My Teenage Daughter

PLEASE HELP! I’m trying desperately to raise my daughter with Christian values but she is definitely digging her heels in. Her ‘gay’ guy-friend asked her to have a sleepover. Of course I said absolutely not! Then she yells at me that I’m just homophobic and unreasonable. She then proceeds to tell me that her friend (a girl) who has stayed over at our house before is bisexual. Then she yells at me “don’t you dare treat her different now!” What do I do? Never let my daughter stay with friends ever again?

Hello and welcome to CC.
Stay firm and stand on the truth. You are not obligated to give in to your daughter's demands, no matter what names she calls you. If you have not yet read the book Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend, I highly recommend it.

You haven't shared your daughter's age, but it shouldn't matter unless she's an adult. You have God-given authority over your daughter, and you have every right to stand for righteousness.

Tell her that when she gets her own place she can do what she wants but until then she has to abide by your rules. This is typical rebellious teenage behavior that will probably slowly dissipate. Glad to have you onboard with us. Welcome to CC.

I agree about putting some boundaries. The bigger issue is that she is mixing with people who are overly sexual at a young age, and might distract her from priorities. She should be focused on studies.

First seek Gods guidance in prayer. Sleep on it and then set up a day or time for you and your daughter to do something fun she likes or something that can give yall time to talk.

Pre plan very carefully what topics you want to bring up and what very carefully you are going to say. It is very vital she is in a mood where she feels loved and then you do your best to speak in love and in concern for her wellbeing.

Basically you do the best you can on your side and if she responds still in a opposing manner then ultimately your only option is if she doesn't want to listen is by being doing what as parent must be done to protect her. That may be being more involved in her friendships just as you did with not letting her spend the night with her homosexual guy friend. Until she is 18 and leaves the house then she doesn't have much say in how you parent her. Of course she will probably act like a teenager, say she hates you, or you are unloving, etc.

One very important thing is to explain why and not just command her. Debate her in a careful loving and concerning way. Ask her questions. Why does she think your homophobic. Have her talk and explain. Just listen and give her the feeling that you truly care for her thoughts. She will love to talk about herself and her beliefs.

Pay very close attention as certain ideas could spark a good reply that could help her see the hypocrisy or logical errors in her belief. Keep in mind make it look honest and look like a question. A question isnt as hostile as just telling her that idea is illogical.

Research, research, research these topics and how to respond to such ideas. Be ready and prepared to have a good explanation when it is finally your turn to explain your beliefs. Dont just quote the Bible but also explain what science has to say, explain what health statistics and research has to say, explain that certain lifestyles are more harmful then why. Always be ready to show why and not just because God said.

God commands but his Word will equally be evidently true in reality. We can see the major poor health affects of a practicing homosexual just by looking at the CDC website. Unfortunately other studies show these lifestyles are largely linked to child abuse and environmental factors like home life or the psychological impact of group popularity as we see in places like Hollywood. In order to fit in they must hold certain beliefs or music artists make sexual freedom look normal and fun.

Biology doesn't support anything but heterosexual relationships for obvious reasons in reproduction which in vitally important with the sociological studies of the health and growth of society.

Also including that we are currently at a 30 year low in infant births. The fertility rate is lower than the death rate. Meaning more people are dying than being born. We are not replacing ourselves. A man and woman must have 3 kids in order to multiply. Otherwise with just 2 you are only replacing yourselves.

And all this relates to how the most successful and healthy families are a 1 man, 1 woman marriage. There is soo much data on what kinda offspring broken families typically produces and how important it is to have a man and a woman to parent a child.

Use this kinda research as a question. Respond to her statements like. Well what do you think about this health study or this statistic? And she will respond. Then your reply could be to ask her to explain her thought further or you simply ask her another question.

The goal at this stage isn't to win her over but to shake her beliefs. Then another day you will see other opportunities to continue the shaking. Find other woman she can connect with that will share your views and get her near those woman also.

And I stress do this in love, patience and kindness. Stress that we all are sinners and God forgives anyone who comes to him. And show her by example of the words of jesus. Invite her friends over. In your controlled environment. And just treat them as Jesus would. If anything comes up dont back down from your beliefs but just say what the scripture says and spend more time on that all sinners need Jesus including you and that his grace is given to all who put their faith in Him. And if it escalates you can lovingly and politely ask them questions just to get their minds going.

Then just leave it at that. Let that shake their beliefs and end the conversation. Dont try to win all in one day. But by large speak by example with your actions. Love them and slowly guide them to healthier beliefs and behaviors.

