Hey Everyone,
This is a topic I've been churning around for a couple of weeks, but I'm going to first make a disclaimer: I am in NO way, shape, or form condoning, excusing, or encouraging sex outside of marriage AT ALL. But, I would like to present a few things for our CC singles community to consider and hopefully discuss in a respectful Christian manner with special consideration to the young teens who also visit this forum.
This is the kind of discussion I wish my church elders would have had with me when I was a young adult.
We singles know that being alone sucks. But we also know all too well that if we long for an intimate relationship that includes both body and spirit, the only option we have is to get married. And how many times have all of us heard, "It's better to marry than to burn with passion!" (1 Corinthians 7:9.)
Here's the part I wish people would be more specific about: a Christian single gets ONE, and only ONE chance at this. With virtually every other sin, you can be forgiven and start over, but NOT. WITH. MARRIAGE. Sure, they say there are a few exceptions (when an unbeliever leaves, or if your spouse cheats on you), but even then, many Christians will tell you that you can NEVER marry again because that would be adultery.
Please understand. I'm NOT trying to argue with the Bible, and the point of this thread is NOT meant to be an argument about remarriage -- I will always encourage following God's commands and personal convictions.
However, if you find yourself in a marriage that doesn't stay together, for whatever reason that is not defined as a Biblical reason, whether your spouse is having online affairs (because some will say you still can't leave unless it's actual physical sex), whether the marriage is abusive, whether your spouse refuses to have sex with you or wants sex in a way you don't want, whether your believing spouse leaves you - you have literally just kissed your ONE Biblical chance for romantic love and intimacy goodbye, never to be seen again, because there are NO more chances.
In fact, as I said in another thread (with EXTREME, purposeful sarcasm), the "best" thing you can hope for is that your spouse actually "does" physically cheat on you so that you can at least have a Biblical divorce, and even then, people will assume you are a sinful screw-up who couldn't even hold a marriage together (that's what I was told, at least.) Should I feel "blessed" that "at least" my unbelieving ex not only left but married someone else so that I supposedly had an official Biblical divorce?
And here is why I'm frustrated. As part of the divorced Christian community for 20 years, I have seen this over and over again: a single mom/dad who has 4 children by 4 different moms/dads who is now trying to live a repentant Christian life is seen as perfectly eligible for marriage, and possibly even a church leadership position, which is wonderful.
The person who's slept with 20 people but never married any of them and repents is welcomed with open arms and a pep talk about how we have a God of forgiveness and new beginnings, praise the Lord!
But the person who was married, and maybe that was the only partner they ever had, is ostracized from all of this. They can't marry. They can't hold a church position, lest they influence anyone else with their terrible evil of not being able to uphold the sanctity of marriage, even when it was their spouse who chose to leave them.
* Why is there this huge distinction between people who have repeatedly fornicated but never married, and those who actually did choose to marry?
* And, if this is how it is, what would be the reason to choose to marry in the first place? Because if the person who slept with all these people had married even one of them, they would then be in the same boat as the divorced person - but as long as they don't marry anyone, they can repent and have every door opened for them.
Again, I am NOT trying to encourage going against God's commands AT ALL. I am NOT trying to promote any kind of sexual activity outside of marriage, period. I am also NOT trying to condemn anyone who may have had multiple sexual relationships with or without marriage, because we all need Christ's redemption.
BUT, this is something I personally ask God all the time: People are going to sin, even when they try their hardest not to, so is it worse to risk the sins someone might commit as a single, repent, and start over, or would You rather have us risk getting married instead? Because if we fail at that or someone fails us, we are forever quarantined because of it.
I know the obvious answer to this question is that we should obey God no matter what the risks might be, but what I'm really asking for here are for your own thoughts, experiences, and observations.
I know this will probably be a hot-button topic so I'm hoping at the very least, it will remain respectful.
We're all in this together... Many thanks for your respectful participation in advance!
