Free will vs no free will

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M

maria2327

New member
#1
Mar 2, 2020
2
0
1
#1
Hi, I was thinking about what would be a good thing to ask here and I found it. I always wondered about this. I always think free will is amazing and shows that the decisions were made voluntarily. My situation has a lot to do with my parents because they never completely let go in my life although I have some liberty and I'm not a complete forced to comply in all their rules as I was being a child now I'm not a child anymore. But, I don't believe I'm truly allowed to fly freely even at this point of my life. It feels more like they very much want control over my decisions and lifestyle. Now, I get they are parents and they are not perfect even so they love me, they want me to succeed in life that's good. But, I know they will literally if they can be allowed to force me into things in my life that will determine my life outcome. Like, for example, if they could have complete control of where every cent of my money would go they will gladly do it. Now, it won't necessarily mean that they will spend it selfishly. They could put it to good use. My parents have a pretty successful life more than me and could probably do my life better than I could do it. What bothers me is that even if my life is a complete success because I do everything they would suggest or let them control everything they want, it will just be meaningless for me to have a successful life because I wouldn't feel like it was my own accomplishment. I would feel like fake and more like a robot that followed instructions in my life to live out the recipe of life my parents pick for me. What I prefer is even if my life isn't the best, or I don't make the perfect decisions and my life is not as by the book definition of a good life. It is my own outcome to things I decided for myself. Then life would feel more free and I'll feel more human and like I even have a life that's my own because I did it the way I chose. So, this is my dilemma. Because I gave up on trying to make my parents understand this. It doesn't matter if I even did continue to try. I think God gives us free will so that we can life our lives for Him in our relationship with Him and what that means in our specific lives. So, if in my life I'm doing what everybody else tells me to do and is not my own choice even if it's from my parents who honestly should stop trying to be parenting at this stage I'm 27 and I think they should treat me as an equal adult in society who actually knows stuff and has her own brain and emotions, I just think I'm being bossed around when I can perfectly take my own initiative. Because, all this falls within options of actions that are biblical, morally, and honoring to God as much as possible. Obviously, I mean if I'm just deciding how to cut my hair, or what job I pick, or where I want to live. There are decisions that I feel I have a right to make them my own without input because it's only going to affect me and be my own attempt to help myself. Honestly, other people think they know what I want, if I want help or what is good for me. But, I think I know more than other people about myself and God knows more about me than myself. Anyway, having free will is a human right I believe whether in a subtle way or not is neutral ability that can be good or bad, but like everything else, it's a piece of the puzzle that is needed. I mean taking away free will from a person's life to make choices and do their own decisions seems to me is totally not what God would want. Of course God giving free will does expect us to use it for good not bad. But, I think it is so wrong to force a person, just take away any free will in any way from their life even if it is for their own good because I think nobody is above God to do that, when God himself doesn't do that. I think people who do that, and force anyone into anything are actually going to face the judgement of God. God is who decides about our decisions that we freely make in the end. People who are forcing things on others even if they mean well, at least in my experience I feel the life is sucked out of me and what is even the point for people to exist in a life that is not their own. I can say it's OK to teach, suggest, influence but not force the person into it. Person needs to make their own decision. Thoughts?
 
TabinRivCA

TabinRivCA

Well-known member
#2
Oct 23, 2018
13,351
10,871
113
#2
So, your profile says you are separated , you didn't mention it above. You are separated now and back at home? Yes, you are right as adults people should make their own decisions about their lives. However, if you have had bad judgement in the past, being under their roof, I could understand to a point, their concern for you.
It seems at 27 yrs now it has been established that your parents more or less tell you what to do? You didn't say if you work, go to college or stay home.
Have you ever given them cause to distrust your decisions?
If you are an only child, I can see how a parent would want to keep you in a 'child' mode not wanting to lose you.
But you are right this is very unhealthy and it should not have went on esp since your high school yrs.
I would say be bold and maybe write down all your thoughts in a letter and make sure they both read it.
Assure them that they have raised you well and they must now be realistic and see you as an adult. Tell them that you love them but you ARE a woman now, not a baby.
God bless you and your family and pardon me if I misconstrued anything here. I had to rewrite this after noticing you are separated and am on my way to Bible study. Best wishes Maria2327!
 
