Stagnant growth

In John 15:5 Jesus said, "I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing."

You and I, being branches, it's not our job to figure out or worry about whether we are growing or bearing fruit. Our job is make sure that WE are intimately connected to Jesus, as He is our True Vine. Don't concern yourself with whether you are growing up as the growth and bearing fruits will be natural results of abiding in Jesus in its due season. How do we abide in Jesus, the living Word of God? You spend time with Him everyday. Grab coffee, open up your Bible, grab a seat and just chat with Him. I say 'chat' because He likes to grab coffee and chat with you, talking about how things are going with you and all your video game interests (He likes to hear about your opinions on games). Tell Him also about your inability to read and enjoy His word because of panic attack and you should rebuke any spirit of evil, anything that does not line up with God's word in Jesus name because there is power and authority in His name. Also plead the blood of Jesus on yourself, on your family and your place of abode. Lastly, my personal recommendation, read the book of Psalm everyday. Just read it straight, no need to meditate on it, just straight read, one chapter a day, a verse, or as much as you feel like reading - but keep reading and start from the first chapter once you go through the entire book. Repeat and I guarantee you that you will begin to see changes taking place internally. Just as God commanded Joshua be strong (withstanding hardship) and be courageous (not being deterred by danger/pain and keep moving forward), do not be afraid or be disheartened by your circumstances for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.

I'm getting concerned that I am not growing in God. It's hard for me to enjoy and read the bible due to panic attacks. Questions such as "Am I doing this right? Should give this up? Should I do this more?" It also makes me question if I'm saved in the first place. Sometimes I feel like scream it bothers me so much. My addiction unfortunately is still going strong. I have days where I resist but days when I stumble. I'm trying to do more around my house. Not just to help out more but to take my mind off the constant fear and worry I have. I'm just wondering if I'm growing at all but I cant tell.

To just be very forthright with you, no you are not growing. It's natural to have questions, and even doubts, as you grow, but it's not natural to have anxiety/panic attacks and such.

Anxiety/panic attack type things are not of God. I find anxiety is common for people that either have no relationship, or a very weak relationship, with their earthly father, and they have been to a degree overrun spiritually by their mother.

My roommate has anxiety and he had a decent relationship with his Dad. I am thinking it could be chemical makeup or genetics that could contribute?

No it is not genetics nor chemicals, it is spiritual. Your roommate probably does not have as good a relationship with his father as may be portrayed. Even if you know your father, it's quite possible he is weak and that he allowed the mother to spiritually overrun the child to a degree. Just simply forgive him for being weak and this will give you strength.

I was and am not close with my Father but we get along. I’m totally in love with my Heavenly Father though and I know that has bring me peace.

Indeed the Lord God is a better Father, but nonetheless the earthly father is important as he is a reflection of God. Children get their security, or lack of it, from the strength or weakness of their earthly father.

Indeed the Lord God is a better Father, but nonetheless the earthly father is important as he is a reflection of God. Children get their security, or lack of it, from the strength or weakness of their earthly father.

It is important but I do know the joy of the Lord is our strength and He can guide us in how to love our children even if we were not shown it.

I'm getting concerned that I am not growing in God. It's hard for me to enjoy and read the bible due to panic attacks. Questions such as "Am I doing this right? Should give this up? Should I do this more?" It also makes me question if I'm saved in the first place. Sometimes I feel like scream it bothers me so much. My addiction unfortunately is still going strong. I have days where I resist but days when I stumble. I'm trying to do more around my house. Not just to help out more but to take my mind off the constant fear and worry I have. I'm just wondering if I'm growing at all but I cant tell.

Just remember some of us don’t have earthly Fathers.

Therefore we seek His Kingdom first.

It is still good in the eyes of God to make the peace with your earthly father, even if he is wicked, for your own sake to have peace.

For some people, they’ve never met their earthly father or they passed away at a young age.

I believe we should focus on seeking God before man. This is my encouragement to @Kojikun - seek God, repent and surrender all and witness the extraordinary things God is going to do in your life!