Where Did the Saying "God is Preparing Just the Right Person for You!" Come From Anyway?

Hello there!

A recent conversation with some fellow Christian singles had me thinking - where does the popular saying, "God is out there preparing the right person for you!" come from, anyway? To my knowledge (and please feel free to correct me), there is absolutely no Biblical basis for telling someone this, and yet, I almost always hear it come up when others are trying to give singles "hope." How did people come up with this conclusion and decide it's what singles should be told? God bless anyone for trying to minister to a single, but I know I've never found this "advice" to be of any comfort, because God just as well might NOT be preparing someone for me either. After all, God's plans are not our plans.

As a parallel to this dilemma, I've been reading that due to various factors, infertility rates are on the rise and many couples are struggling when trying to start or expand their families.

Can you imagine telling someone who is struggling to have a baby, "Don't worry, God is up there drawing up the blueprints for the perfect little boy or girl, just for you! After all, He knows each of us before we are even formed in the womb!" (Jeremiah 1:5.) At least, I sure am hoping there is no one out there telling anyone this, and to anyone who's been told this, I sincerely apologize.

If Chrisitians (hopefully) don't say these kinds of things to someone trying to have a baby, why do they so readily say such things to those trying to find a husband or wife?

I attended a church group this past week in which the pastor's wife said they had never had a ministry for singles because they figured singles could join in on everything (except the small groups specifically designed for married couples), but when she had read an article stating that "if the church ignores singles, they are missing half the harvest," God convicted her. Indeed. A good percentage of my co-workers have always been single parents. What would the church do if they suddenly had in increase of members, and 50% of them were single?

Personally, I think God is raising people up, especially singles like us, to be able to help show other singles who are brought into the church how it's done. (And in a way this scares me, because I often still don't have a clue.)

But how can we even help them if all we've been given are overused cliches that don't even have a Biblical truth to back them?

Here are some questions I'm hoping people will voice their thoughts on:

* Why do people try to tell singles that God is preparing someone just for them, when that might not actually be true? (God bless them for trying, but it just doesn't quite hit the mark.)

* What should we be telling singles (including ourselves) instead? (Or, if you do believe in telling people that God is preparing someone for them, feel free to state why -- this isn't an all-or-nothing discussion -- all perspectives are welcome.) Just because this particular saying has never helped me doesn't mean it hasn't helped someone else, so I'd be very interested in hearing about that.

* Have you been told that God is preparing someone for you? Did you wind up meeting that person, and how did it go? Are you still waiting? How do you feel about being told this after having to wait a considerably long time? Do you still believe it will happen?

Thanks very much for taking the time to read, ponder, and reply.

I have never read it anywhere in the Bible...

Hmmm... I have never gotten this line before. I am usually told “you are probably called to singleness”. I am curious when each line might be used. Is one used more for guys or women, or maybe they just see me as hopeless. 😛

I’ve read some articles that talk about how folks in the church in general tend to teach passivity when it comes to relationships but not in other areas of life. I think some of this is because a lot of people giving the advice marry early and their tips don’t really apply to older singles. Things like be friends first is easier to do when you are in youth group, or are in college where you bump into tons of single people all the time. It gets more difficult as you get older and may not have as large a friend circle or hang out in places where you keep bumping into the same people enough to make friends like that.

Are there any other areas of life where the advice is usually just wait? If God has someone for you, He’ll bring them into your life, or else you might be called to singleness? Like if you are looking for a job, no one preaches to just be patient because has the right one being prepared just for you.

I suspect a lot of this is the current idea of the soul mate being superimposed on the church, so your soul mate is out there and you are fated to meet them.

Oddly, as guys you sometimes get a lot of conflicting advice since there are a number of “man up” articles. Just wait, but also man up. You are probably called to singleness, but you should also man up. Also, don’t ask out too many people, that is creepy.

It’s not in the bible, it’s people assuming the normal default is married and they are trying to be kind and positive.

Actually the normal default is single, everyone is single at some point!

I honestly believe some people are suppose to be single. Take me for example single and 51, never married.

If I was married or even had been married and was now single raising kids. I would never have been able to look after my aunt like I do. She is a Christian as well so what is God suppose to have done?

Arranged for me to get married early on and ignore her needs which are way more needy than mine. Without me she would have died several times over by now, at best she would have ended up in a nursing home among strangers who did not understand her.

Or what about Paul in the bible. He was single as far as we know, would it have worked out if he was married with children, getting beaten, locked up, ship wreaked.

Or what about John exiled to Patmos - was he single. If married his family would have suffered.

