"Bank Accounts Should Be Combined In Marriage." So How Do You Feel About Combining Debts?

Hey Everyone,

I know that when we've talked about how getting married would affect our finances, the majority of posters have said they would most definitely combine their bank accounts with their spouse. Most people have said this is a sign of trust, and that if you can't see yourself sharing a bank account with someone, how could you see marrying them?

I'm curious as to what people think about the flip side -- how do you feel about combining debts? (Although this isn't really an option -- once you are legally married, as I understand it, you could/would be held responsible for certain debts your spouse might have if they stop or are unable to pay, such as with a joint credit card.)

I'm not sure what the current regulations are (and if they vary from state to state in the USA, etc.) , so if anyone who knows, married or not, please feel welcome to share your knowledge here.

A recent Google search brought up a CNBC article that says the average American today is in over $38,000 of personal debt, not including a mortgage.

If two people each have around $40,000 worth of debt, that means they are automatically starting their "new life" together with $80,000 worth of debt. If a single person has bill collectors hounding them now, just wait until you get married, because you can then look foward to double the harassment (and money issues are the number one reason usually listed for divorce, whether Christian or not.)

On the other hand, if people waited until they got out of debt to marry, then obviously, no one would ever get married.

And so...

* How do you feel about taking on your spouse's debt as your own and jointly paying it down? (Or is there a way that you would somehow keep it separated?)

* How does a person's personal debt influence your dating decisions, if at all?

* Does it matter to you how or why the person got into debt? (This has been something many people have mentioned in the past, such as a person got into debt because of a medical bill vs. gambling.)

I'm going to write an anonymous, multiple-choice poll that covers some other thoughts on this topic, but it's meant to be a supplement to the discussion and not a substitute.

Please feel free to voice your thoughts in this discussion because with so many people saying that bank accounts should be combined (and I'm certainly not saying there's anything wrong with that), I'd like to know if they are they also just as willing to inherit another person's debts, especially if the other person owes a lot more than they do?

Looking forward to the conversation!

P.S. I'm sorry some of the poll options are seemingly out of order or not grouped together in a more organized fashion.

I'm still trying to learn the polling system in the new format and I accidentally posted the poll before I was able to rearrange it, and the 5-minute editing time just wasn't enough to make all the changes.

My mother in law had to pay off her husbands gambling debts. But he paid it all back. Nice story.
sorry that might not be a post exactly on topic.

I already married for love ........................ FAIL.......................... so in conclusion, it would be nice to be debt free.
HA HA?

walks in and literally laughs in real life laughter 😁😀

oh, I did not vote = you mad 😋

But seriously:

im, joyfully happy the way your intellilegent mind and thoughts works,
keep that Light Shineing, soulserch!

scratches head:
how did i already get

billed in here..

when we got married, i was the one with debt (car payment). i joined his bank account but still had my own bank account from the singles days. i used that account to pay my car/medical insurance. when i got a job, i didn't add to this account but added to our joint account. the "singles" account was closed once i had less than $100 in it. then we used our joint account to pay for my car.

now... i'm currently unemployed (hopefully for not much longer! ). so technically he's paying my car payment lol.

Thanks very much, Up.

I'm not sure about joyful, shining, or intelligent , but I was raised to consider such things, so all the credit goes to God and my parents.

That, and the blessing/curse? of a mind that never seems to stop running and asking questions.

These are stories I can relate to well.

I knew I was getting into troubled situations but I didn't know how far the trouble ran until quite some time later. And I was naive enough to think that "love" and "going to church together" and reading the Bible together would fix everything.

Sure, sure.

Now I'm trying to remember what the first thing of his was that I paid for and how it all got started... But of course, it spiraled out of control and then his mother said, "Oh, it was so nice of you to give him such a generous gift."

Um, it wasn't a gift. It was understood to be a loan. But of course, it never got paid back, and by then it was all expected of me, even by his family, while he spent his money on clothes, gaming, and entertainment rather than responsibilities.

Henceforth, if I can help it, I will never willingly or knowingly get into that situation again.

I would marry someone who has good debt. Bad debt due to irresponsible financial decisions is a serious problem. It destroys marriages. Financial intelligence is important in marriage. It does not mean being rich. It means being able to solve or handle money problems effectively.

stinginess is also a problem. but more uncommon I guess.

