Bitterness

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love_comes_softly

love_comes_softly

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Feb 13, 2019
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Something I’ve noticed in observing people lately is that as people get older, it becomes easier to become bitter.

Why does this happen? I’ve always thought that at the root, it was just being upset with God for something that did or didn’t happen, but why does it seem to really present itself later in life?

Does anyone else notice this? What do you know about bitterness?
 
Mezame83

Mezame83

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#2
Mar 18, 2019
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#2
Maybe they've held onto it so long that the build up in their heart burst out. Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. It will eventually come out. It's rather sad really, to witness people go through this when you know that Jesus is willing and able to take the burden from them.
Bitterness probably comes from past hurt, which leads to separation. Separation from God, self (self hatred) and separation from others through unforgiveness, envy or hatred.
Not forgiving and envy are destructive according to what is written in the Bible;

Proverbs 14 :30
"A sound heart is the life of the flesh: but envy the rottenness of the bones."

Matt 18:34-35
"And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him.
So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses."

It can be manifested in different ways but the most obvious is what and how people say things. If they constantly have to have the last say there's most likely a root of bitterness. A scripture in James comes to mind:

James 3:13-14
"
"Who is a wise man and endued with knowledge among you? let him shew out of a good conversation his works with meekness of wisdom.
But if ye have bitter envying and strife in your hearts, glory not, and lie not against the truth."

As a Christian i try my best not to react to the persons behaviour but rather just love them and pray for them, after all love shall cover the multitude of sins.

God bless.
 
love_comes_softly

love_comes_softly

Well-known member
#3
Feb 13, 2019
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#3
Mezame83 said:
Maybe they've held onto it so long that the build up in their heart burst out. Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. It will eventually come out. It's rather sad really, to witness people go through this when you know that Jesus is willing and able to take the burden from them.
Bitterness probably comes from past hurt, which leads to separation. Separation from God, self (self hatred) and separation from others through unforgiveness, envy or hatred.
Not forgiving and envy are destructive according to what is written in the Bible;

Proverbs 14 :30
"A sound heart is the life of the flesh: but envy the rottenness of the bones."

Matt 18:34-35
"And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him.
So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses."

It can be manifested in different ways but the most obvious is what and how people say things. If they constantly have to have the last say there's most likely a root of bitterness. A scripture in James comes to mind:

James 3:13-14
"
"Who is a wise man and endued with knowledge among you? let him shew out of a good conversation his works with meekness of wisdom.
But if ye have bitter envying and strife in your hearts, glory not, and lie not against the truth."

As a Christian i try my best not to react to the persons behaviour but rather just love them and pray for them, after all love shall cover the multitude of sins.

God bless.
Click to expand...
Thank you for sharing! I think you’re right about past hurts leading to unforgivness and bitterness. It’s just sad to see it take place.

My grandmother has always been the rock in our family, she loves the Lord so much and has literally prayed each one of us “in” to a relationship with the Lord. As she gets older, I see a hardness that I hadn’t seen before. She does talk about the past more. I wonder what triggers this.

Thank you for sharing the scriptures. I appreciate your insight. 🙂
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

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Dec 15, 2018
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Is it disappointment?
Naomi was bitter..her husband and two sons died...she went back to Bethlehem..her dreams of family were shattered. She tells Ruth and Orpah shes too old to marry again and have sons for them to marry. She claims the Lord is against her.
RUth and Boaz were her only hope...she needed that kinsman redeemer.

It was Naomi that urged Ruth to snag Boaz.

I think when things dont go according to plan we can take it personally. But thing is nobody goes through life without someone dying thats close to them. Its just a complete surprise when that happens before their time. Many people assume that life is meant to be perfect and never to suffer, that dreams will always come true. I guess thats the idealist in us and for some people it has to come true right away!
As people get older I think they feel there is less chance for them to fulfill their dreams.
 
posthuman

posthuman

Senior Member
#5
Jul 31, 2013
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#5
love_comes_softly said:
Something I’ve noticed in observing people lately is that as people get older, it becomes easier to become bitter.

Why does this happen? I’ve always thought that at the root, it was just being upset with God for something that did or didn’t happen, but why does it seem to really present itself later in life?

Does anyone else notice this? What do you know about bitterness?
Click to expand...
i know that as we age, our ears decay, so that we are not able to listen with them as well as we used to

when we don't hear things clearly, we tend to 'fill in the gaps' in what we do hear, with what we imagine is probably in them. e.g. 'Gestalt' -- maybe over many years, we see many evils, and when we are old, we have many gaps, and suppose that all of them are filled with evil.
and maybe we also become more vain - thinking ourselves wise simply on account of years - so we don't even feel the need to listen as much, even while at the same time we are less able to hear.

i want to grow up to be a child
 
FollowHisSteps

FollowHisSteps

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#6
Feb 15, 2019
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#6
love_comes_softly said:
Something I’ve noticed in observing people lately is that as people get older, it becomes easier to become bitter.

