Prayers please

I am consistently spiraling at this point. I'm worried about my conversion and whether it happened or not since there are certain things I cant do for God. I felt him tell me about a year ago that I need share his word (which I can do and I have) but I always feel that it's still not fruit. I should be willing to do anything but I cant. Of course I have a giant list of problems and that is just one. I now have multiple severe panic attacks daily now and my brain sometimes overloads. I seem to be sinking deeper into insanity

I have prayed for God to deliver you from this constant state of anxiety that you seem to suffer from. Don't worry about your conversion because Jesus said that He has not lost a single one that the Father has trusted into His care. That includes you. "Fear not" says the Lord.

Hello Koji, I am so sorry to hear you feel you are spiralling out of control like that. Do you know that the Scriptures teach that it is God Who gives the growth? For we are only servants, through whom you came to believe—as the Lord has assigned to each his task. I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow. So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow. The one who plants and the one who waters have one purpose, and they will each be rewarded according to their own labor. For we are co-workers in God’s service; you are God’s field, God’s building.

Paul goes on to say: By the grace God has given me, I laid a foundation as a wise builder, and someone else is building on it. But each one should build with care. For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ.

Koji, have you found a church home yet? I think you could benefit greatly by being involved with people face-to-face, those with whom you could share your heart concerns and be involved doing some kind of ministry work. Joining any kind of support group may be beneficial to you a this point, also, some place where you can listen to other people share a bit of their crazies while also presenting solutions, for then you would not only not feel so all alone but be better equipped to deal with your neuroses, and feel connected on a deeper level to a power greater than yourself while becoming more intentional regarding self acceptance, and learning to be kind to yourself.

You can always message me friend, I may not have answers, but I do have an ear and eyes to read and listen with. Anxiety sucks and i suffer from it as well, take it from a woman who is pregnant and has anxiety and works with the public. Idk if you take medication for it, but it does help some.

I don’t know much about scriptures to read myself but I’m sure If we talk about our problems we can work something out. Just keep that in mind.

And in the meantime, I will also continue to pray for you as well.

Hey Koji,
It sounds like you are carrying a lot that is not your burden my brother. I can plant a seed in my garden but the miracle of growth is a combination of the soil, the light, the water and the weather. The miracle of all life is God's. You believe that God wanted you to share. Please know that it is only the Holy Spirit that opens the eyes of the heart. What happens after that is up to him. We do not save people. It is like being a watering can. The watering can requires water to be put into it and someone to use the water as they choose. You are a vessel. You are released from the responsibility of someone else's response and journey. Usually we never know what happens. We are just called to be obedient. I heard a story of a woman who spent her whole life sharing and trying to lead people to Christ. She said that in all that time she only ended up praying with one person who gave their life to Christ. That was her son Billy Graham.
God will give you the discernment, and He will give you the words as He chooses. You have not failed. What seems obvious to us as people may not be His plan at all. Trust Him.
You are in a rough spot right now but the voice that accuses you, and berates you does not sound like our father. Read the beatitudes if you want insight into his heart for those who struggle and are hurting. I pray that he holds you and comforts you, protects you from the deceiver, that you sleep safely in his arms, that you believe that he does not demand what you can't give, and that he hurts for your pain. He knows you and loves you and called you. Your feelings and emotions are not trustworthy at this point. Hold on to one truth. God is who he says he is. Hold on to the character of God and know that he will not give up on you or let go. He has you, my brother. Bless you.

Koji,

Nothing is happening to you that is uncommon. We all spiral when our foundation is not stable.

Our faith in Christ alone is our foundation. On Christ, the solid rock we stand all other ground is sinking sand.


Spend more of your time reading the Psalms, especially Psalm 119 and 23.

The Word of God is powerful when read aloud to yourself- I’ve seen demons flee from people just because the Word of God was read aloud.

