Apathetic and hopeless

I know what I should do in seeking God but I feel like I can’t move. At times I want to stay in sin, God tells me the truth, but I don’t listen, I stay in distractions lifeless and apathetic in life like a zombie.
Why am I so numb and lazy to do anything? I wouldn’t want to try to live if not for there being purpose with God, I don’t care much for my own wellbeing otherwise. Without God I’d waste away in sin and then contemplate suicide when things get worse.
Even when I should reach out to other about problems, it feels hard to move and I freeze. I need to act, but I don’t act.
This part of me feels so frustrating and I hate myself for it. Apart of me keeps wanting to just not try at all staying like a deer in headlights saying I should be dead, when that’s not true because God wants me alive and to try. This apathy which leads to me ignoring God’s help has been tearing me apart, what should I do with myself?
Things could be different if I just tried, but how do I get myself to really move and not just freeze in fear?

I understand some of what it may feel like for you. The first thing I would like to offer you is the knowledge that you are not alone. I have times when I know if I would just do anything ,read my Bible listen to some worship get up and go do my job .that I would feel better but I don't Cause I don't want to feel better.. So if your up to it I will pray for you and you can pray for me. Each of us having some form of understanding of the pain we feel it gives us the want to help sooth that same pain in the other . Anyway that's what helps me doing what I can to help sooth someone else pain

Think of you I have put you in my heart and been praying for you to find your peace in God. I used to hate when people would tell me that it is so easy to say when your not the one in the middle of the pain and confusion. And than I realized the only time I had any peace was when I was -am- doing what God tells me to do. That is simply to go outside and share His smile. I tell people with all honesty - this is not my smile this is God's smile He is just using my face to show it off - that is one of the ways I remember my peace in God it never leaves me sometimes I just have to remind myself to allow myself to feel it

I’m sorry I didn’t really respond to your first post. I’ve just kept shutting God out and people that try to help. I keep saying because there’s a choice to not choose God, I have to because I’m not good enough to be with him now and I act like going to him is a dream because I’m afraid I’ll keep misusing my free will and I can’t do the right decisions so I keep trying to forget.

Thank you for talking to me about this.I can relate when you say that the only time you have peace is when you do what God tells you to do. I spend a lot of time worrying about whether I could ever choose him or not, or if I’m too sinful to ever use my free will wisely, and I don’t know if I’m just worrying too much.

We all sin, every day whether we admit to it or not, no one is perfect, only god himself is perfect but he’s at home where we belong. I know what you’re going through cause I’m going through the same thing. I posted a blog a few weeks ago stating this exact thing, everyone.. all around the world, everyone is facing something they need prayer about. Advice or even someone to just “listen” to them....as long as we all stick together and help each other out and sharpen each other with the word and pray... the devil has nothing on us. I know the flesh is VERY tempting and it’s easier to live that way, simply cause we are doing what “we” want and not what HE wants, so we just lie to ourselves and say “I’ll do what he wants tomorrow”... and we keep saying that over and over till we actually never do what God wants us to do.

Stay in prayer (I know, easier said than done), lean on your brothers and sisters, share your heart (the good and the bad) and eventually everything will fall into place and you will be where you belong, and you won’t know it till God shows you through HIS eyes where you are and how safe and loved you are.

We are ALL gods children, and we all sin whether we admit to it or not, but that doesn’t change the fact that he loves us deeply and unconditionally. We ARE his children, why wouldn’t our father in heaven love us through the good, the bad and the ugly?

You are the truest of true children if God by you being worried that you won't chose is exactly why God chose you . You have the Holy Spirit in you and it is not going anywhere we all have a path in our walk with God on this planet the more difficulties we go through. Are are times we are made stronger . because we survived that is just normal life. When we sin -or miss the mark- that means we are doing what God told us not to do . Because He knows what we are doing is going to hert us in some way and He is trying to keep up safe. When we sin we are making more pain for ourselves when we survived the pain we are made stronger. So a way of thinking about it could be . When you are thinking of doing something you believe is not in line with the will of God what you are really doing is telling God you want to be broke more so He can heal you more to make you stronger so when you are ready to Do things His way you will be an even bigger testament for Him to those around you.

I think that your struggle with sin is a wonderful sign. I mean that you take issue with it and desire to conquer it. Most people just enjoy sin so much it just defines them. What defines you is different. You are a child of God. You know some things just aren’t acceptable to be part of. When I was struggling myself and asked God to help liberate me He said, “I already broke the chains, you just have to walk away.” It’s like we’ve been living with our sins so long we feel they are part of us. They aren’t. Lots of times it’s just simple psychology. You just need to break the habits. That’s all in the mind. There are many tricks you can use. Don’t stop praying though. Be blessed.

Hungry : thank you what a wonderful reminder of God's truth in His love for us - I already broke the chains you just have to walk away -