Plus Jesus was single! I wonder if he walked the earth today if church people would have said to him “oh don’t worry I’m sure someone is just right for you!”

And yes there needs to be singles ministry’s in church’s. The problem is whenever it’s been done in my church, the rest of the congregation sort of see it as a dating ministry! But look at all the elderly singles, the single parents as well as those never married.

It’s right that churches should cater for families but family ministries are the monopoly of churches, while singles are neglected.

How about organising singles days out, singles conferences, tips on how to live alone, what about all those singles with no where to go at Xmas or people who have nothing to look forward to on their birthday.

Even just something as simple as wondering who to sit next to in church and what to do after church. Families go home to Sunday lunch. As for me I’m currently sat in Costa on my own drinking a latta and eating chocolate in town. My quiet time before going home to make a meal for my aunt

I think people take THIS verse and run with it:
Jeremiah 29:11 New International Version (NIV)
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Quiet true, but as you say people run with it and assume that in order to prosper one must be married.

Genesis 2:18 The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow; but woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up. Again, if two lie together, they are warm; but how can one be warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him. A threefold cord is not quickly broken.

Perhaps these Scriptures lend themselves to your question?

I think it's a syncretistic mix of modern cultural values and assumptions loosely based on Bible verses. So we've got modern ideas that love is a feeling or an experience that you just fall into and is beyond your control. The modern idea that there is a "one" for you rather than that you could choose anyone, you just have to live with your choice. And if we go along with the idea that love is like that, something that happens to you rather than a choice you make, then it falls more into God's sovereign orchestrating of your life rather than obedience to commands. Now we know that the Bible affirms that marriage is a good thing and God doesn't withhold good things from those whose walk is blameless. So we can only explain a lack of marriage by saying that it's a good thing in general but not at this particular time and in this particular case so that must mean that God needs to prepare something a bit more so that it becomes the right situation for this wonderful gift (or you're one of the super special ones that he's got the gift of lifelong singleness for) . And if you hold to the idea of a "one", then the questions gear less towards practical things to consider when considering marriage and more towards some sort of divination / discernment of whether this particular attraction is really "the one God has for you" or a product of our fallen humanness.

As to what we should be telling people instead, I can't recommend highly enough the book the sacred search. If I ever find myself in some weird position where I'd be teaching a dating and relationship class I'd pull a lot of the class content from that book. It gives you some really good tools to evaluate a prospective date / marriage partner and to help a person clarify some of their expectations. We should also be careful to emphasize more that marriage isn't the be all end all of existence or the mark of an obedient or successful life. I also think we should be encouraging people to not rush through the relationship process in hot pursuit of the good stuff (sex, greater physical contact (because we know as christians we're not going to have extramarital sex), deep sharing of hurts, hopes, and dreams, emotional or financial support, etc). These days far too many relationships seem to go from do you want to date to Ok we're together and we share everything far too quickly. For older singles I think it would also be good to arrange more adult social / fellowship times through the church community and family. Even if it's a pizza and a movie or ice cream and board games type of deal. I'm fine if we invite married adults and teens along to them, what we want to kind of eliminate is the age / life stage segregation of all events because single adults almost invariably end up being left groupless then.

I think I seem happy enough and talk about it little enough that I rarely get patronized about my singleness so most of those kinds of comments are in the distant past for me. The one I remember was the (foreign) couple who told my parents that they were really praying for me to find a man so I could be obedient to God and get married like every christian is commanded to, and then about the time I heard about that, this guy walked into church and asked to sit with me. We became fast friends and long story short he had the gift of oversharing (probably due to some rejection issues) and is the reason I included things like sharing deep stuff and emotional support in the list above (before you think too badly of him, he's also one of the reasons I came to CC). I like to think God had a purpose in that friendship and I did him some good, but it's also a great illustration about how careful you need to be not to read what you want or someone else prayed into what God is doing when things happen in your life.

All I can say is, its always from the heart, not the ego mind. Therefore it is someone who you must connect with on that level. Prayer always helps of course. Yes, I am still waiting for that person, even at this late stage of life. I know they are out there somewhere, but who it is, I have no idea

Well, all I know is I didn’t start it. Lol.

I had to look up syncretism. Neat.

As for the original question of this thread, I think it is a mixture of wishful thinking, best wishes and a desire to play matchmaker. People think getting married is the answer to a life of happiness and they want people to be happy, and really they don't know how to keep their noses out of people's business.