B

bojack

Well-known member
#3
Dec 16, 2019
2,309
1,008
113
#3
maria2327 said:
Hi, I was thinking about what would be a good thing to ask here and I found it. I always wondered about this. I always think free will is amazing and shows that the decisions were made voluntarily. My situation has a lot to do with my parents because they never completely let go in my life although I have some liberty and I'm not a complete forced to comply in all their rules as I was being a child now I'm not a child anymore. But, I don't believe I'm truly allowed to fly freely even at this point of my life. It feels more like they very much want control over my decisions and lifestyle. Now, I get they are parents and they are not perfect even so they love me, they want me to succeed in life that's good. But, I know they will literally if they can be allowed to force me into things in my life that will determine my life outcome. Like, for example, if they could have complete control of where every cent of my money would go they will gladly do it. Now, it won't necessarily mean that they will spend it selfishly. They could put it to good use. My parents have a pretty successful life more than me and could probably do my life better than I could do it. What bothers me is that even if my life is a complete success because I do everything they would suggest or let them control everything they want, it will just be meaningless for me to have a successful life because I wouldn't feel like it was my own accomplishment. I would feel like fake and more like a robot that followed instructions in my life to live out the recipe of life my parents pick for me. What I prefer is even if my life isn't the best, or I don't make the perfect decisions and my life is not as by the book definition of a good life. It is my own outcome to things I decided for myself. Then life would feel more free and I'll feel more human and like I even have a life that's my own because I did it the way I chose. So, this is my dilemma. Because I gave up on trying to make my parents understand this. It doesn't matter if I even did continue to try. I think God gives us free will so that we can life our lives for Him in our relationship with Him and what that means in our specific lives. So, if in my life I'm doing what everybody else tells me to do and is not my own choice even if it's from my parents who honestly should stop trying to be parenting at this stage I'm 27 and I think they should treat me as an equal adult in society who actually knows stuff and has her own brain and emotions, I just think I'm being bossed around when I can perfectly take my own initiative. Because, all this falls within options of actions that are biblical, morally, and honoring to God as much as possible. Obviously, I mean if I'm just deciding how to cut my hair, or what job I pick, or where I want to live. There are decisions that I feel I have a right to make them my own without input because it's only going to affect me and be my own attempt to help myself. Honestly, other people think they know what I want, if I want help or what is good for me. But, I think I know more than other people about myself and God knows more about me than myself. Anyway, having free will is a human right I believe whether in a subtle way or not is neutral ability that can be good or bad, but like everything else, it's a piece of the puzzle that is needed. I mean taking away free will from a person's life to make choices and do their own decisions seems to me is totally not what God would want. Of course God giving free will does expect us to use it for good not bad. But, I think it is so wrong to force a person, just take away any free will in any way from their life even if it is for their own good because I think nobody is above God to do that, when God himself doesn't do that. I think people who do that, and force anyone into anything are actually going to face the judgement of God. God is who decides about our decisions that we freely make in the end. People who are forcing things on others even if they mean well, at least in my experience I feel the life is sucked out of me and what is even the point for people to exist in a life that is not their own. I can say it's OK to teach, suggest, influence but not force the person into it. Person needs to make their own decision. Thoughts?
Click to expand...
Hi maria, God Bless and welcome .. Remember this thread if/when you have children , lol, meanwhile, always try do the right thing ..
 
A

Adstar

Senior Member
#4
Jul 24, 2016
7,626
3,646
113
#4
maria2327 said:
Hi, I was thinking about what would be a good thing to ask here and I found it. I always wondered about this. I always think free will is amazing and shows that the decisions were made voluntarily. My situation has a lot to do with my parents because they never completely let go in my life although I have some liberty and I'm not a complete forced to comply in all their rules as I was being a child now I'm not a child anymore. But, I don't believe I'm truly allowed to fly freely even at this point of my life. It feels more like they very much want control over my decisions and lifestyle. Now, I get they are parents and they are not perfect even so they love me, they want me to succeed in life that's good. But, I know they will literally if they can be allowed to force me into things in my life that will determine my life outcome. Like, for example, if they could have complete control of where every cent of my money would go they will gladly do it. Now, it won't necessarily mean that they will spend it selfishly. They could put it to good use. My parents have a pretty successful life more than me and could probably do my life better than I could do it. What bothers me is that even if my life is a complete success because I do everything they would suggest or let them control everything they want, it will just be meaningless for me to have a successful life because I wouldn't feel like it was my own accomplishment. I would feel like fake and more like a robot that followed instructions in my life to live out the recipe of life my parents pick for me. What I prefer is even if my life isn't the best, or I don't make the perfect decisions and my life is not as by the book definition of a good life. It is my own outcome to things I decided for myself. Then life would feel more free and I'll feel more human and like I even have a life that's my own because I did it the way I chose. So, this is my dilemma. Because I gave up on trying to make my parents understand this. It doesn't matter if I even did continue to try. I think God gives us free will so that we can life our lives for Him in our relationship with Him and what that means in our specific lives. So, if in my life I'm doing what everybody else tells me to do and is not my own choice even if it's from my parents who honestly should stop trying to be parenting at this stage I'm 27 and I think they should treat me as an equal adult in society who actually knows stuff and has her own brain and emotions, I just think I'm being bossed around when I can perfectly take my own initiative. Because, all this falls within options of actions that are biblical, morally, and honoring to God as much as possible. Obviously, I mean if I'm just deciding how to cut my hair, or what job I pick, or where I want to live. There are decisions that I feel I have a right to make them my own without input because it's only going to affect me and be my own attempt to help myself. Honestly, other people think they know what I want, if I want help or what is good for me. But, I think I know more than other people about myself and God knows more about me than myself. Anyway, having free will is a human right I believe whether in a subtle way or not is neutral ability that can be good or bad, but like everything else, it's a piece of the puzzle that is needed. I mean taking away free will from a person's life to make choices and do their own decisions seems to me is totally not what God would want. Of course God giving free will does expect us to use it for good not bad. But, I think it is so wrong to force a person, just take away any free will in any way from their life even if it is for their own good because I think nobody is above God to do that, when God himself doesn't do that. I think people who do that, and force anyone into anything are actually going to face the judgement of God. God is who decides about our decisions that we freely make in the end. People who are forcing things on others even if they mean well, at least in my experience I feel the life is sucked out of me and what is even the point for people to exist in a life that is not their own. I can say it's OK to teach, suggest, influence but not force the person into it. Person needs to make their own decision. Thoughts?
Click to expand...
Hello maria2327 :)

