Your relationship status on Social Media.....

Lanolin · Dec 6, 2019

when are people exclusive? when they get engaged (betrothed)

only in the secular world would they be ashamed of getting engaged to be married and say oh we are now exclusive and we going to move in together . no marriage for us. when we get bored of each other we will just break up. Thats the way it is in the world.

but christians are not of this world, and also, when a christian says something, they are meant to keep their word. anything is else is a lie.

people used to say that unmarried people living together were 'living in sin' or not being honest. And thats the truth because they were not being honest, they were often leading each other on to think a relationship was going to be permanent and exclusive when it wasnt.

Solemateleft · Dec 7, 2019

Lanolin said:

So I believe there is a range of progressive relationship development before the 'engagement' phase... Just channeling my younger bachelor days (no recent experience - gunna be interesting trying to figure this out at this age - hopefully the rules haven't changed too much - fingers crossed) but there are generally: Attraction > Dating > Disappointment > Stability > Commitment...
1 - attraction - just beginning to get to know each other...
2 - dating - at some point here the bond of boy-friend/girl-friend is established (IMHO this is where people demonstrate their ability to be exclusive)
3 - disappointment - reality settles in and this is where couples recognize each others flaws and typically make a decision as to whether those flaws are show-stoppers or not... Most boy-friend/girl-friend relationships end here - well before an engagement - but hopefully they have demonstrated their ability to be loyal to their partner in a relationship...
4 - stability - this is where trust is built that both couples are open and honest of being able to make their relationship work regardless of each others little quirks... Learning and Knowing that someone else can accept you for you is a huge part of transitioning to the next phase...
5 - commitment - this is IMHO where the commitment of 'Engagement' and commitment for a life together is formally or informally acknowledged... IMHO - the only way a couple can arrive to this phase it thru a demonstrated ability to show your partner your 'exclusive loyalty' along the journey to this special and intended end-state... Where being exclusive is a means to arriving to these ends...

Lanolin · Dec 7, 2019

isnt there a book called THE RULES about this, although I've never seen it, Might have been thrown out years ago or weeded from the library.

Solemateleft · Dec 7, 2019

Lanolin said:

LOL - evidently you are absolutely correct... Too funny, so there are Rules and unfortunately they have changed and the digital era has evidently introduced several new nuances... Oh bother... so much to digest...

Solemateleft · Dec 7, 2019

AH HA... This is what I'm talking about...
This is a re-post from one of my nieces FB posts (not an original post of hers) who shares this sentiment as a 19 year old college student in a long-distance relationship with her boyfriend (he joined the Marines).
There is still hope in both the digital era and with our younger generation... True Love, Romance and Commitment is not dead...

Miri · Dec 7, 2019

Used responsibly, social media is a great way of keeping in contact with Real Life Friends. Real friends will already know whether you are single or not. So it’s a non issue. Also just set up all the privacy settings so only friends see your posts.
Only accept friend requests from genuine friends/family.

Lanolin · Dec 8, 2019

facebook changes its rules or settings all the time.
I think the last time someone tried to post a mass shooting hoping people would watch it and like him, they kinda cracked down on it because the victims families all had to change their status to DEAD.

Lanolin · Dec 8, 2019

Solemateleft said:

what about the guy who wrote 'I kissed dating goodbye'. I heard he got divorced.
I dont think anyone I know ever followed THE RULES, when I tried to ask someone I thought I could trust and who was a christian about dating etc, this guy ended up going online and finding a wfe who was 20 years younger than he was.
and you cant really ask pastors because even pastors own children dont follow their rules, some of them are born to rebel .
Im one generation away from the time your parents arranged your marriage for you. My parents are like who cares about marriage, earn enough money to look after us when we get old.

ArtsieSteph · Dec 8, 2019

I think personally now, if I had the gentleman's permission, I'd just have a very simple "in a relationship" tag on facebook. Doesn't really need to go further than that really.

