Getting Enough Lovin’

Some recent threads, and some old threads have a reoccurring theme of not getting the kind of attention you want from your spouse. Some have mentioned their marriages lack emotion and intimacy.

Looking to Old Testament patriarchs this question arises. David was known to be lustful, but nothing compared to his son Solomon, tallying over a thousand lovers. My question is this; How much is enough? Some women here say they are happy to fulfill their “wifely duties” but to what extent is excessive? Is this subject taboo? There just seems to be so many Christian men addicted to porn. Are we suppressing our libidos in shame until the temptation becomes too much to bare? Forgive me if my curiosity is distasteful to some. I think as Christians we need to address difficult subjects sometimes. I’m not looking for specifics exactly, just ballpark estimates. What is an acceptable expectation, three times a day, a week, a month, a year? When is it time to take a cold shower?

"Forgive me if my curiosity is distasteful to some. I think as Christians we need to address difficult subjects sometimes. "
First off Hungry kudos to you for asking a difficult question that many try to sugar coat and sweep under the rug.
While it is true that the men you mentioned DID struggle with lustful deeds and actions IT DOES NOT MEAN THAT IT IS ALRIGHT. Yes David was a man after God's own heart, but he was also just that a man....... a HUMAN........... who, like us, also faced with temptations on a daily basis. While it is one thing to see an attractive person go by ( out and about in public) and notice their attractiveness (or WHATEVER it is they are getting noticed for.............) it is ENTIRELY DIFFERENT, to keep looking or to allow your fingers to walk around a keyboard and eyes see whatever your fingers happen to stumble across willingly (or pick up at the news stand or video store etc!) is a whole other can of worms.

... But I say unto you, That whosoever looks on a woman to lust after her
has committed adultery with her already in his heart. ... Matthew 5:28

Ladies THAT GOES FOR US AS WELL.

As far as "wifely duties" and "I’m not looking for specifics exactly, just ballpark estimates. What is an acceptable expectation, three times a day, a week, a month, a year?"

Hebrews 13:4..........Marriage should be honored by all and the marriage bed kept undefiled, (pure).

1 Corinthians 7:5.......Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

It is my understanding and opinion here.............. (and all this is WITHIN MARRIAGE TO YOUR SPOUSE)
a year: WAY TO LONG TO GO WITHOUT
a month: Still pushing it
weekly: good
daily/multiple times day : that is for the couple to mutually decide upon.
And I DO NOT believe 1 Cor. 7:5 is ONLY referencing sexual union. Depriving each other of something could be as simple as the husband being home from work and saying "come watch tv with me" and the wife thinking " I don't WANT TO watch tv right now. I WANT to do XYZ" or the other way around. If it is something your spouse enjoys and WANTS YOU around for and you are stubbornly refusing, sadly that is where many doors begin to open. "Well if you wont do this with me, I've got this friend (opposite sex) who enjoys that, we'll hang out together..........." now you've opened a door that allows compromising situations to arise............

Now Hungry, I pray you get some answers and insight to your questions here, and that if this thread has been moved to a mens eyes only forum that the answers you get are BIBLICAL and not perverted or twisted.

Now it's time for me to go perform MY wifely duties.................

Seeing my husband off to work and getting our kids up and ready for their day.

"Forgive me if my curiosity is distasteful to some. I think as Christians we need to address difficult subjects sometimes. "
First off Hungry kudos to you for asking a difficult question that many try to sugar coat and sweep under the rug.
While it is true that the men you mentioned DID struggle with lustful deeds and actions IT DOES NOT MEAN THAT IT IS ALRIGHT. Yes David was a man after God's own heart, but he was also just that a man....... a HUMAN........... who, like us, also faced with temptations on a daily basis. While it is one thing to see an attractive person go by ( out and about in public) and notice their attractiveness (or WHATEVER it is they are getting noticed for.............) it is ENTIRELY DIFFERENT, to keep looking or to allow your fingers to walk around a keyboard and eyes see whatever your fingers happen to stumble across willingly (or pick up at the news stand or video store etc!) is a whole other can of worms.

... But I say unto you, That whosoever looks on a woman to lust after her
has committed adultery with her already in his heart. ... Matthew 5:28

Ladies THAT GOES FOR US AS WELL.

As far as "wifely duties" and "I’m not looking for specifics exactly, just ballpark estimates. What is an acceptable expectation, three times a day, a week, a month, a year?"