Good point, More.

My Grandma found a companion a while after my Grandpa died, and this man expected her to be a makeshift wife for him, which included having her cook for him several times a week.

It wouldn't have been a big deal if my Grandma was still young, but she was... Um, my Grandma. So yes, she was older. And this guy had no consideration for her or her needs at all.

He rarely took her out to eat, and if he did, it had to be a fast food place. Meanwhile, he spent plenty on his own property, then come over, plop himself in my Grandpa's old chair, and read the newspaper while he expected her to slave away in the kitchen all afternoon for him.

And then he wondered why my Grandma didn't want to get married again (she specifically told him she didn't want to have to take care of a man again, which is what her generation did.)

I'm certainly not in any way saying he should have somehow wined and dined her or spent tons of money on her.

But for Pete's sake, a little basic concern for her health and comfort would have been nice.

To expect an 80+ year old woman to cook for you all day while you read the paper and could have afforded to take her out to eat, is a whole new level of selfishness (just my opinion.)

And of course, it could go either way, as there are plenty of guys out slaving away for someone who is capable of helping as well -- and I think it's very unfair in either case.

your very welcome and thank you, SS☺️

well said -
what can I say, besides somehow you leave me speechless and that's no easy task lol,
as many times qouted:

great minds do think a like as well as I can't stop running around like a nut job but hey, That's how God made me so, i completely and humbly relate!

oh by the way, your thread title is to short

um dont they have budgeting programs at your church? and premarital counselling?
do that first before you set up house together. Jesus said count the cost before you build so, I would presume that goes for marriage as well. Most young people simply cant afford to marry with student debt hanign over them.

Huh???

The last time I checked two people can live less expensively together than separately.

Housing costs the same amount whether there is one or two persons living under the roof. Cost of utilities may increase with two persons but not by much.

I m meaning if you want to own your own property, not rent someone elses and live pay check to paycheck.

this is for if you want to start a family and have a stable home life. Otherwise just live at home rent free. banks do require that mortgages be your debt they dont want debt on top of debt. if you cant pay off a student loan how are you going to pay a mortgage.

When you get married, you share everything including bank accounts and debts. There is a problem if you don’t trust the person you are with to share either of these two things.

I’d prefer not to be in debt, but there are endless amounts of reasons for people to have debt. I would not marry someone that has gone into debt because of problems he HAS, unless these were part of his past and he’s changed since then. I’d hope he would also be looking at me that way as well.

Before marriage, it’s important to know and understand how your partner views money, spending, debt and future goals. If these things don’t match up, I think it’s unwise to get married.

and family and kids and pets and belongings and the list goes on and on... choose wisely!

I don't have any debt... maybe if I brought that up in conversations I would get a date?

On the other hand I don't have a lot of cash on hand to take a lady out to eat. If we go on a lot of dates it would have to be from the dollar menu. And I think a lot of women don't like that...

Whether I would reject a lady because of her debt would depend more on the cause than the amount. It would also depend on whether she has been spending a lot on a big screen TV or the latest-greatest smartphone instead of paying her debt down. There are a lot of small factors that would weigh in, but it would all resolve into "is she handling it responsibly or not?"

That is a good question!! I honestly never thought about it...

Much to my mother’s chagrin, I’ve never been much interested in what my partner does as far as money. This is probably naive, but at the same time I don’t want my opinion of a man so changed by their wallet. She specifically wants me to marry someone who can “take care of me” financially as my father did her. This kinda frustrates me a lot because I am not interested in the old Victorian notion of marrying for financial gain.

I could understand her thinking it a small consideration, but she mentions it all the time. So for her I think it really is like a HAVE TO. Ugh.

I digress. I would marry a man despite his debts, though it may be a bad sign of having debts.

I intend to stay out of debt except for buying a house. I would expect any partner that I'm planning to share my money and my life with to have a similar attitude to getting out of debt and staying out of debt (and at least a bit of a track record of being financially responsible to prove he can do so).

My only other comment is that if your money is combined then pretty much in effect your debt is too since all payments would be coming out of the combined pot. And if you're keeping individual financial scores or books on the household expenses, you're roommates not a family.