What happens after divorce?

Hey everyone, it's been a while since I've been here.
I've been through some of my nightmares the last 3 months, my husband cheating and him filing for divorce and stringing me along until I was served and getting back into church and now fighting for custody. I didn't and still don't want to divorce, even though I caught him in pornography and dating sites. But I have no choice but to fight for custody and let him go, but I am wondering what does the Bible say about women like me after divorce? What should I do now?

You are free to remarry if that is what you were wondering. In the meantime I pray that you recover from this horrible ordeal. The worse thing that you can do in a marriage is to cheat on you spouse. If he truly loved you he would not have even thought about cheating let alone actually do it and in the process permanently destroy the marital trust.

I'm not sure if that is what I was thinking. But I appreciate your answer. Maybe that is part of it. I guess I just am very confused about what my role is now and was wondering if God's Word has anything about what I am facing.

I pray for your broken heart. What does Gods word say? We should pray always:

16 Rejoice always, 17 pray without ceasing, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
You will be amazed at what’s God says and does in your life. Pray with all your heart and soul.

Thank you for praying for me. I have been praying and will continue to do so. Just trying to figure out what to do and what I am now. It's hard.

I understand as I am going through a divorce. Was totally lost and dismayed. Cried every night. Jesus’s grace poured out onto me as soon as gave myself over. The trial is still difficult, but God has given me the power and strange to endure. We must deny ourselves and carry our cross. Instead of trying to keep my wife attached to me, I gave her over to our Father as she has always belonged to Him. I know and things I speak are true. Ask God for blessings and He will deliver you. God watch over you and your Children!

when, you are a Loving-Mother and find yourself having to 'fight' for your children after so many years of marriage,
it's a 90+% at this point in time that you will lose your 'battle'...all I can say, is 'to 'trust God', and that one day,
He will return what is yours...

on my knees

What happens after divorce?
(Kids get hurt. I know, it happened to me as a kid)

Yes, that most is the saddest and hurtful part of divorce.

I feel sorry for anyone divorcing. it must be so traumatic . And scarring as well.
But i dont like seeing someone post their ex spouse's sins on an Internet forum as if they themselves are totally blameless.

This a case of times have changed and scriptures haven't. Let's consider first that the wife was considered much like the husbands property. Women had few if any rights and could not own real estate. If a father without a son or sons died, his daughter or daughters had to marry someone from her/their fathers tribe so their fathers inheritance would stay within his tribe.

Husband were also permited to multiple wives and concubines. Women did not have the right to divorce their husbands. That's why the Biblical divorce laws were directed at husbands in every case I can recall. If she was not guilty of adultery and it was not the reason for divorce and she remarried. The sin of adultery fell upon the husband as well her second husband. Enough of those legalistic technicalities because Jesus said in Matthew 5:28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. NIV. I think that most hetrosexual men fall into that category.

Now about the custody enigma; If your locality has a 1 party/ no fault divorce law and you contest the divorce. Your husbands lawer can declare you to be a hostile influence. Which would hinder your ability to even see your child or children. Our post modern society laws are not based on Biblical standards but the mumbo jumbo lawyers go to school for years to learn how to twist and turn.

I seriously doubt if the Lord will hold it against you, if you make the decision that allows you see or keep your kids. In my opinion the entire mess will be upon his (your husbands) head not yours. In most case I've heard of, Courts prefer maternal or joint/shared custody over and unmarried father. I've been through it. So I'm not just an inexperienced talking head. May the Lord be your counselor and the Holy Spirit be your helper. In Jesus name.

You are fine to remarry in the event of infidelity on your spouse's part. However if you are of a certain age, only you may judge which, it is probably best to remain single....

Why would a woman think she would have to probably stay single after a cad divorced her?
Dear, your priority now is your children and yourself. Seek happiness, peace of mind, and learn from this experience. A man that has committed adultery through his consumption of pornography first, and then had an affair, is a man that is telling you by his choices and his behaviors that he is not the man God wants for you as husband.