Dear Heavenly Father,

Overshadow Koji with Your Word and Your Holy Spirit. Deliver him from mental torment caused by the enemy of his soul. Save Koji, Father. Deliver him into Your Kingdom of Light through the Blood and Body of Yeshua/Jesus, His Lord and Savior.

Koji, call upon the Name of Yeshua/Jesus and you shall be saved. Then, read your Bible or download Bible Gateway and play the audio Bible.

May the peace of God rule and reign in your heart and mind, in the Name of Yeshua/Jesus, amen.

Hey Koji,
I believe there is some wisdom involved in when and how we share Jesus with others. It's not necessarily fruitful to go around and preach to random individuals. You will know when to share, and often they will ask themselves. When I was just converted there was this Christian preaching on the streets (and he had a youtube channel) and this gave me anxious thoughts if I was good enough as a Christian for not preaching on the street. But I shared Jesus as led and I am not embarrassed of Him. You did so too. That's what really matters. You might have felt guilted to preach to them, anxious that you must share the Gospel, or you were led but simply it will take time for this person to come to Jesus. At times people shared things with me, that I listened to with longing, I wanted that peace and forgiveness but couldn't receive when I struggled believing, and received Jesus years and years later. But later on I remembered, and was amazed at how much God loved me. So, maybe they needed to hear this from you, even though they can't themselves understand it, and God simply wanted them to know He loved them that day. (I was really getting at this but I wrote the first half of this paragraph just in case so you never stress about these things again... anyway.)

Hold on my dear friend. Take a deep breath.
I will post underneath the verses that I held onto in the past for a while when nothing seemed right and it looked to me like God was spitting me out and I cried myself to sleep. You might need to re-learn your image of God, according to what's the Bible. Like I had to.

I had to re-learn that He is merciful, kind, wonderful, patient, loving, wise, forgiving. We kind of know all this, but it sometimes doesn't really sink into our hearts, and we keep fearing. God is lawful, but He's not a violent strict disciplinarian eager to smash me on the head as soon as I make a mistake. He's not abandoning and renouncing me as soon as I fail. He cannot behold sin because He is so pure, but His mercy is everlasting. Then my conduct became better, better from the heart, although I have a long road ahead, and not as "works of men" always anxious striving and thinking of my works as a Christian. I am thinking did you have strict parents maybe, or did your parents make love seem conditional? Like, if you were accepted when you performed but when you didn't you were rejected... that was my case, my parents didn't really know how to show love... that can cause anxiety and suffering. If so, it can take a while to wash that away and to correct your ideas about God from the Bible, so it's a good idea to read Psalms and the Gospels as much as you can... As you learn to bask more in the safety in Him and find refuge, you will be less anxious and see more of those invisible changes and you will know that Jesus grows in you. It's really Jesus that does all the work. Your work is BELIEVING Jesus that He will take you where you need to be, even though you might not see big things that you want to see right now... Do you believe this?

Psalms 106:1 Praise ye the LORD. O give thanks unto the LORD; for he is good: for his mercy endureth for ever.
Exodus 23:30 By little and little I will drive them out from before thee, until thou be increased, and inherit the land.
Galatians 4:19 My little children, of whom I travail in birth again until Christ be formed in you,
John 10:27 My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me: 28 And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand.
Hebrews 12:2 Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith;
Philippians 1:6 Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:
Romans 8:15 For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father.
1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. (...)
Jeremiah 31:3 The LORD hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee.

Not with fear, but with lovingkindness... it's the power of His love that transforms...
Jesus will complete what He started in you. All you need to do is trust Him... Trusting Jesus is our work of righteousness and that's what pleases God.

I though of you, Koji, when Bob and I read this from the first chapter of 2nd Corinthians:

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 5 For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. 6 If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. 7 And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

8 We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters,[a] about the troubles we experienced in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. 9 Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. 10 He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us again. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, 11 as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.

Beautiful encouragement.

