Marriage...expensive or just the wedding?

My friend had been living with her partner for over 12 years so I think she knows what she wants otherwise she would have left, she did try to leave at one point but it didnt work so shes like I have to marry him and do the right thing by God.

I dont think its that easy though to marry someone you already live with otherwise they would have done it years ago,

I think its probably easier to marry someone BEFORE you go to live together. Because you would get the most expensive thing out of the way first.

But then that doesnt leave. you much for a home...

hmm. I also know a classmate who was going to get married, have the big wedding, and pulled out. She said she lost a few grand cos she had to cancel everything. she was catholic so it was going to be the big catholic wedding expected by the church. I dont know if catholics weddings are more pricy than others but for them its a huge deal. Shes no longer catholic and now just living with someone, has a dog and decided not to marry.

I guess if your heart tells you no then dont do it even if you lose all that money. Its not worth to marry someone you dont want to be with for the rest of yor life.

Weddings don't have to be so expensive...Court house wedding costs next to nothing. Marriage license costs vary from state to state but you could expect 35 dollars in Kentucky, 30 in Virginia, 93.50 in Florida, and 99.50 in Tennessee ( just to show some of the difference by state). It's up to you whether you want to add to that cost or not by having all the thrills and frills (big dress, big reception, expensive honeymoon etc.) or not....lol

What is the purpose of a wedding? Is it not to become man and wife? Too many times a wedding that cost more than a substantial down payment on a house has ended in months.
However I have seen more than once, couples happily marry in a church service with their fellow congregation and family, and follow up with food for all provided by the church ladies, in the church hall. Cost p/w, modest donation to Minister/hall, rings, possibly the gown lovingly lent by a friend.

yea I thought that was meant to be the norm.

I was watching this travel show and it was about Tahiti and the guide went to Bora Bora which is like this honeymoon resort. They do weddings in a package and it probably costs at least $600 a night.

He said dont go if you are single. I have been to Tahiti and talked with some hotel staff that had worked in Bora Bora...everyone calls it Boring Boring. There is nothing much to do on the island after a couple of days.

I suppose the honeymoon couples are too busy gazing into each others eyes to worry about their bank balance.

In the olden days women had a dowry, and they had something called a hope chest or glory box that was full of dinner sets and blankets that they would bring to set up house. nowadays you have to drag everything in to furnish a house, many dont even come with fridges although an oven or stove is a standard feature.

Most people, when they buy their first home, cant even afford to furnish it so they will be sitting on cartons for the first few years and sleeping on the floor.

nows a good time to get married people...dont have to worry about guests and putting on a huge reception.

We do not ever have to worry about cost. Other then the file fee or the cost for the marriage license. If we want a marriage that is legal and recognized. By law we can only be married to one person at a time.

In the city I live in people put stuff out on the curb all the time. I use to drive around pick stuff up and take it out to the flea market to sell it. Over time we accumulate a lot of stuff and it is difficult to go through and get rid of it. Even we give it away we can not help but to wonder if they don't need it either. It would make me crazy to be a garbage man and see all that good stuff thrown away when it could still be cleaned up and used.

I remember when I got married her best friend wanted to pay for her wedding dress. All her friends were so excited about her marriage so that they wanted to contribute something. Even the photographer wanted to contribute that. Although today everyone has a camera on their phone so everyone can take photos and videos of the marriage and give it to the people.

thats so sweet, My mum sewed her own.
I would just wear a gown or dress I already had if it was me. The groom wouldnt have seen it before. Otherwise, linen bedsheet and white net curtains could work for those stuck for material, then just pick fresh flowers from the garden.

I think the setting up house is actually the expensive part of being married.

aside from the house, you need decent furnishings that will last ...a bed, fridge, oven, table, chairs, washing machine, cutlery, dinnerware, wardrobe...I dont know if many brides are going to impressed if theres no guarantee of a permanent home to settle in.

Thats why so many are like we cant afford to marry...but because of the economy, some people might not ever reach that point of stabilty where they have a job that could pay off a mortgage. and that renders them ineligible.

eligible bachelors are almost always wealthy, I suppose thats what makes them eligible.

Skip the ceremony. Elope and spend the money for a ceremony on a house.

That is called “an excuse.” 🤣🤣🤣 People could get married with little to no expense, you literally just need a judge and maybe a ring. Also when you marry then your financials merge, which can be very beneficial not only in extra income but often married couples can get things like health insurance bundled together. Heck with the stimulus package, married couples got more money!!

It all I think comes from fear of one terrifying little word: commitment.

The scary word of commitment and the expressions when faced with it:

Couples who live together before marriage should sleep in separate rooms, and maintain self discipline.