Now you have to ask yourself when you're facing a custody matter if , in your heart of hearts,you believe he is a fit father. He's not a fit husband as you know, so now you have to ask and consider his fitness as a parent. Shared custody? Or you having full custody?
These are your options.
What's his personality like, besides that he's selfish, inconsiderate, and cannot be trusted. Which he demonstrated with the porn and affair.

Parents are the role model for their children. The father, if he is in the picture, is the role model for manhood when there is a son(s) in the marriage. The mother is the role model for the women in the future adult life of the son.
And mothers are the role model for their daughter(s), and the husband/dad , if he's in the picture, is the role model for husband in that daughters future. So it is very serious matter when considering the custody issue.

After serious introspection on those questions and realities that now face you, don't be afraid to seek full custody if you come to the decision that is what is best for you and your kids.

Find forgiveness for your soon to be ex-husband in your own time. This is for your and your children's sake.
The man God has for you is out there. He'll be everything your soon to be ex is not. And you will deserve that good man. You did not deserve the disrespect your soon to be ex showed you.
And do know that it wasn't you that led him into these behaviors. Don't beat yourself up thinking if only you'd have done this, or done that differently, if only.... can drive us nuts as we tear ourselves apart wondering what it is about us that makes someone else act badly toward us. It is never us, you, that is responsible for someones / his bad behavior. It is solely his responsibility.
He made those choices that ended up destroying your relationship. It wasn't you, it wasn't your fault.

God be with you and your children. And even your soon to be ex-husband.

Jesus teaches us that: "But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery." (Matthew 5:32)

We read the same in Luke but he had to have learned this teaching from Matthew: "Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery." (Luke 16:18)

Paul tells us: "Are you committed to a wife? Do not seek to be released. Are you free of commitment? Do not look for a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned. And if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this. What I am saying, brothers, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they had none" (1 Cor 7:27,28,29)

The disciples understood Jesus and responded: "His disciples said to Him, “If this is the case between a man and his wife, it is better not to marry.” “Not everyone can accept this word,” Jesus answered, “but only those to whom it has been given. For there are eunuchs who were born that way; others were made that way by men; and still others live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.” (Matthew 19:10,11,12)

So we are told it is better to remain single but those who can not do that can expect troubles in their marriage. My experience is that it is very difficult to find someone different then what you were married to. If you do find someone different you will still want the type of person that was or is unfaithful to you. So you divorce one and marry another and there is good chance you will find yourself in the same situation all over again.

That is true in many cases, however it's not always. Maturity can play a role as well as if a person learns from past experiences or not. I have known many people that have lived happily for decades with a second spouse. My own ex wife has been with her second husband over 20 years while I have remained single for over 30 years and with our children mostly since her second marriage. It's a difficult but not unmanageable situation.

The issue has to do with ministry and being used by God. It depends on how important our priesthood is before God. If a person is divorced then they are already disqualified to be a pastor because they need to live a life that sets a right example for people.

Agreed. I'm the fourth generation in my family to get divorced. I was that kid. To say that I didn't want this for any of us is accurate.

If I have made the impression that I was/am a perfect person, I apologise. Writing up the affidavit has been enlightening as to my part in this. However, I didn't put my husband into pornography, I didn't get him the dating sites, and I most certainly didn't file nor tell him to file for a divorce. I didn't push him away, he pushed me away, even after I apologized for my mistakes.
Yes I hurt and have been deeply deeply scarred. But I am trying to have hope for the future and I am trying to have dreams of good things. Am I allowed to work in some kind of service? Am I allowed to eventually remarry (although I don't really think that I want to at this point)?
I love the Lord and I want to be useful to Him. But I feel like a marked woman. If this means that the only way I can serve is to scrub the church toilets and raise my kids, then I would like to know.
I really appreciate all your prayers. It's probably going to seem stupid but I'm still praying that he will repent and reconcile and dissolve the divorce. Highly unlikely, I know that but it's been my prayer.