Lanolin · Dec 10, 2019

I dont even look at status updates because I know all the people who are my friends on fb already. so far none of my cousins have said they are going with anybody although one or two might be seeeing someone, till I get the engagement or wedding invite its really none of my business.

one time my sister just announced she was going out with someone and he was going to come visit us with her but never for a moment did we figure she was in a real relationship. she never spoke of him up to that point. we waited for news of engagement and when that didnt happen and they stopped seeing each other he was just this guy who she lived with and maybe he took advantage. but as far as everyone else was concerned he was not family or related to my sister until he did the right thing and made an honest woman of her.

BrotherMike · Dec 10, 2019

I use to be on Facebook but I’ve taken a few months off so far. The status is on there for all my friends to see, I won’t hide it.

Princesse · Feb 23, 2020

I use social media for business purposes. I’m intentional about what I reveal on mediums and platforms I don’t own. There are numerous examples of information being used against the person down the road. I depend on the Lord’s guidance in this area.

As for the questions...

Would you let everyone know that you’re in a relationship online via Facebook or any other app?

In respect to a prospect or someone I’m dating; not at all.

When is it a good time to change your status (once you’re in a relationship) and let people know?

I would note an engagement.

What if your other half doesn’t want your relationship to be publicly announced, but you do?

That’s never been an issue. We’d address it before amendments to either profile occurred.

Or are you the type to keep things private?

I view my relationship and work as avenues for ministering to others. Because of this, it’s important we’ve vetted the other and reached a point in the connection where public interactions wouldn’t create risks to my reputation or witness. There would need to be a constancy in our decorum and agreements on what we disclose and refrain from sharing.

laughingheart · Feb 23, 2020

Solemateleft said:

So I believe there is a range of progressive relationship development before the 'engagement' phase... Just channeling my younger bachelor days (no recent experience - gunna be interesting trying to figure this out at this age - hopefully the rules haven't changed too much - fingers crossed) but there are generally: Attraction > Dating > Disappointment > Stability > Commitment...
1 - attraction - just beginning to get to know each other...
2 - dating - at some point here the bond of boy-friend/girl-friend is established (IMHO this is where people demonstrate their ability to be exclusive)
3 - disappointment - reality settles in and this is where couples recognize each others flaws and typically make a decision as to whether those flaws are show-stoppers or not... Most boy-friend/girl-friend relationships end here - well before an engagement - but hopefully they have demonstrated their ability to be loyal to their partner in a relationship...
4 - stability - this is where trust is built that both couples are open and honest of being able to make their relationship work regardless of each others little quirks... Learning and Knowing that someone else can accept you for you is a huge part of transitioning to the next phase...
5 - commitment - this is IMHO where the commitment of 'Engagement' and commitment for a life together is formally or informally acknowledged... IMHO - the only way a couple can arrive to this phase it thru a demonstrated ability to show your partner your 'exclusive loyalty' along the journey to this special and intended end-state... Where being exclusive is a means to arriving to these ends...

Really well said. I was told not to look for someone without faults, but someone whose faults I can live with. Your stages are a great way to sum things up. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

laughingheart · Feb 23, 2020

It is not something I have on my Facebook. My friends keep up with my life and know what is happening. If you don't know then perhaps we are not that close so I can't imagine it matters. If I was engaged or married then I am sure that the pics would tell the story, so sending out an announcement wouldn't be necessary.

zeroturbulence · Feb 23, 2020

zeroturbulence · Feb 23, 2020

Miri said:

Used responsibly, social media is a great way of keeping in contact with Real Life Friends. Real friends will already know whether you are single or not. So it’s a non issue. Also just set up all the privacy settings so only friends see your posts.
Only accept friend requests from genuine friends/family.

Oh no. Why did Miri leave?

Belka · Feb 23, 2020

I will only change my status from "Single" to "Married". I don't trust "relationships" and don't consider there's a true commitment to me until there's that ring on my finger and a change in my last name lol.

But yes, I would have no problem making my new status public. If someone doesn't want to do that, as some others have mentioned, I'd be suspicious because to me, that seems to imply they don't want others to know they're taken... *fishy...* lol.
Unless of course, they just literally never update their profile and don't care, or are VERY private people.

Your relationship status on Social Media.....

Would you post your relationship status publicly??

No way, I’m a private person.

Yes, I would!

I don’t know, I don’t care.

I’d have to see what my other half would say/think.

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