Relationally Challenged

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Aephus

Aephus

Member
#1
Jun 14, 2016
197
145
43
#1
Hey everyone!
There’s a gal at church I’m interested in. Should I go for it?
I don’t know her to well personally, but I have talked with her a little bit here and there. What I do know about her is she’s really smart, fairly quiet, but wise and kind. She seems to be a real catch! One time I tried talking with her at a baby shower but I fell flat on my face, so to speak. I didn’t know what to talk about, had the awkward silence and everything.
I’ve noticed I’ve always had difficulty relating to the opposite sex, especially if I catch some kind of feelings.
How do I just be?
 
K

Kojikun

Well-known member
#2
Oct 5, 2018
4,658
2,721
113
#2
Aephus said:
Hey everyone!
There’s a gal at church I’m interested in. Should I go for it?
I don’t know her to well personally, but I have talked with her a little bit here and there. What I do know about her is she’s really smart, fairly quiet, but wise and kind. She seems to be a real catch! One time I tried talking with her at a baby shower but I fell flat on my face, so to speak. I didn’t know what to talk about, had the awkward silence and everything.
I’ve noticed I’ve always had difficulty relating to the opposite sex, especially if I catch some kind of feelings.
How do I just be?
Click to expand...
Start by asking questions. What is your favorite movie or book ask what kind of music she's currently into. Dont be to afraid of looking awkward. If you do something awkward I find it a good idea to call yourself out on it and make it into joke. Just be you
 
Alby

Alby

Banned
#3
Nov 25, 2019
337
157
43
#3
Bro, good for you for having the courage to try! Everyone feels that way sometimes, do not be discouraged and try again!
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#4
Aug 13, 2014
27,725
9,656
113
#4
As long as she's not a biology major...



Well if they do get married, the poor kid is DEFINITELY getting the gene for biology geek phenotype...
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#5
Aug 13, 2014
27,725
9,656
113
#5
Of course it could be worse than biology geeks...

 
cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#6
Mar 26, 2014
4,436
2,423
113
#6
Aephus said:
Hey everyone!
There’s a gal at church I’m interested in. Should I go for it?
I don’t know her to well personally, but I have talked with her a little bit here and there. What I do know about her is she’s really smart, fairly quiet, but wise and kind. She seems to be a real catch! One time I tried talking with her at a baby shower but I fell flat on my face, so to speak. I didn’t know what to talk about, had the awkward silence and everything.
I’ve noticed I’ve always had difficulty relating to the opposite sex, especially if I catch some kind of feelings.
How do I just be?
Click to expand...
Is there a committe or ministry she's involved with at church that you might be interested in helping out with? If she's really smart you could try asking her about whatever she seems to know a lot about, some of us quiet brainy girls just need an interested audience to start monologuing about our topic of interest or specialty. If not ask something like the highlight of her week or something and you can probably get a good idea of what she values and is interested in. Then just keep your eyes open for local events that she might want to go to and maybe you can go together.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#7
Mar 13, 2014
42,663
17,117
113
69
Tennessee
#7
Yeah, definitely go for it. Only the first minute or two may seem awkward but after that the conversation should start flowing more naturally. She may indeed be a real catch so go ahead and catch her.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#8
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#8
She's a fish?

Sorry. Am I reading this wrong you wrote go catch her?

I just picture this girl under the heading 'catch of the day' .
 
TabinRivCA

TabinRivCA

Well-known member
#9
Oct 23, 2018
13,229
10,764
113
#9
Aephus said:
Hey everyone!
There’s a gal at church I’m interested in. Should I go for it?
I don’t know her to well personally, but I have talked with her a little bit here and there. What I do know about her is she’s really smart, fairly quiet, but wise and kind. She seems to be a real catch! One time I tried talking with her at a baby shower but I fell flat on my face, so to speak. I didn’t know what to talk about, had the awkward silence and everything.
I’ve noticed I’ve always had difficulty relating to the opposite sex, especially if I catch some kind of feelings.
How do I just be?
Click to expand...
You need to not fear and pray that God will give you peace and wisdom when approaching anyone. I would not put anyone on a pedestal, that's a high standard. Be confident, casual and see what happens. You won't know if you don't step up and try. God bless.
 