I just want to make comment on free will..

I mean taking away free will from a person's life to make choices and do their own decisions seems to me is totally not what God would want.
Click to expand...
No one can take away your free will... What people sometimes do is make your exercising your existing frere will in a way they do not want you to.. Very costly to you..

This does not take away your ability to make free willed decisions.. It simply has the potential to make the cost of making that free willed decision very costly in some way..

Free will does not mean a person can do what ever they want freely without costs..
Free will simply means that we humans have the ability to make decisions of our own without being controlled like dumb robots by some outside conscience..

A young guy can make the free willed decision to buy or build a very fast car, but he will have to pay the cost of building it.. The same young guy can make the free willed decision to drive down the highway in that car at 200kmh but he will have to face the possible cost of being pulled over by the police and losing his license and probably doing prison time.. Or he could face the possible cost of losing control of that car and dying in a terrible car crash.. The costs and possible costs he faces does not take away from his ability to build and race that car on the highway.. His free willed ability to do this does not mean he is free from the potential costs involved in his decision to do so..
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#5
Feb 21, 2014
70,939
9,691
113
#5
Hi Maria, welcome to CC. :) This topic belongs better in the bible discussion forum. It will get better coverage and more responses there..

Background edit.gif
 
M

maria2327

New member
#6
Mar 2, 2020
2
0
1
#6
I don't really know how I would move the thread to another forum. So, I read the responses and thank you for sharing the thoughts about it. It would be a lot easier if my parents did practice certain boundaries and they wouldn't treat me still like a child. However, the reality is that as they get older in age they are going to need to depend more on me. I am not at a point in my life where I have financial freedom to provide for them although I pay pretty much my things so I'm not burdensome. Them being my parents I do feel a sense of eventually when they need me to I need to make sure they are taken care of. I don't really have anyone else I can expect to rely on about this. My cousin believes that I need to do more for them and that they are my responsibility. While I don't completely disagree about me being there for them, I have my own life to figure out also and I think with what I have at this stage in my life, I am doing for them what I can. I know that every family is different, but personally I think if I were to have a child, I would feel responsible for them until they became adults and if as adults they decide to look after me I need to respect their decisions. It's not that I don't want to take care of my parents when they get older, I want them to be taken care of very well and I want to be sure that they are as much as I am able to, but I also want them to actually understand, respect and consider that with my life I don't agree with most of the things they want me to do with it. I want their support instead of judgement. I don't think although they love me the best way they know how to, that they love me unconditionally, it actually is very conditional type of love. There are things that I do that I get a lot of judgement, hate, I would say psychological abuse. That is never a loving response. So, it could be simply a difference of opinion on something. My dad is not a christian, and even tho my mom is she doesn't have a Godly guide in her husband. So, even if she tries to tell him he's being rude, she will get ignored, told she's wrong or made to feel bad also. I think christian families struggle in dynamics so in my family where my dad has no spiritual filter we struggle a lot more. It's kind of a very uncomfortable dynamic for me although, I would love to comfortably live with them and do live with their love and support, what actually happens most of the time is utter complete chaos. So, it's very complicated for me to want to have a better relationship with them because there's nothing about it that would make it a tolerable relationship and nobody wants bad relationships even if they are your parents. But, they are my parents. If I ever figure out how to do what I should do as their daughter for them without them causing chaos, or even having the possibility to destroy what I'm trying to build in my life I would do that. Because involving them in my decisions from experience has always lead to a lot of pain and suffering for me and I would have been better off if I had gone with my own logic. Even tho they are trying to help me and guide me, it's terrible help and advice. Especially my dad in a worldly, secular driven mindset and my mom as a christian actually more like follows my christian example than being a christian role model for me.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#7
Feb 21, 2014
70,939
9,691
113
#7
I can ask a mod to move it for you. :)

Also, please use paragraphs. Your walls of text are hard to read and many won't even bother to.
 
oyster67

oyster67

Senior Member
#9
May 24, 2014
11,887
8,711
113
#9
A warm welcome to CC, sister Maria:)
 
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