I always love it when a Doctor tells me I have less than two years to live. The first time was about ten years ago, and the consensus among my family, friends and I was that he seems to have missed it by a bit. The Doctor gave me six months to live - I told him I wouldn't have him paid off by then, so he gave me another six months <rimshot> old joke.
Well, another Doctor told me three months ago that I likely had 18 months without treatment, and that with treatment they hoped to extend my life another four months for each treatment until treatment is pointless. To chemo I have gone, to chemo I have gone, hi-ho the derry-o, to chemo I have gone. And I get to go again May 11.
"That's odd, you don't look like you're dying."
"Thanks, I don't feel like it, either."
But all the high-tech imaging, and blood tests and statistics are on the Doc's side. And this one is smarter than the other Doc of ten years ago. It is ironic that about three years ago, I did feel like I was dying, had to spend a few days in hospital, and spent the following year in a wheelchair, too weak to stand unassisted.
Then I had a good day. Don't know why, but I felt a lot better. Told my wife to get a walker, stood and walked, weak and wobbly and balance bad (that was not new), but walked. In a week, I graduated to a cane. Now, I only use the cane outside, or to a Doctor appointment. I'm still weak and wobbly, but not as weak as then, though wobblediness continued.
Now, such things tend to affect one's prayers, and I resolved early on that I would not be a whiner - when I pray for myself, I keep it simple and intend to avoid typical responses, like bargaining. I remind myself often that I have nothing to offer that He needs. So I keep it brief, and spend more time praying for others.
"Father in heaven, your name is holy, your kingdom great, and may your will be done on Earth as in heaven. You know my illness, Lord, better than I do. I ask, Father, that you be merciful to me, a sinner. I'm only a man, and I don't know what to pray - so I leave it in your hands. I'd like to live longer, but if it is more merciful to go sooner, then I trust that if I do, that is you being merciful. Or if I live, that is you being merciful, for you are a forgiving God."
Then I pray for family, friends, and various issues. I fear He hears from us too often praying only for ourselves, frequently when we are in trouble. Only time some people pray, based on what I've seen. I have thanked Him many times for blessings He provides, but he's so liberal with them you can't hit every one, anyway. But I've also seen my share of trouble - some think more than my share. That's life, you're going to have trouble, we all have.
"Thank you, Lord, for all your blessings - for this sunny day, for my lack of pain, for this loving and loyal wife. For this home, for our food, for helping our garden grow, for everything we forget, Father. Mostly, thank you for Jesus, our Intercessor, in his Name I pray, amen."
Oh, it is late, and I am drowsy, and perhaps I've over-shared. But writing things down is how I process, well, just about everything. I'm reading Samuel I this week - aloud to my wife. She's asleep, but I'll spend a few minutes reading about Hannah, Eli, Hophni and Phinehas before sleep. I do love reading my bibles.
I'm also reading to her "In His Steps." Charles Sheldon, the author, IIRC? She's never read it and is really into the story.