Why does this happen? I’ve always thought that at the root, it was just being upset with God for something that did or didn’t happen, but why does it seem to really present itself later in life?

Does anyone else notice this? What do you know about bitterness?
Click to expand...
Bitterness is a poison, that distorts the vision, but emotionally resolves the feeling of regret.
It is easy to see failure and lack of fulfilment as the cause of others, rather than seeing the truth
that one missed to opportunities that lay at ones feet.

I met a woman whose almost every word was this hatred of those who had taken her life and opportunity
away from her. What she did not see was the poison she was spreading with those she talked with as if
her feelings encouraged anyone, or appreciated what they brought, when in truth she was saying all she
represented was this black hole into which everything poured, and the other party was not work recognition
or appreciation, because this self indulgent self pity was all that mattered.
 
love_comes_softly

love_comes_softly

Well-known member
#7
Feb 13, 2019
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#7
Lanolin said:
Is it disappointment?
Click to expand...
I think you’re right. I think bitterness is definitely connected to disappointments. Perhaps as people get older, they find they have extra time to think and reflect?

Though bitterness doesn’t always come upon older people and the same can be said for the many young ones that struggle with bitterness. I just find it very interesting and I pray that my heart is never hardened in this way.

posthuman said:
i want to grow up to be a child
Click to expand...
Very interesting, perhaps that does have something to do with it.

I too want to grow up to be a child. If only. 🙂

FollowHisSteps said:
Bitterness is a poison, that distorts the vision, but emotionally resolves the feeling of regret.
It is easy to see failure and lack of fulfilment as the cause of others, rather than seeing the truth
that one missed to opportunities that lay at ones feet.

I met a woman whose almost every word was this hatred of those who had taken her life and opportunity
away from her. What she did not see was the poison she was spreading with those she talked with as if
her feelings encouraged anyone, or appreciated what they brought, when in truth she was saying all she
represented was this black hole into which everything poured, and the other party was not work recognition
or appreciation, because this self indulgent self pity was all that mattered.
Click to expand...

It certainly is all consuming. It’s scary and sad when someone is dealing with bitterness.
 
dcontroversal

dcontroversal

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Dec 12, 2013
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It seems life has a lot to do with it....I will use my mother as an example.....She married my dad at 17 the result of an accident "ME".....SHE LOVED him and then he was killed when I was three and my brother was one....The 2nd guy she married tried to run us over on the street to collect my dads social security check and after that divorced....then the 3rd guy she married was abusive to us all, treated her like crap and was a flaming drunk that burned all our money and after robbing my brother and I of about $350,000 cheated on my mom with a bar fly after 23 years or marriage. They divorced and after numerous years of dating losers found another man she could love....after about 7 years he woke up one day and could not walk and within a month dies of cancer....My mom now broken by a crap life, numerous chest cracking surgeries, a stroke, partial blindness sunk into a life of bitterness and wishing for death......about a month ago my brother found her dead, probably about 2 days........Life sucks Solomon said and then you die......Bitterness seems to come for those who take no pleasure in the evil days that have come upon them.....disease, death of children or maybe a spouse.........it is easy to fall into that rut and as difficult as hell to rise above it when every card you have been handed cuts you to your knees.......
 
FollowHisSteps

FollowHisSteps

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Feb 15, 2019
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dcontroversal said:
It seems life has a lot to do with it....I will use my mother as an example.....She married my dad at 17 the result of an accident "ME".....SHE LOVED him and then he was killed when I was three and my brother was one....The 2nd guy she married tried to run us over on the street to collect my dads social security check and after that divorced....then the 3rd guy she married was abusive to us all, treated her like crap and was a flaming drunk that burned all our money and after robbing my brother and I of about $350,000 cheated on my mom with a bar fly after 23 years or marriage. They divorced and after numerous years of dating losers found another man she could love....after about 7 years he woke up one day and could not walk and within a month dies of cancer....My mom now broken by a crap life, numerous chest cracking surgeries, a stroke, partial blindness sunk into a life of bitterness and wishing for death......about a month ago my brother found her dead, probably about 2 days........Life sucks Solomon said and then you die......Bitterness seems to come for those who take no pleasure in the evil days that have come upon them.....disease, death of children or maybe a spouse.........it is easy to fall into that rut and as difficult as hell to rise above it when every card you have been handed cuts you to your knees.......
Click to expand...
Jesus teaches us to look at the day to day joys of life.
We are flowers in a field, and the joy is the interplay we have with one another.

The world focuses on the hills, the mounds of mud, the painting of pretty colours on our
bodies, the glamour of success, which must be so much better than what we have.

Once you begin to see the eternal gifts of love, things change. The ending and sin matters less,
and the eternal blessing more. Jesus came and loved His family, the people He met, taught the
Fathers ways, yet they abused Him, wanted quick fixes, just taking the healing and dumping the truth,
and finally deciding it was much better to kill him than face what He represented.

