Ghosting

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ToastAndTea

ToastAndTea

Well-known member
#1
Jul 31, 2018
301
384
63
#1
With the world increasingly moving towards an online community, much of our relational activity is done through social media and online. For those who don't know, ghosting is when you have a relationship with someone over the internet (or any form of communication over an extended period of time) and they basically cut you off without ever telling you why. It can be pretty damaging and psychologically harmful for people to suddenly experience this rejection without even realizing what it is they did (or why they did it). Is there anyone else who has been a victim of this? How did it make you feel? What would you say to people who have experienced this and what are some tips do get over it?
 
A

Adstar

Senior Member
#2
Jul 24, 2016
7,617
3,643
113
#2
Yeah i have experienced this three times.. It cuts ones heart each time.. One time it really did some damage it caused me to take actions to prevent myself and others online getting two close.. The only thing that helps is Time... I still get upset if i start to think about these people and how close we where.. So i try to avoid walking down those particular memory lanes..

It's like mourning the death of a loved one.. It hurts, but life goes on and time lessens the impact..
 
G

Gerry53

Member
#3
May 16, 2019
58
39
18
#3
best advice i can give you is stop falling in love with your computer screen it will never love you back.
 
Mezame83

Mezame83

Well-known member
#5
Mar 18, 2019
291
316
63
#5
I still don't understand the why because i could never do it to someone but I've experienced this. It made me feel a whole array of emotions; confused, rejected, angry, depressed. It definitely hurts but we can always be certain that God is faithful. Another friend of mine told me recently about soul ties...
Pray for them and trust God knows what's best for theirs and your life. Letting go and letting God is often the hardest part but if you say your His, then you have to trust that there's a reason these things happen. Every Christian goes through things, it helps to mould our character but if we hold onto the past we can hinder what God has in store for us.

Col 3:1-2
1. If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God.
2. Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth.

Phil 4:6-8
6. Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.
7. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
8. Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

Matt 11:28-30
28. Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
29. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
30. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

Something that helped me is deliberately spending less time online and more time with God in prayer and His word.

God bless.
 
laura_charlotte

laura_charlotte

Senior Member
#6
Dec 16, 2012
1,483
114
63
#6
Mezame83 said:
I still don't understand the why because i could never do it to someone but I've experienced this. It made me feel a whole array of emotions; confused, rejected, angry, depressed. It definitely hurts but we can always be certain that God is faithful. Another friend of mine told me recently about soul ties...
Pray for them and trust God knows what's best for theirs and your life. Letting go and letting God is often the hardest part but if you say your His, then you have to trust that there's a reason these things happen. Every Christian goes through things, it helps to mould our character but if we hold onto the past we can hinder what God has in store for us.

Col 3:1-2
1. If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God.
2. Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth.

Phil 4:6-8
6. Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.
7. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
8. Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

Matt 11:28-30
28. Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
29. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
30. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

Something that helped me is deliberately spending less time online and more time with God in prayer and His word.

God bless.
Click to expand...
So brilliant!
 
H

he-rat_of_the_circus-mice

Banned
#7
Mar 21, 2019
487
163
43
#7
ToastAndTea said:
With the world increasingly moving towards an online community, much of our relational activity is done through social media and online. For those who don't know, ghosting is when you have a relationship with someone over the internet (or any form of communication over an extended period of time) and they basically cut you off without ever telling you why. It can be pretty damaging and psychologically harmful for people to suddenly experience this rejection without even realizing what it is they did (or why they did it). Is there anyone else who has been a victim of this? How did it make you feel? What would you say to people who have experienced this and what are some tips do get over it?
Click to expand...
Hey! It's nice there's actually a word for this. I didn't know that.

I was cut off by a serial-ghoster once - I actually think a psycho-path type. If I didn't know Jesus, I think I would have killed myself. As it was, I thought about it a lot. Since then, I have been much more interested in psychology than I was.

I've also done this to a few people, but they deserved it. Usually for dishonesty or unkindness. So I think to them the reason would be quite clear. I guess they could also have thought I died. Either way, it was for the best.

If you've been a victim of this, it's because you've accepted a deeper relationship with someone without knowing more about them. You've gone too far knowing too little. Find someone else, but get to know them better, sooner. And if you don't get to know them, don't accept a deeper relationship.
 
