wishing for death

do others ever wish for death?
I can't think of anything else. I just wish God would end my misery. I wish he hadn't made me. I hate every minute I have to keep going and i am sick and tired of having to pretend that God has some purpose for me.

I wish some person who died of this stupid virus could have their life back in exchange for mine. I just don't want to go on.

Well, guess what? We have no choice BUT to go on living our life, until God calls us home..

And you don't need to "pretend" that God has some purpose for you. HE DOES have a purpose for you. But you won't find out what it is until you clear away this negative mindset and radically change your attitude..

Melody!

No, not now. I pray the Lord will continue to give you His supernatural strength and courage at this time. The short time ive seen you here, you've been a real blessing to me, and would have wanted to know you more, and recall/ abt God's goodness in the past. It is our bank of memories of Who and what God has been that will keep us going, and our faithfulness now.

Idk, I didn't have a regular job the past yrs, but I am surprised at the calm in my heart.. that God will take care of us, that even w/ local lockdown, God is able to provide. Yes, and restore what the locusts will eat, and heal, forgive, multiply love joy peace patience kindness goodness faithfulness and self control in trying times as His Spirit works in us, believers. Maybe I ive in a really resilient country, where ppl experience all sorts of calamities like 20+ typhoons a year, etc. but God's been good, and remains so.

Hold on, you be in prayers.

John 1:3 All things were made by Him; and without Him was not anything made.
Psalms 139:14 I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are they works; and that my soul knoweth right well.

You will be ok.

It might be interesting to note that the Apostle Paul had similar feelings. In his letter to the Philippians (1:21-26) he writes of his desire to “depart and be with Christ” but he realized that he had a far better purpose to remain – not for his own good – but for the good of the church in Philippi.

You may not feel a purpose in your life now, you may feel like you’re drifting. THESE ARE LIES !! You DO have a purpose and in walking with Christ you are fulfilling that purpose and building His Kingdom in the process. You’re not drifting, you ARE afloat in the river of His grace.

A few years ago, I was in a similar state. Someone gave me a small card that I still carry with me. Just a few affirmations of “who I am”:

• I am somebody, a saint, by God’s grace in Christ (Psa. 139:13-18; Eph. 2:8-10; 2 Cor 5:17)
• I am blessed and I have all I need in Christ (Col. 2:9)
• I am Chosen by God (I Pet. 2:9; Col. 3:12; John 15:15; I Thes. 1:4)
• I am holy and blameless in His sight (Rom. 3:21-26; Rom. 8:1-4; I Cor 1:30; Eph. 4:22-24)
• I am a loved child of God (Rom 8:15-17; Rom 8:31-39; I John 3:1; Rom 5:6-8; I John 4:9-10)
• I am a trophy of God’s grace (Eph. 2:4; I Cor. 15:1-11)
• I am redeemed, I am forgiven (Isa. 53:4-6; Col. 1:10-14)
• I have the Holy Spirit in me (Eph. 1:13)
• I am God’s possession (Eph 1:14)

I may have rambled a bit here, but (a) you’re worth it, and (b) I’m taking your signature line to heart:

Speak to all people as though they were the wisest. gentlest, most beautiful beings on earth -
for what they believe, they become.

This is what you are. Have the courage to believe it.

Hello, and welcome! I used to feel that way a lot, and still do, sometimes. What I learned is that, for me, dying would be easy since i don't fear death. so, God told me that He doesn't want me to die for Him-He wants me to live for Him.

Hi Melody. I can't believe I'm seeing what you wrote right now because I was sort of thinking the same thing earlier today. I don't know why I was thinking it though.

I was thinking that if a christian wanted to die and got their wish and went to heaven early (which I know is a debatable subject) it sort of wouldn't be fair to all the other faithful christians who are also suffering greatly. I hope and pray that God comforts you in this time of stress. Know that God calls people home when it is their time. Even if it seems unfair to us, this disease is completely under God's control.

God bless.

Oh no, I am so sorry that you are in so much pain. Keep holding on. I am holding you in my prayers. Hugs...❤

I am pleased to see you reaching out and keeping it real. Have you considered talking to a Christian counselor?

I pray you also keep drawing near to Him.

One think I know is focusing on our pain when we are in pain is not helpful.
You need to find activities that will take you out of yourself.

Also life changes, a year from now, five years from now etc., will all be different than it is right now.

