Hi Gemmy.
There was one sentence you posted that really concerned me:
'I’ve learned that when you’ve been in an abusive relationship, it is not always safe to just leave.' I don't know if you got that from the internet, or maybe someone has been giving you incorrect advice, but it is definitely better to leave an abusive relationship than to stay in one. And when kids are involved, it's a no brainer.
I was a wee bit confused by your post - are you still IN this relationship with this person, and/or living with them?
I doubt the police will help. The police, in Oz at least, can only arrest someone if they actually do something, if the offending person hasn't really done anything, they can only caution them. Police cannot arrest someone if you complain about them, say, being creepy or whatever, but they haven't done anything
specific to harm you (despite what you see on cop shows). I was stalked by a person I knew, and because I had no proof (the person was in a 4 wheel drive & was very cunning - he only came driving around my unit at night, & when I tried to take photos from the window to get his licence plate number or photos of him, he'd drive off). Police aren't really interested in domestic cases - unless kids are involved.
A restraining order is just a piece of paper.
I think you should contact a specialist women's violence centre, or a lawyer specialising in this area. Many lawyers do pro bono (free) work, or you sign a contract that they only get a commission if your case goes to court & is successful (but be warned: they will take most of what you are awarded). You need to find a women's shelter and just leave if you are staying with this person - don't take anything. It really isn't worth it as your child/children's lives (and yours), could be in great danger. Otherwise, I'd be going back to the police and demanding more is done, and I wouldn't leave until I see a senior officer - demand to see a senior officer, not the person at the desk. Police have officers trained in this area. Or contact the major police office in your area and tell them your concerns. I'd be making a formal complaint myself.
You can't stay somewhere where your child/children are in danger - you just can't. I work in health care & deal with situations like this all the time. We can't stop anybody leaving emergency if they are a victim of violence, or if they want to go back to their partner, but we certainly get involved when there are kids involved.
Most perpetrators of DV (domestic violence) don't even need to hit their victims to be called abusers. Abuse can be physical, emotional/psychological, financial, sexual etc. Abusers are highly manipulative people. And it escalates. I can't tell you how many women (and friends of mine) have told me that their partner NEVER hits them or their kids, just verbally abuses them, & they think that that is OK. Verbal abuse escalates into physical abuse, then usually rape, then can turn to murder - trust me, I know. I've worked in this area & in health care for over 35 years.
My prayer for you and your daugher:
Our loving gracious heavenly, Father, I pray that you give Gemmy the strength & the courage to follow through with all the suggestions posted on here, & also that she receives the help from the police & other people that she so desperately needs. Please keep her safe and keep her partner away from her. Amen.
Please let us know how you get on, and that you & your child are safe!
Cheers
PS: just thought: if the people you are seeing and that your ex is threatening to kill will make a formal statement, your ex can then be charged and locked up. See if you can get something done that way.
VIOLENCE IS NEVER OK - AGAINST MEN OR WOMEN! (only exception would be if you feel your life is in danger).
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