Koji, you are loved and accepted in the Beloved. Peace and rest for you. 😍😴💤

Koji. You are not alone. Martin Luther the founder of the "Protestant reformation" felt unworthy also. He fasted, prayed, flogged him self with something like a cat of nine tails. Still he felt unworthy. He slept outside in the bitter German winter still he felt unworthy. He became a monk and a scribe, painstakingly copying Bible texts letter by letter for the rich and famous who could afford a luxury like the Bible (in those days average people could barely read and Bibles were quite expensive) he practically had the New testament memorized when contrary to RCC teachings, it dawned on him what saved by grace through faith, not by works, Really meant.

We are not saved by our own actions but rather, what the Lord did for us on the cross as a Passover and a blood sacrifice for our sins. When he said "it is finished" was when our atonement became complete. Anyone that tells you different either dosn't know what they are talking about or they are lying. Faith and acknowledgement of what he did for us, including you young man, is all that's required of you. The Lord and the power of the Holy Spirit will do the rest. Resist the Devil and he will flee my young friend. The Bible says it. I believe it. That's good enough for me!

Hang tough Kogi, God loves you, and so do we Brother.
Romans 8, 37 - 39 brings me great comfort in time of doubt.

My parents are the opposite actually they are not strict at all. They also are Christian by name only unfortunately. My upbringing was rather odd compared to a Christian upbringing. My parents are very loving though my Mom is my best friend. I had discipline such as stuff being taken away when doing poorly in school I wasn't a rebellious person when I was a kid either other than a few addictions. (which tended to make me act out of withdrawal) my addictions are not substances either not like drinking or anything like that lol

I was just wondering. Sometimes that's the cause of anxiety, wrong image of God based upon parental mistakes. That's very positive that you have loving parents at least.
I also prayed for you that you are strengthened in faith in Jesus, and that anxiety will be loosened and comforted and become Jesus' footstool... Amen
Forgive me for not praying initially although you asked Prayers please. I was just worried for you a bit while writing, and prayed afterwards. Most of us thought at times that God's promises somehow don't apply to us and that we failed God and that we're unworthy, and wonder if we are really His sheep to begin with.
But would a goat have such concerns that you have, about being pleasing to God and being on the right track with God?
Which godless and worldly person has EVER been concerned with this...?
Know your enemy's arrows... The goal is always to incapacitate. God's instructions are not fruitless like that. Even if you do have chastisement, when the Spirit is convicting you of something, remember for your comfort that God chastises every son that He loves and receives. (Hebrews 12:6)

It really isn't the matter of which substances really and they don't have to be chemical either. I'm a former gambler. Black jack was my favorite game. I've sat at tables in Vegas over 30 hours straight and only got up to eat or use the restroom. Sometimes in fact if I was on a roll I'd ask for a sandwich to be delivered to my table. I like to sit at the end. 3rd base. The last player before the dealer has a turn. From there I could see which cards were dealt and by deductive reasoning I had a pretty good idea which cards were left that's how to split, bump the bet, double down. Hit or stay. or in some cases buy insurance. I also worked a full time job.

I was the thrill and rush of winning combined with taking chances. The doubts and fear or losing that effected my brain chemistry that I was addicted to. Not the cards, atmosphere, 2nd hand smoke or bad music. Most addictions come from the brain and that's why cross addiction also becomes prevalent. Amoung us addicts also. habit to habit, substance to substance. The human mind cannot fix itself at this point. it's like fixing a broken tool with the same broken tool. Good luck with that!

There is one however that has all power. His name is Jesus. There are others a step or two ahead of you with the same or similar problem. Seek and pray. then seek and pray again. But when you pray listen and when you seek, look. An addict alone is in bad company.

