Introduction

Welcome Ellen55, so nice to meet you. I had a major problem with forgiving my brother who took my $200,000+ inheritance. Like you I wanted to forgive but knew I still held a grudge. It was only after realizing the truth, that is, that God tells us to forgive for our own benefit, that I knew I must let go of the past. You know what, after 10 yrs now my brother realized what he had done and wants to make it right. Lesson=trust God. God bless you sister in So Africa!

Hello. I am 55year old from south africa. I hope to meet very many apen friends and trust that maybe someone will be able to help. I know my precious father is good what I don't know is how to forgive. What I mean is when someone does wrong I forgive but is it really and truly forgiving when you make your heart hard against the person who is trying? Maybe with all you positive good people I can see the positive

Hi Ellen55! Nice to meet you.
Personally, I don't think there are some things that you can truly forgive in your heart. I work in some of the worse areas in health, and countless clients have asked me: How do you forgive? I honestly don't have an answer for them. I think there are some things you cannot ever forgive such as rape, paedophiles raping kids, molestation, being assaulted to the point of permanent injury & near death, etc. You never totally forget what has happened to you. Many people put on an outward 'show' of forgiveness, but have told me they have only forgiven for the sake of others. Maybe it makes people feel better who say they have forgiven others for the wrong they have done them. I know there are some things I can't ever forgive. Jesus / God maybe can, but I cannot. I think that when you forgive others, the other person sees this as a 'get out of jail free card' - in other words, they think they don't have to be accountable for what they have done or have to apologise to you. People who have done serious wrongs need to be prosecuted to the full extent of the law, and be made to make reparations. It's all very well to say trust in God or Jesus, but people like me will always struggle with the concept of forgiveness. I think you have to live in the real world, and deal with real issues, but many people (including Christians) don't seem to in my exprerience.
I've just learned to put things on the back burner and I rarely think about the horrid stuff that has happened to me. I work in an area where I hear the most awful horror stories you could imagine (some of them you couldn't make up even if you tried). We can only look to the future I guess, treat people with kindness and generosity, hope for the best, and pray that the people who do us wrong see the error of their ways.
I suppose some may see this as an un-christian attitude and I'm no Bible expert, but didn't Jesus say man had to be accountable for his actions?
I hope you find some peace anyway

Hello Ellen, yes we must forgive those who do wrong to us. It may take some time but we must forgive. We just can not live our lives holding grudges against others for a life time. We must also remember that we ourselves wrong other people and hope they forgive us.

We must "trust in the Lord with all our hearts and lean not on our own understanding."

Ellen, we are glad that you have joined us here at Christian Chat and hope you find many friends....a big welcome for you!

Welcome to cc, so glad you could join us. It, forgiveness, isn't always easy, but He makes it all worthwhile.

Welcome to cc, so glad you could join us. It, forgiveness, isn't always easy, but He makes it all worthwhile.

Forgiveness can often be a journey, rather than an event. Try not expecting things to change all at once, but be willing to take the time to work at it, day by day.

Thank you

Welcome to cc, so glad you could join us. It, forgiveness, isn't always easy, but He makes it all worthwhile.

Ellen, none of us are perfect. We are only human. It's not good to dwell on everything and expect to walk around like a saint - none of us are like that.
I think in the Bible God says: 'Vengence is mine?; https://biblehub.com/romans/12-19.htm Like I said before, I'm no Bible scholar and don't know much about it all, but the Lord is saying leave the wrath to him, for those who are wicked will suffer the ultimate punishment when they face Him. I suppose even if you can't forgive those who have wronged you, pray for help like I do, and seek counselling help or talk to someone. Nobody can tell you you HAVE to forgive someone; I think you know in your own heart whether you can or not. Some people believe that if you let hatred fester, you will let the Devil into your life & your soul. I don't believe I am evil because I haven' t forgiven people for wicked things they have done to me. I can't forgive them in my heart, but I DO hope that when they face God they will get their just desserts, because that is what the Lord has promised His believers.
If you aren't coping, seek some help from a professional counsellor, or if you feel like it or it's possible, confront the person who wronged you & tell them how you feel (but don't ever confront them alone!). Write them a letter, seek free legal advice, or go to the police - it's hard to know what to advise you with when I don't really know what has happened to you. I don't know you, but perhaps you could speak to a Mental Health counsellor or nurse?
Keep praying - I will say a prayer for you tonight.
Cheers

Thank you and I agree but to be honest I don't know how to forgive because I love encouraging people when people need help I will help when they get hurt I crumble and cry with them. When I see or hear the people who hurt me I feel nothing at all it's like I am a stone cold no feeling I don't like this feeling and that is why I joined this group in a hope that I can learn how to forgive. If I am confusing I apologize in advance. Both thank you thank you for your reply