I am praying. You want to share what is going on? To talk a bit in this thread. I don't want to pry, so no worries if not. I am praying but also sometimes when things are heavy it is nice just to have fellowship with others, to visit, to laugh, to share, and even sometimes to cry.
Today, I had a heated discussion with my oldest daughter, then had another small incidental thing happen that had my mind starting to go down a rabbit hole of self pity (just the truth). I was bathing in a pool of bless my heart, lol. Anyway, I ended up having a light hearted conversation with another, just listening to her share here silly run in with a huge walking stick bug, lol. Before I knew it, things started to shift. I think just because I redirected and visited with another. I ended up taking my humbled self to my daughter to apologized after. Sooo... if you want to just pow wow, I want you to know my prayers and interest are there for you, k?
I know major depression isn't that easily resolved, so I am not diminishing your experiences, not at all. I have just noticed your threads and am glad you are reaching out. I do encourage one on one professional christian therapy or counseling. You may even need some medical help. Mostly though, I pray you are calling out to the Lord, for He loves you so very much. Sending you love and hugs in Christ.