Hebrews 13:4..........Marriage should be honored by all and the marriage bed kept undefiled, (pure).

1 Corinthians 7:5.......Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

It is my understanding and opinion here.............. (and all this is WITHIN MARRIAGE TO YOUR SPOUSE)
a year: WAY TO LONG TO GO WITHOUT
a month: Still pushing it
weekly: good
daily/multiple times day : that is for the couple to mutually decide upon.
And I DO NOT believe 1 Cor. 7:5 is ONLY referencing sexual union. Depriving each other of something could be as simple as the husband being home from work and saying "come watch tv with me" and the wife thinking " I don't WANT TO watch tv right now. I WANT to do XYZ" or the other way around. If it is something your spouse enjoys and WANTS YOU around for and you are stubbornly refusing, sadly that is where many doors begin to open. "Well if you wont do this with me, I've got this friend (opposite sex) who enjoys that, we'll hang out together..........." now you've opened a door that allows compromising situations to arise............

Now Hungry, I pray you get some answers and insight to your questions here, and that if this thread has been moved to a mens eyes only forum that the answers you get are BIBLICAL and not perverted or twisted.

Now it's time for me to go perform MY wifely duties.................

Seeing my husband off to work and getting our kids up and ready for their day.

One thing I've found interesting about Matthew 5:28 is that it says the man commits adultery WITH her. As in, the image on the computer screen or the ladies dressing immodestly walking down the street are an active part in the adultery. They're not innocent bystanders!

I've never heard a better response to the matter of relations between husband & wife than from the wife of Pastor Fred KC Price. One Sunday, instead of him teaching, she came on because of the many letters they had received from listeners asking about this delicate issue.
To summarize she said that the way she handles is to never deny her husband sex when he wanted it. She said sometimes she would be tired or not 'in the mood' but believed it was her duty to oblige her husband. So no matter what she would be agreeable. He was sitting there with an approving look. She was so bold yet elegant and personal.
They continue to be an adorable couple, married for 62 yrs and still on TV.

One thing I've found interesting about Matthew 5:28 is that it says the man commits adultery WITH her. As in, the image on the computer screen or the ladies dressing immodestly walking down the street are an active part in the adultery. They're not innocent bystanders!

Some recent threads, and some old threads have a reoccurring theme of not getting the kind of attention you want from your spouse. Some have mentioned their marriages lack emotion and intimacy.

Looking to Old Testament patriarchs this question arises. David was known to be lustful, but nothing compared to his son Solomon, tallying over a thousand lovers. My question is this; How much is enough? Some women here say they are happy to fulfill their “wifely duties” but to what extent is excessive? Is this subject taboo? There just seems to be so many Christian men addicted to porn. Are we suppressing our libidos in shame until the temptation becomes too much to bare? Forgive me if my curiosity is distasteful to some. I think as Christians we need to address difficult subjects sometimes. I’m not looking for specifics exactly, just ballpark estimates. What is an acceptable expectation, three times a day, a week, a month, a year? When is it time to take a cold shower?

It's all subjective, ideally a couple should have complementary libidos. However we live in an imperfect world.
As for pornography, the destructive power is academic. We know the damage and are suffering long term for it.
As for how much is too much, well in this area porn has done us no favors either, by creating rediculous expectations, damaging our drive, and entering lust in place of intimacy. Then we have another big problem and it is the church. Immediately, after you posted the question someone chimed in that this needs to be discussed in private messages. No! We need to have open and honest discussion about this subject

Since my libido changes from month to month, I can’t imagine a couple would sync up. Some weeks not a sexual thought, others it’s constant.

this is not a 'taboo' subject, but it does seem not quit appropriate for a lot of people -

the flesh profits nothing in the end', it's The Spirit that gives us life'. = fulfillment-peace-contentment-ETC.

Since my libido changes from month to month, I can’t imagine a couple would sync up. Some weeks not a sexual thought, others it’s constant.

Sounds about normal.
Your wife needs affection always. Don't let your sex drive control when you are affectionate to your wife. If she wants to do it when you aren't particularly thinking about it, just do it. Let your affectionate actions become feelings and you will have good intimate time, even if you didn't much feel like it to start with.

The girls/women doing these pictures/videos/ dressing immodestly ARE NOT innocent bystanders. They do these things for the attention they know it will bring...............