God could have got bitter and blown us all away. But He saw His disciples, His people, and knew in
eternity it would work, filled with the Holy Spirit, working through love and faithfulness. Thank you
Jesus. Even when betrayed by Judas and the rest ran away, still love would draw them closer still.
 
A

Adstar

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#10
Jul 24, 2016
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#10
love_comes_softly said:
Something I’ve noticed in observing people lately is that as people get older, it becomes easier to become bitter.

Why does this happen? I’ve always thought that at the root, it was just being upset with God for something that did or didn’t happen, but why does it seem to really present itself later in life?

Does anyone else notice this? What do you know about bitterness?
Click to expand...
I is my observation ( and don't consider it applies to everyone ) that the more idealistic a person is in their youth the more bitter they become in their old age... Idealistic world views Never come to fruition and those who are caught up with believing that they can build a heaven on earth really get toxic and resentful at the world when their paradise fails to materialize..
 
PennEd

PennEd

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Apr 22, 2013
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dcontroversal said:
It seems life has a lot to do with it....I will use my mother as an example.....She married my dad at 17 the result of an accident "ME".....SHE LOVED him and then he was killed when I was three and my brother was one....The 2nd guy she married tried to run us over on the street to collect my dads social security check and after that divorced....then the 3rd guy she married was abusive to us all, treated her like crap and was a flaming drunk that burned all our money and after robbing my brother and I of about $350,000 cheated on my mom with a bar fly after 23 years or marriage. They divorced and after numerous years of dating losers found another man she could love....after about 7 years he woke up one day and could not walk and within a month dies of cancer....My mom now broken by a crap life, numerous chest cracking surgeries, a stroke, partial blindness sunk into a life of bitterness and wishing for death......about a month ago my brother found her dead, probably about 2 days........Life sucks Solomon said and then you die......Bitterness seems to come for those who take no pleasure in the evil days that have come upon them.....disease, death of children or maybe a spouse.........it is easy to fall into that rut and as difficult as hell to rise above it when every card you have been handed cuts you to your knees.......
Click to expand...
I'm so terribly sorry to hear about your mom.

Such a tough life she had, and by extension you and your brother. We were never created to experience the the horrors of the result of sin. I seriously don't know how people can do it without Jesus.

Prayers to you and your family. Be Blessed.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

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#12
Dec 15, 2018
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#12
Interestingly the name Mary means bitter.

If anyone had a reason to be bitter, it might be Mary, mother of Jesus. She had so much sorrow when her son was crucified. His messiahship didnt work out as she might have hoped on earth.

Job might have had cause to be bitter. Didnt he lose everything? Yet instead of hardening his heart against God he turned to God and asked the tough questions. Why me?

I worked with a few bitter workmates. One was divorced/separated from his wife and it was pretty much torture working with him cos he hated being in this city..he had moved here for the job and got married here and now he was stuck here alone. Even when he found another girlfriend he was taking it out on her and everyone else he had road rage etc.

Another was just angry at everything, his dad had died when he was 16 and he would deal with it by smoking All the time.

I think people need to count their blessings, eg ok Job was righteous and maybe he didnt know that satan was against him, but at least he was still alive! He survived! I used to say to those that were so bitter and in self pity that you know what..you survived. There must be a reason for that. Im here talking to you. And then help them see some joy in life.
 
love_comes_softly

love_comes_softly

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Feb 13, 2019
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dcontroversal said:
It seems life has a lot to do with it....I will use my mother as an example.....She married my dad at 17 the result of an accident "ME".....SHE LOVED him and then he was killed when I was three and my brother was one....The 2nd guy she married tried to run us over on the street to collect my dads social security check and after that divorced....then the 3rd guy she married was abusive to us all, treated her like crap and was a flaming drunk that burned all our money and after robbing my brother and I of about $350,000 cheated on my mom with a bar fly after 23 years or marriage. They divorced and after numerous years of dating losers found another man she could love....after about 7 years he woke up one day and could not walk and within a month dies of cancer....My mom now broken by a crap life, numerous chest cracking surgeries, a stroke, partial blindness sunk into a life of bitterness and wishing for death......about a month ago my brother found her dead, probably about 2 days........Life sucks Solomon said and then you die......Bitterness seems to come for those who take no pleasure in the evil days that have come upon them.....disease, death of children or maybe a spouse.........it is easy to fall into that rut and as difficult as hell to rise above it when every card you have been handed cuts you to your knees.......
Click to expand...
I’m so sorry to hear/read about the extreme hardships your mum had to endure throughout her life. I can’t even begin to imagine what that was like for her, you or your brother. I pray that the Lord bless you both with peace after going through that all.

Life, it’s hardships and tragedies most certainly can bring lots of bitterness. Only the Lord would be able to remove those. I know many people that have gone through unbearable situations, but their faith has got them through. God is so good.

Thank you so much for sharing something so deeply personal.
 
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