Did you guys ever consider to never get married?

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Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#21
Dec 15, 2018
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#21
in_the_light said:
This thought comes back and forth since i got born again (in 2007). I know marriage can be a blessing and that's how God designed things, but sometimes I tend to think that to really meet someone who totally matches u and who won't be a stumbling block to your walk with God in any way seems kinda unreal. I know in marriage people learn to love more, accept certain things, be tolerant, but then the question is... wouldn't we be better off alone, in the case married with God? Paul talks about it, as you guys know, and some say it refers to the context back then and today thigns are different, but are they really... when i met God i had been involved with this atheist guy and God even worked a miracle for him, but he hardened his heart and today i dont feel like i did for him back then anymore, but back then i was sure he was the one for me etc... then i learned, so to speak, that there isnt such a thing as the one for u, but rather many imperfect ppl (like me, us all) and we pick one who matches us best, in faith and all, and then we learn to kinda stand each other more or less, depending on how one matches the other. With that thought in mind, arent we really, again, better off walking with God without the interference from someone else? I sometimes feel that could be better, that i could be more useful to God that way, I mean, totally emotionally dependent on Him alone and for other things too. But then sometimes I also tend to consider getting married and all, but I wonder if that feeling comes when I stop depending emotionally on God for everything. Also, in my mid 30's i tend to think about how society will see me, also i think when i get older, if being kinda on my own wouldnt be bad for me ultimately. anyway, just thoughts, have you guys ever considered that too
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mmm well, I dont really care how 'society' sees me since...it doesnt really see me anyway.
I guess am not really a society person.

I live in a community, not a society, and I value my community relationships which is actually a lot more connected but also free flowing than 'society'. there are heaps of rules to society that only those born to it will get. I was never part of it.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#22
Dec 15, 2018
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#22
I dont know about stumbling block but certainly I cant really be with anyone who wants to hold me back from God. if you are married you are going to be bound or tied down. and thats not really a good thing. If your partner is abusive and swears a lot and is rude and horrible you cant just leave without going through drama.

fur lined handcuffs are actually still handcuffs. sorry.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#23
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
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#23
Aerials1978 said:
Ah, a little humor is good for the soul.
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haha I do all that anyway.
cuddles. I get from children and pets.
valentines cards well I just sold them all tonight at the shop.
flowers I grow my own so I have them every year.
and breakfast I like to cook my own cos if I make it for anyone else they say I wake them too early.
my dad mows the lawn but I used to mow 10 lawns for old people every week. Personally I wouldnt even have a lawn.
I have way too many kids at school to look after and...I dont need to be sent sweet txts. most people are not rude who txt me. I do get little love notes from children which Id rather receive cos Im not giving my number to them...they shouldnt have phones anyway.

so, not missing out on all that much thanks to Jesus. Really Im ok there is nothing Im missing.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#24
Dec 15, 2018
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#24
oh the sick in bed thing? well Jesus did look after me in bed so..sorry am covered. He just tells me to lie down so thats not hard to do really...
. Psalm 23
 
S

selfdissolving

Guest
#25
#25
Mel85 said:
Hence why women are always right 😜
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i know you were being sarcastic, but that's kinda misandrous. not to mention, simply not true. :unsure:


"In Western culture, divorce rates for first marriages range from 42 percent in the U.K. to 53 percent in the U.S. to a staggering 71 percent in Belgium. Subsequent marriages fare even worse.

The spectre of divorce is another contributing factor in the conspicuously expanding man-deserts. Many men, having seen their fathers broken by divorce, fear the loss of their assets, their homes, and their children and are simply stacking their chips, choosing not to gamble, and checking out of the marriage casino.

Family courts invariably award primary custody to the mother, while the father is restricted to weekend access, supervised visits, or left to literally climb the walls of Buckingham Palace in a superhero costume to protest rights for dads. Men—will they ever grow up?

The ridicule and debasement of men in the media and mainstream culture is now pervasive. Watch a commercial, sitcom, or movie, and invariably an immature man-child or dumb dad is the butt of the joke—the hapless buffoon. Fortunately, these silly men are always saved from themselves by a smart, witty woman or a conscripted, eye-rolling child.

The emasculation of men has become normalised."

#MGTOW
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#26
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
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#26
well nobody wants to marry someone the Bible calls 'worse than an infidel'. cos they dont provide for their own household. A mother would starve first to feed her own children, but it seems some so called dads dont even know they have children...after theyve spent all the money on drink or drugs and oopps, no money left to feed their family.

Thats happens way too much. sorry its very common.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#27
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
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#27
depends on family courts but if the dad has been abusive to the mother then the children wont be safe either. thats why visits are restricted or supervised. Actually, some women choose to stay in an abusive marriage because at least then the children arent left alone with the dad and at risk.

