain amount of time between dating people.

My main question is this-how do you all deal with the way other Christians pressurize the dating environment?

I’ve been a Christian now for about 7 years, and I’m finally encountering what I will call the wall of judgement from my Christian friends. It is not only in the area of dating, although this seems to be the topic that they care about the the most, but also in other areas like how often I read my Bible, or if I am serving others enough, or if I endure trials with joy because that is godly.

But I will focus on the area of dating. It is disheartening to me, and I don’t feel like I can date unless it is according to their standards. To clarify, we all agree on the Biblical stance regarding fornication. I’m referring to all the additional expectations they have.

For example:
-Online dating isn’t good.
-Don’t spend too much time taking to the other person because that means they are becoming your god.
-They aren’t good enough because they aren’t a “strong” Christian.
-Wait a certain amount of time between dating people.

My main question is this-how do you all deal with the way other Christians pressurize the dating environment?

A woman I didn't know at church told me I needed a haircut , I told her while laughing I know and then told her she probably eat too much .. Her husband busted out laughing ..

A woman I didn't know at church told me I needed a haircut , I told her while laughing I know and then told her she probably eat too much .. Her husband busted out laughing ..

Bobby? Is that you?

Dear MegMarch,

I handle it simple. I don’t give a d*** about what people say.

Dear MegMarch,

I handle it simple. I don’t give a d*** about what people say.

I have decided to join the cult of Susana.

I’m sorry to hear you’re going through that Meg. 😕 I don’t know the way your friends are wording these judgements, such as encouraging you to get into the Word of God instead of guilt tripping you into it. Maybe it’s a matter of them meaning well, but their delivery is poor?

If not, and they are simply offering their criticisms of your walk without meekness, or genuine concern for your well-being and are just spewing self righteous, maybe time away from them will do you good? I’m not saying cut them off completely, but they obviously are not edifying you but tearing you down.

As far as dating environment, and the criteria your friends are placing on you to do it in a certain way, see if there is wisdom in their words. Consider it, and if it’s garbage, toss it to the side. You shouldn’t let their judgement of you hinder you from walking in standards you know are good. You aren’t living up to their standards, you are living up to God’s standards. What does the Lord want you to do?

As always Meg, I appreciated you being an ear to me when I needed someone to listen and if you need some encouragement, I’m here.

I have decided to join the cult of Susana.