How to "pry" without being offensive?!!

Also KNOWING someone really must be held in a one to one face off,I think!
We all project certain images( mostly the better part ) of what we want folks to believe about us.
I love words,but have found through dating sites,they are JUST words!
It takes the meet to see how a person really is!

Three choices...
Ask them, right out,
Wait for them to offer something,
or just be silent.

I think one of the hallmarks of knowing people online is seeing how they respond to disagreements and misinterpreation. And generally I say the good ones are open and seek too clairify what's being said before reacting to it; and the not so good runs start running away with their assumptions and things escalate. All too often things get blown out of proportion over "what you think you said with the words you said is not what I heard you say with the words you said" (well in this case wrote).

I also think that online interaction tends to allow people to get to know another person's interior thoughts and perspectives much better than their day to day how they live their lives. So it's easy to do something like meet a guy and have really good conversations with him online, but then end up with a rude awakening when you find out that he spends x hours a day watching sports, or violent action movies, or pretty much anything else that isn't part of your life and you don't particularly like.

The flip side of that is that I've found online interaction is likely to make you less compassionate and understanding of people's pain and the stressors you don't see. It's harder to have the awareness of how much the stress of caregiving, constant physical pain, or a difficult home situation are affecting one of your online friends and therefore much easier to pass judgement on them as someone who is just grouchy or short tempered or always negative and should work on their personal issues, when many of us wouldn't be half as decent of people if placed in the same situation.

As for getting more personal with people (both online and in real life), I've adopted the strategy of asking " Can / Should I ask ......" which gives the other person a bit more permission to say don't ask or I don't want to talk about it. And if they don't want to talk about it I let it drop for a while. I'm not bothered by people with a hair trigger getting offended at me because some people just need something to be offended at or complain about and that's not my problem; but I try to be respectful and afford people the same courtesy of being able to say "nope it's not your business and we're not going to talk about it" that I want people to afford me.

Okay, I hope that got your attention! That was the point!

What I am wondering is as I talk to others, and I will say especially in text format, such as PM, text messages, forums, or email, do you ever feel hindered by the lack of "other" forms of communication such as facial/bodily expressions or gestures, tone of voice, inflection and things like that? I know that we have emojis and all that but it is still lacking greatly in my opinion.

Now this "flat" form of communication can be very different if you already know someone in person and you keep in touch this way because of distance and convenience. I have some very close friends relationally but distant physically. They live in Louisiana and I live in PA. So I do get to see them several times a year maybe, but we "talk" regularly through text. Since we know each other and our personalities and beliefs and have spent a lot of time together in person I can tell them something without explaining or emoji-ing what I mean and what context and they get it.

So as I have had the privilege of getting to know others online in the last several months, I find it difficult to ask deep questions without thinking that I will offend or asking about things that might be off limits. Even if they have said that I can ask I still find it hard.

I seem to be a person that isn't too good with chit chat with people. I tend to take a conversation to a deeper level if it lends to that. If not...I run out of words. It is interesting to me to see how others think and cope with difficult circumstances in their lives. So that makes me want to ask more questions often getting deeper and more personal. Then I worry about being offensive or creepy or weird.

Also, I try to be open with them also. I have found in talking to other guys, that if I am open and honest about where I have struggled with and what I think about porn, that they will begin to feel safe and open up and talk about things too.

So I do try to share as they ask also. But there are boundaries. And they are different for different people.

I guess I am thinking out loud or in text. I guess I need to listen to them and trust that they will tell me if I have asked or said something that is out of line. I also don't think I "talk" inappropriately. I'm not into flirting, but in my mind that is fluid depending on what I think or how I view the other person.

when I was a teen I used to hang out a lot with my cousin and her cousin. the three of us would go do things together. A couple of years ago this friend (cousin's cousin) heard about things in my life and emailed me. We emailed a few times. She was sympathetic of the children as she went through the same thing as a child. But one of the last emails she sent the tone changed. I felt that and put a stop to it. In hindsight it was something that I should not have been doing. She is married. We exchanged nothing inappropriate but I got to see how things could easily go bad if I would have continued. that was a case where I knew her and could sense the "tone' of the email change.

Does anyone else understand what I am saying? Many of you have been here for a long time! How do you think about "knowing" someone online?

Okay, I hope that got your attention! That was the point!

What I am wondering is as I talk to others, and I will say especially in text format, such as PM, text messages, forums, or email, do you ever feel hindered by the lack of "other" forms of communication such as facial/bodily expressions or gestures, tone of voice, inflection and things like that? I know that we have emojis and all that but it is still lacking greatly in my opinion.

Now this "flat" form of communication can be very different if you already know someone in person and you keep in touch this way because of distance and convenience. I have some very close friends relationally but distant physically. They live in Louisiana and I live in PA. So I do get to see them several times a year maybe, but we "talk" regularly through text. Since we know each other and our personalities and beliefs and have spent a lot of time together in person I can tell them something without explaining or emoji-ing what I mean and what context and they get it.

So as I have had the privilege of getting to know others online in the last several months, I find it difficult to ask deep questions without thinking that I will offend or asking about things that might be off limits. Even if they have said that I can ask I still find it hard.

I seem to be a person that isn't too good with chit chat with people. I tend to take a conversation to a deeper level if it lends to that. If not...I run out of words. It is interesting to me to see how others think and cope with difficult circumstances in their lives. So that makes me want to ask more questions often getting deeper and more personal. Then I worry about being offensive or creepy or weird.

Also, I try to be open with them also. I have found in talking to other guys, that if I am open and honest about where I have struggled with and what I think about porn, that they will begin to feel safe and open up and talk about things too.

So I do try to share as they ask also. But there are boundaries. And they are different for different people.

I guess I am thinking out loud or in text. I guess I need to listen to them and trust that they will tell me if I have asked or said something that is out of line. I also don't think I "talk" inappropriately. I'm not into flirting, but in my mind that is fluid depending on what I think or how I view the other person.

when I was a teen I used to hang out a lot with my cousin and her cousin. the three of us would go do things together. A couple of years ago this friend (cousin's cousin) heard about things in my life and emailed me. We emailed a few times. She was sympathetic of the children as she went through the same thing as a child. But one of the last emails she sent the tone changed. I felt that and put a stop to it. In hindsight it was something that I should not have been doing. She is married. We exchanged nothing inappropriate but I got to see how things could easily go bad if I would have continued. that was a case where I knew her and could sense the "tone' of the email change.

Does anyone else understand what I am saying? Many of you have been here for a long time! How do you think about "knowing" someone online?

I think it's very difficult to get to know someone through texting alone. There is just too much missing from the conversation. Talking by phone is better, simply because you can interact much more quickly, and you can pick up vocal cues. Video chats are another step up, but nothing beats face-to-face between two people who want to communicate with each other.

Take the person at their word. If they say they are straightforward, believe them. If they express hesitation, give them space. When you are wanting to go farther, I think it's alright to give a brief preface such as, "I would like to get to know you better, and smalltalk isn't helping me with that. Are you open to that?" and then perhaps "If I ask a question that makes you uncomfortable, feel free to pass."

Then begin the interrog deeper interaction.