Don't Settle

A lot of people become tempted to settle for partners who either aren't believers or aren't as focused on a relationship with God as they are one with you. You need someone who first seeks God, not seeks you and then God as an after thought. A relationship pleasing to God is unlike any other wordly relationship in that the focus is not on each other, but the Lord.

Relationships that do not focus on God will only end in heartache, which is why in the Gospel is says in 2 Corinthians 6:14 "Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?". For a non-believer, your faith will be questioned and possibly even make you turn from church, fellowship and possibly even your faith. Those to someone who doesn't match your intensity for a relationship will God could become a ball and chain that holds you back from pursuing a closer relationship with the Lord. Let iron sharpen iron, not rock blunt iron.

Don't be afraid to wait, some people don't get married until they're 40! 50! Or even older! God has a plan for you, and he has a partner for you, for he saw man should not be alone. So, therefore, don't settle for someone you know won't honour God.

A lot of people become tempted to settle for partners who either aren't believers or aren't as focused on a relationship with God as they are one with you. You need someone who first seeks God, not seeks you and then God as an after thought. A relationship pleasing to God is unlike any other wordly relationship in that the focus is not on each other, but the Lord.

Relationships that do not focus on God will only end in heartache, which is why in the Gospel is says in 2 Corinthians 6:14 "Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?". For a non-believer, your faith will be questioned and possibly even make you turn from church, fellowship and possibly even your faith. Those to someone who doesn't match your intensity for a relationship will God could become a ball and chain that holds you back from pursuing a closer relationship with the Lord. Let iron sharpen iron, not rock blunt iron.

Don't be afraid to wait, some people don't get married until they're 40! 50! Or even older! God has a plan for you, and he has a partner for you, for he saw man should not be alone. So, therefore, don't settle for someone you know won't honour God.

The notion that 'God has someone for you' is so misleading and simply not true. It seems to bring a lot of heartache and a misinterpretation of the story of creation, to me, does not qualify as biblical evidence. Marriage is not promised for everyone, or even most. If a promise of marriage were biblical then Paul's words would be in contradiction when he discouraged the Choice of marriage. There are also people who desire marriage and never get married. That shouldn't happen if marriage were a biblical promise.

If i may offer friendly advice on Singles topics, take some time to learn the group and look for areas that people struggle with, rather than spouting out the standard new user topics that the regulars here already know well, and have seen countless times. This seems to be the default topic from new users that want to teach. It's a bit of a dead horse theme. If you want to truly be helpful find things relevant to the group and bring those up instead. Also presenting things as a discussion, rather than a sermon, may be a more useful tone. If you look at Seoul's new threads she presents her views, but also opens up the topic for discussion, and her threads are among the most popular in Singles. Also they tend to be original topics, as well as her adding in personal bits, not just talking at people in a 'this is right, do it' tone.
Changing how you interact with people online is a subject i struggle with as well (just look at the first half of this post) and why i know so much about it haha. So i'm not being critical, just offering some alternative ways of broaching subjects (and finding them) than the stereotypical new user way we see often.

This is good advice for me because I often present more preachy. Hmmmm, I will think about this.

I will say that there are probably few topics left to talk about, so it is challenging to keep it fresh. I believe it does seem ok to talk some same things out with new friends and old. You might get some fresh perspectives

With that said, my take away from your feedback to David was helpful to me, so thanks. We can always count on you to be direct, haha.

I agree it's fine to see topics brought back up, but this particular topic is the one so many want to come on here and preach about, but most users here already have a decent handle on it. Of all the singles topics this is the one most overplayed. There are plenty of other good topics that could be discussed rather than the same one over and over. That's all I was getting at. (=

Unfortunately, it creates a never-ending loop.

1. People complain about the same topics being discussed over and over, which is understandable, but...

2. People who always say that there should be threads about new subjects never actually start them, which really doesn't help.

3. People who do start threads get almost immediate negative feedback.

4. People who might want to start a thread sees such negative feedback, and decide not to post anything.

Leading us all back to step number 1 and a dead forum.

And all that's left are new members who try to join in, aren't familiar with the crowd or what's been talked about for ages here, then try to contribute but are shot down for talking about a repetitive subject.

I often get people telling me, "Hey, why don't you write a thread about subject x, y, or z...", and they're very good topics. But what I found in the past is that people basically wanted me to do all the work of writing the thread as well as taking all of the heat.

I've gotten used to flaming arrows, but I usually stick to my own topic ideas because it would be nice to see things more spread out, because the next complaint then becomes that the same 3 people are posting all the thread and have taken over the Singles Forum and turned it into a clique.

I don't know how else to change it except to try to gently get more people used to posting threads, with the hope that they will eventually branch out with their own way of thinking as well, hopefully resulting in a wider variety of posters and topics. But we have to start somewhere.

(I also freely admit to posting my own negative/sarcastic replies to "Wanna-Be Player"-type threads as well, and this is wrong on my part. When we do see those threads, I'm going to work on giving a gentler answer that is informative without being critical.)

There's a lot of old threads that can be revisited also. It's kinda interesting looking back at some of the old topics and reading about them.

It can be quite amusing too. But guessing that for some of the longtimers on here it might be a little sad seeing that a lot of these people are no longer here.

Unfortunately, this then brings up complaints from people about raising "zombie" threads.

I completely agree that some topics are timeless, and the only way around it is to write a new version of the same thread, which unfortunately, very few people are willing to do.

