Suicide

Hi I just wanted to add my own experiences to this thread.

By the way those people who are saying Christians should always be
happy clappy and joyful if they trust in God, can cause incredible harm to others.
It prevents Christians who do have problems from seeking the help they need.

Can you imagine breaking your leg and been made to feel guilty for going to
A & E!


I‘m currently on antidepressants, SSRI which increase your serotonin levels. There I’ve said it! Now you are probably thinking oh no what! Why! What a shame! But please read the rest and I ask you not to think like that.

Its been a hard 6.5 years single handedly looking after my aunt and getting acquainted with all her medical needs, conditions and moods. Like end of life stage 4 COPD, heart failure, type 2 diabetes, chronic kidney disease, Vit B12 deficiency, moderate dementia, anyone of which or a combination could take her life at any time.

With no medical training at all, I’ve had to learn all about oxygen saturation levels, gas exchanges in the body, recognise hypoxia and CO2 retention, learn to use an oxymetre and interpret the results, learn what normal body temperature looks and feels like, learn what her normal pulse rate is - she has a slower than normal pulse rate. I’ve had to learn about blood sugars how to test for them. I’ve had to learn how to use an oxygen concentrator machine how to clean it, check the tubing for kinks, what to do if it breaks down. How to set up the emergency back up oxygen canister. What foods are high in potassium and what I can give her in small amounts and what she has to avoid entirely. I’m pretty much being carer, doctor, nurse, respiritory specialist all in one with no training.

I have had to learn how to survive on less than 6 hours sleep a night and sometimes none at all. Ive had the constant worry each morning of wondering if this is the day I get up and find she has died in her sleep. Whenever I leave the house I am on call in case the care alarm people phone me or the carers. Often in church I hold my phone so that I know it’s vibrating if a call comes in. At work I have permission to leave my ringer on low and keep my mobile on my desk.

Ive saved her life more than I care to remember. One instance was last year when I came home from work and she wasn’t herself at all although she didn’t look that bad. I honestly believe God gave me wisdom in that situation as I felt an urgency to call an ambulance. When they came she was scoring 9 out of 10 on the sepsis scale and rushed us in on blue lights. I was told that it was at the very start of sepsis and very hard to spot even for a doctor. If I had waited even a few hours it could have been too late due to her frailty.

Anyway where was I, ah yes It’s taken its toil the sleepless nights disrupting my REM patterns, the constant having to be on alert 24/7 no holidays or breaks. The constant emergencies and hours spent at A and E, the continual discussions with doctors about DNRs and end of life.

I have been depressed and down for a while, it became my new normal. I’ve had to force myself to go to church because I couldn’t bear to be around crowds. Each time I have attended it’s been a battle won. Ive had to force myself to go to work. Each up and coming birthday, Christmas, Easter I've waited until the last minute to make plans not knowing if my aunt would be alive.

Its been an interesting journey onto antidepressants. I argued back and forth the pros and cons. I argued that I was a Christian so shouldn’t I be able to cope. What about my faith, where was my joy. What about the stigma and all the bad press about antidepressants.

Until finally I had no choice but to admit I needed help. I had tried everything else. The strange thing is that the day I decided to try them I asked God why me. God replied why not! Then I sensed Him say, you will be better able to help and have empathy for others through you’re life experiences including this! I would add that since then, God revealed something about another person’s difficulties to me in a dream. I have also been able to help a second person at work. So even in the midst of depression God still can work through christians.

I have been on them now since end of May. What is it like to be on them? Well week 1 there was no side effects effects at all I definitely slept better though. Week 2 and 3 the side effects started mild headaches, getting hot, palpitations as my body adjusted to the changes. By week 4 wow I felt normal again, sleeping better, more able to concentrate, like I started seeing the world in colour again instead of black and white. I feel better equipped to deal with things. I’m still me, I still have feelings and emotions, I’m not drugged up to the eyeballs. I don’t look any different, the side effects have stopped.

Maybe if they were called serotonin supplements instead of antidepressants there would be less stigma attached.

I know there are other Christians out there who are struggling. They dare not tell people because of the stigma of christians with mental health issues. They dare not seek the medical attention they need for fear of being judged - I was one of them and I’m so glad that I did.

