I worry that my church small group is making me feel worse vs. uplifted

I am torn because I felt that perhaps the Lord was leading me to this group, but it has caused me more pain than good, and I don't want to go back. Should I follow the advice of the one lady and just accept things for what they are? I am not ready to give up, yet I feel that, coming from the mouth of a spiritual leader, maybe I should listen?

Hi all! I am brand-new, so please forgive me if I am in the wrong forum or not exactly following protocol...

I have been enduring what most of my closest friends would call a massive spiritual attack. I have endured more hardship in the past year than I can ever recall having endured. I was so low and in need of a strong Christian woman to act like a mentor to me. So when I saw a notice in my church bulletin about a small women's mentorship group, I jumped at the chance to check it out. When I attended a meeting, I felt very welcome and at ease, so it was easy for me to open up, despite the fact that I knew none of these women. However, by the end, one of the leaders asked me to share even more of my story, so I poured out my heart and shared lots of details that I wouldn't even tell some friends. While I initially felt better, as the days progressed, something felt off. The woman I talked to at the end called me on the phone and suggested that I needed to go on medication for depression. She is not a doctor. I have in fact been to several physicians and have a Christian counselor, and nobody has ever once suggested that I needed medication. Then, she shared my story with another member, who called me a few days later. Long story short, I had a miscarriage back in April and am still grieving over it. I am 40, so my time to conceive is running out. Well, this woman, albeit in her 70s, had dealt with infertility, and rather than giving me any iota of hope or encouragement to keep trying, told me that I just need to give it up (as in, forget about ever having another child) and accept my circumstances. That was a blow to the gut. Since then, both of these women have been hounding me (even waiting inside the door at church to catch me and my family entirely off guard (I have a 9-year-old daughter and she has no idea of what I've been through, and I plan to keep it that way for her protection). It was super awkward and felt very invasive.

My experience with this group of female mentors has not been even remotely uplifting or encouraging. I have other friends outside the group who are also quite spiritual, and they have been cheering me on, telling me that nothing is impossible with God, etc. I was holding onto that little scrap of hope, but now after having talked with these mentors at the church, I feel absolutely wretched and hopeless. I am torn because I felt that perhaps the Lord was leading me to this group, but it has caused me more pain than good, and I don't want to go back. Should I follow the advice of the one lady and just accept things for what they are? I am not ready to give up, yet I feel that, coming from the mouth of a spiritual leader, maybe I should listen?

This has caused me such anxiety that I have felt physically sick. Any advice or insight y'all have is truly appreciated. Thank you!

Strong christian woman? Sorry is that another word for 'mum'. You couldnt talk to your mum about your miscarriage so you went to a bunch of older women you didnt know? Just want to clarify.

Im just wondering if this is the case, cos if you already told your counselor this then what is it you want the mentors to do. If they give you a hug thats fine but I agree to say you need to be on drugs to take away your pain so they dont have to deal with it is wrong. If you need a shoulder to cry on thats what is sometimes all that you need, space to cry and grieve without judgement and then you feel better.

Welcome to CC! I hope you find your time here to be a blessing.

I’m so sorry to hear of the struggles you have had to endure this year. I can’t imagine the grief. Only God knows His plans for you. It is not wrong to hope and pray for His will.

If this group is bringing you down and not lifting you up, the best thing to do is separate yourself from them. Even if they had advice that they thought would be helpful, they haven't given it in a loving manner. Stop going to group and maybe not take their calls. They should get the hint. If you need to, talk with your pastor.

It sounds like you have a great support system with encouraging friends, a doctor and christian counselor. Lean on God to help you during this time of hurting. Through Him, you will get through this. Read His word daily and pray to Him and peace will come.

God Bless!

Here is what you should do:

1. Ignore all gratuitous advice from these women.
2. Stop associating with this small group.
3. If they persist in hounding you report it to the pastors/elders.
4. If there is no resolution find another church.
5. Commit your desire to the Lord and believe that He can do anything if He so chooses.
6. For the future, do not share everything with anyone unless you have known them personally as a true friend and can trust them to keep confidences.

