The darkest path

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Blain

The Word Weaver
Aug 28, 2012
19,212
2,547
113
#1
Lomg and weary has been the path that we have suffered. A raod of darkness and trial,of hardship and pain. How my soul thirsts for strength and my heart xeies in it's weakness, the enemy sneers in my suffering and laughs at my embers of hope. How he boasts in the close victory of my breaking. For in this long dark path that I have traveled indeed I have been beaten and bruised unlike any time before I have been as a flower withering from thirst barely able to stand on my roots. For to long my heart says how much longer? For to long I have wondered when is there rest? for many nights and days I have traveled in the dark and hardships unable to see any light at the end stumbling over the ytipping stones of the enemy nearing the point of utter exhaustion and defeat.

For never before have I walkedwalked through the valley of death in this degree and never before has my faith and trust in the king been tried by such fire, and never before has your presence eluded me so deeply and for so long. Truly to be in hell is to be without you, to be parted with your presence crying out in the endless night for your arms to embrace your child once again. The pain in my soul runs deep, my rememberence of the precious times we would enjoy being together relishing how our hearts would pour our intimate affection and love for each other with such warmth and purity brings my soul a deep ache cutting deeper than any sword could. The tears do not hesitate to run down my cheeks and I maon in pain for my longing of you.

And yet my beloved I will trust you and I shall continue to move forwards with only my blindess and utter faith in you. I shall travers through the fires and suffer this pain for as long as it takes.. Please oh Lord do not think your child has lost faith for it is not you that I doubt but me. Even in this ocean of suffering and trial and even as long and utterly weary it has been when i search my heart oh father all I see is you, I cannot find an ounce of doubt or mistrust. Through the gates of hell itself will I travel to find you have you as my own, to hold you and adore you as I have never before. To obtain the depth of love and intimacy that I have craved ever since our hearts first spoke and poured our feelings for each other on that fateful day when we first met.
 

Blain

The Word Weaver
Aug 28, 2012
19,212
2,547
113
#2
So I wrote this mainly because I had to speak my heart and what has been stirring in it, it's not the quality I usually write but it is a brutely honest one. For many months now I have been mia from cc and I am so sorry for those who have worried and wondered about me but I have been going through a very dark and hard time just as the poem says. It started one day as I was going on my usual ealks that I love to go on to be with him and talk with him and as always I expressed my hunger and love for him and as always I asked him for like the billionth time how can I finally have you like I have always wanted? I spoke also for like the billionth time how my hunger for him is so intense that i feel starved and underfed. Suddenly I had a vision of me walking down a very long and dark path I knew this path was a very hard one and filled with hardship I have never dealt with I then saw a brillain and beautiful light at the end of the very long tunnel one such that I have never seen before and I knew it was him. I knew that the warmth was more than I have ever had before.

Suddenly I understood that he was showing me the answer to my prayers and it just clicked like a sudden revelation that in order to truly find him I must be prepared to travel through the darkness and I knew it would be harder for me than anything before this but I said to him that if it means finding him like this I will travel thrpough the darkness for as long as it takes and go through whatever I have to. I swore to that I would never give up and would make it to the light at the end of the tunnel.

No sooner than I made that promise everything in life began to go downhill fast and hard I am not going to explain it all for privacy reasons but so many things in my life went so wrong and I found that I could not hardly ever find him anymore I could not feel or sense his presence hardly at all. I am used to dry spells but this was for many months and the longer I felt apart from him the more and more I missed him and longed for him I literally many times would be in the shower remembering the times he and I would simply enjoy each others company even spending hours atr night just talking and it huty inside so badly from the longing that I would actually began to bawl.

But even so I would always tell him that I trust him and that will keep my promise to him, This has been the hardest time of my faith and the fire has never tested my faith so intensely and I dont know how much longer it will last or how well I will hold up but no matter what I know i can trust him and i will keep moving forwards and yes even if I have walk through the gates of hell itself. Gonestly i dont know how active i will be on cc but I just had to pour my heart out in this poem and let you guys know what is going on.
 

JustEli

Well-known member
Dec 23, 2018
1,374
983
113
50
#3
not even death can separate us from from the love of God which is Christ Jesus.
 

Demi777

Senior Member
Oct 13, 2014
6,889
1,958
113
Germany
#4
Oh brother i just passed a season that had me break down in the arms of my church people not too long ago and now...after finally obeying God over what I thought was best, he has blessed me and raised me up.
See Jesus through every storm brother. like the eagle see through it and rise up warrior
when God is working on us it hurts but the healing is sweet
Keep your head up brother
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
60,058
29,418
113
#6
This has been the hardest time of my faith and the fire has never tested my faith so intensely and I dont know how much longer it will last or how well I will hold up but no matter what I know i can trust him and i will keep moving forwards and yes even if I have walk through the gates of hell itself.
Amen Blain, thank you for letting us know how you are doing. God has plans for you :)

 

theanointedwinner

Well-known member
Nov 6, 2018
2,058
1,125
113
#7
my favorite bible verse relative to situations (for more information)
https://christianchat.com/bible-discussion-forum/favorite-verses.185711/

here are some that might be helpful and encouraging


whenever I'm tempted to ask "why do I even want God in the first place?"
we love because he loved us (1 John 4:19)
when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all people to myself (John 12:32)

anytime I feel that I can't even come to God or feel apart from God
For if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and knows all thing (1 John 3:20)
God is capable of compassionate understanding, and John 3:17


be faithful in prayer (Romans 12:12)
this is self-explanatory

these are just a few, a small sample, you will find more verses
 

BillG

Senior Member
Feb 15, 2017
9,023
4,444
113
#8
So I wrote this mainly because I had to speak my heart and what has been stirring in it, it's not the quality I usually write but it is a brutely honest one. For many months now I have been mia from cc and I am so sorry for those who have worried and wondered about me but I have been going through a very dark and hard time just as the poem says. It started one day as I was going on my usual ealks that I love to go on to be with him and talk with him and as always I expressed my hunger and love for him and as always I asked him for like the billionth time how can I finally have you like I have always wanted? I spoke also for like the billionth time how my hunger for him is so intense that i feel starved and underfed. Suddenly I had a vision of me walking down a very long and dark path I knew this path was a very hard one and filled with hardship I have never dealt with I then saw a brillain and beautiful light at the end of the very long tunnel one such that I have never seen before and I knew it was him. I knew that the warmth was more than I have ever had before.

