Relationship advice.

There is a girl I like that I went on a couple dates with. We both had a great time and from what I can tell we are both interested and attracted to each other. We both go to the same church and we both serve in the same ministry. We were set up as a blind date for valentines. I am in my mid 20s and she is in her 2nd year of college.

After our 2nd date she told me she was not ready for a relationship. She did say she sees a possible future for us. I also told her my lack of experience and I said if there wasn't anyone else I would be willing to wait and see what happens as we try and build a friendship. She thought that was really cute and thought I had at least been with some girls in the past. (A lot of people thought that about me and are always shocked when I tell them for some reason).

However, even though we want to try and be friends, we just do not talk to each other at the moment. We both got super overwhelmed because I never dated anyone and she only had a high school thing from a high school guy at are church that was just learning how to drive that never went anywhere.

We clicked so well together that it almost seemed too good to be true!

At first we avoided each other as much as possible. Then we started to stare at each other when we are groups with friends or from afar. Sometimes when I am with my friends at a church event I would get this sixth sense that someone is watching me, and when I look over, its always her.

Recently her friends and I are starting to get to know each other. For example, one of her best friends asked me to join them when the girl was right there to see a movie my ministry went to as a group. Before I went on the couple dates with a girl, they never talked to me before. I just found out too that she is actually a really shy person.

I just don't know where to go from here. Every time I try and move on, my thoughts always circle back to her. I had to sit down and pray about it quite a few times and wrote down qualities I would like for a future Godly spouse, and qualities in a person I could see myself being paired up with - and the answer keeps going back to her. After the 2nd date I got really infatuated but after calming down, I am now back in control.

As anyone have any similar experience to this? I haven't seen any signs that she'd like to be approached yet but I also see her stare at me sometimes. I just don't know what to do. I don't know if trying to date this girl as a sign from God showing me what my future could look like, but He is holding it back from me for reasons I am still trying to figure out. Is this a trial from God to test my patience? I have been content of being single for a long time now and when I became comfortable with it, that's when all of this stuff started happening.

I would love some advice or similar stories you guys might have that could shed some light on this.

Why not just make a choice and act on it? Rather than wait for some signal why not be proactive? Stop sitting on the sidelines and do something about it. Or wait till another guy does and you get to sit there and watch someone else with her because you were too timid to act.

If you know that she is the one, which it sounds like you do then you need to act on it. From what you have said it seems like she likes you as well so where is the harm in it.

I was in a similar situation as you with my girlfriend, she was very shy when we first met and wanted me to take the first step. Just from what I have noticed but it seems like that is what girls want, they want the guy to be the one to take the risk. I was determined to have her and so I kept at it until finally she decided that she would go out with me. Obviously I didn't do it in some creepy stalker fashion, I was just upfront about what I wanted and how I knew that we both felt the same way about each other. We have been together a while now and will be getting married once we finish college.

As for this being a test from God as far as I am concerned God does not test us, He simply wants what is best for us. If we are saved solely by having faith in Him then why would He throw tests at us? Go and get that girl. Best of luck and God Bless.

@Subhumanoidal It's not so much waiting for a signal.. It's just that my approach was too strong at first and we got both overwhelmed because of the situation I described above.

@JustinTime I appreciate your advice. That's why I am just really confused on how to go about this. We already had 2 dates. She knows I like her at this point. The other thing too is that her friends have told me to just give her space and let it happen naturally. I am not entirely sure what naturally means. We are currently at the eye staring phase of "I want you to talk to me but at the same time I don't". And from my recent interaction with her, I will definitely try and say hi this Sunday.

Were you guys friends before the relationship? How did that go?

Yep it's awkward now, but you're either going to let the awkward separate you or one of you is going to find the courage to approach the other one and start talking through the awkwardness. And if you're both on the shy introverted side consider writing letters to try to hammer out how this "friends who are attracted to each other but because of life circumstances aren't going to officially be in a romantic relationship" thing is going to work out.

Well I guess ask yourself what does naturally mean? Do relationships just happen out of nothing? No, I don’t think they do, relationships require work and action being taken. The natural thing is you trying to get to know her better don’t just sit and hope something happens.

Jesus always worked with what people already had when performing miracles, you have the ability to try and date her so don’t hope that God will give you something that you can already do, He has already provided.

I guess we were friends before but I think we both understood that it was a friendship that would lead to something else. I think that is an important thing you should go into relationships with clear intent of what you want from it.

