trying to find a date? bah humbug

Hard to find a date. I've had two since my divorce and one relationship out of that. Not many choices out there.

Tried Pof.com (plenty of fish) and okcupid.com and found one date out of it that lasted one day and that's it. I could tell she wasn't into me right away. I've sent plenty of messages away but no answers and hence have given up.

I was in one relationship with a woman that i met at a prior job who seemed nice at first but I could tell she was, from the fact she was cheated on so much in the past, very suspicious of any female friends I had. Hence, a relationship with her would have been impossible. I would have never cheated on her but she would have never accepted that I was honest because she was taught by past relationships to distrust men (and the fact she said she had no man friends and didn't understand how one could have friends of the opposite sex). But I'm still grateful for the months we had even so.

I think I tried match.com with no luck and Christianmingle too. But there are plenty of women I like, no doubt, but the ones I like are either a) too young, b) too old, c) already taken. I have a young 30-something woman friend who would be great for me but is taken and not in my age group. As I often say, I have loved more women than have loved me.

Maybe you should stop focusing on finding someone for now. You say you have loved many women. For us women, that's a huge red flag. It means you fall easily and with many. I'm not saying you are unfaithful...but for us girls, it just looks like a warning sign that you could be later on.
Are you completely sold out for Jesus? Right now is He your everything? Like if you don't marry ever again and never have a relationship ever again, would you still be satisfied with God? He is your portion and he should be your priority. I think once we make him our priority, we will feel better about whatever he decides to do in our lives. Maybe his plan for you is to stay single now. You have to find contentment in whatever he brings to you.
I'm not saying to stop trying, brother. But I am saying that you should find fun things to do by yourself. Because it could very well be that God wants you to stay single. It's hard finding a Christian person to date. There are not many that are really Christians. So sometimes it's better to just stay alone than to put up with another person's demands and baggage. If you look at it that way, maybe you can find contentment in being single. Think of all the good and fun things you can do now that you couldn't while in a relationship. I mean good and fun things that do not go against the Word of God though.
God bless!!

Have you considered trying to find someone on this site? Of course, it would be helpful if you were to start posting as you have written very few posts since you have joined years ago as it would give a post history allowing others to know who you are and what you are about.

Three years ago (almost), I could have written that post. I was looking, and I tried several dating sites. The few ladies I did interact with all communicated with me first. Though most claimed to be Christian, several were Catholic (no, thanks!), two definitely weren't living like it, and another really didn't know what that meant. Over the few months I was on, I sent introductory notes to ten different women, all of whom were looking for someone like me. I didn't get so much as a single "Hi" in response.

I read somewhere (it was a Tinder study, I believe) that about 80% of men are rated by women as "unattractive", while only 20% of women are rated by men as "unattractive". There's the rub. Women control the dating world. Take up fishing instead... even on a bad fishing "date", you still get to enjoy the peace and quiet (and worms are cheaper).

Why are you so desperate to find a date? What is so terrible about yourself that it is so daunting to be alone with yourself?

Humans are built for companionship with the opposite sex. It took me 36 yrs to find a woman that was
not only my wife but best friend, only took 7 yrs to lose her. I have serious doubts after having my life
turned upside down, of being able to trust or love again.
And before anyone spouts off about getting over it, and moving on remember when married God makes you
one person, to lose half urself is a life shattering ordeal.
Hope this isnt to off topic.

too

This is probably too weird to share, but I do think on some level I want to purge this need/want from myself. Like that need for companionship feels "wrong". I know there is some trauma/abandonment stuff underneath all that. It's way to keep beating up on myself .

it is a fine line brother, fine line indeed.

That is just SO wrong and sad on so many levels!! (but still funny the way you put it! ). Seriously though, it isn't just men who struggle with finding someone-- much less someone who is really "right" for them, or Godly, or etc etc etc. And I think that when people start getting into middle age and above the odds flip and favor men.

The part in bold gave me a good chuckle. It's good to know that I'm not yet middle-aged.