Suddenly I understood that he was showing me the answer to my prayers and it just clicked like a sudden revelation that in order to truly find him I must be prepared to travel through the darkness and I knew it would be harder for me than anything before this but I said to him that if it means finding him like this I will travel thrpough the darkness for as long as it takes and go through whatever I have to. I swore to that I would never give up and would make it to the light at the end of the tunnel.

No sooner than I made that promise everything in life began to go downhill fast and hard I am not going to explain it all for privacy reasons but so many things in my life went so wrong and I found that I could not hardly ever find him anymore I could not feel or sense his presence hardly at all. I am used to dry spells but this was for many months and the longer I felt apart from him the more and more I missed him and longed for him I literally many times would be in the shower remembering the times he and I would simply enjoy each others company even spending hours atr night just talking and it huty inside so badly from the longing that I would actually began to bawl.

But even so I would always tell him that I trust him and that will keep my promise to him, This has been the hardest time of my faith and the fire has never tested my faith so intensely and I dont know how much longer it will last or how well I will hold up but no matter what I know i can trust him and i will keep moving forwards and yes even if I have walk through the gates of hell itself. Gonestly i dont know how active i will be on cc but I just had to pour my heart out in this poem and let you guys know what is going on.
My precious brother in Jesus.
Precious beloved Son of the Father.

I know what you are going through, been through it and in a sense I feel ashamed to say but still going through it.

I am a bag of worms, constant anxiety overcomes me.
I pray and pray and pray, call out, call out and call out.

My faith has been tested for a while now.
No idea why this has been allowed to happen.
The only prayers I can seem to offer up at this moment is "Jesus please help me, Jesus I need you, why am I struggling?

The one thing I do know though is that I will be like Jacob.
I will cling on, grab the heel of Jesus until I get his blessing.
Someone who I did not really know at church pulled me aside and said to me "You have been like Jacob, continue to be so"

Through the tough times I have received it.
My hope is in him and him alone.

His timing is perfect. A hard lesson to learn.

Just remember even though you are going through this, it does not mean that God won't use you.

He can and will, even if you feel a fake.
Because you are not a fake because he will use us to walk through the dark valley of our past that has led us to freedom.

God bless you bro.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
42,585
17,052
113
69
Tennessee
#9
Lomg and weary has been the path that we have suffered. A road of darkness and trial of hardship and pain. How my soul thirsts for strength and my heart xeies in it's weakness, the enemy sneers in my suffering and laughs at my embers of hope. How he boasts in the close victory of my breaking. For in this long dark path that I have traveled indeed I have been beaten and bruised unlike any time before I have been as a flower withering from thirst barely able to stand on my roots. For to long my heart says how much longer? For to long I have wondered when is there rest? for many nights and days I have traveled in the dark and hardships unable to see any light at the end stumbling over the stepping stones of the enemy nearing the point of utter exhaustion and defeat..

The woods are lovely, dark and deep but I have promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep.

Robert Frost

I wonder sometimes when I will find rest too. There will be battles that we may lose but with the grace of God the war will ultimately be won and the enemy defeated. On that day we will truly know peace, have joy in our hearts and will enter God's rest for the weary. Until then, we fight the good fight and keep our eyes on the prize for that is what warriors do. That's just the way that it is.
 

theanointedwinner

Well-known member
Nov 6, 2018
2,058
1,125
113
#10
Even though I walk through the darkest valley I shall fear no evil for thou art with me (Psalms 23:4)
 

Blain

The Word Weaver
Aug 28, 2012
19,212
2,547
113
#11
Ty everyone for your support and encouragement Everyone is spot on in what they said and I feel the same way. I also forgot to mention that my right eye is now sown shut because it got infected and was that way for several months even the eye doctors couldnt figure out what was wrong with it and by the time we did it was already so far gone that even after i get the stiches taken out and after i take my eye medicine i will at most if i am lucky only be able to see shapes from it and sadly the infection had also started on my other eye but we caught it and hopefully after another month of eye medicine I will at least have my good eye but i am not legally blind and that is not really a big deal to me as long as i can still see with one eye. but at the moment everything is blurry in my good eye with the eye medicine so even though i have the display setting on my screen at its largest its still very hard to see words or anything for that matter.

That is one reason i am not on here much anymore but my left eye is healing nicely and hopefully next month i can stop taking the eye medicine as that is what makes everything super blurry
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
60,058
29,418
113
#12
Blain, I am so sorry to hear of your eye problems. Have you considered using a text to speech program to read the pages for you? Another program may be used for speech to text. I will give you links for both :) Best wishes and God bless you, Blain!


text to speech:

https://www.naturalreaders.com/online/

speech to text:

https://speechnotes.co/
 

calibob

Sinner saved by grace
May 29, 2018
8,268
5,516
113
Anaheim, Cali.
#13
I've had customers with similar devices, in the 80's I sure they are much better now.
 

Blain

The Word Weaver
Aug 28, 2012
19,212
2,547
113
#14
Well hopefully I wont need it soon my left eye is healing nicelt and before i put in the medicine i can see just fine my next appointment is on the tenth so hopefully it will have healed up by then