... so whatever is making you feel this way now, most likely will not be there in the future,

There may be a new challenge, but you will be able to look back and see how you were able to get through and you will be encouraged and strengthened by it.. that is called building up resiliency.

And what you are experiencing will definitely build your empathy for others and God can definitely put that to use.

Thanks so much - this made me cry. I am just so tired. I just don't feel like all those things matter. I've read them. believed them. clung to them and nothing changes.

I remember God saying something similar to me when I glorified martyrdom.
He said "Dying for me is not hard. Living for me is." But I just don't want to anymore. I don't care if anyone knows or remembers me anymore. I just want to be gone.

What do you think you want that you think you don't have Melody .. God Bless you , There's nothing you can give thanx to Jesus for ?
Is there anything that prevents you to sing for Joy, find some new friends, even adjust your expectations of which crowd you think or want to fit in with .. I heard a story of two men escaped from an enemy prison , they got separated and lost .. One thought he had made it across the border and was rejoicing as he felt free again but the whole time he was still in the enemies country .. The other had made it out of the enemies country but didn't know it and he lived in extreme fear when all the while he had been free .. Change your perspective Melody and count your blessings , you can do it in Jesus name ..

True - but I don't think it has anything to do with this disease in my mind. I've always been sick and sickness has overshadowed my whole life. I am tired of it. I don't have family and I am alone. I just don't want this anymore. What a waste of space and resources.

I can't even afford my basic health care needs. Much less "luxury stuff" like counseling. So no I haven't ever spoken to a counselor not since i was 6.

Except my whole life has been like this - always. except when I "pretend" it isn't which still doesn't change the facts. I am what I am and that is nothing.

I sent a PM

I have no true friends. No family and I am sick. And I am tired of making up stuff. I am just over it. I would greatly rejoice if he could just end me already.

You sound like a great person to me and I'm excited to speak with you , actually you touched my heart , thank you in Jesus name for it ..

"
As the deer [b]pants for the water brooks,
So pants my soul for You, O God.
2 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When shall I come and [c]appear before God?
3 My tears have been my food day and night,
While they continually say to me,
“Where is your God?”
4 When I remember these things,
I pour out my soul within me.
For I used to go with the multitude;
I went with them to the house of God,
With the voice of joy and praise,
With a multitude that kept a pilgrim feast.
5 Why are you [d]cast down, O my soul?
And why are you disquieted within me?
Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him
[e]For the help of His countenance.
6 [f]O my God, my soul is cast down within me;
Therefore I will remember You from the land of the Jordan,
And from the heights of Hermon,
From [g]the Hill Mizar.
7 Deep calls unto deep at the noise of Your waterfalls;
All Your waves and billows have gone over me.
8 The Lord will command His lovingkindness in the daytime,
And in the night His song shall be with me—
A prayer to the God of my life.
9 I will say to God my Rock,
“Why have You forgotten me?
Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?”
10 As with a [h]breaking of my bones,
My enemies [i]reproach me,
While they say to me all day long,
“Where is your God?”
11 Why are you cast down, O my soul?
And why are you disquieted within me?
Hope in God;
For I shall yet praise Him,
The [j]help of my countenance and my God"

- Psalm 42 NKJV

Heart_Melody, God will never leave you or forsake you.

Also consider the account of the woman with the 12-year issue of blood:

"
5 Now a certain woman had a flow of blood for twelve years, 26 and had suffered many things from many physicians. She had spent all that she had and was no better, but rather grew worse. 27 When she heard about Jesus, she came behind Him in the crowd and touched His garment. 28 For she said, “If only I may touch His clothes, I shall be made well.”
29 Immediately the fountain of her blood was dried up, and she felt in her body that she was healed of the [a]affliction. 30 And Jesus, immediately knowing in Himself that power had gone out of Him, turned around in the crowd and said, “Who touched My clothes?”
31 But His disciples said to Him, “You see the multitude thronging You, and You say, ‘Who touched Me?’ ”
32 And He looked around to see her who had done this thing. 33 But the woman, fearing and trembling, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell down before Him and told Him the whole truth. 34 And He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace, and be healed of your affliction.”

- Mark 5:25-34 NKJV

I don't know what afflictions you are dealing with, but just meditate on the fact that this woman's faith is what made her well, according to Jesus.

Hugs to you, sister!