Introduction

Forgiveness is for your sake, not the one that hurt you. Letting go of the hurt someone made you suffer and now feel gives that one that hurt you power even beyond when they did hurt you in the past. It is baggage of pain filled memories from a past that is no longer there but in our mind. Release the pain, bury the past. Forgive what was done to you for your sake, not theirs.

You are not responsible for what people feel, think, or do. Nor are you able to make people change from what they act like, think, or do.
That's not your duty, it is not your baggage. It is theirs.

What I do when someone has hurt me really badly is I write down what that pain was. And how it made me feel. It is cathartic in that it allows all that pent up emotion and pain release itself because I bring it to mind and then release it onto the paper I'm writing on. It can take minutes, hours, or even days. I just let it flow. And when I know I'm at the point I don't want to write anymore I walk away.
If I feel called to release more stuff, I go back and write some more. I do this until I'm not crying anymore. Till I'm not upset that person or persons anymore.
I even write down all the negative thoughts that flow with those memories. I release everything because my present life is too precious to carry around the baggage of what hurt me in the past and that by carrying it with me now stifles my joy in the present.

The past is gone. It doesn't exist anywhere at all except in our memories. Release the bad one's. Savor the good.
When I'm done writing everything I take those papers I wrote it all out on and I throw it in my fireplace and burn the pages to ash.
I know God knows all things and that is my ritual if you will to give it all up to God. Let the smoke rise out the chimney and take what was formerly pain and anguish with it so that it is no more.

Then I take a long relaxing bath. That way I picture I am washing away the residue left by all those emotions that I let my self feel again after all that time past since they were made to come into my life.

I drink lots of water after the bath because conjuring up old feelings and hurt drains the body. So I replenish myself for the sake of my new freer self.
Works every time.
When you are a Temple of the Most High God you deserve to feel the love and peace the Holy Spirit of our Father instills. Not have your steps weighed down by past hurt that gives the one that hurt you power over your here and now when you live with what they did there and then. Over and over and over again. Day after day after day.

Release it. Forgive for your sake. Not theirs. They are not your responsibility.

May God forever light your path to all good things. The peace of understanding, the joy of living free of baggage not your own.
Those who hurt you don't dwell on what they did. Don't you either.
"Vengeance is mine says our Lord." Let Go and let God take care of it. He has lightening bolts ya know.

Amen. And thank you sincerely.

Thank you

I truly appreciate what you have said thank you very much

Hey Ellen,
Welcome to CC.

What part of South Africa are you in?

Forgiveness isn't an option. Struggle with forgiveness really can hinder spiritually and generally in life. Ask me how I know... because I was such a great example of that ... You stay fixated on that person who you were in the past that was wronged, and negative things that happened. So your life stays the same, too. There is little prosperity and progress. You go forward one step go two steps back. You can't get rid of old sins, keep stumbling... holding grudges prevents freedom... life is not flowing through you. Don't repeat my past mistake it will rob you of life.

Let's not be doubleminded like atheists (according to them God just needs to forgive everything to everyone, but of course except Hitler, Stalin, child molesters and so forth)… this is CARNAL mind. God forgives anybody who sincerely repents and makes no discrimination whatsoever based on the weight of the previous offense. He instructs us to forgive those who sin against us. Saint Stephen did this while he was being stoned. Jesus did this while being crucified, even though these people asked no pardon at the time. And people do worse things to others. The point that Jesus brings in the parable of the unmerciful servant, is since you are no longer a debtor before God, you must forget about what anyone owes to you also (Matthew 18:21-35). There is no debt for those who are born again. Debt procures hell torment. We are not to reintroduce hell torment into the world, once being brought into the kingdom of God. If they are unrepentant and do not get born again, they can never inherit eternal life anyway because they are so far removed from the Way of life. And if they get born again, they are a new creature to whom doing the old things is unthinkable. So give them to God. It's ok to be wise and cautious if someone caused us harm in the past, Jesus is clear that we have no rights to hold onto debts, but you are not obligated to restore the relationship if they do not sincerely repent (Matthew 18:15-17).

