Ready to mingle

Hey everyone! I was trying to put something clever for the title, though this has nothing to do with dating (but probably has its application).

Basically, I’m at a place where I want to be better at forming relationships with others, being more social and such.

I’ve been very much a keep to myself sort of person and I want to begin branching out a bit more.

How do you guys go at forming relationships with others? Have you had difficulty? What has helped you in forming healthy relationships?

For you introverts that have become masters at this, how do you go about this in a way that isn’t draining? With the busy-ness in my life right now, sometimes all I want to do is just go home and relax for the moments of downtime I get, but there is always an inquiry for attention/relationships.

Let me know your thoughts and experiences.

Well there is no way to not be draining to socialize as an introvert. That's pretty much what makes you an introvert.

As far as forming relationships I never really understand such questions. Interact with people. That's how. Sometimes things will click well and a good friendship or relationship comes out of it, sometimes it's just an acquaintance. Unless you're asking how to behave and talk like a normal person. Which I'm guessing you aren't.

I suspect a bigger priority is knowing your own limits as an introvert. Not pushing yourself too hard or trying to overdo things.
Also being more particular about Who you interact with so the interactions you do have can be more meaningful and fulfilling.

A big part of healthy relationships is knowing your boundaries in regards to other people. Knowing what things you will and will not tolerate from others and how to respond if they come up.
Knowing ahead of time what those are and how to handle them will make it easier to deal with if it arises rather than trying to figure it out on the fly.

Those are my tips and suggestions.

People define themselves a lot by what they do, and they talk best about what they know. The best thing I know for making friendships is being willing to try to comprehend the things other people are into. You don't have to know everything about everything... in fact sometimes it is better to not know more about a topic, because asking questions is a good signal that you are actually listening.

Oh and the thread title was indeed clever. =^.^=

Hi Aephus,

It's great to see you posting in the forum, and even writing threads! Kudos to you!

I've had it in mind for a while to write a thread asking for tips and advice for singles who are shy and introverted, but I think you've beaten me to the punch (or keyboard.)

I completely understand that life often feels too draining to work on relationships or meeting people. Since you're looking at trying to be a bit more social, are there any opportunities to meet people in your day-to-day interactions? Are there any chances to say "hi" to someone and strike up a conversation, even if it's just for practice?

Just as an example, when I have appointments and think that the receptionist might not be too frazzled, I usually try to ask her (or him) how their day is going, how long they have left on their shift, etc. If nothing else, I find that it keeps me focused on trying to look for opportunities to talk to people.

The beauty of this is that you only have to participate this far if you want to, so if you're an introvert, being selective about the conversations you try to start, no matter how small, will help conserve energy for when you need it most (at least, that's what I've found works for me.)

Friendships through writing has also been a lifelong staple for me and might be something to try as well. I know that sitting down to write a letter or an email isn't quite the same as going out to dinner with a friend (and label me as someone who doesn't have a life), but there have been many times when writing sustained my entire social interaction, and I've learned to be content with that.

The other advantage to friendships in writing is that it gives you time to build up your energy reserves again for the next wave of communication. (You'll see me doing this right here in the forum--I come and go with both the waves of life and according to the time it takes me to restore my communicative energy once it's used up.)

I hope some of things things might be of help or give you a few ideas--feel free to PM if you have any questions.

And please, keep posting and writing threads!

I have starting friendships through support groups. I go to some in person and some online. I’ve gotten some good friends out of this. I think it helps we have a common purpose. Social interactions are a bit limited but it is easier to branch out as you make friends on the group.

I want to try meetup again at some point. One of the shops around here that specializes in running gear would do these running:walking groups. I was too out of shape to go consistently, but everyone there was really positive. They would dinners afterward sometime I so there was more socializing besides chatting while walking.

I try to not be too harsh on myself. To some degree I’m a bit defensive about getting to know people. I also know getting out is taxing. I think it helps if I can set some goals for when I get out but not expect to jump in and make friends immediately. Like I went to a couple of things this weekend and then hung out at home the rest of the time. I knew I was going to be worn out from getting out. I’m starting back to school next month so my time and energy will be even more limited.