Who breaks the power of sin and darkness
Whose love is mighty and so much stronger
The King of Glory, the King above all kings

Who shakes the whole earth with holy thunder
Who leaves us breathless in awe and wonder
The King of Glory, the King above all kings

This is amazing grace
This is unfailing love
That You would take my place
That You would bear my cross
You would lay down Your life
That I would be set free
Jesus, I sing for
All that You've done for me

Who brings our chaos back into order
Who makes the orphan a son and daughter
The King of Glory, the King above all kings

Who rules the nations with truth and justice
Shines like the sun in all of its brilliance
The King of Glory, the King above all kings

Worthy is the Lamb who was slain
Worthy is the King who conquered the grave
Worthy is the Lamb who was slain
Worthy is the King who conquered the grave

^ ^ This is dedicated to you, Koji I just finished it tonight

Much sorry for your hardships.
Some things that came to mind and sermons when I was in a nasty spiritual battle some years back.
Feelings are not facts or truths. Fact! Sharing of Gods word is of good fruit. Any other thought or feeling is not of God
Scripture says keep all thoughts captive that is of God. Do not hold on to thoughts that are not of God. The Bible is reference point.
One Pastor said!...When he is under spiritual attack. He says get behind me Satan when in spiritual warfare. Jesus also used them words to Peter about stopping the crucifixion.

When God is working or going to work in your life. Expect spiritual opposition from the enemy. I heard a sermon not to long ago saying!...
If you do not have spiritual opposition, then maybe one is not doing Gods work. For you have not got the enemy's attention.
This would mean spiritual opposition is a good thing. Maybe not comfortable, but a good thing. A close personal relationship with Jesus is a must. Good to let the Lord know what your going through.(feeling)s if its in his will. It will end. His grace may also be sufficient.
All is good when talking to the Lord.

Im thankful the Lord is in my life fairly powerful while I also let him know how much I really suck. But still desire to be used by him.
We are not about works but relationship. This is a very comfortable place to be.

I ask the Lord that he make you humble and comfortable
in you're being AMEN!


I

Hey Kojikun.
I really think that you need to talk to your health care provider - if you already have, then you need to go back and see them. Your post alarmed me, to say the least. Medication and talking to someone re your problems can help. Severe anxiety needs to be managed correctly and with the proper support, otherwise you will not be able to function.
Stop, sit & let your mind rest - BREATHE. Nobody is expecting big things from you, except yourself. God certainly doesn't - he know what your struggles are. He is not expecting you to do more than you are capable of. He knows we are human and have faults. Just do what you can each week, month or year. Set yourself small, manageable goals and if you don't manage to reach them, just do better next time, or take a break from trying to achieve your goals - it's OK to be selfish sometimes and just look after you. Don't have lofty goals that you know you personally can't reach. A person confined to a wheelchair for life after a spinal accident knows they can't walk again, so they re-adjust their goals to do what they can within their capabilities. Many people who have had disabilites (anxiety can be classsed as a disability), use their anxiety to channel into good things to help others, ie: you could help others by listening to their problems, or reduce your anxiety by painting, writing, exercising, etc. I'd start writing a journal as well, so you can reflect back upon your anxiety attacks and your problems - you might see a pattern and surprise yourself. It's also good to keep a record for your health care provider to view.
Just take everything one day at a time, and just do what you can each day.
My prayer for you:
Our loving heavenly Lord, please help Kojikun to cope with their panic attacks, and to manage their day better, so that they can become more productive and caring for themselves. Amen.
Hope you feel better soon!

Good morning Koji I agree with @tasha66 in that you need extra support medically for your mental condition, though I was also thinking along the natural, nutritional, and herbal lines as well as prescriptives. There is no one giant step that does it all. It’s a lot of little steps. This link will give you some leads on some things you may be willing or able to implement. I was also wondering how much you practice taking your thoughts captive. Right now it sounds like you are being buried under an avalanche; picking one thought to examine may seem ludicrous but understanding the origin and effects your thinking has on your health and life may help motivate practices like mindfulness and meditation. Renewing your mind is a Biblical principle. None of us are perfect at it, but being willing to grow along spiritual lines will progressively yield results that help you process, progress, and grow in healthy perspectives.