I know this is a tough saying because people sure commit monstrosities. You do not need to embrace monstrosities or say that it's ok if something evil was done to you. It was not ok. Just accept the person is sick (literally) and that you don't like what they do... if they got born again and honestly regretted everything they've done, you would have surely felt differently. This is why the groups that people struggle forgiving to are exactly the unrepentant, repeat offenders, "incorrigible" groups: psychopaths, child abusers, rapists and so on. But we are able to distinguish the sinner from sin.

Beautiful thank you

Thank you. What you say is true because that is where I am right now and I am really struggling

Thank you

I am in gauteng area

Hello Ellen, Gauteng includes Johannesburg, I believe. So Gauteng Province must be a very urbanized province and there are probably many Afrikaners in Gauteng.

As a matter of curiosity, are you Afrikaner? Can Afrikaans be understood by a Dutch speaking person? Are the two languages mutually understandable? South Africa has numerous major languages. South Africa is also a very beautiful country.

Well, God understands all languages. That's all that matters. Hope you are doing well.

Hello Ellen, welcome to Christian Chat. I hope you'll enjoy your stay here.

Hi there I am English speaking at home but I do read write speak afrikaans. I am told that Dutch is similar to afrikaans but have not yet met dutch speaking people to hears for myself. There are a lot of African languages and I do not speak any which is sad from my side. South africa is a beautiful country. Yes johannesburg is part of gauteng. Where are you from?

Beautiful. Thank you very much

Sorry so bad of me I did not reply to your message I am in the gauteng area of south africa and where are you from?

Hi Ellen, I live in the state of North Carolina in the southeastern part of the US though I have lived in Germany and German speaking Switzerland several times earlier as a student. My wife is a German girl.

Here in the US English is mainly spoken except in the southwest of the country where Spanish is also spoken.

Look through the forums to find a thread that interests you and then join in on the conversation. We all look forward to interacting with you.

P.S. I have heard that some tourists in SA travel to the very bottom tip of the country, face the water and then put their right foot in the Atlantic Ocean and their left foot in the Indian Ocean. Ever done that? lol

Wonderful....... thank you and yes I am browsing the forums. ....... yes i heard that too but i have not done so. ...... have a great day......

Hello and welcome to CC, Ellen. I hope you will find this space encouraging. I’m praying that God will bless you and guide you in a loving way.

Thank you

Hallo Ellen,

De verschillen tussen afrikaans en nederlands zijn klein. Ik ben zeker U kunt dit begrijpen!

I know many Christians, even pastors, preachers, elders, deacons, .... , who hold grudges. Ooops, I was forgetting to include myself in the list. So, don't worry excessively about the issue of holding grudges -- only to the right extent.

In Christian Chat you'll find many qualified people to give you advice on this issue, so I will limit myself to say the following: Whenever you read something in the Gospels that seems impossible for a human, don't get scared. Remember that Jesus told the young rich ruler to sell everything he had and give the money to the poor. Then the Lord said that it was easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone rich to enter heaven and the disciples were greatly astonished and asked, "Who then can be saved?"

Jesus said it was virtually impossible for the rich to enter heaven, and I think everybody in CC in rich. But let's see what Paul says about the rich: Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment.

See? Paul says it is not impossible for the rich to enter heaven. Is Paul contradicting Jesus? Not at all. Paul was just a spokesman and what he wrote came from Christ Himself. The earthly Jesus preached one message to the Jews whereas the risen Christ (through Paul) preached a different message to the Gentiles. In other words Jesus preached an ultimate version of the law of Moses that exacted perfection. The New Covenant doctrine exacts holiness, but not perfection, so ... relax a little bit.

So, when you read "love your enemies" don't get scared. I love some of my enemies, but not all of them. I don't love some of them, but I don't hate them either. I do my best seeking riches from heaven so that the injustices I have suffered in this world become meaningless when compared with what God has in store for me (if I remain faithful to Him). On "that" day, I don't think I will lose salvation just because I didn't love all my enemies as myself.

Welcome to Christian Chat!