I can admit to absolutely CLINGING to this passage when people told me that God was preparing someone for me as well. Because surely God's plan to give me a hope and a future was through the placement of a perfectly-prepped husband!

One of the reasons I wrote this thread is because for several years of my singleness, I believed in this statement, too. Many Christians I admired in my church had said it to me, along with "prophecies" such as, "I really think God is saying you're going to get married in 2 years," "I really believe that God is saying you are going to have X number of children", etc. At the time, I was desperate for any sliver of hope I could find and was reading the Bible obsessively, wanting to believe that all this "God's prospering" for my life was going to come walking through my door any minute and rescue me from all the crippling loneliness.

And I'm pretty sure I also gave the same questionable advice to other single Christians more than once.

However, after so much time has passed, I must honestly confess that I currently hate hearing this said to anyone because it's setting the listener up to believe in a person that might not exist and a plan that God might not have for their life, and I realize this is about as bleak as one can get when hoping for a future spouse.

If anyone had told me the actual truth way back when (that I would still be single 20 years later), I would have given up all hope on life, so I wanted to see what others thought would be good alternatives.

Thanks very much to everyone for your excellent replies and I hope people will continue to share.

I should also add a disclaimer that I am certainly not trying to criticize or condemn anyone who's told someone that God is preparing someone for them -- as stated in the opening post, I appreciate anyone who takes the time to try to console us singles (such as the married regulars who stop in here to encourage us and tell us how it really is -- we are grateful to you!)

But as with so many other cliches I've heard repeatedly for years, I realized that (for myself at least), it just doesn't work, and some are flat-out deception.

Rather, and this is just my own viewpoint, I try to concentrate on the person as a whole -- who they really are, what they are passionatley interested in, what they aspire to right now, without the addition of anyone else -- and try to encourage them to do what they can to work towards living their best life now instead of "someday."

Believe me. Most days I have to try to kick myself into believing those things for myself as well.

Yes this is true...
Interestingly, this verse is strategically placed within the 13 Week Christian based DivorceCare group/program that I am currently participating in.
It is strategically placed at the very end of session six 'What does the Owners Manual Say' under the header: "This week's Scripture focus"; which precedes the next week's session/readings titled: 'New Relationships'...
Albeit the program is designed with emphasis to help people focus upon finding themselves complete in Christ - well before they hastily jump into another relationship(s)...

I can honestly say that I don't think I have ever had someone say that to me.
If someone told me that now, I'd be quick to let them know that marriage is not a promise for me in the Bible.

I cannot remember if I ever told someone that and if I did, I was wrong. I definitely would not tell someone that now. It is wrong. Even now as I hope to marry again someday I know very well that it might not happen. But that is the path I am going to take. If it is wrong for me to do so, God can "road block" it.

As for the Jeremiah 29:11, that was my wife's favorite verse. She had a ring with it on that now belongs to my daughter.
My dad and I have discussed this passage different times. When he told Isreal this they were heading into 70 years of captivity. Puts a little different meaning on that I think.

Dont know sorry, maybe they just cant think of anything else to say.

Possibly there are some people that treat the church like a bar or meetup for singles and that person who says these things think they can play matchmaker. I would just ignore the busybodies.

Its like people that say to the unemployed so have you found a job yet. Or to those who are working so...hows work?

Another conversation that rich people have (overheard this the other day) was each trying to suss out each others portfolios. It was like hearing the banter over monopoly...so...how many houses do you have? Interest rates are really low right now!

I think to encourage singles you can just say What Jesus would always say to people, if they maybe felt lonely that God will never leave them nor forsake them.

Have I been told God is preparing someone for me.
I dont remember, maybe but I dont take those things to heart and also know thats not in the Bible.

I do know that Jesus said our Father prepares a place for us. In my Fathers house are many mansions.

Oh actually yes now that I remember one person said that to me after finding I was single, its usually people who I havent even known very long. I think they say that to everyone thats single not sure why. I dont find it helpful though because i didnt bring up the subject they did.

It's my experience, Christian's in particular, simply Want this to be true to the point of creating theology to support the notion.
Also many Christian's believe positivity is part of the bible. This seems to stem from people desiring their own will, so try to "think positive" to support the idea. Rather than a biblical notion of seeking Gods will, which may not lead them to their desired goal.
And this helps support the false notion that God is setting people apart for one another. It is pretty well acceptable to go against the bible and teach people are created for others and not God.
A lot of it seems to come from positivity overruling truth. So often Christian's focus on back patting and not wanting to say anything that may not encourage someone, that they simply make things up. It's considered unloving to speak to someone honestly, rather than cater to their wants.