Aephus

Aephus

Member
#10
Jun 14, 2016
197
145
43
#10
Lanolin said:
She's a fish?

Sorry. Am I reading this wrong you wrote go catch her?

I just picture this girl under the heading 'catch of the day' .
Click to expand...
xD
I don’t mean it in any demeaning sort of way.
It’s a simple way of me saying that she’s really smart, really wise, and just overall is a well-rounded individual. She loves Jesus and is bearing the fruit of the Spirit. She has a good relationship with her family and parents, which is cool. And she’s really wise. And she’s pretty, too.
 
BrotherMike

BrotherMike

Be Still and Know
#13
Jan 8, 2018
1,617
1,671
113
#13
What I’ve learned is if you don’t try, the answer will always be no.
 
Desdichado

Desdichado

Senior Member
#14
Feb 9, 2014
8,768
839
113
#14
Well. Think of why you find her intriguing and ask her flattering questions.

Do a little research. Figure out what you're both interested in.

Just don't make it look like a performance. Girls can sense discomfort.

And they can smell better than you.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#16
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#16
I think if this girl is wonderful then let her be single because it would be selfish to catch her if she doesnt want to be caught.

She already belongs to someone...God.
I think just be as brother to her. Be the best brother she could ever have. All christian sisters would like good brothers to hang with, rather than to be yoked down with someone who is just after them for their body. I dont believe you are like that but just saying.

Ask God for wisdom about this.

I was just thinking of the horrible story of Tamar and her brother who did NOT act like a brother. See 2 Samuel
 
Alby

Alby

Banned
#17
Nov 25, 2019
337
157
43
#17
I think all Christian men should love Christian women like sisters FIRST (not an easy task lol) and when the love starts to deepen past that of a sister that's when you know who have found a wife.
 
TamLynn

TamLynn

A heart at rest
#18
Nov 27, 2014
985
1,019
93
#18
Just be YOU. (Even if you feel like you're falling flat on your face 😉 )
Trying to be someone you're not could be awkward (and insincere).
It may take a time or two of chit chat until you feel more at ease around her.
Even if nothing romantic comes of it, perhaps you'll make a friend. 😊
 
Butterflyyy

Butterflyyy

Well-known member
#19
Oct 31, 2019
1,626
1,319
113
#19
Aephus said:
Hey everyone!
There’s a gal at church I’m interested in. Should I go for it?
I don’t know her to well personally, but I have talked with her a little bit here and there. What I do know about her is she’s really smart, fairly quiet, but wise and kind. She seems to be a real catch! One time I tried talking with her at a baby shower but I fell flat on my face, so to speak. I didn’t know what to talk about, had the awkward silence and everything.
I’ve noticed I’ve always had difficulty relating to the opposite sex, especially if I catch some kind of feelings.
How do I just be?
Click to expand...
Hi
I know if I guy liked me, then ideally, it would be better for us both if he spoke privately to one of my close friends or someone he knew would suss the situation out for him. Is there anyone you could trust to share how you feel with? Someone who could maybe ask her how she feels towards you? Whether she sees you as someone in her friend's zone or otherwise?
( If she does like you though, she may be impressed by you being bold enough to ask her to go out sometime; she may feel blessed that you like her enough to do that)....
Hope it's some help... 🙂
 
ArtsieSteph

ArtsieSteph

Senior Member
#20
Apr 1, 2014
6,194
1,321
113
33
Arizona
#20
This is how my dad said to go about it: make it as non pressuring as possible. Be a friend about it. Be honest. Say after the usual greetings, “Hey, I like you. I’d like to get to know you. If you don’t like me I totally get it, but I just wanted to let you know.” Treat them like a person, not a giant wave that’s about to bowl you over. You’ll be fine. 👍
 
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