This is a common scenario, not to say its in every case, but, if the mum tries to leave the dad will then stalk her or come after her with a knife or something. it doesnt usually happen the other way round.

apparently if there is any domestic violence involving choking then the woman is at extreme risk. put children in that scenario, well its a timebomb waiting to go off. Men need to learn how to love first and they can only get that unconditionally from our Heavenly Father, first, they cant expect a woman to provide that love or be their mum, cos it wont ever be enough.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#28
Aug 13, 2014
27,227
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#28
Well that was fast! I figured the "WOMEN ARE EVIL BLOOD-SUCKERS!" MGTOW guys would come out of the woodwork on this thread, but it happened a lot sooner than I thought.

selfdissolving said:
The ridicule and debasement of men in the media and mainstream culture is now pervasive. Watch a commercial, sitcom, or movie, and invariably an immature man-child or dumb dad is the butt of the joke—the hapless buffoon. Fortunately, these silly men are always saved from themselves by a smart, witty woman or a conscripted, eye-rolling child.
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You're confusing cause and effect... And by the way, it's only white guys being used in the jokes. Single white males are the only ones safe to make fun of any more.

But white men have had CENTURIES to make jokes about everybody else (and if you objected to a racist or sexist joke, well you're just a stick-in-the-mud with no sense of humor.) It's only fair for other people to have a turn.

Oh wait... logic kinda kills the MGTOW victimization vibe. Sorry.

kinda said:
Remember the nursery rhyme in kindergarten? First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage. Well, marriages, and baby carriages cost money. Lots of money! And expectations are through the roof thanks to culture and Hollywood. So, marriage needs to get a new look and to have new expectations, or marriage will be in constant disarray; Which includes high divorce rates, and low satisfactory experiences overall.
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Lots of money? Shoot... I thought the main expectations of marriage were somebody to be there when you need help and lots of sex without the drama and STDs of sleeping around. I'm a poor boy, so I sure am glad I dodged the marriage bullet.
 
Mel85

Mel85

Daughter of the True King
#29
Mar 28, 2018
10,910
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#29
selfdissolving said:
The ridicule and debasement of men in the media and mainstream culture is now pervasive. Watch a commercial, sitcom, or movie, and invariably an immature man-child or dumb dad is the butt of the joke—the hapless buffoon.
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This is just a taste of what some women go through. I could make a list, but I wouldn’t be any better of it - and then someone will end up assuming or calling me some feminist. But, quite frankly, I don’t let the world’s views and opinions get to me - why? Because I know who I am in Christ, and that’s all that matters.

My work male colleagues joke to me all the time about how men are the best and are superior - do I let it get to me? Nope. Why? Because that’s their opinion and issue.

Some of my gfs jokingly say that guys they’ve dated are douchebags and that all guys only want one thing. Do I support that kind of statement or viewpoint? Heck no. Again, that’s their views and issues.

If some men (or women) are truly upset with what I said - then I apologise, my intention was not to offend. I like to think I was being humorous, but I guess there are some people on here who would take what I said to heart.
 
I

in_the_light

Guest
#30
#30
Lynx said:
And once again cinder beats me to saying what I was going to say. Ah well.

Go back up and reread what cinder said, and imagine I said it. That'll work well enough I guess.

Really, it's not the kind of thing most people can decide and set in stone for the rest of their lives. You can be single and quite happy, and suddenly meet the perfect complement to your life and marry. You can be happily married and your spouse dies or suddenly turns into a person you don't know and divorces you.

Every single aspect of my life, right down to the part about me being alive to live it, is conditional and subject to change without notice. Marital status is one of them, and just as subject to change. There's no way I can say "This is me forever" until I die. And after I'm dead I won't be around to say it.

The best thing to do with life is live it. If you get married along the way, yay company and support! If you stay single until the end of it, yay freedom and spontaneity!
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It's just that I feel that u need to be open to meeting someone, which means that u do think about it and consider it and if u do happen to meet a "perfect" person for u great, but i'm seeing that those things aren't really like that in practice. in the beginning of a relationship, yes, when it's all about passion, but then i see that most couples end up realizing they wouldn't have married int he fisrt place if they had taken the time to REALLY know that other person. so what i see is that often God wants to do things in your life, internal changes, that process we go through alone with God in the desert, but then in those moments of weakness we tend to resort to comfort from someone we can see and end up getting in relationships so that process stops or is slowed down because then u are required to start working at becoming one with that person AND one with God so it can cause a lot of conflict i suppose. i wish it wasnt like that because i know that two can be better than one but only provided that that other one is totally in tune with u. i know i'm starting to talk about something else now, but just venting out...
 