Christians who dare not speak of such things for fear of being judged by other Christians. I want to say it’s ok for Christians to admit they have a problem and seek help. It’s ok to use antidepressants where appropriate or anxiety meds. We live in a fallen world things are not going to be perfect this side of heaven. We are body soul and spirit and all are intertwined. What affects one effects the rest.

Some of the most well known people in the bible were depressed.

When I was on anti depressants, I also had to be on some other drugs too so I wouldnt get too high (because of the manic depression now known as bipolar) so it was a bit of a see saw. And then when I got off them, had to gradually taper them so the body wouldnt get into withdrawal. It was when I couldnt sleep that the doctors would go we going to give you a sleeping pill. Well they work for a bit knock you out but dont give you REAL sleep. You have to learn to sleep naturally and actually train yourself to do so, its called sleep hygiene.

Another thing to watch for is diet, and things like sugar can cause or exacerbate emotional highs and lows too. I leanred my body was really senstive to those kinds of things.

And remembering to take drugs or meds every single day, even three times a day I tell you is a drag.
Thank the Lord I am drug free. And been that way for about 7 years now. He totally healed me.

I truly irks me whenever people decide the state of another person's soul. Suicide is not done with a complete mental healthy person. Depression, bipolarism are real mental health issues. Being abused both mentally and physically can lead to mental health issues. While suicide is not the answer and should not be a way out, it is not murder but to a mentally unstable person a form of relief from their torment. Stop sitting in judgment on these poor souls and let God do the rest.

Romans 4:8 Blessed is the man to whom the Lord will not impute sin.

I think this text relates to this topic.

Very well spoken

Let's not be un-necessarily critical of joyful Christians. After all, one of the 5 crowns is awarded for ...joyfulness.
I hasten to ad I am sure it relates to sincerely joyful.

Back in the mid 90's I worked in a foster care home for teen girls, pregnant or with babies. I think all of them were on antidepressants, many to the point they were barely functional. I had no experience with this but it angered me. Of course they are depressed, they are teenage girls....with babies no less. Their boyfriends were in jail or wanted nothing to do with her. Their parents had sent them away from family and friends. Are they supposed to be happy? No...they should be depressed, it's normal. They should be taught to deal with their situations and emotions, not drugged up out of their minds.

Just a few years later, I was going through a divorce that I did not want. I went in for a physical and it turned out my BP was really high, the doctor tried an anti-anxiety med that did nothing for me. So we tried an anti-depressant, 10 days later the fog lifted, I was able to sleep, eat, function normally again. That was in 1999, I tried numerous times to go off them, thinking things are good now and I don't need them. Each time, within 2 weeks I started to see some of the old signs, and had to go back on. After several years, some of them lose their effectiveness for me and I have to change brands, but I still need them.

In retrospect, and after some college courses in psychology, I came to recognize how toxic that marriage had been from the start. For 23 years I lived with a narcissist, he was mean, hot tempered, verbally abusive, controlling, demanding, threatening, selfish, etc. He had run any self esteem I ever had completely out of my system. I was convinced I was stupid, useless, incapable, ugly, unlovable, etc., though sub consciously. As a Christian I had managed to see my value and cling to the hope that some day things would be better, but there were days I considered suicide, or running away.

For the first 2-3 years, I had nightmares of him screaming at me, chasing me, attacking me, etc. My doctor felt I had PTSD but I never went for a "real" diagnosis. When I remarried, my new husband had to wake me often from these nightmares. To this day, if I have to deal with the ex, I might have another of those nightmares, and if I am around him, I feel ill, nervous, and become withdrawn. But in my 2nd marriage, as long as the ex wasn't around, I was happy and well adjusted (unless I tried to quit the anti-depressants).

Then, in 2017, my 2nd husband died, and I had to move away. I experienced the grief in many of the normal ways, but often wondered if I didn't cry as much as I should. It feel I went through it all quite well, though I have learned it's something we never get completely over. On occasion, something will trigger me to tears, missing him. But I can normally think or talk about him without sadness. I know women who have lost their husbands years before I did, who are not doing as well as I am. I am pretty sure the anti-depressants have influenced that.
I am a child of God, but I've had a lot of pain and loss in my life. I am relatively happy and well adjusted, I am involved in my church and community, I spend time with family and friends. But I recognize that I do need an anti-depressant, and am so very thankful for them. We never know what others are dealing with, we have no right to judge or criticize. God Bless!