ArtsieSteph

ArtsieSteph

Senior Member
#8
Apr 1, 2014
6,194
1,321
113
34
Arizona
#8
The worst feeling is sending message or something on social media or on a dating site, and you see the word “seen” on the bottom and then it just sits there. I have had that happen so many times. Being told no promptly is much less insulting and disheartening than being outright ignored.
 
K

Kim82

Guest
#9
#9
ArtsieSteph said:
The worst feeling is sending message or something on social media or on a dating site, and you see the word “seen” on the bottom and then it just sits there. I have had that happen so many times. Being told no promptly is much less insulting and disheartening than being outright ignored.
Click to expand...
In dating, if anyone ignores you, take it as a blessing from God. Who knows what heart ache you are being spared from. Just shake the dust off your feet and move it along.
 
melita916

melita916

Senior Member
#10
Aug 12, 2011
10,469
2,706
113
#10
I was ghosted. We were not a couple. I liked him, and I thought he liked me in return. Before he was deployed, we talked and/or texted every day. When he moved, we communicated through email daily and he would call when he had the chance. We planned to meet in person when we returned to the states (although nothing was set in stone) which was about a year after. Then, the emails were less and less. Then... no reply at all.

I was hurt and angry. I also felt stupid. But praise God because none of this was a surprise to Him! A couple of months after I sent my last email, I met my now husband.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#11
Mar 13, 2014
42,689
17,151
113
69
Tennessee
#11
ToastAndTea said:
With the world increasingly moving towards an online community, much of our relational activity is done through social media and online. For those who don't know, ghosting is when you have a relationship with someone over the internet (or any form of communication over an extended period of time) and they basically cut you off without ever telling you why. It can be pretty damaging and psychologically harmful for people to suddenly experience this rejection without even realizing what it is they did (or why they did it). Is there anyone else who has been a victim of this? How did it make you feel? What would you say to people who have experienced this and what are some tips do get over it?
Click to expand...
I would say that if there was no plans to actually meet in person (sooner rather that later) than one or the other will eventually lose interest and move on. It really should come as no surprise if this happens. I have had 2 online romances and both led to marriage.
 
L

LittleMermaid

Guest
#12
#12
I ghosted a few boys before. One tried talking to me as a friend but he kept on and on about wanting to talk more and more. I felt like I was drowning. I tried to tell him that I had other things I needed to do but he would not listen. He demanded I add him on facebook and other social media outlets. So I just blocked him everywhere.

There was an ex too that I had. Basically, we were just an online couple. We met once for one date. But it was mostly online. Anyways, he cussed me out badly! I told him it was over several times but he would not listen and kept talking down to me. He got so mad that I broke up with him and would not take no for an answer. So I blocked him too.
I've been living my best life since!

Sometimes ghosting is necessary. I'm sorry that it's hurtful but mean people make it necessary. If a guy ghosts me (which has happened too) it hurts but I move on pretty quickly. If they don't like me, why would I want them back? ;)
 
ArtsieSteph

ArtsieSteph

Senior Member
#13
Apr 1, 2014
6,194
1,321
113
34
Arizona
#13
Good point. There are times when ghosting is necessary. But only after I think other methods have been exhausted
 
Tinkerbell725

Tinkerbell725

Senior Member
#14
Jul 19, 2014
4,216
1,179
113
Philippines Age 40
#14
I met a guy who has this habit of ghosting so I let him have a taste of his own medicine. He pretended to be interested in a relationship but the truth is he only wants to hit on girls.
 
G00WZ

G00WZ

Senior Member
#16
May 16, 2014
1,318
453
83
38
#16
The first time it happened it made me mad. 2nd time happened i thought it was funny, because it was their loss, they literally added no value to my life. Most of the time when i did have them added as a friend they would just whine and complain about the negative life they lived. When you know your value to yourself and to others its not as bad because you lose nothing. I made some awesome new friends, had so much fun with them i forgot about that dude for a long time.

If i could give a tip it would be to learn your value. Don't rely on others to give it to you. See yourself as adding value to others rather than seeing others as adding value to you. You are more valuable than words could imagine. Learn it.
 
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