I

in_the_light

Guest
#31
#31
kinda said:
There is about a million other threads that are either the same topic, or in close proximity to this thread. They should have a sticky thread just for marriage and dating woes, thoughts, and etc. Wasn't trying to be rude, but come on...How many times can you re-phrase the same theme?

I would like to share some insight on the topic though..... Financially the middle class in America is in the dumpster. You may say, America is the richest country in the world. Is this so? Why does America owe people so much money, if we are rich? Debt is the opposite of wealth....Well, they are not best friends normally.

But, but, we are talking about marriage! Stay on topic, o.k.? Well, if the middle class is hurting financially, then many aren't typically in a good position to get married.

Remember the nursery rhyme in kindergarten? First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage. Well, marriages, and baby carriages cost money. Lots of money! And expectations are through the roof thanks to culture and Hollywood. So, marriage needs to get a new look and to have new expectations, or marriage will be in constant disarray; Which includes high divorce rates, and low satisfactory experiences overall.

So, what's my point? Well, if you want to get married, then make yourself more attractive to the opposite sex. This sounds unreasonable maybe. Well, think about it. If you worked on your spiritual, mental, physical, and financial health, you become more attractive to people. Maybe even so attractive that someone would be stupid not to marry you. Just keep working on improving yourself until you find your desired match. The worse thing that could happen to you is, that you become healthier and more successful. Marriage on the other hand, will always have a high level of risk.
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But once you get married then you'll start aging and usually become less attractice, also things can happen with ur financial status etc. so it's not like u marry someone for 5-10 years when they are fresh etc. u can certainly attract many ppl by being more or less "complete", but at the end of the day i guess marriage is more for the company for life ultimately (after those first years of excitement).
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#32
Aug 13, 2014
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#32
Well, part of it is company.

There's also the security of having somebody to watch your back, and you watching your spouse's back. If one person gets sick, the other is still there to feed the dog, pay the electric bill on time, etc. As a single guy I have to do all that taking-care-of-life stuff by myself whether I'm sick or not.
 
I

in_the_light

Guest
#33
#33
zeroturbulence said:
Women have the convenience of saying they are married to Jesus or to God, and there is even a scipture where God says he is husband to the windows. But Jesus is not going to cuddle with you or make you breakfast or send you Valentine's gifts, or give you flowers on your anniversary, or send you sweet little texts or have dinner with you, or mow your lawn or have kids with you, or take care of you when you are sick in bed, etc....
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He actually does, but in a different way.
Lynx said:
Well, part of it is company.

There's also the security of having somebody to watch your back, and you watching your spouse's back. If one person gets sick, the other is still there to feed the dog, pay the electric bill on time, etc. As a single guy I have to do all that taking-care-of-life stuff by myself whether I'm sick or not.
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that's the part that worries me, though i know we shouldn't worry at all. if Jesus comes back before i get too old, excellent, but that may not happen (im thinking now it wont). if i knew i'd stay relatively healthy and young until i died i'd probably settle for being single, but yeah...
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#34
Aug 13, 2014
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#34
Well even if you stayed healthy and young until you died, there are lots of things that could tie up one person, where two people as a team would have a lot more flexibility.

Though that does sound nice, staying young and healthy until I die of old age... I know it won't happen, but it sure sounds good.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#35
Dec 15, 2018
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#35
I dont think you should be stressing yourself out about stuff like is. Jesus was in his 30s and had the most active ministry and he wasnt married. If he was, he probably wouldnt have reached the number of people he did, if he was tied down.

Peter was married, but the interesting thing is his wife is not really mentioned at all like she didnt come with him on his journeys with Jesus. Note how clingy Peter was to Jesus. At one point Jesus was rather annoyed with Peter for following him everywhere and copying him all the time. I mean Jesus walk on water so Peter decides he wants to walk on water too so gets out of the boat and nearly drowns. Um..why not wait for Jesus instructions first.
 
I

in_the_light

Guest
#36
#36
Lanolin said:
I dont think you should be stressing yourself out about stuff like is. Jesus was in his 30s and had the most active ministry and he wasnt married. If he was, he probably wouldnt have reached the number of people he did, if he was tied down.