Here is what you should do:

1. Ignore all gratuitous advice from these women.
2. Stop associating with this small group.
3. If they persist in hounding you report it to the pastors/elders.
4. If there is no resolution find another church.
5. Commit your desire to the Lord and believe that He can do anything if He so chooses.
6. For the future, do not share everything with anyone unless you have known them personally as a true friend and can trust them to keep confidences.

Hi all! I am brand-new, so please forgive me if I am in the wrong forum or not exactly following protocol...

I have been enduring what most of my closest friends would call a massive spiritual attack. I have endured more hardship in the past year than I can ever recall having endured. I was so low and in need of a strong Christian woman to act like a mentor to me. So when I saw a notice in my church bulletin about a small women's mentorship group, I jumped at the chance to check it out. When I attended a meeting, I felt very welcome and at ease, so it was easy for me to open up, despite the fact that I knew none of these women. However, by the end, one of the leaders asked me to share even more of my story, so I poured out my heart and shared lots of details that I wouldn't even tell some friends. While I initially felt better, as the days progressed, something felt off. The woman I talked to at the end called me on the phone and suggested that I needed to go on medication for depression. She is not a doctor. I have in fact been to several physicians and have a Christian counselor, and nobody has ever once suggested that I needed medication. Then, she shared my story with another member, who called me a few days later. Long story short, I had a miscarriage back in April and am still grieving over it. I am 40, so my time to conceive is running out. Well, this woman, albeit in her 70s, had dealt with infertility, and rather than giving me any iota of hope or encouragement to keep trying, told me that I just need to give it up (as in, forget about ever having another child) and accept my circumstances. That was a blow to the gut. Since then, both of these women have been hounding me (even waiting inside the door at church to catch me and my family entirely off guard (I have a 9-year-old daughter and she has no idea of what I've been through, and I plan to keep it that way for her protection). It was super awkward and felt very invasive.

My experience with this group of female mentors has not been even remotely uplifting or encouraging. I have other friends outside the group who are also quite spiritual, and they have been cheering me on, telling me that nothing is impossible with God, etc. I was holding onto that little scrap of hope, but now after having talked with these mentors at the church, I feel absolutely wretched and hopeless. I am torn because I felt that perhaps the Lord was leading me to this group, but it has caused me more pain than good, and I don't want to go back. Should I follow the advice of the one lady and just accept things for what they are? I am not ready to give up, yet I feel that, coming from the mouth of a spiritual leader, maybe I should listen?

This has caused me such anxiety that I have felt physically sick. Any advice or insight y'all have is truly appreciated. Thank you!

Thank you so much! I think you hit the nail on the head; there are more loving ways to lift up a sister and give her hope. While I am open to giving the situation up to God, I don't need to hear that I need antidepressant drugs or that at 40, it is too late, so I should just stop trying to conceive now since there is no hope at this point. Instead they focused on what was wrong with me vs the possibility that there still is hope and that God is able if He so chooses. I just wanted a bit of help to actually lean on God, because I am still struggling to process why He allowed this to happen and I feel a wide gap in my relationship with Him. I don't feel peace at all and wanted help in knowing how to immerse myself in the word.

My biggest concern with this whole scenario is this: why did God lead me to this group if it turned out to be such a negative experience? Or did He even lead me to this group? I don't know what to think. I was so excited at the possibility of having a much needed mentor figure in my life, and walked away so saddened. I regret having opened up to them, but then again, in the heat of emotion, things just sort of tumble out. I feel like they pity me more than they want to pray for me. Regardless, your feedback makes me feel better when I consider walking away from them. I don't know what sort of learning I should gain from this, but I suppose there is a reason...

This is absolutely unbiblical advice.

Why it is absolutely unbiblical advice? The passage you are referring to (Mt 18:15-17) does not relate to this issue at all. Gratuitous advice was given. That is not a "trespass" (sin), but unwarranted meddling.

It's not meddling. she went to them with her problem. They are over stepping her boundaries, and being pushy which is an offense to her.

Regardless. Your suggestion in this case is inappropriate.