You're glad you're not yet middle-aged because it means that 1) you're still "young", 2) you're not at the point where you're ready to be madly pursued by desperate older women who have found there to be a shortage of men in their age group, or 3) because you just aren't ready to give up your cheap dates with worms? (and btw, I thought you were Canadian? What are you using worms for anyway? I thought REAL Canadian men just waded out into the streams and slapped the salmon out of the water like the bears do??!?!?!)

I thought this was not a dating site...

The thing is, it could very well become one. What better place to find a loving and faithful mate than this fine Christian site? I would say though that it is wise to not date someone that you would not consider marrying. Time is too precious to waste in trivial pursuits.

Hmmm, you've made a good point. But, I came here to talk with fellow Christians and make friends here and there. I just don't think...meh, I have issues with it anyway. No problem. Just cautious It's good though, I guess...

This site is primary for Christian fellowship that promotes spiritual healing and values, and offers encouragement through wise compassionate counsel and through prayer. It is a great place to hang out with your favorite peeps. I consider each member to be very real and not merely virtual as some have stated previously. I have made a few friends here too and used to also enjoy an occasional lunch with a former member and his wife as they lived just a few miles from me. Also, I have been blessed for having met my wife on this site. If I had not joined when I did over 5 years ago I would not be married today. There is nothing wrong with being cautious either and apparently you are wise enough to exercise that. I will also state that I consider you an asset to this Christian community and you make this site a better place for being a member.

I believe that I am in the transition of being middle-aged and into the ancient of days phase. There are times that I feel like a fossil and one who's better days are far into the past. I want to operate under a new paradigm and start living like the best days are yet to come but that is easier said then done. The struggle is real.

i remind myself Nothing is too hard for God. even if I am a gen xer. delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. trust and acknowledge the lord in everything and he will direct your path. i think of the woman at the well (would apply to a guy too i think) i just keep drinking the water Jesus gives me and wait. Isaiah 54 your makker is your husband (think it could be applied wife/bride for the guys) i know it is about my state of being and living my life to the fullest in honor of what Jesus did for me, that is more crucial than having a man. having said that i certainly (habakuk 2) write the vision down, make it plain so the angels may run with it! so i pray: prepare my heart for him, prepare him for me. it is good to find a husband/wife, hard when it falls apart, often tormenting and heart breaking. it is also good to be single...in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loves us!!

Jumping off topic for a moment but... not sure that we've met before now so I just wanted to say welcome, gracenjoy! It's really good to have you here as a part of us! ... and I very much appreciate the insights and the encouraging thoughts that you shared. Totally agree! (And, again, welcome to CChat!! )

I never really knew what middle age was... I'm sure I'm way past it by now anyhoo. I suppose I'm the "desperate older woman" you're referring to except sans the "desperate" part. Hehe! There’s definitely no shortage of men in pursuit. Not that I'm Marilyn Monroe or anything, cuz I definitely am not. I know it’s because I'm genuinely a happy child of God, bouncing along and saying hello to everyone I meet. I’m humming a tune or singing in the grocery store, smiling at everybody. Being a happy upbeat person attracts people to you.

I've tried Christian dating sites and met a few guys, but I felt we were more suited as friends, ya know? Which we still are. There are men in my area who have asked me out, but their lifestyle and mine don't mesh. And there was a man who recently followed me around the grocery store, smiling & waving to me, until I finally said hello to him. He gave me a brief synopsis of his life, told me the business he was with, and gave me his phone number. But no bells are ringing for me because he didn't say much about the Lord. And a few other things…

At any rate, it would be nice to have a godly companion. But nope, this ol lady isn't desperate enough to settle for just any man. If we can’t complement each other’s lives spiritually, there’s no sense in trying to become a couple. Right?

By the way, if you feel shy and self-conscious in public, you should practice making eye contact with people and saying hello. And smile, smile, smile. Especially if you have your eye on someone special. Jesus made Himself available to folks and they were attracted to His acceptance of them. They could be real with Him. Try breaking out of your shell and speak to strangers like you do to the new people at your church. Everyone appreciates when someone gives them the time of day.