Peter was married, but the interesting thing is his wife is not really mentioned at all like she didnt come with him on his journeys with Jesus. Note how clingy Peter was to Jesus. At one point Jesus was rather annoyed with Peter for following him everywhere and copying him all the time. I mean Jesus walk on water so Peter decides he wants to walk on water too so gets out of the boat and nearly drowns. Um..why not wait for Jesus instructions first.
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yes, you're right.
 
laughingheart

laughingheart

Senior Member
#37
Sep 21, 2016
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#37
I think we want to find ways to get God to send us a personal memo as to what is going to happen.
Lord, do you have a partner for me? If yes, then let there be oxygen in the atmosphere. If no, then let me see a unicorn on my lawn (yes I know that that last example is silly. I don't have a lawn).
We want God to let us know what is ahead. Unfortunately that is not how it works. Paul said it is better to be single but if that doesn't work for you, then marry. Both are good. How has God made you? The desires of your heart, either way are fine.
What we have to do is surrender all our hopes and dreams to him, not because he wants us to suffer, but to be clear in our own hearts as to who is really God in our lives. You are not renouncing your desires but you are accepting that he knows what is necessary for His plans and our part in those plans. Be at peace and enjoy the best parts of where you are at today.
I love the idea of knowing that there is someone out there who cares about my day, knows what makes me laugh and wants to share their day with me. I cherish the image of holding hands and exploring our world together, even in a trip to the beach to find sea glass or a mug of cocoa by a fireplace. I am not ashamed to admit this.
Right now I enjoy some quiet time to write or cook what I want when I want or just to be. I don't have to be "on" all the time. I can have a day where I don't have to answer, "So what are we doing today? What are the plans?" No pressure.
Knowing the answers about our future could be an unbearable burden instead of a comfort. Accept that He has got this and have peace.
Hugs, LH
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#38
Aug 13, 2014
27,227
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#38
laughingheart said:
I think we want to find ways to get God to send us a personal memo as to what is going to happen.
Lord, do you have a partner for me? If yes, then let there be oxygen in the atmosphere. If no, then let me see a unicorn on my lawn (yes I know that that last example is silly. I don't have a lawn).
We want God to let us know what is ahead. Unfortunately that is not how it works. Paul said it is better to be single but if that doesn't work for you, then marry. Both are good. How has God made you? The desires of your heart, either way are fine.
What we have to do is surrender all our hopes and dreams to him, not because he wants us to suffer, but to be clear in our own hearts as to who is really God in our lives. You are not renouncing your desires but you are accepting that he knows what is necessary for His plans and our part in those plans. Be at peace and enjoy the best parts of where you are at today.
I love the idea of knowing that there is someone out there who cares about my day, knows what makes me laugh and wants to share their day with me. I cherish the image of holding hands and exploring our world together, even in a trip to the beach to find sea glass or a mug of cocoa by a fireplace. I am not ashamed to admit this.
Right now I enjoy some quiet time to write or cook what I want when I want or just to be. I don't have to be "on" all the time. I can have a day where I don't have to answer, "So what are we doing today? What are the plans?" No pressure.
Knowing the answers about our future could be an unbearable burden instead of a comfort. Accept that He has got this and have peace.
Hugs, LH
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Ain't it the truth!

Sometimes I just wish
You'd write me a letter
And tell me what to do
I guess that
It wouldn't make it any better
I gotta have my freedom
If I wanna give it up to You

~Go Fish
"My heart belongs to Jesus"
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#39
Aug 2, 2009
24,644
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#39
laughingheart said:
I think we want to find ways to get God to send us a personal memo as to what is going to happen.
Lord, do you have a partner for me? If yes, then let there be oxygen in the atmosphere. If no, then let me see a unicorn on my lawn (yes I know that that last example is silly. I don't have a lawn).
We want God to let us know what is ahead. Unfortunately that is not how it works. Paul said it is better to be single but if that doesn't work for you, then marry. Both are good. How has God made you? The desires of your heart, either way are fine.
What we have to do is surrender all our hopes and dreams to him, not because he wants us to suffer, but to be clear in our own hearts as to who is really God in our lives. You are not renouncing your desires but you are accepting that he knows what is necessary for His plans and our part in those plans. Be at peace and enjoy the best parts of where you are at today.
I love the idea of knowing that there is someone out there who cares about my day, knows what makes me laugh and wants to share their day with me. I cherish the image of holding hands and exploring our world together, even in a trip to the beach to find sea glass or a mug of cocoa by a fireplace. I am not ashamed to admit this.
Right now I enjoy some quiet time to write or cook what I want when I want or just to be. I don't have to be "on" all the time. I can have a day where I don't have to answer, "So what are we doing today? What are the plans?" No pressure.
Knowing the answers about our future could be an unbearable burden instead of a comfort. Accept that He has got this and have peace.
Hugs, LH
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It's not fair because God made Eve specfically for Adam, but everyone else has to find a mate on their own...

 
O

oldethennew

Banned
#40
Feb 28, 2016
11,311
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#40
when in the 'world', we can WISH all we want to, but UNTIL we are in the 'BODY',
then 'all is vanity and an exercise in futility...
 
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