And definitely talk to her on Sunday don’t let her pass you by without trying.

Best of luck and I’ll be praying for the both of you.

@JustinTime What you are saying makes sense. And what the poster above you said, I think its been enough time to start trying to talk through our awkwardness and clear the air.

I'll forsure pray for your future marriage as well.

You only have 2 choices buddy
Get the flowers and approach her
Or
Let her go.

You could ask to meet her again. Bring some flowers or and a little bracelet ,(doesnt have to be fancy) and tell her about ur feelings and ask her to give u a chance.
Theres not really anything like relationship experience because every person is different. Let God guide you.

Be honest, let her know wassup and go from there. You’ll never know if you don’t make the move. If she ain’t feeling you, then at least you can move on knowingly.

I'm gonna go the other way than what most have said here.

My son is going through a similar situation.

Guys are notorious for misreading women. Both when they like the guy, and want a relationship, and when they don't. I'm interpreting her comment "I'm not ready for a relationship" as her way of gently saying she, at least at this point, doesn't have a romantic interest in you.
Probably not what you want to hear. But maybe what you need to hear.

On the other hand, it wouldn't be terrible to just ask 1 more time if she would be interested in dating. Sorry ladies, but figuring out a woman, especially in todays world, is no small feat.

"Well... will you be my "it's complicated" on facebook?"

Hi Warplite, when you catch this girl staring at you, do you smile back at her? Do you say hello? Perhaps just be a sweet friend to her, give her time to relax around you and learn to know you better. Girls like friendly guys with confidence. Make her smile.

As for the above Man/Woman buttons meme, it’s actually an insult to men. It’s basically saying that guy is clueless and has a one track mind.

A girl would rather be with a guy who can relate to her, can confidently communicate with her, and make her feel happy (and safe) to be around him.

I love reading your replies. You're a wise lady and I appreciate your opinion.

Ditto, Dear! *hugs*

Just as PennEd said. When a woman says "I'm not ready for a relationship" it really means she's not interested...

When I was in high school there was a girl I really liked and when I asked her if she'd like to go out with me she said she didn't want to date anyone right now. A week later I find out she's dating one of my best friends.

There was also another time when my two friends tried to set me up with a girl and she told me she wasn't looking for a relationship at that time. After we parted and I told my friends what she said they both laughed out loud because she had given one of my friends her phone number the day before and asked him to call her. He wasn't interested because he was used to women being interested in him.

Proverbs 3:5&6
5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart;
do not depend on your own understanding.
6 Seek His will in all you do,
and he will show you which path to take.

Proverbs 30 comes to mind, the verse that talks about "the way of a man with a maid." The Word of God compares the skill of a man pursuing a woman to an eagle soaring in the sky, a snake maneuvering over a rock, and a ship sailing on the sea. I found this interesting article about that very verse. Hopefully it will give you encouragement and renewed insight. Blessings to you in Christ Jesus!

http://straitegate.com/christianissuesfolder/thewayofamanwithamaid.htm

If I don't like a guy, I gently tell him "I'm too busy with school right now" or "I don't have time for a boyfriend" or even "I like being single!" We women try to let you down gently and there's an important reason for that. When we try to be honest, sometimes the guy gets really upset and threatens us. So I personally (and I know several who do the same) do not outright say it. I just make up an excuse to save face.

I think where there is a will there is a way. If she really did like you, then she would find any way possible to be with you. But instead, she chose to let you go. What if you find another woman that you like during this time of waiting? This first girl is risking that possibility. To me, this means she's just not that into you. I know that really stinks OP. I've been there many many times. But it's easier once you accept it. I really don't think this young lady is that into you. I was infatuated with a guy from my old church years ago. I liked him very much. Sometimes I would catch him looking at me and I assumed "he must like me!" But I found out later that he had a gf and they were serious. So obviously all those little moments were just in my head. He even told me once "I love you like a sister." That was his way of gently telling me that he wasn't into me. As soon as I realized this, the healing began. I knew this guy for years so I needed to heal because the infatuation was enormous and I was quite young lol.

Talk to God about this. Make sure that they are his answers and not just your feelings telling you what you want to hear. Go to the Bible and ask God to show you his will for this situation. I could be wrong and she might like you back. But from my experience, I don't thinks he does. Just keep praying about it and see what God tells you, brother. God bless you!

What a coincidence.

When I don't like a girl, I tell her, "You're too busy with school right now."
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