This is a topic I've been churning around for a couple of weeks, but I'm going to first make a disclaimer: I am in NO way, shape, or form condoning, excusing, or encouraging sex outside of marriage AT ALL. But, I would like to present a few things for our CC singles community to consider and hopefully discuss in a respectful Christian manner with special consideration to the young teens who also visit this forum.
This is the kind of discussion I wish my church elders would have had with me when I was a young adult.
We singles know that being alone sucks. But we also know all too well that if we long for an intimate relationship that includes both body and spirit, the only option we have is to get married. And how many times have all of us heard, "It's better to marry than to burn with passion!" (1 Corinthians 7:9.)
Here's the part I wish people would be more specific about: a Christian single gets ONE, and only ONE chance at this. With virtually every other sin, you can be forgiven and start over, but NOT. WITH. MARRIAGE. Sure, they say there are a few exceptions (when an unbeliever leaves, or if your spouse cheats on you), but even then, many Christians will tell you that you can NEVER marry again because that would be adultery.
Please understand. I'm NOT trying to argue with the Bible, and the point of this thread is NOT meant to be an argument about remarriage -- I will always encourage following God's commands and personal convictions.
However, if you find yourself in a marriage that doesn't stay together, for whatever reason that is not defined as a Biblical reason, whether your spouse is having online affairs (because some will say you still can't leave unless it's actual physical sex), whether the marriage is abusive, whether your spouse refuses to have sex with you or wants sex in a way you don't want, whether your believing spouse leaves you - you have literally just kissed your ONE Biblical chance for romantic love and intimacy goodbye, never to be seen again, because there are NO more chances.
In fact, as I said in another thread (with EXTREME, purposeful sarcasm), the "best" thing you can hope for is that your spouse actually "does" physically cheat on you so that you can at least have a Biblical divorce, and even then, people will assume you are a sinful screw-up who couldn't even hold a marriage together (that's what I was told, at least.) Should I feel "blessed" that "at least" my unbelieving ex not only left but married someone else so that I supposedly had an official Biblical divorce?
And here is why I'm frustrated. As part of the divorced Christian community for 20 years, I have seen this over and over again: a single mom/dad who has 4 children by 4 different moms/dads who is now trying to live a repentant Christian life is seen as perfectly eligible for marriage, and possibly even a church leadership position, which is wonderful.
The person who's slept with 20 people but never married any of them and repents is welcomed with open arms and a pep talk about how we have a God of forgiveness and new beginnings, praise the Lord!
But the person who was married, and maybe that was the only partner they ever had, is ostracized from all of this. They can't marry. They can't hold a church position, lest they influence anyone else with their terrible evil of not being able to uphold the sanctity of marriage, even when it was their spouse who chose to leave them.
* Why is there this huge distinction between people who have repeatedly fornicated but never married, and those who actually did choose to marry?
* And, if this is how it is, what would be the reason to choose to marry in the first place? Because if the person who slept with all these people had married even one of them, they would then be in the same boat as the divorced person - but as long as they don't marry anyone, they can repent and have every door opened for them.
Again, I am NOT trying to encourage going against God's commands AT ALL. I am NOT trying to promote any kind of sexual activity outside of marriage, period. I am also NOT trying to condemn anyone who may have had multiple sexual relationships with or without marriage, because we all need Christ's redemption.
BUT, this is something I personally ask God all the time: People are going to sin, even when they try their hardest not to, so is it worse to risk the sins someone might commit as a single, repent, and start over, or would You rather have us risk getting married instead? Because if we fail at that or someone fails us, we are forever quarantined because of it.
I know the obvious answer to this question is that we should obey God no matter what the risks might be, but what I'm really asking for here are for your own thoughts, experiences, and observations.
I know this will probably be a hot-button topic so I'm hoping at the very least, it will remain respectful.
We're all in this together... Many thanks for your respectful participation in advance!
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