I wouldn't advice such a thing. But what if one of them lost their job and couldn't afford to pay rent? Wouldn't they feel hurt if the person they are dating didn't offer to help.

But then, the other person would be taking on a big responsibility to have this person live with them rent free and bills free. I wonder how long that would last? It may be a while before the person finds employment.

Then the added stress of the people at church accusing them of living in sin- even though they may stay in separate rooms.

It would be ideal if the person was able to pay rent for their girlfriend/boyfriend until they were able to. But again I ask, how long will it be before the person finds employment?

So people move in together because of econimical reason. Then they're traped. In the back of their heads they don't want to marry because they are too poor. At least living together, you can easily end things whenever you want and move on out of the bondage. But to get married seems like prison when you're poor and struggling. Maybe that's how they look at it. They don't want to be tied down. The fact that they can move on at any time gives them peace.

(And another thing. What is better: to be single and struggling financially, or married and struggling?)

I concur!

Society and man made laws have made " getting married" a joke!

Genesis 4:1 And Adam knew his Eve wife;......


" Getting a divorce "is more expensive!

My husband is my heart!

good points, I was thinking about one of my friend situation because her fiance/intended fell ill and couldnt work for a while, and then her job situation wasnt stable either for a time. Then of course to look after a child on top of that. when they got together they werent born again...so did not think of marrying, but its much harder to break up when you have a child too.
That would be even worse. they did actually break up for a while. but it was worse to be single and struggling and one living in a house truck and the other with a huge mortgage.

there is a strain when one person has a job and the other doesnt and has to look after them as well. And for men who cant work cos they fall ill or have an accident or whatever, I think they feel they have nothing to offer...? They were able to finance a house only really because the grandmother pitched in for a deposit. i think by not marrying the guy is saying well if you find someone better who can look after you and provide I wont stop you? You are not tied to me and dont have to look after. me if Im sick?

these days its the women who propose marriage. I know several who've asked their now husbands. But for some strange reason, many seems to think its only the men who are supposed to ask.

If men are saying this, it may be because the cost of the divorce can be really high. She takes half your stuff. If you have kids, chances are in some states she gets primary custody and the legal system sets an amount you have to provide for your kids, a budgetary constraint that can make it difficult if a man's income drops or if he wants a lower-paying job to be close to his children.

Men who say this may not realize the child support thing can happen if they are married or not, so it is not, so it is an argument against having children, maybe, and being able to be identified as the father. But it is immoral not to support your children.

This is the reasoning of some unbelieving men, at least. From a profit-maximization perspective, it kind of makes sense. But as Christians, we know that there are more important things than money.

All this is an argument against a man marrying a woman with a worldly attitude toward marriage, who will leave if the marriage isn't satisfying or interesting enough or if she finds a man she likes better. Men can leave women, too, but they tend to face the financial penalties for it, in the US at least, moreso than the other way around.

But if this is a man's reasoning, he might not say all that to his live-in girlfriend.

Christian men should not have live-in girlfriends, unmarried sex partners.

I remember a high school and church friend of mine getting married. The family made some of the food, and I think it was more of a pot luck. We could change our church culture to help out with food, having pot luck dinners for weddings without it having to be a fancy affair. I went to a predominantly Filippino church where an unmarried couple with kids started attending. I didn't know they weren't married. My wife found out and started talking to the wife about needing to get married. The pastor did, too. They had a wedding. I think people may have helped them with food. They didn't have a lot of money.

The family, extended family and such, preparing food could also be a lot cheaper than hiring caterers.

A lot of my relatives just had some light snacks at their weddings in the 1980's. My cousin married a woman whose dad went all out. I remember a spread of food, caterers walking around with plates of cocktail shrimp, all hosted in a country club. It's not cheap. In Indonesia, there is an expectation of a big party, and I have been to a number of weddings at hotels with great buffets, including the popular kambling guling (roast goat) stand that you can almost only get at weddings. But I've seen poorer families serve homemade food in the street for weddings.

My mom said when she was young, the preacher would just marry people right after the Sunday service. I can't remember, but maybe there was some food in the fellowship hall afterward. That was the norm, except some couples drove off to the justice of the peace in the next state over to not have to pay for the blood test.

My wife and I fed a couple of hundred people for our wedding in her country, then my parents put on a party for family at our house. Some of my wife's relatives thought we needed to do the traditional ceremony, so we had another adat ceremony in her father's ancestrial village, in the yard between the houses in the village, sitting on the ground until my muscles were fatigued. I didn't understand the local language, there, or what they were saying, and got just a bit of translation. It mostly involved sitting around talking and eating food.