Use every resource available to help you communicate. Seek professionals, books, articles, and people with personal experiences.

Hope this helps.

How old is she exacly? When she's 16+ I would say you gotta let her grow and learn. Doesnt mean u gotta allow everything. You should meet her friends. Just because someone is gay doesnt mean they r evil. In fact, rather have ur daughter sleep over at a gay guy than a normal.
Meet them, see how they are. Dont judge a book by its cover and teach your daughter the difference between hating sin and hating ppl. That seems like the thing she isnt getting and if she wants to get disrespectful u can discipline her.
Now if she is just a beginning teen i think u gotta be a little rougher ans maybe see to get her among more born again believers. The youngee you teach them the better. But don't expect everyone to walk the path u walk. Most of us have to walk the path of destruction before realising that we need Jesus and his grace.

I have to agree with all of the sound advice given so far, and I think @Roughsoul1991 nailed the spirit and approach. Having raised 3 teens I can attest to the teachable lessons... being Respect and providing a living example is key! You are the parent, you own the keys to establishing the household rules, guidelines and you are empowered to enforce your household rules in as peaceful, spiritual and respectful manner as possible... You can do all this with a smile on your face to demonstrate that your guidance is coming from a place of love and experience. Lots of parents fail to control their emotions in the process and unfortunately if the parental example is an emotional one, than the parent should not be surprised that the ensuing response from their children will also be wrapped in emotional outbursts. Simply make an effort to remove the negative emotional response as your intended endorsement stick... Rather use your spiritual, loving and respectful approach as the carrot. Yes, violations of household rules have consequences and those punishments should be fair, appropriate, and consistently enforced in as loving and caring and civil manner as is humanly possible. Good luck and God bless you

Its very difficult to raise a teenager in this day in age. I have a 15 old son who thank God uses discernment, but still needs my guidance. Like others have said, stay firm in your decision. Let your daughter know that even though you disagree with her friends claim, you guys still love her and pray for her. Let God do the rest.

Being a father of 4 and having two daughters 22 and 18 I have a bit of experience. Homosexuality is everywhere. You can’t shield her from it. All you can do is teach them right from wrong and hopefully your lessons take root. My daughter has a gay friend from nursing school. He’s a nice guy and a good friend We’ve met on many occasions. We talk and laugh like I do with any of her friends. Jesus hung out with sinners. He didn’t avoid them. My concern for you is this; usually friend groups are comprised of similar characters not diverse like in a sitcom, where you have one person each representing every demographic of society. In schools, hockey kids hang with hockey kids, artsy kids with artsy kids, stoners with stoners and the gay crowd with the gay crowd. It’s just how we socialize. I would be wondering why my daughter has two gay friends.

"Proceed with love, preferably with God's love in us. It is being witnessed in today's
restless world, a dramatic change in all of society, living in the now has never been
witnessed before. By the grace of God, we must strive to adjust the best we know how,
and every family situation varies. Let us pray of the right path, and to know love shall
be our best resource. God's 'inspiration' has told of these things would come to be,
and, not meant to be easy. Let us hope and pray that understanding, love and patience
shall prevail for peace and well being for all concerned."

I would just restrict sleepovers to same sexes if it was my daughter and just say thats the way it is.

Reason being with some boys they will claim this and that but at that age raging hormones kick in.
of course this may not stop lesbian type behaviour, but as long as whatever sleepovers they have YOU are in the house keeping an eye on things or at the very least a phone call away.

Note it is the boy who asked to sleepover it wasnt your daughters idea to offer. Usually its friends dont ask to sleepover at someones house, unless they have ulterior motives. I would be wary of even female friends asking to sleepover. Dont they have their own beds to sleep in?

I dont think telling a daughter when she gets her own place she can do what she wants is really teaching her anything or being a loving parent sorry.

Thats simply telling a daughter that you do what you want and its my way or the highway. anyway, have you discussed this with her father what does he say. or are you a split parent or widowed, sorry just give us a bigger picture here.

I completely agree with that first part. Answers like that just stirr rebellion worse and can push for her to run away or do things in secret. Thats how bad things happen.

Prophesy over her.

The devil has a plan for all our children.

Break it.

Break that evil plan.

Pray for the "acharigt"

(The ability to see the fruit of sin and rebellion,accompanied by a disgust for sin"

If you will notice,your daughter has not settled it in her spirit that homo behavior is to be seen as repulsive.

Take her into testimonies of those regretting sex changes and those delivered from homo spirits.

Show her homo activity is a horrible bondage and spirit

What is acharigt? Also, don’t you think using the terminology “Homo Activity” is a bit harsh?