One of the things I have found for me (and I'm super introverted) is that I usually need an excuse or reason for interaction. Dogs are one of my favorites and I will jokingly talk about going for a walk at certain places so I can pet other people's dogs. But I've also used board games, books, and faith to connect with people and joined groups focused on those interests. Hiking and bike riding may be other venues I can use.

Basically my formula is to find something I enjoy (if it requires other people that's even better) and then find other people or groups who enjoy that thing too and connect around the shared interest. I also tend to be very (perhaps too much so) conservative about who I am willing to invest the time in to become good friends, but that's mostly because as an introvert I know my relational energy is limited and I want to make a good investment of it.

Dogs are good conversation starters imo. I forget that's how most of my day to day interactions are started. Especially since I started walking my dog at the nearby park. There are regulars I bump into that have dogs, or just want to come over and say 'Hi' to him.

Yep I'm one of those. I'll say hi to your dog and ask him if he wants to come say hi before even acknowledging you. Though usually I'm good enough to spare a hello for the dog's humans as well.

Reading that made me laugh. I was thinking of this one lady that lives in my apartment complex. She was giving my dog belly rubs and kissing him before we even started exchanging "Hi, how are you doing?" I know she is there to get puppy kisses, not for me.

If the question is in reference to forming an intimate romantic relationship, you have to be ready to act in a decisive way if an opportunity arises, take a calculated risk, throw the dice and then let the chips fall where they may be. This really isn't complicated, a little scary perhaps but definitely worth the risk.

Are any of these regulars single available women that are age appropriate? You just never know when you are going to bump into your future wife. You can exchange amusing dog anecdotes along with phone numbers.

No. The one I see most often has a boyfriend. He has been out there with her some of the time. A lot of the others are guys, or married couples that are always out together. Well, there are a few I see less often.

Reading words that were crafted especially for you and your eyes only may not be quite the same as going out to dinner perhaps but possibly even more intimate, romantic and enduring because of the thought, effort, and courage to say what you really want to say to that special one.

I have had a few intimate romantic relationships and have to say that reading and writing was an integral part in the formative stages. Of course, I am an introvert and this is how I have operated in the love arena. The words that my wife and I exchange as we were learning about each other are in the thousands. It was very much a fascinating process as well.

You have the heart of a writer too, and are a fascinating character study that has revealed a woman with a kind and decent heart that truly loves the lord and humbly serves Him to the best of your ability with the what God has provided.

Your posts are always a must read. Maybe one day you will marry a man whose love is expressed in words. He will be a writer.

Perhaps she was settling for doggie kisses.

I'm thinking more like dogs have much simpler relational expectations than people. Dogs are like "just pet me and don't harm me or the ones I love and we'll be friends forever (that's 7 forevers in dog years)"

They are easy to acknowledge too, and it makes all the difference in the world to a dog for you to acknowledge it. A simple "Hi puppy!" in the dog's direction, looking directly at the dog for just a second, will suffice. It lets the dog know you are aware of its presence and you are friendly.

not something to look for will ring to your doorstep give in your hand wait for her let him choose sooooo
much better off no one like the manifacturer

snacks are good.

i'm a fellow introvert! this past weekend, there was a lot of interactions, and i needed about 2 days to recover lol.

i'm still working out how to interact with others. i've been on the music team at my local fellowship for almost 2 years, and i still don't talk a lot with the other members other than my husband. lol. the other night, the church had an appreciation dinner for everyone who actively help ministries, and the lady who sat next to me carried a convo with me. i had to keep reminding myself to ask her questions too so she didn't feel like she was prying lol. that's my bad habit. i don't carry my side of the conversation for long. too often, i just say, "oh ok." and the convo dies lol.

i also try to keep eye contact with people. this is difficult for me. but the more i practice, the easier it gets.