Thanks guys. I really appreciate your help! I was doing okay. I was doing kind of well for myself. But slipped up last night and screwed things up for myself. Going to sink into a dark hole of despair and darkness and resentment for a few days now. Have turned my fone off. People are calling me but I can't speak to anyone. As soon as I do they'll know something is wrong with me. I'm just an idiot my life is so pointless and rubbish. I have nothing going for me just heart break after heart break and I can't do it anymore. I don't mean to sound melodramatic. But I just cannot be bothered with this life anymore I don't want it. And I'm fed up with God just ignoring me all the time. Probably because of the couple sins I cherish or something I haven't confessed to or truly repented of. I didn't ask for this life! I'm not fully responsible for all of my actions. God has to take some responsibility for it. He created me! I hate to do this but I can't help how I feel right now. So alone, so scummy. Can't stand being like this I just can't stand it any more so sick and tired of this life. Yet that said I would never do anything suicidal like try and kill myself somehow that's just not me! I could never do that to myself. So my only choice is to stick it out until the end and just try and learn from my mistake(s). I've thought this so much and been here so many times so you'd think I would have learned by now but no I don't because I'm a dummy with crap for brains and don't care about anyone but myself. Sorry that I haven't posted in a while and aren't saying good things and a better note but that's just the way it is.
John 12:25
Anyone who loves their life will lose it, while anyone who hates their life in this world will keep it for eternal life.
John 15:19
If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.
James 4:4
Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? Whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God.
1 John 2:15
Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him.
1 Corinthians 4:11
Even unto this present hour we both hunger, and thirst, and are naked, and are buffeted, and have no certain dwelling place; 12 And labor, working with our own hands: being reviled, we bless; being persecuted, we suffer it: 13 Being defamed, we entreat: we are made as the filth of the world, and are the off scouring of all things unto this day. 14 I write not these things to shame you, but as my beloved sons I warn you."
Matthew 5:3
“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 4 Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. 5 Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. 6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. 7 Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. 8 Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. 9 Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God. 10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 11 Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. 12 Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.
Luke 6:20
“Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God. 21 Blessed are you who hunger now, for you will be satisfied. Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh. 22 Blessed are you when people hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. 23 “Rejoice in that day and leap for joy, because great is your reward in heaven. For that is how their ancestors treated the prophets. 24 “But woe to you who are rich, for you have already received your comfort. 25 Woe to you who are well fed now, for you will go hungry. Woe to you who laugh now, for you will mourn and weep. 26 Woe to you when everyone speaks well of you, for that is how their ancestors treated the false prophets.
2 Corinthians 12:10
That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Matthew 10:22
You will be hated by everyone because of Me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved.
Philippians 1:21
For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. 22 If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! 23 I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; 24 but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body. 25 Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith
1 Thessalonians 3:7
Therefore, brothers and sisters, in all our distress and persecution we were encouraged about you because of your faith. 8 For now we really live, since you are standing firm in the Lord.
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That feeling that you don't belong in this world? It"s because you don't belong TO this world. Paul wanted to move on, but chose to remain. God says above all perseverance is the key to the end. It's a war of attrition; with the benefit of knowing who wins in the end. May that be our strength in times of trial.