A lot of people become tempted to settle for partners who either aren't believers or aren't as focused on a relationship with God as they are one with you. You need someone who first seeks God, not seeks you and then God as an after thought. A relationship pleasing to God is unlike any other wordly relationship in that the focus is not on each other, but the Lord.

Relationships that do not focus on God will only end in heartache, which is why in the Gospel is says in 2 Corinthians 6:14 "Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?". For a non-believer, your faith will be questioned and possibly even make you turn from church, fellowship and possibly even your faith. Those to someone who doesn't match your intensity for a relationship will God could become a ball and chain that holds you back from pursuing a closer relationship with the Lord. Let iron sharpen iron, not rock blunt iron.

Don't be afraid to wait, some people don't get married until they're 40! 50! Or even older! God has a plan for you, and he has a partner for you, for he saw man should not be alone. So, therefore, don't settle for someone you know won't honour God.

Unfortunately, it creates a never-ending loop.

1. People complain about the same topics being discussed over and over, which is understandable, but...

2. People who always say that there should be threads about new subjects never actually start them, which really doesn't help.

3. People who do start threads get almost immediate negative feedback.

4. People who might want to start a thread sees such negative feedback, and decide not to post anything.

Leading us all back to step number 1 and a dead forum.

And all that's left are new members who try to join in, aren't familiar with the crowd or what's been talked about for ages here, then try to contribute but are shot down for talking about a repetitive subject.

I often get people telling me, "Hey, why don't you write a thread about subject x, y, or z...", and they're very good topics. But what I found in the past is that people basically wanted me to do all the work of writing the thread as well as taking all of the heat.

I've gotten used to flaming arrows, but I usually stick to my own topic ideas because it would be nice to see things more spread out, because the next complaint then becomes that the same 3 people are posting all the thread and have taken over the Singles Forum and turned it into a clique.

I don't know how else to change it except to try to gently get more people used to posting threads, with the hope that they will eventually branch out with their own way of thinking as well, hopefully resulting in a wider variety of posters and topics. But we have to start somewhere.

(I also freely admit to posting my own negative/sarcastic replies to "Wanna-Be Player"-type threads as well, and this is wrong on my part. When we do see those threads, I'm going to work on giving a gentler answer that is informative without being critical.)

I, for one, dont often start threads simply for the fact that I only tend to start threads on topics that I feel affected by in a strong enough way. I'm not great at starting things in that way, while others are. I wish I were and I would start more.
Nor would I say I "shot down" the OP. I offered the idea of sticking around and learning what the Actual needs are here and posting on that. So I presented him an option that, if he feels to teach, would make him more effective and do more help.
I would think the repetition of things is just as much a part of the weakening of the Singles. And that won't change if people aren't made aware. People dont learn if others don't speak up and let them know.

It's not about the information that was presented, but the way it was presented.

Maybe adding in a friendly, "Hey there, welcome to the forum, here are a few tips to help you get more responses to your threads," would be helpful.

And yes, I have to admit (and this might be a character flaw of my own) that one of my biggest pet peeves are when people tell someone they're adding to the "problem" of a repetitive subject, but don't write any new, outstanding threads on fascinating subjects themselves, because why complain about something that you're not helping to change?

And I do hear that a lot: "I'm not good at starting threads." All I can say is, There's only one way to get better. Go ahead and try.

I've watched you present information to people in this manner for many years, Sub, and I know you feel you're being helpful, but all I'm saying is, it might go better if you try to add in a few encouraging affirmations.

The thing is, I've seen people present things to you in the exact same manner that you present information to other people, and you always, always take it as someone attacking you, so I'm not quite sure why you don't see that this is how you come across to other people. Your post in this thread sounded extremely critical and belittling, especially to a new poster.

And yes, I realize people are going to see my post as being harsh in return, but the truth is, I've wanted to say this for many, many years.

I know you've been here for much longer than your current profile date, but I always held back, hoping someday it might change, which is also why I always tried to give you "likes" for posts in which you were trying to encourage someone.

And I'm certainly not trying to sound like my own opinion somehow makes a difference. I'm just saying, that when you say these things to people, you seem to expect them to take it as being beneficial, but when others confront you in the same way, you don't see it as helpful at all.

It's not about the information that was presented, but the way it was presented.

Maybe adding in a friendly, "Hey there, welcome to the forum, here are a few tips to help you get more responses to your threads," would be helpful.

And yes, I have to admit (and this might be a character flaw of my own) that one of my biggest pet peeves are when people tell someone they're adding to the "problem" of a repetitive subject, but don't write any new, outstanding threads on fascinating subjects themselves, because why complain about something that you're not helping to change?

And I do hear that a lot: "I'm not good at starting threads." All I can say is, There's only one way to get better. Go ahead and try.

I've watched you present information to people in this manner for many years, Sub, and I know you feel you're being helpful, but all I'm saying is, it might go better if you try to add in a few encouraging affirmations.

The thing is, I've seen people present things to you in the exact same manner that you present information to other people, and you always, always take it as someone attacking you, so I'm not quite sure why you don't see that this is how you come across to other people. Your post in this thread sounded extremely critical and belittling, especially to a new poster.

And yes, I realize people are going to see my post as being harsh in return, but the truth is, I've wanted to say this for many, many years.

I know you've been here for much longer than your current profile date, but I always held back, hoping someday it might change, which is also why I always tried to give you "likes" for posts in which you were trying to encourage someone.

And I'm certainly not trying to sound like my own opinion somehow makes a difference. I'm just saying, that when you say these things to people, you seem to expect them to take it as being beneficial, but when others confront you in the same way, you don't see it as helpful at all.